Alright guys this is it! Are you prepared for it? Nah, cause you already know what happens right?

Hopefully this chapter won't be too triggering for people... I didn't put in much detail.

I'll get back to present day with Misaki very soon!

Song: Save Me - Hollywood Undead

Chapter 33: Save Me

For the next six years, I never looked at any boy the same way I looked at Shouta-san. Girls didn't appeal to me in the least. As soon as I started being intimate with my senpai, I knew that I only liked men. I knew that it was wrong for two men to be in a relationship, but it felt right. The love that we had shared was just as real as any other. I wasn't going to change.

The relationships with my family were still strained and nonexistent. I had befriended a stubborn and sometimes angry boy in my class named Kamijou Hiroki. Besides him, I didn't have anybody else that I could be close with. There was no one that could replace Shouta-san… or so I thought.

For six years the only friend I had was Hiroki and everything was fine. I still thought about my senpai a lot, but for the most part I was doing well. There were several occasions when I would get rather lonely, but I just poured my feelings into my writing. I filled up the entire journal he had given me years ago with a sad story about lost love. It matched our story almost exactly.

A new boy transferred into our class. On his first day, he stood in front of the classroom as the teacher introduced him. I was immediately drawn to him because of his unnatural red hair color. He wrung his hands over and over again in front of him. He mostly stared at the floor, but when I could see his face it was a little flushed. I was again drawn to him due to the fact that I had been through that same experience of being the new kid in class. The teacher introduced him as Miyamoto Ryuto.

He ended up sitting in the seat on my right, because it was the only empty seat in the classroom. I couldn't help but smile at him, which made him blush and hide his eyes from me. I thought it was weird at the time, but I just assumed he was really shy.

When it was time for lunch, he sat next to me and held out his hand for me to shake. He looked terribly nervous. "I-I'm Miyamoto Ryuto!" he practically yelled, making me jump.

After the initial shock, I took his hand in mine to shake. "I'm Usami Akihiko. Where are you from?"

"Aomori," he answered as our hands dropped. "This is the first time I've ever been to Tokyo. My father got transferred here just a few weeks ago. I didn't want to move. I mean, I was so nervous! But my sister somehow convinced me that it would be okay. She said I'd make some new friends right away, and would you look at that! She was right! I've already made one friend. I mean, we are friends, right?"

My eyes nearly burst out of my head when he started talking. He spoke so quickly and he spit out lots of information to a total stranger all at once. And he called me his friend? We had just met! This boy was strange…

"Um… yeah. Sure." What else was I supposed to say?

His eyes sparkled with joy. "Oh wow! That's so great! Friends! You can call me Ryuto and I'll call you Akihiko, okay?! I love your hair, by the way! Is that natural? My hair is also unnatural, but that's why I love it."

Thus began our friendship. It was so weird to hang out with a teenager, almost a young adult, who was so hyperactive and long-winded. I was a little uncomfortable with his eagerness and informalities. It pissed me off how he was always so positive and optimistic. Even so, I found myself spending more and more time with him, even though there was nothing special about him, unless you count how many words he could say in one breath. He found out a lot about me and I even let him read a few of my stories, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

We normally hung out either at school or at his house, but when I finally did invite him over to my house was when I fell in love with him. Somehow, the blabbermouth had convinced me to let him come over after school one day. I tried to warn him about my family, but he ignored my pleas.

One reason why I didn't want him to come over was because I was afraid he would think I was some rich arrogant bastard with no soul. Even I knew that I was conceited and could be cruel sometimes, but I tried to be kind to everyone.

The main reason why I never invited him over was my brother. Ever since we moved back to Japan, he hung out with some asshole named Isaka Ryuuichiro, who turned out to be just as big of an asshole as my brother was. When the two of them got together, someone always got hurt. Usually, that was me. I thought for sure that they would pick on my friends as well.

Ryuto didn't say a word about the giant mansion I lived in; the random maids and butlers that seemed to crawl out of the woodwork; the fact that my parents were nowhere to be seen, as if they had never lived there at all. Instead, he just insisted on going up to my room to relax a little bit. I agreed, relieved that my friend didn't see me as a different person then.

However, on our way to my room, my brother and Isaka-san ambushed us.

"Who's this Akihiko?" Haruhiko sneered at me with an evil grin plastered on his face. "Is this your boyfriend?"

"Shut up!" I growled at him through clenched teeth.

Ryuto, being the nice guy that he was, held out his hand. "Hi! I'm Miyamoto Ryuto. Sorry for the intrusion! Which one of you is Akihiko's brother?"

The two older boys burst out laughing at my friend's polite nature. "Get a load of this guy!" they chuckled simultaneously.

Ryuto's smile faded as he realized what jerks they were. I just wanted to get away from the situation, so I grabbed his hand and started pulling him back down the stairs. If he absolutely wanted to hang out at my house, we could hang out outside, away from those assholes. Unfortunately, they had nothing else better to do except for pester us.

"Haha, look at him leading the kid around like a dog!" Isaka-san quipped from behind us.

"They're obviously lovers!" my brother sneered.

We reached the front door and I yanked it open, nearly hitting Ryuto in the process. The assholes kept screeching at us even as we ran into the yard. My friend tugged on my arm, hard, making me stop in my tracks. I turned to face him and he looked extremely irritated. He dropped my hand and then turned to Haruhiko and Isaka-san.

"What the hell is your problem?!" he shrieked at them. "Don't you have anything better to do than pick on kids three years younger than you? You guys are adults, so why don't you act like adults?!"

Isaka-san practically growled at him. "I'm not listening to some faggot like you! Why don't you and Akihiko go somewhere else to fuck? Haruhiko and I don't wanna hear your screams in our house."

I was absolutely mortified, as well as angry. It was unbelievable that this jerk was speaking that way to my friend, someone he didn't even know. What a great first impression this was on Ryuto. He'd never want to associate with me ever again if these were the kinds of people that lived in my house. Besides, they were the ones that started bothering us and chased us out of the house.

But he didn't stop there. He came forward and grabbed me by the chin. "Or maybe you'd rather be with someone older, huh? Someone with experience?" He grinned evilly and reached down to grab my ass.

Before I could say anything to stop him, Ryuto suddenly rushed forward, pulled back his arm, and punched him square in the jaw. His fist collided with a loud smack which made Isaka-san stagger backwards and fall onto his ass. He held his face in his hand and grimaced in pain.

"What the hell, asshole?!" my brother cried. "Does your little boyfriend Akihiko really mean that much to you?!

He could have stood up for his friend and punched Ryuto back, but he looked scared of him. Instead, he grabbed Isaka-san's shoulders and started pulling him up. They both took off like rockets back towards the house. I thought that would be the end of it, but my friend had to rub it in just a bit more.

"That's right, you pussies! Run for your lives from the faggot! I'll kick your asses any day of the week! Don't ever fuck with me or Akihiko-san!"

It was strange to see him act that way. He was always so happy, optimistic, and caring. I didn't think it was possible for him to get angry like that, let alone get physically violent with someone else. The stuff Isaka-san and my brother said were mean, but I didn't know he would take it so personally. Could it be that he's actually a homosexual? Of course I was, but no one knew that for certain since I had never told anyone. That guy had just started harassing me one day. I would never dare tell him that I actually was gay.

Ryuto turned back to me, his brows still furrowed. "I can't believe them! What assholes! Is one of them really your brother? Do they both live here? Ugh, no wonder you didn't want me to come over here!"

I simply shrugged. "Sorry. I tried to warn you."

"I know, I know. It just made me mad how they were so mean to you! I mean, if someone is mean to me, that's one thing. But I don't want people to be jerks to my friends! Do you have to put up with them every day? Good god, how do you do it?"

He kept on talking, but I had stopped listening. My breath caught in my chest and my heart skipped several beats. He was worried about me the whole time. It made him angry that they were making fun of me. He didn't care about himself or his reputation. He only cared about me.

That was the first time since Shouta-san that someone had put me as their number one in their life. That must mean he at least liked me. Possibly he was in love with me? Just like Shouta-san. It was perfect. I could be happy again.

I started getting even closer to Ryuto after that. I spent nearly every waking moment around him, at his house and at school. He never seemed to get tired of me and seemed to welcome the close bond that I was trying to forge between us. However, aside from that day when he beat up Isaka-san, I hadn't heard a love confession from him. I assumed that he was shy and maybe wanted me to take the lead in the relationship.

So I thought back to times with my senpai, and I acted on his message that he left me with.

It was an ordinary evening and I was spending it at Ryuto's house. His parents and his sister were all gone, leaving us completely alone. We sat on his bed with our history textbooks open, but neither of us were studying. He was telling me this funny story about something his cousin and him did when they were younger. He kept laughing, so it must have been funny, but I wasn't paying attention. All I could think about was him, and having my way with him.

Do you want me to show you how two people can really show that they like each other? Shouta-san's words flowed in my head and I knew that I had to show Ryuto the same thing.

In the middle of his story, I turned to him, placed my hands on his shoulders, and gently pushed him down onto his back. He cried out in surprise and stared up at me with his large doe-like eyes. A smirked formed on his face and I thought for sure that he knew what was coming and wanted it.

Without wasting another second, I leaned forward and pressed my lips softly against his. He gasped and froze beneath me. His lips were so soft and warm. My heart was pounding so loud and hard that I could feel it in my ears. Time seemed to stop as I pressed my lips to his over and over again, not deepening the kiss just yet. That could wait. We had plenty of time together.

I pulled away and looked down at him, lust running through my veins. His face was flushed and his eyes still wide in shock. He opened his mouth to speak, but only a slight whimper came out. I smiled, already knowing what he was going to say. He wanted more.

I put more of my weight on top of him and pressed another soft kiss to his lips. "Shh, it's okay," I whispered. "I know exactly how you feel. I love you too, Ryuto."

I kissed him again, but this time I didn't stop. This time, I let my hand roam around his body, feeling underneath his clothes. Every time I touched him, he would let out a noise like a moan or a whimper. I truly thought that he was enjoying it. He wasn't kissing me back with very much enthusiasm, but I just assumed that he didn't have any experience. When my wandering hands reached his belt, I pulled away from his lips to get a glimpse of his face. Tears were running down his cheeks.

"Ak-Akihiko," he whimpered. "Not t-today."

Rather than answering him right away, I cupped the bulge that had formed in his pants. He gasped and more tears formed in his eyes. He was terrified, but I didn't think much of it. I kissed the tears from his face.

"Ryuto, it's okay," I reassured him. "You don't have to be nervous. This is how we can show each other how our true feelings."

He didn't say anything after that. Not a word. Not even when I kissed him, touched him, stroked him, sucked him, made love to him. The only sounds that came out of his mouth were those of pure bliss; or at least I thought they sounded like he was enjoying himself. He had cried the entire time, but I just assumed that he was very emotional. It was probably his first time, as it was mine.

He didn't look me in the eyes as he got up and showered. When he came out, he kept his eyes glued to the floor. I was about to ask if I could clean up in his bathroom as well, but the aura around him seemed off, so I didn't.

"You better go," he said grimly. "My parents will be home soon. It's a school night anyways."

I nodded and left without saying anything else.

Maybe I should have said something. Maybe if I had just asked him what was wrong then we could have talked it out. Even if he still ended up hating me. It would have been a lot better for him if he hadn't kept it all inside.

He didn't come to school the next 3 days. I was worried sick. At first, I thought maybe he just got some sort of bug. Deep down, I knew that I was the cause of why he wasn't coming to school. The vibe I got from him that night was heavy with regret and betrayal. I quickly figured out that he didn't want it like I thought he did.

Unfortunately, I figured it out too late.

If only it had clicked in my mind before midnight that night. Maybe I could have reached him faster and apologized.

No… If only I had realized from the beginning that he didn't want it. Hell, he had even said 'Not today" but I didn't listen. I didn't fucking listen.

That night, I ran all the way from my family's mansion in the wicked cold air to the old broken down bridge. When I saw Ryuto trying to jump, I nearly lost it. I screamed and tried to get close to him so we could talk. With each step I took, he stepped closer to the edge of the bridge. I didn't want him to fall or to jump so I stopped trying to get closer.

"Akihiko, go away. You've done enough," he said sternly yet sadly.

Tears stung my eyes and it was hard to inhale a breath so I could speak. "Ryuto, I'm sorry! So sorry! I never meant to hurt you like that. It was a huge mistake and it's been eating me up inside ever since it happened. I don't expect you to forgive me or even go back to the way things were. I just don't want you to continue hurting. I'm so, so sorry." My voice faltered as a sob escaped me. It felt like my chest was collapsing.

He turned away from me and back to the bridge, staring at the water below. "It's too late, Akihiko. I tried to tell you no and you didn't listen."

A weak sob escaped my throat. "I know. I'm so sorry! I fucked up! But this isn't the way to end things. You can't die!"

He suddenly turned his head towards me with an evil smile plastered on. "Oh, Akihiko. I'm already dead. I died that night. Now I'm just burying the body."

With a grunt, he bent down and jumped, pushing himself off the edge of the bride.

"RYUTO!" An inhuman scream escaped my throat as I rushed forward.

I got to the edge of the bridge and I watched as his body tumbled in slow motion to the river below. The splashing sound was drowned out by the sound of my screams.

I had raped him. I had driven him to suicide. It was all my fault.