This was the hardest chapter I've ever had to write. I literally tore it apart and then erased then and re-wrote it. It was so difficult to get Aang to release all his emotions. Dang Airbenders!!
Guys, nobody spoiled the ending. I really was joking. I had planned the ending since it was in this particular section but Mai really stole my heart.
As for the endings, I don't consider either one a real ending. They are both real endings. I say alternate because I can't put it in this section. So Maang and Kataang rule!!!
I do love Zuko too, the emo weiner!
Once she had gotten herself together, Katara had decided to get some sleep. Zuko had courteously offered a part of his slab but laying next to him where he had been dead for four days had been a bit creepy.
She'd been too emotionally drained to go back to Aang's room where everybody had congregated. As much as she was happy for Aang she wasn't ready to see him snuggling with Mai.
She roamed the halls trying to quiet all the negative thoughts that were currently overloading her mind. The foremost one being, what she was going to do when she returned home. Sokka had mentioned that him and his women, 'she really had to talk to him about that,' were leaving the day after Aang's birthday.
She had two days to say goodbye to Aang and her past. She found she didn't want to do either but Aang had taken the choice out of her hands. He had made it abundantly clear who he was going to stay with.
Katara couldn't fault Mai either if she chose Aang instead of Zuko. Seemed like Zuko and her had played their last cards but they hadn't been the right ones. What she needed right now was to exhaust herself until she couldn't think anymore.
These corridors were unfamiliar but that was nothing new. By the amount of rooms in this place, it was safe to say that it probably took up most of the mountain. She approached a set of enormous floor to ceiling doors.
Aware that 100 years of neglect could do some serious weakening to the floor, she opened them slowly. The doors didn't budge very far and instantly Katara saw why. A stone pillar had dislodged and fallen partially across the door.
She peeked through the sliver and gasped. It was an elaborate conservatory, enclosed on three sides with the fourth side extending out into a natural balcony. She wiggled through the doorway nearly getting caught by her pants.
Her hips cleared and she absorbed the room in its entirety. The only damage she could see was the pillar otherwise everything was intact. She spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the intricate wall fountains that ran along the mountain wall as well as the varieties of flora and fauna.
Aang had spent several hours searching for the wayward waterbender but had yet to see hide or hair of her. He was beginning to get worried, 'Katara would never take off without telling someone where she was going.'
His inner voice had gotten more and more obnoxious since he had left Mai. 'Not like you right? If you had listened to her instead of enclosing yourself in your pity cocoon, you wouldn't have to be looking for her now.' It amazed him how much his inner voice sounded like Zuko.
He was sick of searching and considering the ridiculous size of this place it would take him even more hours, that he didn't feel like wasting to search each room. Seeing no other alternative he stood in the middle of the corridor and braced his hands on the stone walls. He allowed the avatar spirit to flow through him and into the temple infusing it with black and white vibrations.
He thought of Toph and a strip of white disconnected from the rest and turned green as he got closer and finally approached the earthbender. With that successful test he though of Katara next. A second strip pulled from the rest and vanished around a corner.
He followed it glowing bluer as it neared its destination. It came to a stop in front of a set of large doors. He tuned off the avatar power and pushed against the door. It wouldn't move. He focused and used his earthbending to sense what was on the other side of the door.
He picked up an accelerated heartbeat, fearing Katara might be hurt he pushed against the floor and felt for the obstruction. Once he adjusted it and was able to squeeze through the door, he let it fall with a bang blocking it completely.
"Katara? Katara, where are you? are you ok?" he noticed the double doors and made his way onto the natural garden. She was using her water whip to enlarge the trickle of water sliding down the wall.
Resigned he followed the path of energy that led to her. She was preoccupied with the wall fountains. Her concentration focused on enlarging the water that was struggling through it's cracked surface. Steeling himself he cleared his throat loudly. Her whip went wild and he ducked to avoid being injured.
"Oh Aang, I'm so sorry. You startled me."
"Same here. What are you doing?" His eyes racked her form for scratches or injuries of any kind. Satisfied she was alright he took up a similar stance and bended in rhythm with her. "Why are we doing this?"
She stopped long enough to bestow a smile on him. "Typical Aang helping with out asking why. You're too nice for you own good," she said sweetly. The comment popped out of her mouth before she really had a chance to think of the wisdom of flirting with him at this tenuous stage.
She flushed red which looked very becoming on her cinnamon skin. "Yeah, you know me." He replied awkwardly. He was apprehensive. By his very nature he hated confrontations. He avoided them unless he had no other resort.
He was actually a little mad at Mai for forcing him into this position. Didn't she see that he had made his choice. He wanted her and no talk was going to change that. 'At least I don't think it will.'
"I wanted to talk to you." He feared opening up to Katara. She still had the power to hurt him whether he wanted to admit it or not.
The seriousness of those words faded their carefree moment and she stopped bending altogether. "What about? I thought we finished…um talking."
Feeling more awkward than he ever felt since he'd been twelve, he focused his sight to her left. In reality he had no clue how to talk to her anymore. Using the pretense of making a base for the fountain he looked away. "Katara, I wanted to apologize for last night," he regained his composure a bit once her cerulean eyes were hidden from his view.
"Aang, it would be easier to talk to you if you looked at me," she reprimanded gently.
Cursing himself for being a coward he pulled his eyes from the wall and stared at her. His breath caught in his throat, he'd forgotten how beautiful Katara was.
"What was that about last night?" she asked.
It was now or never. If he wanted to put this whole ugly business behind them he would have to stop being squeamish. "Last night I didn't really listen to you. I heard you but I don't take anything you said into account."
The crushed look on her face nearly made him run out in a panic. Mai was wrong this had bad idea written all over it.
"Oh? So you didn't listen to anything I said."
'How was it possible for her to make me feel guiltier than I already do?'
"Yes. No... I mean. Let me start over." letting go of the breath he had unknowingly been holding, he exhaled. "I heard everything you said but I just wasn't too interested in listening."
She was torn between confusion and hurt and she told him so, "I see."
Her answer disturbed something in him. "I didn't do it on purpose. I just wasn't prepared for everything you were saying so I pushed it aside," he said defensively.
"So you were just being you and avoiding it." she said.
Her victimized tone was beginning to grate on his nerves. It was odd because Mai had said the exact same thing earlier but hers had been a gentle nudge. While Katara's felt like a shove.
"I'm sorry that bothers you but that's why I'm here now to really hear you out." He knew he said the wrong thing the moment the words escaped his mouth.
"You're gonna hear me out? How generous of you to take time and come here to talk to me. I feel so honored." she remarked acidly.
"That's not what I meant. Don't twist my words." A coil of heat was rapidly unraveling within him.
"Don't do me any favors, if there's something you feel we need to talk about spit it out." Katara replied.
The heat continued unfurling like a volcano waking from a long slumber. This was why he hated confrontations they only led to negative feelings. He knew he was on slippery footing, this could go one of two ways. Nice and neat or mean and sloppy.
Katara's heart dropped into her stomach waiting for whatever bomb he was going to drop on her.
"Mai and I were talking and…" Katara just stood there waiting.
"She said some things that I hadn't really thought of. She made me see that I never really listened to you. I heard everything you said but I was so wrapped up in what was done to me I didn't bother to think about what you might have been going through alone at the Fire Nation," the white knuckled grip on his staff showing how difficult it was for him to have told her that.
"Aang, you don't have to do this…"
"Please Katara. Let me get this out. I need to get this out." He turned away from her, his tattoos flaring then returning to normal. "I was hurt that you were unfaithful but that wasn't what broke me. It was the fact that you didn't trust me. That you felt you had to protect me like if I was still twelve."
"I didn't realize---I never thought of you that way. How could I after what we've been through?" She knew she mothered him and he had always been a good sport about it. She had no idea it had bothered him so much but then this had never been brought up before. "But I did have to protect you, you have no idea what they were planning, and Zuko and I---"
He was spoiling for a fight and a mutinous expression settled on his features, "you're not my mother!" he shouted. "Stop treating me like I'm your kid. Why don't you do that to Zuko, huh?"
"Because he doesn't act like one." She shouted back and clasped her hands over her mouth horrified she had risen to his bait and let her temper fly. "Aang, I didn't mean that."
His gaze was cold and cynical, it was the look he'd given her at the palace when she had touched his arm to restrain him. "Then why did you say it? Deep down that's how you see me, like some pesky little brother. How can you stand to let me touch you?"
She blushed crimson as all the times his hands had explored her flashed through her mind. "Aang, I gave myself only to you, how could you think that?" she asked stricken.
He advanced on her his staff falling by the wayside. "I was good enough when we were alone but I wasn't man enough apparently whenever we were in public, you were always trying to shield me. You were always acting and speaking for me. I didn't mind at first since I was so young but it never changed."
He was backing her into a corner, never had she seen this side of him. "This is exactly why I had no idea what was really going on. I was told of rebellions and every blasted renegade sector but anything involving me immediately was hidden. I asked and you would clam up. You guys kept me in the dark."
It suddenly brought home that maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought. "So much was already riding on you. I knew you could take it, I guess I thought if I didn't tell you we could stay how we were longer. Two teenagers in love without everybody else coming between us."
"But something did come between us didn't it? All that love didn't seem to matter when you replaced me with Zuko as your confidant. When you took away my rightful place as your protector."
Twin red spots appeared on her face. "I didn't replace you with Zuko--." The denial died in her throat, she had replaced him and it had blown up in her face.
He stared at her every insecurity he had ever felt laid completely bare before her, "How do you think that made me feel? All you showed me was that everything we had gone through didn't matter. I was just your friend that would accept you back at any time because you used the knowledge of how much I loved you against me. It felt like it Ember Island all over again except there was no war to hide behind."
He punched the wall behind her head and she flinched as it released the water trapped inside. It soaked both of them but it didn't appear to cool him, "I kept thinking that, that stupid play had gotten it right. Why would you want me? a scrawny whinny little kid when you could have the brooding and dark prince Zuko."
"It wasn't like that. I explained about the treaty and what they expected of us, of me." she wanted to shake him to make him understand that she was so sorry but didn't know how to remedy it.
He trembled with the effort to keep composed. He wanted so badly to kiss her and have her wash his pain away but he didn't want to give in. He was too emotional, the ground beneath them grumbled in response to his turmoil.
He paced back and forth, his angry strides making deep indentations in the dirt, "Did you think for one moment that I would let them tell me what to do? I'm the Avatar they can't make me do anything. I loved you Katara and that wasn't going to change because a bunch of overbearing generals were demanding you be turned into a baby factory. If and when we became parents would be strictly between you and me."
His voice warbled but he refused to cry, "I thought you had changed your mind and didn't want to be with me anymore. It never occurred to me that you were under so much pressure. Nothing I did seemed right. I couldn't make you happy and make the world happy."
He ran his hands through his hair in agitation, "If I tried I lost you and then what was left for me? I watched you get further and further away from me and I couldn't do anything about it." he cried digging his hand into the mushy earth. Two large cones skewered the fountain to the left of him.
Katara was still backed in the corner but now it was just as a safety precaution. Aang was destroying their surroundings and she was afraid for him. "It's been a year." he whispered.
She pulled from the wall regarding him closely, "What's been a year?" she asked.
"Actually its been a year and some months, that's what I told Mai earlier. I told her that's how long its been and now you're telling me you're still in love with me."
Katara didn't like that such a personal conversation had been repeated to the other girl. She considered that maybe Aang was not as sure as he'd been last night and was clearly wrestling with what he felt and for whom.
He continued oblivious to her inner discussion, "What am I supposed to do with that? I'm rebuilding my life. Why are you so intent on bringing it crashing back down? Its unfair for you to remind me how much I revolved around you while you could just walk again at any moment."
"Is that how you see me? You think I'm trying to ruin your life. I had hoped we could start over. What about you? You replaced me easily enough with Mai. Giving her betrothal robes and being with her."
"I didn't go looking for Mai. The robes are robes and nothing else. They were just a way of showing her how much I appreciated her help. She's been invaluable in restoring the temple and me." he replied.
It was a simple answer but Katara still felt the sting of it. "She fell right into your lap didn't she? How sad it must have been for you to reside here with her in your cozy little romantic retreat for months at a time. Funny I remember you saying how impossible it was to get time away when it was us."
He had tried to keep his control but had only succeeded in sending the place to oblivion. He huffed from the exertion of slamming handfuls of wind into every available surface. Both him and Katara were splattered with mud but he didn't care. "Don't bring her into this. You're mad at me not her," he snapped back.
"Of course I was mad at her. You ended up with her, didn't you?" Her voice cracked, "I mean she's tall and slender with long dark hair and is a from a high ranking family. Why wouldn't it be easier to be with her as opposed to me. I'm just a water tribe peasant, what can I possibly offer?"
She sniffled and he saw the raw wound she'd been carrying around while he'd been gallivanting with Mai in the temple oblivious to how she must have felt. "If anybody found out they wouldn't fault you for leaving me. I'm pretty sure Mai is not the least conflicted about being the Avatar's wife. She knows where her place is and I'm still struggling. It was dumb of me to think I could compete with her."
He listened to her. He had not meant to pay her with the same coin. He had just tried to move on and he'd been much more hurtful. While her dalliance with Zuko had been hot and heavy, what he had with Mai was very serious and he had indeed thought of her as a companion for the rest of his life.
"I won't lie to you. Mai and I have been intimate. Mostly because I was ready to ask her to be my wife. We had made the decision about a month ago but she was still hung up on Zuko. I didn't want a repeat of you and I. So we agreed to put it off for another year until everything was settled and we had talked to you and Zuko."
Katara didn't understand how he could be so blasé about it. "You told me you didn't believe in sex without love. How could you do something like that with her when she was still in love with Zuko?"
"Because I do love her and she loves me despite loving Zuko. It was a reckless thing to do but we were both so desolate. Neither of us felt deserving of anything after you guys. It was like we'd been emptied out and together the emptiness wasn't so bad. You can understand about needing human contact, about believing you're worth something to someone, can't you Katara?"
"And now? You're not sure of what you feel?" she asked afraid of his answer.
His rage was spent and the observatory was demolished. Only a layer of water and stone remained to testify to his violence. "I've learned a lot of things these past few months. As much as I love Mai, and this is something I never told you. Katara I don't think I'll ever completely stop loving you. You are ingrained in my very being." he said.
She colored at the naked need in his eyes. It had been so long since he had looked at her with so much vulnerability. It was heartbreaking, she'd forgotten the hold she had on him. "What about Mai, is she ok with this?"
"Mai and I made a pact that if we ever had the inclination to rectify the situation that neither one would stand in the way of the other. I could make her happy and she could do the same but at this point she's changed so much that maybe she deserves somebody just as changed. I don't feel worthy of her, I'm too damaged." He finished, his hands swollen and bruised from punching and destroying everything in his vicinity.
"I can never thank her for all she did for me," Aang said soflty.
Katara took a risk and bent down pouring water onto his bleeding knuckles. She wanted so badly to be in his arms. "Aang, if I were to tell you right now that I want to be your wife. What would your answer be?" she asked gripping his hands tighter.
"That would depend on if you were ready to accept everything that comes with being my wife. Would you marry me and see me or would you only see this." He forced the tattoos to light and stared unflinchingly into her eyes.
She stepped back a bit of fear on her pretty face. "Aang---"
His voice was distorted by the many voices of the previous avatars, "Katara, this is what I am. I can't be anything else. If you can't accept the reality that we are two separate entities in one body with a dual purpose then there can be no future for us."
She reached for him and he allowed her to touch his face. She looked into the white eyes and beneath them saw the gorgeous gray eyes that belonged to the only man she had ever loved. Katara felt as if a veil had lifted from her own eyes.
"I trust what I feel for you, Aang. I understand." She pressed her mouth to his and his light enveloped her showing her a glimpse of her possible future.
She saw herself in the traditional nomad clothing. She saw her belly swollen and the joy of being able to welcome him home over and over. Most importantly she saw the trust in his stormy eyes as they made love assured that her body and soul belonged only to him. She saw the newborn trust peel layers of worry and hurt off his face revealing the young man he was.
His voice still carrying so many others inquired, "Can you live with my responsibilities?"
"Yes, I can live with our responsibilities because if I can share them I won't ever lose you," she breathed against his mouth.
She opened her eyes at the loss of contact. She reached out to hug him but he stepped out of reach, "I can't just go back to how we were. That relationship has to be rebuilt. The trust and everything else has to be started all over again. We need to be friends first and then we can regain what we lost," he explained.
She nodded because she had no choice. She would prove she was worthy of his love. He had always been worthy of hers. Silently she thanked Mai for giving her a second chance.