Ch. 3—Eddie POV
After Alberta called us in for the meeting, the rest of the day flew by. I ate lunch with a few of the other novices, not wanting to be with Christian, Lissa, or Adrian, or really anyone who would refresh my wave of sorrow over Rose. The PB&J sandwich was soggy and tasteless, and I chewed mechanically, not really focusing on anything. I was just finishing up on the last bite when Stan came up to me.
"Eddie," he said, looking nervous, "Alberta needs to talk with you. You should probably go meet her in her office."
I groaned internally. She'd already called me up to her office this morning—and holy goodness, at six o'clock in the morning—and my head was still processing the entire conversation.
"Rose left this morning…"
"Her mental state is fragile…"
"To kill Dimitri…"
"Suicide mission…"
The words haunted me. I was not looking forward to this meeting with her, but I got up and threw the scraps of my lunch away. As I returned to the table to retrieve my backpack, I saw Lissa there, standing awkwardly.
"Hi, Lissa," I said monotonously.
"Eddie, I want your help on something," she said.
"What's up?" I asked, genuinely concerned. If I was struck by a wave of sadness at Rose's departure, Lissa was probably hit by a hurricane. I slung my backpack over one shoulder and stood in front of her. An intense, palpable tension filled the air as I struggled to not turn away and run to Alberta's.
"I want to go find Rose," she said, looking me straight in the eye. The eye contact was making me seriously uncomfortable.
"…Liss, you were the one who said not to go after her."
"Yeah, well I changed my mind. I want you to help me find her and then I'll go find Dimitri with her. And I'll heal him. And then you can—"
"I'm not going to help you find Rose. Or Dimitri." The words tumbled out of my mouth, and I was surprised that I'd actually said them. Normally I would have done anything to help my friends, but this time, I really did want to respect Rose and her decisions. I understood her, more or less, because I was her only guardian friend.
"Why?" Lissa looked shocked, and she covered her mouth with a manicured hand.
"For exactly the same reasons as you said earlier to Alberta. And besides, I'm not going help one more friend go kill herself."
By this point, the rest of the cafeteria was staring at us, whispering to their friends. I didn't care.
"Eddie! But you have to help me! Don't you understand? I need to help Rose!"
"What happened to earlier, when you said that she had to do this for Dimitri?" I asked, suddenly aggravated.
"I'm not saying that I'm going to stop her, I'm saying that she doesn't have to do this alone."
"Well, you might as well go kill yourself now! Same thing, isn't it?"
I'd had enough with the conversations about finding Rose. I grabbed my water bottle from the table and pushed my way past Lissa, who was still there standing in shock. My backpack bumped into her shoulder, which seemed to jolt her awake. She turned to watch me walk away, haunting me with her sad green eyes.
Walking out the door, I heard whispers from the students, mostly from those who knew us—or even those who'd heard at least one of the plethora of rumors that seemed to revolve around Rose and her friends.
Dimitri? Her mentor? What's to care about him?...Rose left? I guess it was inevitable. She was insane, anyways… Lissa didn't go where Rose went? So much for best friends.
Gritting my teeth, I passed by all the students and pushed the heavy oak doors open. A cool breeze greeted me and slapped its icy hands on my face, making me shiver. But it did nothing to cool the fire of anger in my heart.
I strode across campus, backpack thunking heavily against my back. By now I'd embraced the cold. It was just where I belonged. A cold place for a cold soul.
I finally reached Alberta's office building and peeked through the glass sliding door. She was at her desk, back facing me, focused on her computer screen. The Google page was open to search results on depression and how to get over it.
I gently rapped on the door and Alberta whirled around in surprise. Gracefully, she stood up and opened the door, letting out a burst of warmth, which I involuntarily leaned into.
"Eddie Castile. So lovely to see you again," she said, ushering me in. I walked in, hesitant. Any signs of Alberta's earlier stress were gone, replaced by her usual professional calm.
"I wasn't expecting it," I said truthfully. "Is this regarding Rose?"
Alberta sat back in her spinning chair and I lowered myself into a recliner, dropping my backpack onto the floor beside it with a loud thud. My back was straight and tense, hands clenched into fists. I jammed them into my jeans pockets, hoping she hadn't noticed how strung up I was. I'd already displayed enough weakness for a future guardian to her.
"In a sense, it is. But more specifically, I'd like to talk about Lissa." She paused, clearly uncomfortable.
"I'm listening," I told her, leaning onto the edge of my seat.
"It's quite obvious that Rose was intended to be Lissa's guardian," she began. Already I was not liking the direction that this conversation was going.
"Yes," I agreed.
"And seeing that she has left the Academy, it deems that we should find a new guardian for the Princess. Queen Tatiana has found one suitable guardian so far, and you shall be her other. You will begin training with her this afternoon. And seeing that you and Lissa are not mentally bound, this will be practice for Vasilisa as well, so she can learn how to communicate her needs and such with you. Rose, if she ever does come back, will not be her guardian, and at most just her dropout dhampir friend who will be a shame to Vasilisa's public image."
I was horrified. Not only was Alberta speaking like she was reading from a textbook, but she was betraying Rose, who she had defended just earlier this morning.
"Excuse me, Guardian Petrov, but Rose will come back. And when she does, she will become Lissa's guardian again. You can't give up on her. It's only been a day. Maybe wait a few months and then I'll see."
Alberta narrowed her eyes. "It would be unwise to decline my offer," she said, her voice dangerously soft.
"Well, I'm sorry," I said, spreading my hands out and leaning back into the recliner, "You're out of luck. I'm saying no."
"But Eddie—think about it. Isn't this what Rose would want? For Lissa to have a capable, caring guardian? Besides, you'd be getting excellent real-world field experience that most novices only get after graduation."
My mind was a whirlwind. It made sense that Rose would want me to protect Lissa in her absence, but somehow it still felt wrong to just replace her as if she were merchandise at a store. Seeing my indecision, Alberta said, "Why don't you think about it, dear."
I nodded and reached down for my backpack, tossing it over my shoulder once again. I opened the door and stepped outside, nearly bumping into Christian as I did.
"Have you seen Lissa?" he asked, voice urgent.
I stood still, stunned by the suddenness of the confrontation.
"Have you seen her?" he repeated, impatiently shaking me.
"I was just—I was just talking with her like fifteen minutes ago. In the cafeteria, but if she's not there, I have no idea where she would have went."
"Okay, thanks, Eddie," Christian replied, sprinting off to search somewhere else.
After a split second, I grunted and ran after him. Catching up to him was quite easy, and as I reached his side, I clamped onto his shoulder and brought us to a halt.
"What's wrong with Lissa?" I asked, worried. I hadn't really meant to hurt Lissa that much, I just wanted her to realize and understand my point of view on the chain of events that'd happened this past week.
"I don't know," Christian said simply, seeming very exhausted. "She was supposed to meet me in the—in the attic of the church, but she didn't come. I don't—I don't…" he tripped over his words, the rasping coughs escaping his throat blending into his speech.
"And she wouldn't have missed that," I said wryly.
"Shut up, Castile. Look, you can help or not. I don't want to waste time talking to you."
I started walking even before he finished his sentence.
Lissa's POV
After Eddie left, I sank into the seat that he'd just vacated and put my head into my hands. What was wrong with me lately? I'd been pissing off all of my friends this week, and all for the wrong reasons. I knew, intellectually, that I was completely wrong and that all my friends were right about Rose—about everything, really. But I was ruining everything, from my friendships to my grades to my mental state.
To keep my mind off of the dark, churning thoughts, I pulled out my phone from my backpack pocket and opened up Flappy Bird. I was an expert at it, which frustrated Christian whenever we competed. His top score was only eight, while I could play for four or five straight minutes without interruption.
It wasn't anything to be proud of, though. The only reason I'd had so much practice with the game was because my therapist—who, despite her own taint of boringness, still seemed much livelier than Dierdre, Rose's therapist—suggested that I take on a hobby to keep myself and spirit's effects at bay.
I was on a streak of nine minutes—which was unusual, even for me—when a gush of cold wind hit my back from the opening cafeteria door. My finger jerked, causing the virtual bird to collapse. I groaned. Two more minutes and I would have beaten my record. I closed my eyes, seeing the remnants of the bright phone screen behind my eyelids. Maybe I needed to rest for a while after all that concentration. I put my head in my hands and tried to dream of happy, calm things, something that would make me feel better about my current life.
Just as my breaths were beginning to even out, I felt the bench dent beside me, and I spread my fingers apart, peeking from in between the spaces. It was Jesse, holding a tray of mashed potatoes and steamed carrots, and I groaned internally. Externally, I did nothing. I was too exhausted.
"Hey Princess," he drawled. "What's up with you? Your girlfriend took off without you? Too bad for you. I guess there's no one to protect you now, is there? Belikov is off on his Strigoi rage, and with your dhampir slut going Strigoi next, you've got no one. No one to protect you from this." He trailed a finger down my cheekbone, leaving shivers down my face. I didn't push him away, even though every cell in my body was cringing.
"Don't touch me, Jesse," I said tiredly, and turned my face away—to stare right into the ugly faces of Jesse's sidekicks. I hastily turned back to Jesse.
"I can tell you want me, don't deny it," he said, his eyes dancing mischievously.
"Get off before I make you see snakes and spiders again," I threatened.
"Oh, you won't. Alberta will expel you if you do."
"She'll expel you once I tell her what you're doing to me right now."
"But you won't tell," he said mockingly.
The buildup from all my stress finally ignited. I pulled into my spirit and lashed out.
I showed him all my pain. I compelled him the way I had a few weeks ago, before Rose had taken out the darkness and put it in herself. I compelled him to think about my pain of Christian, how he was so right about Rose, but I never wanted to believe him. How I hated being wrong. How Christian was right, but it frustrated me, and how mirthlessly fate had unraveled for me this week.
Apparently thinking about Christian was the wrong thing to do, because as if Jesse could feel my love for him under all the exasperation, he leaned into my face and attached his lips onto mine.
Instead of prying away, I dropped my compulsion and directed all my fury and passion into the kiss. He tasted like butter and potatoes and vegetables. He kissed me fiercely, with a bruising force, much harsher than the long, loving kisses from Christian. Closing my eyes, I tried to pretend that I was kissing Christian, and not my worst mortal enemy, Jesse.
A sigh resonated throughout the cafeteria, and it brought me back to reality, that I was kissing Jesse—Jesse!—and Rose would definitely hate me now if she knew. But just as I started to pull away, Jesse grabbed onto my sweater and pulled me even closer. By now I'd stopped kissing him back, and he desperately kept begging my lips to open, to kiss him again. His tongue traveled across the seam of my mouth, disgustingly. He kissed me again, with a hard, aching force, and as I opened my eyes, I could see that he was solely concentrating on getting me to kiss him back—and not concentrating on keeping me from escaping. I dragged his hands to clasp around my neck, so that his hands would be occupied. I dropped my hand from his hair and rested it on his hips, giving me enough leverage to bring my knee up into his groin. My knee connected and he groaned, hunching over and grabbing onto his package.
"That's for messing with me, you piece of scum," I said, breathing heavily. "Haven't you learned your lesson yet? I thought you had, the other day. Do you remember what day I'm talking about? Because I surely do." I cocked my head, waiting for his reply, but he was still bent over.
"And I guess it seems you haven't learned your lesson. I don't need anyone to protect me. I'm fully capable of protecting myself."
Jesse nodded, the first thing he'd done since I'd hit him.
"And now, what do you see, Jesse?" I threw some spirit into my voice, willing him to see his worst nightmare, relive his worst fear.
By now, the whole cafeteria had inched in, closer to our table, trying to get a glimpse at what was happening and at what Jesse was "seeing."
"I see…I see spiders."
"Should I add in some snakes, Mr. Zeklos?"
Jesse shook his head furiously, which only spiked my interest.
"What do you see now, Jesse?"
"…It's… It's eating me—!" His words were cut off by an ear-piercing scream that escaped his lips. The students around us instinctively raised their hands to cover their ears, but I didn't mind. I reveled in the scream, using it as my fuel.
"Look down at your arm, Jesse," I commanded, making a "crocodile" chew onto it.
"Please, please stop," he begged, putting his hands on either side of his face.
Just as I was about to make a cockroach appear in his mouth, Rose's words came unbidden to me.
It's not you, she'd said. Break out of this, it's not you.
I struggled to fight against the spirit, letting the compulsion drop, but the boiling rage in me was still going strong.
Lissa, Rose's voice said to me. I remembered her bravery, her fixed determination to do whatever she aspired to, her unwavering faith in me—even when I surely didn't deserve it.
And remembering her belief that I was good, that I could fight against the spirit and use it to help people, not to harm them, broke me out of the phase.
As I stood there, shivering, watching Jesse's broken face and the looks of horror—and even more disturbing, looks of entertainment—on the audience's faces, I realized that maybe, I wasn't worth Rose's faith. And that maybe, even the people with the greatest of intentions needed protection too.
With that, I turned sharply on my heel and ran for the woods.
Eddie POV
By the time I'd already finished scouring the entire main school building, Christian had just about finished looking through the bathrooms and dorms.
"How'd it go?" I asked, not really expecting a positive answer. Already we were twenty minutes in to our hunt, and not a single trace of Lissa was anywhere. We'd searched the cafeteria, lower school buildings, and now the bathrooms, dorms, and high school buildings, with still no trace of her.
"Not anywhere I searched. I asked a few girls in the bathrooms if they'd seen her, but nothing came up. Other than the peculiar looks they gave me for being in the girls' restroom."
I attempted a weak smile. "Let's try the cafeteria again," I suggested. Christian nodded, and together we walked towards the cafeteria.
Just as we were about to open the doors, Alberta walked by.
"Hello, boys. I need to speak with Eddie for a moment," she said, crisp and curt.
I opened my mouth to protest, but seeing Alberta's stern look, complied, and went to her side.
"Plans have changed," she said, wasting no time. "You are to begin training with Vasilisa in three hours. Meet with me at my office at that time, with Lissa. You, her new guardian, and her will be going to the city and running some errands for me. And I know you haven't exactly agreed yet, but this is something you need to do. And, I don't like it, but if you fail to comply I'll have to mark your records." She finished the last portion tiredly, rubbing at her forehead.
"I—"
"Thank you, Eddie, I will see you soon," she concluded, walking off. I blinked, kind of confused, just as the double doors to the cafeteria burst open and high school students came spilling out.
Each one of the students that were walking out of the cafeteria was walking fervently to their friends, gesturing wildly with colorful displays of emotion. I wondered what had happened in there that had made everyone so excited. I leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of what had happened inside, and saw a figure hunched over at the table that I was at almost an hour ago. My heart leaped, hoping it was Lissa, but one of the students that was blocking my view moved away and I saw curls of dark brown hair and a distinctly masculine figure. Yep, not Lissa.
"Eddie!" Christian called from the side of the building. I jogged towards him.
"What's happening?" I asked.
"I don't—"
Suddenly a quick, lithe figure darted out of the rear doors and past the crowd, faster than any Moroi I'd seen. She had platinum blonde hair and was wearing a short velvet dress that was getting covered with bits of grass as she flew across the grassy field beside the sidewalk that led to the Montana forest. Was that—
"Lissa?" Christian breathed. I half-expected him to go run after her, but it seemed that he'd been glued in place.
"Come on, big boy," I muttered, hauling him inside of the now-empty cafeteria. We'd spent the good part of an hour searching for her, but now that we'd found her, it seemed like she'd be better off alone. "Let's go get her stuff."
I walked to the table that still had Lissa's backpack on the bench, tugging Christian along the way. Her phone rested on top of a soft cardigan that was thrown haphazardly over the bag, and it was open to Flappy Bird with the score of 780 displayed on it. I whistled under my breath. "Dang."
"Come on, you moron, I haven't got all day," Christian muttered, apparently alive again.
"Yes sir," I said sarcastically while slinging the backpack over my shoulder and draping the cardigan over my arm. Her phone was now off and sticking out of one of the jacket's pockets.
We walked towards the exit, very deliberately ignoring the figure that was still sitting at the table. When I'd walked in, I'd been surprised to find that Jesse was the one who'd been crying at the bench. Maybe that was what everyone had been gossiping about, but somehow I doubted it. Something about the way Lissa had frantically run out of the cafeteria was bothering me, and indicating that something very wrong indeed was going on. Not that anything had been fine before, but I feared that Lissa had reached her breaking point on the horrible events of the past few weeks. I wondered if Jesse was the one strand of hay that broke the camel's back, so to speak.
As soon as Christian wrapped his fingers around the door handle, a voice stopped us.
"If you're looking for her, don't bother," Jesse said stonily. He spat out the word "her" as if it were poison. Christian and I glanced back, wary.
"Don't tell me what to do," Christian snapped back, eyes blazing, then turned back towards the door, but just as he went to open the door, jerked back in pain.
"Been studying fire techniques, haven't you, Jesse? Trying to be as perfect as I am?" Christian said, rubbing his hand.
"No one with a girlfriend that crazy would be perfect," Jesse shot back, nodding towards the door.
Surprisingly, I heard myself say, "What did you do to her?" My voice was almost unrecognizable, hard and distant. As much as I didn't like Jesse, still I had never expected to use my scary voice on him; I thought I'd reserved that primarily for when I'd encountered Strigoi, or Victor Dashkov.
"Not so much what I did to her but what she did to me," Jesse replied, studying his hands with a bizarre expression on his face, as if they were foreign objects. I realized that he was probably embarrassed that he was admitting weakness, but no matter how much I struggled to sympathize with him, I still felt boiling hatred. Jesse swiped at his shoulder, as if dusting off a spider.
Christian stood, paralyzed by the door. His face was a mask of horror, betrayal, yet he looked enraptured by Jesse's words, wanting to hear more, even if it was something terrible. At that moment I wanted nothing more to go and smother Jesse's mouth with my hand and comfort Christian, but I doubted Christian would appreciate it, and plus, I also wanted to hear what had happened.
Jesse smirked, seeing that we weren't leaving and that we wanted to listen to him. A flame of annoyance burst inside of me and worked its way out in the form of words.
"Continue, Jesse, or I will break your pinky finger and laugh while doing it," I hissed. Jesse's grin waned, and continued.
"Your girlfriend here tortured me with her spirit," Jesse said, shivering. "In my opinion, magic like that should be banned. What person should be able to wield so much power? The power to control someone so completely like that? Why is this power only given to certain individuals to use, and then they use it for the evil and not the good? Lissa made me see my worst fear: the things that haunt me and make my bones shiver in my body. No person should be able to do that. It's evil and it's terrible, and anyone who would do that to any soul is a monster." Throughout the speech, Jesse's voice had risen and by the time he finished, he was standing and nearly screaming. His eyes were rimmed with tears, and I thought at that moment that that was the most I'd ever seen from Jesse, and he seemed so human.
"Lissa brings an unexplainable, miraculous magic into our world, and while it may have its setbacks, Lissa's very capable of learning how to use it for the good. Everyone has their mistakes," Christian said, but his voice was wavering, uncertain.
"Go believe that," Jesse said, and this time he merely looked defeated. He sat back down with a thud.
"Come on, Christian," I said, taking his arm and dragging him out of the cafeteria and onto the worn path into the woods that Lissa had taken. And even as we were going to save her from her spirit dilemma, I couldn't help but wonder if Jesse was right.
Lissa POV
I ran into the woods, sharp branches tugging at my hair and scratching my calves as if saying, stay with us, we're safe. But what was safe anymore? I thought I'd had spirit under control with Rose helping me out, but apparently not. As much as I wanted to lie down and stay with the darkness and mystery of the trees, I wouldn't give myself what I wanted. What was I? I was a monster, and monsters didn't deserve to get what they wanted. So I forged on into the darkness, using the minimal light from the receding sun to guide me past rotting logs and dainty wildflowers.
What seemed like hours later, but was probably less than five minutes, I found myself in a patch of mossy greenness without any trees to canopy, so evening sunlight filtered in gently, giving the small niche a wondrous, otherworldly aura. I sat down on a log, not bothering with trying to hide from the sun. I deserved the punishment—and actually, I deserved more than just discomforting myself with sun. Angry, I picked up a sharp branch that was lying on the floor, and began rubbing it against a rock next to the log, sharpening it even further into a razor-fine point. By the time I'd finished, my back was aching from hunching over, and blisters from the sun were developing on my arm. Maybe I should have worn long sleeves today, or put on some sunsc—no, I didn't deserve that.
Frustrated once again, I drove the edge of the stick under my skin, tearing it open. As if from a distance, I heard myself cry out as fat drops of red blood rolled down my arm in a steady stream. Even in my worst moments of spirit-madness, I'd never cut myself this bad before, because Rose had always been there to help me, to believe in me, to make me believe in myself even if, at the moment, I'd been so utterly hopeless and tired of living that I'd given up on myself. But now, with Rose gone and away, and no one but the trees and sun to be here in this moment with me, I kept cutting, not caring about the consequences. I put the stick to my skin once again and drove down, but the tip broke off before I could make any serious damage. Angry, I slashed again at my arm, making scratches but nothing deep enough to draw blood.
Rose, I begged internally, trying to gain some strength from the memory of her that was still fresh in my mind. Rose looking down at me, her fierce, determined expression that was partly covered by a curtain of silky brown hair; Rose walking with me, comforting me with eyes that were as gentle with me as they were unrelenting with Strigoi; Rose protecting me from the harm of the world. But just as quickly as the images flew upon my mind, they disappeared to be replaced with fresher memories: me, torturing Jesse—twice now—and me screaming at my friends in such an un-Lissalike manner.
Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't hear them approach until they were just a few feet away from my little niche. The footsteps crunched on the fallen leaves, breaking twigs, and I felt like prey being hunted by predator. All I wanted was time alone…
"Lissa!" one of my pursuers called out. I closed my eyes and hid my bleeding arm behind my back.
"Lissa, open your eyes for me," the voice said again, and I melted into the familiarity of it. Christian, of course.
"You're bleeding," his companion said, gently prying my arm away from my shirt. I let him, and felt the shirt stick to my skin.
I popped my eyes open, and was immediately greeted by a pair of ice-blue eyes belonging to Christian. I searched them, frantic, looking for any signs of distress, or even disappointment in me; after all, after all I'd done, I expected Christian to be mad, not concerned. But all I saw in his eyes were a genuine anxiety and love—love so intense that it almost brought me out of my hazy state. Almost.
"What are you doing here?" I attempted to ask, but my voice came out sluggish and incomprehensible.
A spark of worry burst inside Christian's eyes, and Eddie said, sharply, "It's the sun, and the blood loss. We need to get her back, quickly, before the sun comes down. I don't know how stable the wards are right now."
Christian nodded and hauled me up into his arms, and I went willingly. Only now did I realize the extent of my condition. As he pulled me into the shade, I could see my skin lined with terrible, terrible bruises and blisters. Many of the blisters had opened, leaving my skin red and bleeding. My right arm, though, was by far the worst. It looked like the stick had pried my flesh open, and I could just crane my neck enough to see leaves and dirt falling into the wound. My whole body ached and stung like crazy. My neck and back were sore from hunching over, my shoes had somehow gotten lost along the way to the sunlit place which left my bare feet scratched and inflamed.
The rhythmic beat to Christian's hurried pace lulled me to sleep…