Wow guys, sorry about the wait! But, school comes first! Originally, I was going to put Akihiko's past all into one chapter, but it turns out its pretty long! And since you all have been waiting so long for a chapter, I decided to break it up into two chapters so you guys can have one part now! The rest of his past will be revealed in the next chapter! I'm not sure when I'll have that one uploaded, but some of it is already done!

WARNING: pedophilia mention

Song: My Demons - Starset (It's the title song!)

Chapter 32: My Demons

I was born in Japan, but my family moved to England shortly afterwards, so I don't have any memories of Japan before we moved back when I was 10. Some home attendants, and occasionally my mother and father, taught me and my older half-brother how to speak both Japanese and English, but put more emphasis on Japanese of course.

Because we spoke so much more Japanese at home than English, I had a very hard time integrating into school. I also noticed that there were huge differences in culture between the English and the Japanese. Children and adults in England were all very affectionate. Mothers and fathers would hug and kiss their children goodbye every morning when they dropped them off at school. The other students in my class would hold hands and hug on the playground. They all spoke in a fairly informal manner to the teachers. Even though I didn't have a taste of school life in Japan, I had been taught that being polite and formal with teachers was a must. First names were only to be used when you were good friends with a person (even then, it was still common to use surnames), but in England, everyone called each other by first names.

It was kind of upsetting to see how loving everyone there was. My family was the exact opposite. We all ignored each other. Even the various maids, cooks, and drivers were formal between themselves and to us. They didn't show any displays of affection either. I realized that it had to be a Japanese thing.

I tried to show my parents and my brother how to show that they love each other by demonstrating how to hug. My mother tensed up and just patted me on my back lightly. My father hesitated, but quickly pushed me away, saying that Japanese men didn't do such things. My brother was quick to shove me and slap me. I didn't understand. How else was I to tell them that I loved them? Even though I hardly ever came into contact with my parents, I still deeply cared for them and respected them at the time.

It was hard to only speak English in class. My mouth and tongue just automatically moved in order to form Japanese words. It was even tiring just following along in class when the others spoke. My grades were average, but they weren't the best. I sucked it up and continued on.

I didn't make any friends at school, partly due to my lack of knowledge of the English language. The slang words that everyone else used were so foreign to me. Even the home attendants who taught me English didn't know what some of the words meant. Some of the children and teachers wouldn't pronounce the letter H. They also got very irritated when I slipped up and replaced the letter L with the letter R when I spoke. They didn't understand that I couldn't help it: there's no L sound in Japanese.

The other children also didn't like me because I was constantly trying to cling onto them. Since all the others hugged and held hands, I thought that doing that to one of them would make them like me. However, it only made things worse for me. They all shoved me away and called me names, which I learned afterwards were derogatory slurs. Most of them ignored me and some made fun of me behind my back.

The bullying, the lack of friends, and the isolation from my family were what really motivated me to start writing. I loved to read and get lost in the imaginary places. I quickly learned that writing could do the same thing and one day others could read my work and get lost in them as well. Every day after I finished with my studies, I would lock myself in an empty room upstairs and write.

Things continued as they were until I was in what the English called the third grade. My teacher that year was extremely nice and paid close attention to me. One day she pulled me aside after school and spoke with me, using easy words that I could understand, making sure to enunciate and speak slowly. She had figured that I was having trouble understanding and speaking English, which made my grades suffer. She told me that she would pair me up with a tutor to help learn more English and help with my studies. I was scared to meet this person, but I knew I needed help badly if I wanted to do well in school.

The following week, I got to meet my tutor after school. He was 16 years old and attended the secondary school where I lived. I was shocked to find out that he was Japanese, like me. His skin tone matched mine, his eyes were small and slanted, and his hair was dark. He was very polite and friendly. We shook hands first thing and he introduced himself in English. I noticed that his speech was a little slow and broken like mine was when I tried to speak that language.

"Would you rather we spoke in Japanese at first?" he asked in perfect Japanese. "Would that make you feel more comfortable?" I squirmed in my seat as I nodded. "It's nice to meet you, Usami-san. My name is Suzuki Shouta, but I'd like you to call me Shouta-san. May I call you by your first name?"

I agreed, since we were in England and that's what they did there. "My name is Akihiko-san," I said in a small voice.

He smiled warmly at me. "It's nice to meet you, Akihiko-san. Let's do well today, shall we?"

He came to my classroom after school three times a week to tutor me. Eventually we worked our way up to speaking only English. I began to understand the language more and more, as well as other subjects such as math and world history. I learned that Shouta-san was full Japanese but born in raised in England. He also had difficulty in school because of the language barrier, but he finally overcame it. I hoped that I could do the same one day.

He tutored me in the summer as well at the town library. I showed him some of my writings and he was very intrigued by them. He insisted that I keep writing and try to get something published one day. He even suggested that I start writing in English as well. When we weren't studying or looking at my writing, we would go on bike rides or go out for ice cream. The feeling of loneliness that normally weighed me down was gone, since I spent every possible minute with him. We grew very close over the summer and I considered him a friend – my only friend. Just like the other kids at school, we would show signs of our friendship by hugging and holding hands.

The following school year, he still tutored me, but my teacher insisted that I didn't need as much tutoring. I only got to see Shouta-san once a week and it made me very depressed. I could tell that he wasn't very happy about it either. In the back of mind, I considered doing horribly in my studies again just so I could see him more during the week.

When I suggested that we get together outside of tutoring sessions, he shook his head and said that it didn't look good. I didn't understand it at the time, but I realized as I got older that he meant our age gap. Because he was 16/17 and I was 8/9. Since we weren't related, it must have looked as if he was a pedophile targeting me whenever we were out as friends, especially since he hugged and held hands.

In truth, he really was targeting me. And I let him.

The day after Christmas that year, Shouta-san showed up at my family's house with a gift for me. I invited him into my room, even though all the maids seemed worried and suggested that we stay in the den downstairs. He sat next to me on my bed and handed me a rectangular package. Inside was a leather bound journal with my name on the front of it.

"For your next story," he said.

It wasn't that I didn't get any presents from my family ever. Hell, even the maids of the house got me gifts sometimes. It was so special because no one had ever gotten me such a personal gift and delivered it to me like that. He sat there and watched me open it with a huge smile on his face, as if he was just so excited to see my expressions. Plus, he was my only friend.

My face felt like it was going to fall off with how huge my smile was. "Shouta-san! I love it!"

I threw my arms around his neck, careful not to hit him with the journal, and squeezed as hard as I could. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me just as tight. I loved hugging him and just being so close to him. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. He made me feel like I was loved and important.

He pulled away from me but I kept my arms loosely around his neck. He chuckled and said in a joking manner, "Hey, Akihiko-san, come on! Let go!"

I smirked and shook my head. "Nope! I wanna hug you forever! I like you, Shouta-san!"

His cheeks turned bright red and his smile faded. I could tell just by looking in his eyes that something was bothering him. Just seeing him not in a good mood made me frown as well. I was about to ask what was the matter when he sighed.

"Akihiko, this is why I keep saying that people will get the wrong idea about us."

I still didn't understand. "But, Shouta-san, aren't we friends?"

"Yes, Akihiko, we're friends but – "

"Well this is what friends do, isn't it?!" I interrupted him, raising my voice a little bit, making him jump a little bit. "I see the other kids on the playground! They all hug and hold hands! We used to do that too! Remember? Over the summer? But now we hardly see each other and when we do I can't do anything to you!" I was getting a little angry with him, trying to hide the fact that I wanted to cry. "And then you come over to my house and say I can't hug you? Why? Is it because we're Japanese? Even though we're in England now."

He was getting irritated with me and tried to push me away, but I kept a tight hold on him. "Akihiko, please. This has nothing to do with our nationalities or cultures. I'm so much older than you, Akihiko. It doesn't look good to everyone else."

Furious, I grit my teeth and yelled, "Well I don't care about anyone else! I only care about you, Shouta-san!"

He blushed again and I could see the resolve breaking in his face. He didn't speak again for a few moments, but then he cupped my cheeks in his palms. His hands were so cold, but they felt good on my heated face. I was probably turning red as well. It felt good to be caressed lovingly by him.

"Akihiko, say that you like me again," he whispered as his thumb stroked my cheek.

"I-I like you, Shouta-san."

He smiled again, which made me very happy. I loved how my name rolled right off of his tongue and into my ears. It was even nice how he dropped the honorific. Now it sounded like we were really close.

"Do you want me to show you how two people can really show that they like each other?"

I was confused for a moment. "You mean like kiss? Like parents are supposed to do to each other?"

He nodded. "Yes… and other things." I hesitated and he moved his hands to ruffle my hair. "Being very close to someone is the best way to show someone that you love them. That includes kissing and all sorts of things. I can show you, Akihiko, just how much I love you."

I gasped as his words: he was really serious about his feelings. At the time, I was just so happy that someone paid attention to me like he did. I truly thought that what I felt was the same as his feelings. I was ready to do anything to prove that to him.

Sucking in a deep breath, I gathered up the courage to lean forward and peck him on the cheek. He chuckled at me as I pulled away in a bit of embarrassment. He then shook his head and pressed his lips onto mine. It felt funny at first: the way his lips moved across mine. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there with my lips pursed.

He pulled away to look at me. "That's how people kiss to show someone that they love them. Now move your lips with mine. Just like I do."

We spent the whole rest of the night just kissing. I eventually got better at it and became less embarrassed about it. By the time he left, it was like second nature. I found it odd that pushing your lips onto someone else's could feel good, but somehow it did. It gave my stomach butterflies.

Shouta-san came over every week, sometimes twice a week. The maids eventually got used to him coming over and staying in my room. Behind the closed doors we'd talk a lot. Sometimes he'd help me with my studies. But a lot of the time, he would show his love for me and kiss me.

He also started to touch me. He'd move his hands underneath my shirt and rub my sides or my back. It tickled at first, but I liked the close feel of him. Just to get even closer, sometimes I would sit on his lap or we'd tangle our legs together as we laid down side by side on my bed.

It came to a point where what we were doing felt so good that every time we kissed and he touched me, I felt a weird feeling in my pants. I couldn't understand what was happening and I was too embarrassed to ask Shouta-san about it. I just tried my best to hide it from him.

One night, as we laid on the bed, his hands were roaming all over my chest and abdomen. His tongue was exploring my mouth carefully, massaging my tongue in the process. His thumb gently caressed my nipple until it grew hard. The strange sensation appeared in my lower area and my pants suddenly felt very tight. His fingers gently pinched the now hardened bud and I had to pull my mouth away from his. A high pitch moan escaped my lips and I thrust my hips into his involuntarily.

"Akihiko," he whimpered in a tone of voice that I had never heard before, but I absolutely loved it.

I blushed madly and covered my mouth with my hand. "Sorry! I didn't mean to do that. My body did it on its own."

He smiled and placed a kiss on my forehead. "It's okay, Akihiko. It's natural. You feel good, right?"

I nodded. He reached up and pulled my hand away from my mouth. I thought he would go back to kissing me, but instead he pulled my hand down to his pants. As he placed my hand against his crotch, I gasped and tried to pull away. However, he was too strong for me since he was so much older. He pressed my hand against himself harder. I could feel just how big it was.

"See? I get the same way when we kiss too. And we can show each other more love with these."

That night, I got to experience firsthand what real pleasure was. It felt really good when he touched me there. What I loved the most was his expressions when I would touch him in that area on him. He looked like he was in absolute bliss. It really made me happy that I could please him so well that he would come. It took a lot of time to get him there though. With me, it didn't take long at all before I hit that peak. Still, it was absolutely amazing.

Shouta-san told me that there were other ways to show love to each other. He even showed me a video he had of what it was. I was too scared to try it because I knew it would hurt badly. He understood and we just stuck with what we were doing. In the back of my mind, I wanted it and I knew that he wanted it. We would get there eventually.

Before we got to that point in our little relationship, I had to move back to Japan with my family shortly after I turned 10. It was so sudden that I barely had time to say goodbye to my senpai. Among the tears, I hugged him goodbye in front of my family. I wished I could have kissed him one last time; touched him one last time; I wished he could have touched me one last time. If I would have known that a few nights ago would have been our last together, I would have let him do it with me.

I went back to Japan and life became a nightmare for me again. No one over there showed their family or friends love like those in England did. Besides, there was no one there for me to hug or kiss anyway. Shouta-san never called or wrote like he promised he would. At first, I thought I would never get over my senpai, but he had forgotten about me, so I forgot about him.

But the one thing I would never forget was what he taught me: that being physical with the one you love is the best form of showing love.

I've think little Usami Akihiko would be so cute and loving to someone he cares about! Especially when he's so isolated. Don't you guys think? ;)