She woke up to the bright sun straying upon her closed eyes; she squinted and turned over, hoping to fall back asleep. Unfortunately, with her sleep cycle still on East Coast time, she knew she wouldn't be falling back asleep any time soon. She glanced at her phone, seeing that it was only eight. She stood slowly from her bed and went into the bathroom to take a shower and brush her teeth.
The hot water covered her body and she felt like she was cleansed of all the excess baggage she had been carrying lately. She let the vanilla body wash rinse away all her problems away, even if it was only for a few minutes. She shaved her legs quickly and stepped out of the shower. She dried off and pulled on her black dress for the mass and sat down on the bed. Although she knew that this was what she was coming to Newport for, she still couldn't believe it was almost time… to say goodbye.
Her mother stepped into the bedroom and was surprised to see her already awake. "Morning sweetie…your sisters on her way here, and the car will be here to pick us up in about an hour… the mass starts at ten" Julie said, blinking to dry her oncoming tears as she talked about the mass. "Okay mom… thanks" she said with a smile and Julie just nodded her head and left the room to go and get ready. Marissa glanced at the time and saw that it was already forty passed eight. Marissa got off the bed and dried her hair, allowing the natural curls to flow down her back. She put on light makeup and as she was about to put on her mascara, she heard the doorbell ring.
She walked out to the door and opened it, coming face to face with her little sister. "Hey Caitey" Marissa said with a smile and hugged her sister immediately, "Marissa… I've miss you" her little sister said gently as they hugged. They came back into the house and Caitlin set her bag down on the floor. "How's Boston?" Caitlin asked with a smile, Marissa shrugged, "it's okay… but I'll admit, it's nice to be home… how's Tokyo?" Marissa asked curiously. "It's great… I'm doing really well there" Caitlin said and sighed when she heard her cell phone start to ring, "sorry… I'll be just one second" Caitlin said as she answered her phone and started speaking, more like yelling in Japanese.
Marissa went back to her room and finished applying her makeup; she grabbed her shoes and sweater and went back into the living room where Caitlin had just gotten off the phone. Marissa sat down next to her one the couch and Caitlin merely placed her head on Marissa's shoulder. "I can't believe he's gone" Caitlin said quietly, Marissa shook her head, "neither can I" she said trying to suppress the lump in her throat. "Remember that time when we were really young and he took us to Catalina for the day on Caleb Nichols boat… and all we did the entire day was swim and fish" Caitlin said with a big smile. Marissa laughed, "Yeah… that was a lot of fun."
Caitlin and Marissa both stood up and straightened out their clothes, knowing the car would be there shortly. Marissa pulled on her flats and sweater, "do I look okay?" she asked as she ran a hand through her hair. "You look great…don't worry, Ryan wont be able to stop looking at you" Caitlin said with a smirk and Marissa just laughed. "It has nothing to do with Ryan, I just wanted to make sure I looked presentable… this dress isn't too short right?" Marissa said and Caitlin glanced for a few seconds. "Not at all, not that it really matters, Ryan always liked to see your legs" Caitlin said, the smirk returning to her face. Marissa just lightly smacked her arm, "I'm going to kill you" Marissa said playfully and Caitlin laughed.
Julie stepped into the room and they both turned to her, Julie looked beautiful in her black dress and curled dark red hair that was pulled back half up-half down. "Mom you look beautiful" Marissa said softly and Julie smiled, "thank you Marissa" Julie said. Caitlin approached her mom and gave her a hug, "it's great to see you Caitey" Julie said. "You too mom" Caitlin and Marissa approached the couple; Julie pulled Marissa into the hug and spoke quietly. "We're going to get through this, you know? We're going to be alright girls." The three girls all felt their tears start early and regained composure as they heard the car outside beep the horn.
They covered their red eyes with their sunglasses and as they got into the limo, they saw the Cohen's, Ryan, and Summer getting into the Range Rover to go as a family. They limo moved as soon as the door was closed and started them on their journey to the church.
Cohen House
As Ryan and Kirsten talked quietly as they stepped out to the car, "so is Kiley coming?" Kirsten asked. Ryan nodded his head, "yeah… she's going to meet us at the Coopers later" Ryan said simply and they both turned their heads as they saw the limo pull up in front of the Cooper house. Sandy, Seth and Summer all came out of the house to get into the car and saw the limo waiting patiently. The family started to get into the car as the three girls stepped out of the house and went to the limo at the top of their driveway.
Ryan watched and saw her, it had been a while… too long actually. She looked the same to him, still beautiful, and the way she carried herself seemed to be different, as if it was hard to walk without feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. But under the circumstances, Ryan could understand. He watched as she got into the car last, and he knew that seeing the girl next door would be a lot more difficult than he planned.
The Coopers entered the Church as what seemed like last, the limo had taken a while to find a good spot to let them out considering all the cars. As they walked down the aisle, they felt the eyes of everyone in the church staring at them. The three walked down the aisle side by side, supporting each other and going into their seats quietly, Marissa noticing that the Cohen's had specifically chosen to go right behind them, with Marissa sitting in front of Ryan. Marissa grabbed Julie's hand and Caitlin's hand in support and listened intently as the mass began.
They listened to speeches for their father and to the slow and steady sounds of crying and sniffling. But while Marissa thought she was doing quite well holding herself together, she felt that all start to untangle as Sandy started to do the Eulogy. His words were compassionate and meaningful and Marissa couldn't help but let her tears flow. "He was a great man; he put his family above everything else. Especially his two beautiful daughters Caitlin and Marissa" and as Sandy said the words quietly, Marissa released all the pain she had been holding and sobbed in her shaking hands. She felt her mother and sister wrap their arms around her and comfort her.
Marissa felt her composure started to come back to her as it was time to go up and say her last goodbye before they would proceed to the gravesite. They went up individually, first Caitlin, placing a white flowing on the casket and whisper words of love. Julie went up next, placing a card on top of the casket as well as lightly kissing two fingers and placing them on the casket. Marissa slowly walked up to the casket, feeling all the eyes on her, especially Ryan's. She felt her hands begin to shake as she grabbed a picture from her pocket, a picture of Marissa and her dad when on her first day on Kindergarten, she knew to make two copies, one for her and one for her dad but even knowing that there were memories she had of her father, she felt she still couldn't say goodbye. She felt a tear voyage down her cheek and she wiped it off softly, "I love you dad" she said finally and placed the photograph on top of his casket, hoping to keep her composure until she sat back down.
She turned and saw the whole church watching her as she went back to her and for one second, connected her eyes with Ryan but finding it too hard to keep it going. She sat down and felt her heart continue to ache as they finished the mass. Marissa watched as various men, some of Jimmy's friends from Hawaii, and Sandy, Seth, and Ryan carry her fathers casket out to the car. Marissa, Julie, and Caitlin followed behind them to the car as they placed the casket inside.
Everyone proceeded into their cars to the gravesite, a beautiful graveyard down the road which overlooked the ocean. There were hundreds, maybe even over a thousand flowers surrounding the casket as it was placed above the six foot hole. Marissa lightly cried as she watched the service, listening to the religious words being spoken about how he was in a better place. She felt a hand holding hers and she looked down to see Summer grasping her hand tightly, offering comfort, she felt herself cry harder and Summer pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay baby…I'm so sorry" she said quietly in her ear. Marissa pulled away slightly so there hands were still wrapped around each other, "but Summer… they keep on saying that he's in a better place, but isn't a better place here with his family?" Marissa asked helplessly and Summer felt that there was no answer for that.
As the service ended and everyone went to their, Marissa, Caitlin, and Julie stayed still. The Cohen's, Seth, Ryan, and Summer stood behind them, waiting patiently. Caitlin and Julie, feeling it too hard to have to watch them lower his casket into the ground, left and went back to the car along with Kirsten and Sandy. Marissa moved closer to the casket and asked if they could wait one more minute, she put her hand on top of the casket. She turned around to face the last three with her, "this is my dad" she whispered through tears. "And once again… he's leaving but now…he can't come back" she said as her tears cascaded more quickly.
Marissa just shook her head and walked away, ignoring Summer's calls for her to come back and talk to her. Marissa got into the car with Julie and Caitlin and sat silently as they got driven back to the Cooper House. They entered inside and the caterers were all set up along the house. People were eating and drinking, gossiping and talking, just like in Newport way.
Marissa fled to her bedroom, not wanting to be around anyone. Not even a few minutes passed when she heard a knock on the door and saw a head of dark brown curls peek their way into the door. "Hey" she whispered, oddly surprised that he was at her door, "hey…can I come in?" he asked and she nodded. Seth closed the door behind him and came into the room, sitting down next to her on the bed. "My parents were looking for you, and I followed a hunch and came here…" Seth said with a small smile.
"I don't want to go out there Seth… I can't talk to those people" Marissa said sadly. Seth nodded understandably, "I know I have no clue how hard it is to lose a parent… but I do know that staying in here won't change anything, and maybe seeing some friendly faces may help" Seth said quietly. Marissa looked over to him and he smiled kindly, Marissa stood up and Seth stood up next to her, "thanks" she said softly and he just nodded. They came out of the room together and went into the large living room where many people were talking and eating.
Kirsten and Sandy came up to Marissa slowly, "hey kiddo" Sandy said and pulled her into a warm hug. "Hey Mr. Cohen" Marissa said and as soon as she pulled out of one hug, she was pulled into another set of comfortable and loving arms, "hey sweetie" she heard Kirsten say softly to her. "How are you doing kiddo?" Sandy asked as Kirsten and Marissa separated, "to be honest…pretty badly." Kirsten smiled and placed her hand on Marissa's forearm, "I know it's tough… I went through it when my dad died… but you get through it and realize that they loved you and you loved them, and that's the best thing you ever could have done for them" she says with smile. Marissa just nodded her head, feeling slighter better for the first time that day.
Marissa continued to move around the people, saying hellos and receiving hugs. She went out to her back porch and sat down; she reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out her Marlboros. She lit up one and inhaled deeply, feeling the tension release from her lungs, she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a cigarette but just for the moment, it helped.
She heard someone come outside and expecting it to be another guest, she didn't turn in their direction. "Hey" she heard from a very familiar voice, almost afraid that it was his voice, she hesitated in turning to him. She slowly moved her head and felt the air from her lungs escape; there he was with a small smile on his face, looking as good as ever. "Hi" she said quietly and he moved over to her, engulfing her in a warm hug, a lot less awkward then she thought it'd be. He sat down in the seat next to her and he looked at her, really looked at her, "long time no see" he stated almost sadly. Marissa nodded her head towards him, "yeah it has been awhile" she stated quietly. "This is a stupid question but how are you?" he asked. She shrugged, "not so good…" she said and took another puff of the cigarette. She watched as the smoke she exhaled ran past him and he inhaled it deeply, obviously basking in the smell.
"Can I bum a cigarette?" he asked with a smirk and she felt a small but genuine smile come on her face, "yeah" she handed him a cigarette and the lighter as he lit himself one. "Do you know how long it's been since I've had a cigarette?" he asked and she turned to him, "about as long as I've been without one?" Ryan allowed his eyes to examine her closely; she looked great, still sexy as ever, time seemed to only do more for her.
"You know… I'm sorry about everything" he said quietly and she knew that he was referring to more than just the death of her dad. "Me too" she responded. He seemed relieved as she said it, "I've missed you" he said almost vulnerably and she felt her heart beat quicken, "I've missed you too" she said as they continued to stare into each others eyes, letting the customary feeling of losing themselves in each other come over them after so long. Their trance was broken as the patio door opened and a voice was heard, "Ryan? Are you out here?" They heard and Ryan quickly put out his cigarette in the ashtray right before Marissa. A beautiful young girl came out of the door wearing a black scoop neck dress and heels; she strode confidently up to the pair. She had long chestnut hair that cascaded down her back in perfect curls; her makeup was flawless on her high cheekbones and accented her hazel eyes.
"Hey Ry" Marissa heard her say and Marissa felt uncomfortable just being in the presence of the two of them. She held Ryan's hand so freely and Marissa couldn't help but watch as Ryan entwined their fingers together. "Oh Kiley, this is my good friend Marissa…Marissa this is Kiley" Ryan said, the awkwardness laced throughout his voice, "my girlfriend." Kiley placed her hand out to shake hands and Marissa felt like it was lifting a hundred pound weight. Marissa shook her hand politely, "It's nice to meet you" Marissa said nicely, "you too Marissa…I'm sorry about your dad" Kiley said kindly. Marissa and Kiley released each others hands, "me too" Marissa said solemnly.
"Well people are starting to leave…so I thought I'd get going, I have an early class tomorrow and I need to finish my paper" Kiley said to Ryan and he just nodded, "okay…do you want me to come?" he asked and she smiled as she shook her head, "no its okay…stay here…I'll call you tomorrow" she said as she leaned in and kissed him softly. Marissa, only watching out of the corner of her eyes, still felt her eyes start to burn. Kiley left the patio quietly and Ryan turned back to her, "I'm sorry if-" but Marissa cut him off because he could finish, "its fine…" she trailed off as she looked down at her shoes.
Marissa picked up her cigarettes from the table and moved back towards the door and was stopped when she heard Ryan's voice, "Riss…" he said quietly and she turned back to him. "I have the day off from work tomorrow…would you maybe want to go get lunch with me?" he asked. Marissa let her hand reach around her neck to feel the necklace that was hanging there, the familiar necklace that he had given her as a goodbye gift when she left for Boston. "Yeah… call me" she said with a small smile and returned back into the house.
Marissa found Summer and pulled her into her bedroom. "Coop, what are you doing? What's the rush?" Summer asked as Marissa closed the door behind them. "Ryan asked me to go have lunch with him tomorrow" Marissa said as her eyes opened surprisingly, Summer felt her jaw drop. "Are you serious?" Summer asked and Marissa nodded her head, "I can't do it again Summer" Marissa said seriously as she sat on her bed. "Do what sweetie?" Summer asked as she sat next to her on the bed. "I can't let those feelings come back…not after all this time. I did everything to make sure those feelings I had for him go away…and yeah, I knew that I didn't get rid of those feelings permanently…" she said as she held onto her necklace. "But I just needed to have one day where I didn't think about him and miss him every single second" she said almost inaudibly.
Summer held Marissa's hand in hers as she lightly cried, "I'm sorry Summer… I'm just a mess today and seeing Ryan has been hard…and I just feel like I'm in this emotional hole that I can't get out of" she said quietly. Summer hugged her and rubbed her back soothingly, "its okay Coop… don't mention it. As for Ryan, that's nothing to worry about, he's Ryan, the same Ryan you've missed the past two years. He's nothing to be scared of" Summer said with a grin. Marissa nodded with a small smile. "You're going to be okay Coop…and anything that may go wrong, I'll be there to help you" Summer said softly and Marissa nodded. Marissa leaned in and hugged Summer once again, "thank you Summer" Marissa said with a small smile. Summer smiled, "no problem sweetie…but come on, lets go back out there" Summer said as she stood up and Marissa joined her.
They walked back out in the living room seeing the only remaining people, Julie, Caitlin, the Cohens, and Ryan. They all sat around on the couches and chairs, sitting silently and looking at the room around them. But as Marissa looked at an old picture of Jimmy and her at a charity event, she only could feel the love she had for him. "I remember when he used to watch The Sound of Music with me…every single night… and he never complained, he just watched with me…" Marissa said with a small smile and everyone seemed mesmerized by her and her joyful memory of Jimmy.
"I remember how happy he used to be around Christmas… like there was no better time in the world" Caitlin said quietly and Marissa turned and smiled at her, remembering that herself. They all smiled peacefully, remembering the fond memories of Jimmy and allowing them replace the sadness, even for just a moment. "I remember how he used to watch ESPN classics all the time… he loved watching those games" Julie said with a laugh and they all joined in.
"I remember that he always had the best judge of character. I'd introduce him to someone, whether it'd be a friend or a potential boyfriend" Marissa said and felt the eyes of Ryan come onto her. "He'd tell me what he thought of them, and if it was bad, he was right about them. But when he told me he liked them… those people never let me down" Marissa said as she looked up into Ryan's eyes that still remained on her. "And I came to love all the people he said that he liked" Marissa said with a smile and Ryan felt a small smile come onto his lips. "He was just…" Marissa trailed off; not knowing which word could suit him. "Amazing" she heard Ryan say and watched as they all turned to Ryan as he smiled softly at Marissa.
Maybe she didn't know why those memories felt good to think about. Maybe she didn't know why for once in the past two years, she finally felt at home in Newport, but she did know that as her mom said, they'd be alright.