I'm trying to be a nice updater, so here's the next chapter.

Still not mine. Unless Shonda wants to give them to me? Pretty please?

Chapter VIII

Addison walked purposefully through the halls of Seattle Grace. Just by watching her, nobody would have even imagined she was anything but composed and serene, when in fact she felt a whirlwind going through her head. Today she was having her twelve-week check up, which meant she would get to see her baby on an ultrasound. She was really excited about it, but at moments like this it was even harder to avoid thinking about Mark.

So far, she had being doing well. She had started making arrangements for the baby. The logical part of her brain told her that the safe thing was to wait until after her first trimester was over, but she couldn't think like that. She had to believe that her baby would be delivered safely into her arms and that it was impossible that something bad could actually happen, because after losing Mark, the only thing that was keeping her alive was the idea of becoming a mother. So, she was already buying some toys and baby clothes, and her friends had taken to present her with stuffed animals too, claiming that Matt would need tones of them to keep him company.

She had also started working in the nursery.

Well, truth be told, she had not being actually 'allowed' to work on it, although she had final editing rights. Derek insisted that lifting her fingers counted as over-exerting, even though she had countered that he was in blatant violation of Rule The Second. So, Derek had taken it upon himself to sit with Addison and design the perfect nursery for Matt.

Derek… that was an issue all by itself. As he promised, Meredith had remained in the known of all their activities together, and the younger woman was slightly easing into the idea of sharing Derek with her. Still, Addison kept doing her best not to get in the middle of their relationship. And Derek had being amazing these last couple of weeks. He was sweet and caring, he made it a point to get her ginger-ale and crackers in the morning and to pester her throughout the day to make sure she was eating and resting. Whenever he noticed she was exhausted, he dragged her to one of the on-call rooms and started telling her all the things he was planning to do with Matt once he was born: taking him fishing (which she had obviously objected), taking him to hockey games, to visit the Space Needle, to meet the Shepherd Clan back at New York… and in the middle of his stories for the future, Addison would usually fall asleep, her head on his lap, dreaming about Matt and relishing in the fact that there was someone in the world that would love her baby as much as she did.

Right now she was heading to Derek's office. He had asked her if he could tag along to her doctor's appointment that afternoon. She had being reluctant at first, not because she didn't want him to, she loved that he offered. But she was worried maybe that wouldn't go down well with Meredith. Still, Derek had assured her that Meredith was okay with it, and that even though Addison may not want him there, he was just worried about her going by herself. He came as far as offering not to go if she would ask Miranda or Callie to accompany her. Addison had ended up accepting Derek's offer to come with, truth be told she wanted Derek there. She smoothed her hair out of the way as she cornered around his office and knocked on the door. Instantly, Derek looked up at her and smiled contentedly.

"Hey Addie, how are you doing?"

"Fine." She smiled while she answered, sliding into a chair in front of her desk.

"Really? Here I thought you would be a nervous break, considering we have a doctor's appointment in less than forty minutes."

"Why would I be? I know my kid is gonna come through with flying colors." She pretended to be calm enough when in all fairness she was rather petrified by the whole thing.

"Oh, I know he will. I'm just saying, I figured you would be nervous anyway." He answered, clearly seeing through her façade.

"Maybe I am. Okay, I'm so nervous." Addison sighed, slumping farther into the chair, covering her still flat stomach with one of her hands and rubbing her eyes with the other. She heard Derek's laughter and felt his footsteps until he was crouching in front of her, taking her hand that had being covering her eyes in his own.

"I won't even waste time asking you not to be. Just, breathe through, okay? Matt is doing fine, and he will continue to do fine. As long as you keep taking good care of yourself the baby's going to remain happy and healthy, alright?"

"I'm freaking out, aren't I?"

"Of course you are. But I was kinda expecting that, so don't worry about it." He took her hand and guided her to his couch. He sat down first, pulling on her hand so that she could fall into his arms. Addison sighed in contentment, her head lying on his shoulder, his arm around her shoulder and drawing circles in her stomach.

"That tickles." She laughed as he kept caressing her belly.

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Shut up, I'm saying good-morning to Matt."

"He says hi too." She laughed again and Derek stopped the movement of his hand, still covering her abdomen, though.

"See? I told you I was going to be his favorite uncle!" Addison laughed, thanking heavens again that she had Derek by her side. She had been fidgeting in her office for the better part of an hour after giving in and looking for Derek to keep her sane until it was time for their appointment.

"Which reminds me, I finally talked to Rory."

"Okay." Addison had tensed in his arms and Derek knew what was coming.

"He's in Manhattan right now, got a place even."

"Okay."

"He asked me to move in with him. He wants to help me out with the baby." She finally confessed. Derek closed his eyes. He knew Roan had been thinking about that since Mark's death. He knew it would be a good thing in the long run for Addison, considering that Roan would always be her brother and Matt's uncle, while he was her ex-husband and a touchy subject in her life at best. Still, he didn't want Addison to go. She was a part of his life, and now so was Matt. He knew he could be there for them as much as Roan, he was doing his best and he loved them both. He didn't want them gone from his life.

"Really?" he managed to ask, closing his eyes.

"Yeah. We talked, you know? He's worried about me, obviously. And he pointed out that Matt would need a father figure and he was my brother, and he wants to do it. He wants to be there for me. For us." Addison had instinctively covered her stomach again as she talked about her son. She knew what Derek was thinking, he was wondering what she had answered her brother. For a second, she tried to figure out again what would be the smartest thing to do. Probably moving back to New York with her brother. Still…

"Okay. So… are you going to…?"

"No." she answered softly and she could feel Derek's chest give in as he finally released the breath he had been holding the whole time. She smiled, knowing that she had made the right decision in not moving away, "I told him I would keep it in mind. But for right now, I think I can manage. I have a home here, a good job, great friends and I… I have you. We have you." The smile on Derek's face could've lighted up the room and she felt like she could breathe again after talking to him.

"Good." He laughed nervously and Addison couldn't help for a moment remembering that nervous smile the day he had proposed, "I know… I know he's your brother, and that he loves you and all but… I'm just glad you're not leaving."

"I'm glad I'm not leaving, too."

"And I'm really here for you and Matt, you know that, right? I'm ready to be here for you guys."

"I know you are, Derek." They fell into an amicable silence for a few minutes. Derek's presence was making it easier on Addison to wait for the time to pass. She didn't want to admit it yet, but she was glad she was not alone in this.

"Hey…" Derek's voice brought her back to the present and she could hear the mischievousness in his soft voice, "are we going to… like, see the sex today?"

"I don't know… maybe. Usually in the twelfth week the sex is defined, so it could be a little early. But maybe we'll get lucky."

"I was just thinking… what if it's a girl?"

"What?" Addison asked, laughing. All this time, she had just assumed her baby was a boy. Mark had wanted a boy. The subject of a girl had not being brought up at all since that night a lifetime ago when she and Mark named their child.

"Yeah." Derek continued, "I thought it would be funny, if you're having a girl and you keep calling her 'Matt'."

"Don't you like Matthew? Come on, it's cute! Baby Matthew? Matt? Mattie? How can you not like Mattie?"

Addison was having a hard time listening to Derek as memories of Mark laying in bed with her raced through her mind; he had been so attached to the name…

"I mean…" Derek continued, unaware of Addison's memories, "What are you going to name the baby if it's a girl? Mattie?"

"Kathleen…" Addison whispered, unable to even face Derek. She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes. Matt and Katie… they had settled on Matt and Katie, "If we had a girl we would've named her Kathleen, called her Katie." Addison was shaking quietly, staring at some random spot on Derek's office wall. Derek must have realized that he had made a clear miscalculation, because she felt his arms tighten around her.

"Addie… honey?" she was not answering, she could not answer, "Addison. I'm sorry, it's okay. I'm sure it's a boy, so we're good with Matthew. Addie?" Addison closed her eyes, resisting the urge to cry with all her might, "Addison!" Derek finally managed to break her out of her trance. She was now facing him and she could see the worry evident in his features.

"Derek?"

"I'm sorry, Addie. I didn't mean to upset you… I was just trying to take your mind of your appointment. I'm sorry, sweetie, I'm really really sorry." He hugged her to him and she allowed herself to rest against his chest again.

"It's okay." She whispered, "I'm okay. You didn't know." She pulled apart and met his eyes, giving him her best attempt at a smile, "Mark and I named the baby. He picked Matthew, that's why I call the baby Matt." She smiled again, this time more sincere, "Since he picked the boy name, I picked the girl name, and we settled on Kathleen."

"It's a beautiful name." he commented.

"Thanks." She whispered.

"I… I'm sorry I brought it up." She could read the guilt in his face.

"It's okay Derek, really. It's actually a good memory."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I freaked you out."

"That's okay." They remained in silence for a few minutes, each one with a far away look on their face.

"Fifteen minutes till your appointment." He offered.

"Yeah."

Silence again.

"Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you… for making me remember and… talk. About Mark."

"You're welcome, Addie." She smiled as he resumed their original position and laid her on his chest. For the moment, at least, she felt contented.

"What do you mean he freaked out?" Cristina Yang asked her best friend while they tried to catch some rest in one of the on-call rooms.

"I mean he freaked out. He asked me a couple of times if I really wanted kids. Then he got really really quiet and kinda creepy. I don't know what happened." Meredith complained, covering her eyes with an arm as she laid on one of the beds. Cristina was laying in the top bunker.

"Maybe he felt the pressure, you know? His girlfriend starts asking about kids an stuff, he starts to choke up."

"Derek's not like that." She insisted, "And I was actually trying to be understanding. You know, since he's going to be off playing daddy to Addison's kid."

"Maybe he feels one kid is enough for him to handle then." Meredith kicked Cristina's bed, "What?!"

"I don't understand. He has all this nephews and nieces and he really likes kids. I'm not saying let's have a baby tomorrow, I just thought I would let him know that if he wanted kids at some point…"

"Yeah, yeah. What a guy hears? Pressure. It's genetic."

"I'm not pressuring him! I haven't even…" Meredith felt silent, not wanting to end her sentence.

"You haven't even what, Meredith?" Cristina asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Nothing." Meredith knew her friend was not going to let that go. Cristina was tempted to let it go, she had a long day ahead of her and she was on-call for the night. But she was supposed to be Meredith's best friend, and best friends were supposed to keep nagging each other until they got to the true.

That's why I never had a best friend before, it's too much work! She thought, but decided to play the good friend for the time being.

"Come on, Meredith. You started this. You clearly want to say something, so just go right ahead."

"I haven't…" Cristina knew that although Meredith was hesitating, she would end up telling her. Her friend was never that good at keeping things to herself and she was probably dying to have someone to talk about this with, and apparently Derek couldn't be it, "I haven't even asked him why… why he has not asked me to marry him yet."

There. Meredith had finally said it and now silence hanged in the room. Truth be told, Cristina couldn't understand why Meredith was complaining about this particular topic. Her relationship with Burke was as strong as ever and her greatest fear was that Burke would get it into his mind to propose to her or something.

Still… she was Cristina. Meredith was a whole different story.

"Okay… so you want McDreamy to propose."

"No. Yes. I don't know! I guess I'm just wondering why he hasn't yet. We've being together for over a year and a half… I mean… even Addison and Mark got married!"

"We're surgeons. We're young Meredith, we're barely kicking off our careers. Do you actually want to get married? Right now?"

"I didn't say that!"

"Look, we're residents. We're finally not the bottom of the surgical food chain! We should work our asses off right now so we can be the next best thing. Montgomery and Sloan got married when they were already heads of their departments."

"That's not the point."

"The point is that Derek hasn't asked."

"The point is that Derek hasn't asked." Meredith repeated. Cristina just shook her head.

"If this is such an issue for you, shouldn't you like, ask him why?"

"I can't. If I do, it's like I'm pressuring him."

"And asking him about kids is not pressuring him?"

"I didn't…! I already told you! I never meant to pressure him. I was trying to be supportive of his choice to help out Addison. That's all. I'm not ready to have kids right now either."

"Fine. Then tell him that and asked him why he freaked out. Simple as that."

"Right." Meredith answered unconvincingly.

"Look, Mer," Cristina took a deep breath, now she was more than ready to get some sleep, "you're clearly upset about him and Addison. That's okay. You get to be upset about this, but it's not like Addison is the reason he hasn't proposed yet. I mean, the woman got married to another guy, she got pregnant by another guy, clearly she has moved on."

"I know she has. I don't resent her… I'm just…"

"You're mad at Derek." Cristina concluded.

"Yeah. I think I am." Meredith finally admitted.

"Then you need to set his McDreamy ass straight. Talk to him. Kick him out. Do something! And now, let me sleep!" with that, Cristina turned over, closing her eyes and hugging a pillow.

"Cristina?" Meredith whispered. Cristina sighed again.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"That's okay." She answered, proud at herself for being such a good friend.

At that point, both their pagers went off.

"911." Announced Meredith as she stood up.

"Great. Just great." Cristina muttered, following Meredith to the door, "That's why I don't do 'nice'."

"What have we got?" Miranda Bailey asked in her nonsense voice as she put on a pair of surgical gloves. She made sure her five suck-ups were already in position by her side, having all five of them responded their pagers. They may already be residents, but to her, they would always be her suck-ups. Not group had ever challenged her as a teacher as much as the young doctors in front of her.

"Seventeen-year-old male with a gunshot through the abdomen!" the first paramedic started, wheeling in the first patient.

"Stevens! Grey!" she commanded as the young doctors went to care for their first patient.

"Sixteen-year-old female with stab wound in the chest, face and arms. One of the stabs punctured the lung, we had to tube her in the rig." The second paramedic stated, O'Malley and Yang promptly fighting over who would get the patient. Bailey shook her head, some things never changed.

"What the hell happened here?" Alex Karev stood by her side, watching as the next teenager was wheeled in, this time with a gunshot through the head.

"Stupidity happened."

"Seems like a gang fight." One of the paramedics offered, "We have three more kids coming in."

"Great." Bailey muttered, "That one is going to need a Neuro consult, page Shepherd." She said to one of the passing nurses who nodded in confirmation.

"One of the kids was stabbed all over the face." The paramedic continued, "She's going to need some major work, but at least is alert."

"Alex?" Bailey motioned for the young plastic surgeon to take over the case, "Time to see what you picked from Sloan." Alex just nodded and walked out of the hospital to find his newest patient, "This is going to be a long day…" Bailey muttered to herself, walking to take over the care of one of the incoming patients.

"Feeling ready for this?" Derek asked as he nudged Addison in the arm, looking at the clock. Addison's appointment was in fice minutes. They had spent the time quietly conversing about everything they could think about, anything to keep Addison in good spirits.

"I guess so." She answered, smiling nervously at him. Derek knew she was going to be okay, she and the baby just had to be okay. Anything else would be unfair.

He had a hard time still working through his brain the fact that Addison was pregnant. It made him really happy to see one of her dreams come true; Addison loved babies, she was so good with them, and children just loved her, if their nieces and nephews were any indication. If someone in the world was meant to be a mother, it was Addison. It had pained him so much to be unable to give her something as simple as that. He was a man, he was her husband, he was supposed to be able to give his wife a baby. But that had been impossible for them, at least as a couple.

Addison had been so worried the day she had walked up to him to tell him she and Mark were having a baby together. Part of his heart had been broken, even though he had made his best to cover it up and be happy for her. He couldn't help it as his mind wondered to that awful night when he had found out he couldn't have children.

"I gave Addison something to help her sleep." Mark commented as he made his way down the stairs. Derek just nodded, still slumped in the floor of his kitchen.

"Is she okay?" he managed to ask. He had not meant to scare Addison this much, but he was having such a hard time processing all he had learned tonight. He didn't even avert his gaze when he felt his best friend move across the room and sit by his side in the floor.

"She will be." Mark answered.

"I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have scared her like this…"

"She understands Derek."

"No… it's not okay. I'm her husband. I'm supposed to protect her, not…"

"Stop man, she's not mad at you at all."

"Well, she should be!" Derek was screaming again, he just couldn't get a hold of his emotions today.

"Derek…"

"She should be! She didn't ask for this! She shouldn't have to deal with this!"

"She's your wife, she loves you…"

"So what?! She loves me! I love her! I'm still hurting her!"

"At this point, man, I think you're hurting yourself more than you're hurting Add." Derek just shook his head and laid it on top of his knees, feeling the tears streaming down his face again. If this was anyone else but Mark, he would be petrified that he actually kept crying in front of another man.

"It's not fair Mark." He whimpered.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry."

"I know. I know. I just… I wish I knew how to deal with this."

"You mean ,besides trashing your place?" Mark attempted to make him laughed, and Derek complied more for his friend's comfort than his own.

"She wants a baby, Mark." He finally confessed.

"She wants you more."

"She can have kids. She should be able to have a baby. Come on, Mark, you know it. Addison and a child, that's just meant to be. I'm standing in her way."

"You are the love of her life. She's not mad, she's not disappointed. She's worried about you."

"If she hadn't married me, she would already have a kid of her own. You realize that? I'm the reason she's never going to be a mother."

"Derek…"

"And please, don't tell me there are 'other ways'." Derek shook his head, laying it flat against the wall, "I know we could adopt. But I'm not that much of a good person. I can't… I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can actually see another kid and not think about the fact that I was unable to give a baby to my wife."

"You may grow to love another kid, even if it's not really yours."

"Addison deserves to have a child that is part her."

"Have you considered…?"

"Insemination? I have. I'm still too selfish, though." Derek started to get concerned, "Did Addison mention…?"

"All Addison said to me, is that she loves you, that she doesn't care if you don't ever have kids and that all she wants is to be your wife."

"Really?" Derek asked softly, his heart breaking of love for his wife.

"Yeah. You'll get past this, Derek. You can't see this now, but you guys will be okay."

"I just don't see how, right now."

"I know. Just… go one day at a time."

"Seriously? One day at a time? That's your advice? It's kinda sappy."

"I'm trying here, okay?"

"Okay." They remained in silence for a few minutes. Derek couldn't even begin to tell Mark how grateful he was to have his brother sitting by his side as he mourned the children he would never have.

"My greatest fear," Derek started after about ten minutes, ready to get it all off his chest, "is that one day she's going to regret marrying me. That she'll resent the fact that she didn't become a mother because of me, because I was damaged…"

"You're not damaged, Derek."

"… because I couldn't give her a baby." Derek continued, ignoring Mark, "Or that I'm going to grow bitter and take it out on her."

"Never could happen, that woman is your life."

"She deserves better, Mark."

"She wants you and only you." Derek smiled, trying to believe his friend's words, "It doesn't get much better than that."

"I'm never going to be a father." Derek finally muttered.

"No, you're not." Mark conceded softly.

"I wanted to be a father."

"I know, man. But you have a lot of good things in your life. The great family, the awesome career, the hot-redhead wife. You'll be okay."

"I guess." They fell in silence once again, not knowing what else to say, "Mark?" Derek finally asked.

"Yeah?"

"Any kid you have, I get to be godfather."

"Who else, dude?" Mark answered, chuckling softly.

They remained in the floor, sitting in silence, for the rest of the night.

Derek had to smile at himself. Maybe Mark was actually fulfilling his promise. He was letting Derek be a part of his son's life, and even though it had pained him deeply, Derek was glad that after everything Addie was going to get to be a mother. That was thanks to Mark, too. But it didn't matter anymore, all that he cared about was that there was a baby that would be Addison's that Mark had helped create, and that he would get to be a part of his life.

And he got to be again a part of Addison's. He couldn't even begin to describe how that felt to him. Addison was here in his arms, she was allowing him to take care of her and he was loving every single minute. After over ten years of marriage, protecting Addison was first nature to him, even if he had forgotten it for a while.

Right now, everything in the universe just felt so right.

Even if it was just in apprearance.

Even if he hadn't manned up enough to tell Meredith he couldn't have kids.

Even if Addison hadn't allowed herself to mourn for her husband.

Even if Mark was dead.

For a minute, if he didn't think too hard about any of it and just believe in appearances, everything was right.

"Should we get going?" Addison's shaky voice made he come back to the present. Right now he had a gorgeous pregnant woman who he had to take to her twelfth week prenatal appointment.

"Yeah. Sure, baby, let's go." He offered his hand and she took it smiling.

"It's gonna be fine, righ?"

"It's gonna be perfect. After this, I'm taking you and Matt to dinner to celebrate the fact that he's just perfect."

"Thank you." Her smile got even wider and he felt his stomach do a flip-flop. In the back of his mind, he knew his stomach shouldn't be flip-flopping for his ex-wife, but he couldn't even try to convince himself to care.

"You have nothing to thank me about."

"Yes I do. Thank you for coming, and for being here for me and Matt. We both really appreciate."

"Let's go see how this little one is doing." He smiled again and pulled on her hand as they started the way to her OB/GYN. The moment they stepped out of his office, Derek's pager went of.

"What?" Addison asked as he looked at his pager.

"911, it's the ER." He muttered. Addison's pager went off again.

"Same." She commented.

"Damn." They both rushed to the ER, knowing that if they both were being called something had to be seriously wrong.

"The ER must be in full swing." Addison commented as they rode the elevator together, "If they're calling me for a general 911, they must need all the hands available on this."

"Yeah." He caressed her cheek, "We'll just see how crowded it is, if they don't need us anymore, we'll make it to your appointment." She smiled at him and he just stared at her until the elevator door opened.

"Damn." Addison repeated his earlier comment as they saw the ER buzzing into action. Almost every surgeon on call was in there, Miranda Bailey barking orders all around.

"No!! No!!" an anguished cry got their attention. They both made their way promptly towards Izzie Stevens, who was crying in hysterics. George O'Malley was holding her tightly against his chest even while she tried to fight off his hold.

"Izzie? Izzie!" Addison tried to get her attention, but to not avail. She tried to get closer to the intern, but Derek stepped in her way.

"She's in shock, she could hurt you." Derek offered as explanation as he went to help George contain the young doctor.

"What the hell happened?!" Addison yelled, unable to do much except watch her young protégé as she tried to fight Derek and George's arms.

"It's Alex!" George finally answered, "Someone stabbed Alex!"