Surviving Misery

Chapter 8

"Why did you not want to get caught up in your emotions?"

"You know why. This was a mistake. The tension just became to intense, and we acted on it, that's all."

"You don't even believe what you are saying. Why don't you want to see where this could lead us?"

"Because we've been down this road before, House. Because I remember what happened when we got to the crossroad. You ran away, and never looked back." Cuddy said in anger.

"It wasn't like that and you know it." House replied, even though he knew the truth.

"Really? Because I remember that day vividly. You told me that the Dean was forcing you to transfer schools. You told me you would keep in touch. Both of these statements were lies. You asked the Dean if you couldn't transfer schools, because you had learned all that you could. You never called me. Then you have the audacity to show up in my office fifteen years later, and ask me for a job. You would have run away from Princeton Plainsboro, but no other hospital would hire you. So you were screwed. So when you ask me why I don't want to see where this could lead us, here's your answer. It's simple really. I don't want to be hurt again, and this will eventually lead to me getting hurt. And I refuse to go through that again." Cuddy stated, her voice cracking from trying to hide a sob.

House couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had hurt Cuddy all those years ago, and she never forgave him. She shouldn't forgive him. He was a jerk, and he was still a jerk now. He accepted her hospitality, which only probably increased her pain. He now had three options: he could tell her sorry and risk his own emotions, he could continue this arguement and hurt her more but save his pride, or he could remain silent and hope the whole agruement will blow over. Two options would hurt her further, one option would hurt him. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he knew he had to act fast.

He looked at Cuddy who was still trapped between his arms on either side of her body. He noticed that she had let a tear fall down her cheek, and House then realized how much he had hurt her. He moved his hand, and wiped the tear from her cheek. She looked up at him and into his eyes. She saw, for the first time in her life, regret and remorse, but waited for his voice to confirm it.

"Lisa, I - I - I'm sorry about that. About my actions at Michigan."

Cuddy could not believe what she was hearing. House apologized. He never apologizes for anything. Why now, why wait twenty years?

"Why now, you could have apologized anytime before this, but you choose now, why?" Cuddy asked.

House knew he deserved this question, truth be told, he deserved a lot worse. He had hurt her beyond repair.

"I don't like apologizing to begin with, but this is a necessity. I didn't know how much I had hurt you until today. And regardless of all the pain I've caused you, you still helped me. The least I could do was apologize. So I'm sorry for what I did. I feel I owe you an explanation. You sure as hell deserve one. Here sit down."

Cuddy did as she was told and sat down on the bed, and House sat down in the doctor chair in front of her.

"When I left Michigan, I only left because of me. We had such a good relationship, and I knew it would remain good. I knew soon you would want some form of a commitment. I wasn't worried about that so much as I was worried about what would happen after the commitment. I knew I couldn't handle myself if you ever left me. I figured one day you would get tired of me and leave me. So I left Michigan without explanation to prevent the pain. I thought that you wouldn't be hurt, so I didn't call. You were also right about the circumstances surrounding my hiring. I had no idea you ran the hospital, but it was my last resort. I am sorry for all I've done. I want to make it up to you. I need to make it up to you. Once I can use my arm again, I want to take you out on a date. My parents death, has done two things for me. It has shown me how quickly life goes by, and how much I still want us to be us. I thought the feelings for you would fade, but I was wrong. I know this is a lot of stuff to digest, and I want you to have time to process all of it, so I'm going to leave this alone for now. But once you've analyzed this, and contemplated all the options, we can talk again."

Cuddy stared at him in disbelief. This is not the normal House. House was never this open about anything except watching porn on the Internet.

"House you're not yourself right now, you don't understand what you're saying. You have a concussion, your parents have just died, and you've just suffered from a re broken bone." Cuddy stated, rationalizing his actions easily.

House shook his head in frustration. He knew all of this, but he still wanted another relationship with her. If she didn't believe him, he would have to prove it to her. He leaned foreward for the second time that day and kissed her. Cuddy tried not to kiss back, but House was very persistent. She gave into her struggle and kissed him back, her mind screaming at her for not following her logic. When they finally needed air, House pressed his forehead against hers.

"I want a relationship."

A/N: Hey guys. Thank you everyone who has sent reviews, I greatly appreciate it. Please keep them coming. I'm hoping that the next chapter will be the final one but we'll see.