I know that there were some strong reactions to the last chapter, and it was intended to do that. And the irony is that this is the second to last chapter, only one left after this. So here we go… as always, I own nothing but the plot, as usual. The last chapter is kind of a bonus, the plot wraps up in this super sappy, fluffy chapter. Oh, and the last chapter is done. If you all make me very happy and review, I may even post it in the next couple of days! Enjoy!
One note: Aline is a complete bitch in this story. There is no redemption for her. Don't take it personally; I like her as a character in TMI. But she's the bad guy here. Sorry, not sorry.
Day one after Jace left me standing there was marked by sadness. The bastard had gotten under my skin, and once he left, there was a Jace shaped hole. I refused to talk to anyone about what happened and caught the first flight home the next morning. When Izzy got home later that afternoon, I was gathering all of Jace's things and crying.
"Are you gonna tell me what happened or are you going to cry all day?" she asked me, leaning against the frame of my bedroom door.
"Fuck it, Iz. I tried so fucking hard, and I failed. He's gone…"
After I explained what happened in Florida, Izzy sighed and sat down next to me on my bed. "Dammit, you are Clarissa Morgenstern. Since when do you let any guy make you feel like shit? And you didn't do anything wrong, by the way, Jace is being an idiot. I mean seriously, who the fuck would want Aline as a fucking lawyer? I'd be terrified for her to represent me in anything. You need to put on your big girl panties and grow the fuck up. Stand by your decision."
Izzy's righteous indignation started day two with anger. Who the fuck did Jace think he was? I did the right thing. His sister deserved some sort of justice. He was just too scared to do it himself. And Aline most definitely didn't deserve to ever be in a position of power. Jace should be thanking me. So if he wanted to be a fucking baby, I'd let him. I didn't need him anyway. Asshole.
I decided to forget about Jace. So I threw myself into work and helped Izzy pack and move into Simon's apartment.
And that's how I found myself at work, alone, in the middle of the night the a couple of weeks after Izzy moved out. It was too quiet at home, too lonely. So I spent as little time there as possible.
I didn't regret it, not at all. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Okay, so I would've changed one thing – I would have told Jace sooner. Before Aline could. Waiting may have been a dumb idea. But other than that, I was right about the situation. Aline had committed a terrible crime, something that should have landed her in prison, not law school.
So what if I missed Jace? I was not about to apologize. I did the right thing. He totally overreacted for some reason. I was sure of it. And if five weeks wasn't enough time to see the error of his ways, I didn't know what to say. As much as every lonely night on the couch in front of the TV with a pint of ice cream broke my heart, the fact that Jace could discard me without so much as a second glance made me feel even worse. But being me, that hurt became anger. I was so angry that I considered blowing up a picture of Jace's face for a dart board.
That's what I was mulling over, while dusting old books, when Jace walked through the door. And the fragile copy of Oliver Twist landed right on the floor at my feet, my mouth hanging open in shock. It made me feel a teeny, tiny, miniscule bit better that Jace looked like shit. He had bags under his eyes and his normally artfully messy hair was all over the place. He even looked a couple of shades paler than usual. He had some stubble along his jaw line and he was wearing sweats. It was unusual, to say the least. And my anger all but melted away. Damn traitorous heart and fucking feelings.
"What are you doing here?" He flashed me a pained smiled and held out his hand, which had a hot pink key to the store.
"Izzy gave me her key. Did you know her and her brother are real jerks when they want you to do something? I've never been yelled at so much in my life, and you've met my parents, so that's saying a lot."
I snorted. "Yeah, I've had occasion to deal with that particular Lightwood trait. But that doesn't explain why you're here."
He ran his fingers through his golden hair in that way that made me get butterflies. Why the fuck did he have to be so good looking? "I, well, I missed you."
"I wasn't wrong. I'm not apologizing just because you missed me. You're the asshole here, not me."
"I know. I'm not asking for an apology. In fact, I should be apologizing to you." Instead of responding, I sat down on the oversized sofa with a sigh. He sat next to me but didn't say anything. The silence was oddly comforting, probably because we were breathing the same air again.
"So… are you gonna apologize or what?" I finally asked as the silence enveloped me.
"I'm so sorry, Clary. I freaked out without a reason. You were right – I was scared. Scared of really, finally facing what Aline did. My parents raised me to be the king of denying and ignoring my problems. I was raised to think that nothing is bad enough to cause a scene about. And I thought I was getting over Cecily, but really I was ignoring that it happened in so many ways. That night, at Jon's party, it all just came to a head. I was so ashamed that you stood up for Cecily more than I ever had. Yeah, I became an advocate and changed the law, but I never confronted Aline. I never did anything to teach her that she was a bitch that ruined my life. And I was upset that you were strong enough to do that and I wasn't. I've never been good at acknowledging my faults – not that I have many," he said with a wink.
I groaned, but it didn't discourage him from continuing.
"I've always been the perfect one; I've never needed to have a real look inside of myself. And fuck, Clary, it was terrible. For a week, I didn't get out of bed. Finally, I visited Cecily's grave and talked to her. I apologized for being a coward. Then, I did some digging into Aline, something I hadn't done before. It turns out that Cecily wasn't the only person that Aline targeted. After college, Aline spent some time in Vermont. She started sleeping with a friend's husband and taunting the friend. Friend found out and Aline targeted her. But this was worse – she pushed the woman in front of a moving car, Clary. She fucking tried to kill someone. And I let her walk consequence free.
"I felt so guilty. I could have prevented it, if I had only pushed the police or the school into bringing charges. I was a coward, to scared to upset my parents or disturb the parts of my life that were still okay, and another woman ended up being personally injured. So I called the woman and we met. She had to have her leg amputated at the knee. I found out that the prosecutor's office in Vermont decided to press charges and they were trying to hunt Aline down. I also found the woman the best civil attorney I could and I'm footing the bill for a lawsuit for all of her lifetime medical expenses. God knows Aline's enabling parents can afford it even if Aline can't.
"Aline was arrested, Clary. Last week. And I feel… free. There was this hold that I didn't even know about, not until you showed me something I didn't want to see about myself. You showed me that I was a coward. I love you so much, but I still let me fear get in the way. And then Izzy came by today, as I was staring blindly at the TV. And she yelled at me. A lot. Until I realized I was a complete and total bastard."
He looked so ashamed of himself; I couldn't help but scoot a bit closer and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's not all your fault Jace. Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did, at least not without consulting you. But you freaked out and… I mean, are you going to freak out like that every time I make you face something you don't like about yourself?" When he looked like he was going to protest (probably to tell me there was nothing else that he didn't like about himself), I put my hand up to silence him. "Because it fucking hurt Jace. I did something because I loved you, and you threw it in my face like I was the bad guy…"
Jace broke into a grin. "What?" I asked.
"You love me. I mean, not that I doubted it but still, I figured it would take way longer to get you to admit it out loud."
"Fuck you." The blush on my cheeks couldn't be stopped. Jace laughed and pulled me into a hug.
"I promise, Clary, that I learned my lesson. You're a rock star and I should just let you do your thing and smile."
"Damn straight," I said, nuzzling into Jace's neck and wrapping my arms around him. God, I missed him so fucking much. I wasn't even scared that I'd admitted that I loved him. Because I did. I did love him. And the past five weeks had done nothing but show me how much his absence left a Jace-shaped hole in my heart.
A week later I moved into Jace's apartment. I moved my belongings into Alec's old room, but I was living with my boyfriend. It was strange, falling asleep every night in his arms and waking up wrapped around him. It was odd how easy domesticity came to me. I'd always prided myself on being independent and never relying on anyone but me. But I let Jace make me coffee and cook sometimes and take care of me when I was sick.
Jace started working at the District Attorney's office only a month after we'd been living together. Immediately, I noticed a pep in his step. One night, when Alec, Magnus, Simon and Izzy were over for dinner, he said he had an announcement. For a second, I stopped breathing, thinking that he was going to propose. I would have fucking murdered him. Way too soon for that. But no, instead, he was telling us that his boss was letting him start a stalking and harassment unit. They would be handling cases like Cecily's every day – getting justice for others like her. I'd never seen Jace look so carefree as when he pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. It was like he finally figured out the secret of life. And I was thrilled to be there with him.
Until his first trial. He started having nightmares the week before. Seeing Cecily die in front of him every night left him gasping for air. I would try to comfort him, but it was impossible. The dark circles under his eyes and the way he couldn't even handle kissing me goodnight without squeezing me a little bit closer and sighing showed me it wasn't okay – he wasn't okay. But after he won that first miserable case, his happiness came back tenfold. It was miraculous to watch him as he prepped for a case, his eyes glowing with light and excitement.
We stayed up let, cuddled in bed watching Netflix and laughing at nonsense. We'd take day trips and even went to Ikea to buy some new furniture (if putting that together didn't end our relationship, I'm convinced we'll last forever). We even got a kitten (named Dot, she's kind of awesome). It was a new life, a life I'd never wanted. It was everything I'd despised that day I answered my mom's phone call. But now that I was living it, it was a dream come true.
"I love you," he'd whisper every night as we drifted to sleep, his arms around my body.
"I love you, too," I'd respond, never once forgetting that Jace changed everything.