101 Things I Shouldn't Have Learned At The Academy

by Major Trouble

A list of 101 things Trouble Kelp never should have learned at the Academy- but did. Some ideas are worse than others. Some are just plain stupid. Some you might not understand. WARNING: Some not-so-nice content. Nothing graphic.

5. 81 Through 101

Disclaimer: Trouble and Grub Kelp, Vein, Holly Short, Artemis Fowl, Frond, Root, the Academy, and Foaly all belong to Eoin Colfer, and I is not he.

I learned…

81. To never talk to Grub about "Mommy" in front of anyone. (FF's LuckyNaruto08)

82. That Vein can give one hell of a blowjob. (FF's Individual Twelve)

83. To never look at fan art pairing Holly Short with anyone, but especially Artemis Fowl. Or me. (FF's Individual Twelve)

84. To never hide any of Holly Short's underwear you may have stolen in your books. (FF's Individual Twelve)

85. To never steal any of Holly's underwear. (FF's Individual Twelve)

86. That helping Grub out of a sticky situation isn't worth my time or effort. (FF's ..x.)

87. That Holly has a nice ass. But don't bother mentioning it to her. She doesn't appreciate it. (FF's ..x.)

88. That Frond does. (FF's ..x.)

89. That Frond's isn't as nice as Holly's. So don't tell her, either. (FF's ..x.)

90. That nothing you say to Holly is ever a compliment in her eyes, so it's best to keep your mouth shut. (FF's ..x.)

91. Never punch Holly Short's crush. (She has one?) (Yeah, I was surprised too.) (Why'd you punch him?) ('Cuz Holly likes him.) (Oh.) (FF's Shuriko)

92. To not stick a fish in my pants. Particularly in my boxers. (FF's Holly25Trouble)

93. To not act like a ninja when dressed up like a fish. (FF's Holly25Trouble)

94. That impersonating Root is a bad idea. It's also illegal. (Remember, he's a police officer.) (FF's Holly25Trouble)

95. That skinning dipping in the Academy pool is a bad idea. Especially if you're drunk.

96. That kissing a piranha is very bad. (FF's Holly25Trouble)

97. To never prank call Root. (FF's Holly25Trouble)

98. That hitting Root in the manhood is funny and totally worth the detentions. All three months of them. (FF's Holly25Trouble)

99. To not make fun of the marching band. (Since when does the Academy have a marching band?) (FF's Holly25Trouble)

100. To never dance in my room, listening to my MP3 player, in my underwear, with the door and windows wide open. (FF's Holly25Trouble)

101. To never buy Foaly a thong. (FF's Holly25Trouble)