Hey people, sorry if I'm not exactly consistent with updates… just bare with me and all will be well. So, here's the next chapter… a little more sweet and fluffy. Enjoy!
As I sit staring at the fire, once again, I idly wonder what my parents would be doing if they were still alive.
I feel the tears prick at my eyes and wonder why I'm even doing this to myself. It's funny, really, I haven't thought about my parents for a while… being too consumed in… ahem, other things.
Speaking of which, Amos and I haven't really spoken to him since… even though it's only been a couple of hours,
Oh Merlin! I'm stressing out! What if he doesn't like me anymore?! I was probably bad in bed! Oh Merlin! Save me now!
Azura! Get a hold of yourself! Remember, he's only a distraction! You'll be fine, even if he doesn't like you anymore. My brain tells me.
I hear the portrait hole open and I whip around to see… nothing. What? Nothing?
"Honestly, you should stop being so damn jumpy." I stifle a scream in surprise and turn back around the spot next to me, where Sirius Black sits, munching on something.
"Oh Merlin, Black, you scared me half to death!"
"Sorry." He says sheepishly. He looks rather good tonight.
"Its okay." Wait, what?! I did not just think that!
"So, how're you doing?"
"Okay, I guess." Thinking of the pain I'm feeling.
He arched an eyebrow. "Okay, huh? Are you sure? You look like you're in a bit of pain, there."
How did he know?
"How could you tell?" I swear I had it masked perfectly.
He laughs softly. "I have a feeling. Now, tell me, why are you sore? Go for a little hike or some Quidditch practice?"
Oh, ha, bloody, ha. "No, Black, I had sex." I blurt out. My hand goes flying to my mouth and I think my eyes are as big as saucers. WHY ON EARTH WOULD I SAY THAT?! TO HIM OF ALL PEOPLE!
He looks shocked, but then angry. Suddenly, as fast as his expressions came, they left, leaving him to stare blankly ahead, get up stiffly from the couch and head for the stairs.
"Do you think I'm a slut?" I say it so quietly that I don't think he could have possibly heard. But to my surprise, he turns around, anger on his face.
"Why the hell would I think that?!" He asks angrily. "Of course I don't! I could never think of you that way."
I look down. "Then what, Black? What made you hate me?" I can't force my voice to be stronger; it's just not working.
I hear him walk back over to me, and his hand cups my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I don't hate you."
I'm suddenly angry. "Well then, what was that reaction all about?!"
"What reaction?"
"Exactly!"
"What are you talking about?"
"When I blurted it out, you looked shocked, then angry… then nothing! Why? Is it that bad?"
He dropped my chin and turned again to walk.
I get up and grab his arm roughly, spinning him around to face me. "Tell me!"
"I just didn't want to have a girl talk, that's all." He says lamely. We both know he's lying.
"Don't lie to me, Black!"
"What does it matter to you?! Why does it matter what I think anyway?! I'm just someone who annoys you to no end… someone you could never care about." He says the last bit quietly and now he's glaring at the floor, as if it can be blamed.
"Is that what you think?" I say softly.
He nods, and I feel the tears coming to my eyes, and I don't know why I'm crying. "Well, you're wrong." I say, cupping his chin.
His lips meet mine, firm with shock, until he deepens the kiss, pulling me to him, with his arms wrapped around my waist.
He pulls away, a questioning look plastered all over his face.
Oh Merlin, what've I done?! I have a boyfriend!
"We seem to be making this a habit." He says cheekily. "Are you going to run this time?"
I'm still in shock, and I haven't reacted.
He shakes me slightly. "Damn it, Azura! Make up your fucking mind! It's not that hard! Do. You. Like. Me. Back?"
"I, uh…" Yes! my mind screams. I LOVE you! "Yes." I sigh.
"There, now, it wasn't that hard." He pulls me close, into a hug.
"I still have a boyfriend." I remind him dully.
He lets go of me, angry again. "Bloody hell, Azura!" He turns away from me and begins to pace. "You tell me you like me, then you just… Argh!"
He turns to me, gesturing wildly with his hands. I think he's had it with me.
"I'm sorry!" I cry.
He stops, staring at my trembling figure. He blinks at me, running a hand through his hair. "Bloody hell. Just forget it, okay. Forget it." He stomps up the stairs, and this time, I don't stop him.
I sit back on the couch and begin to sob uncontrollably. My life has just been royally screwed. Oh, joy. Just what I needed to ad to my problems; Sirius Black has a thing for me… and I have a thing for him too.
What am I going to do?
I hear someone else come down the stairs and hurriedly wipe away my tears, turning into the shadows, to hide my face.
"Az?" It's Lily.
"Yeah?"
"Are you alright?"
"You heard us, huh?" I deadpan.
"Sorry. I couldn't help it. And I didn't want to interrupt."
She sits down next to me, putting her arm around my shoulder. I lean back on her and sigh. "I don't know what to do." I sob. "I like him, Lily, and I can't help it. But I'm going out with Amos… and I like Amos, too." I groan.
"Shh, it's alright. If it's any consolation, I'm having problems with my resistance to James."
And we hadn't even started planning their get-together.
I send her a questioning look, she continues. "I don't know what he wants from me of all people. But James is really sweet, funny, and I can't stop thinking about him some days… He brings out fire in me, Az. Do you know what I mean?"
I nod eagerly. "I've seen it, Lils, lots of sexual tension." She blushes. "Oh, hey did you know Alice was plotting to get you two together anyways."
She raises her eyebrow. "Really, now?"
"Yeah, her and Mattie."
She actually laughs. "Oh, Merlin, that's rich. But we don't need their help… well, I mean, soon enough, I'm going to give in…" She said.
"James isn't such a bad person." I reason.
"Yeah, well by sound of it, Black seems to care about you, a lot. Maybe you should give him a chance."
I bite my lip.
"Is something stopping you?" She asks.
"Well, it's just that A-Amos… I think he's in love with me." I say slowly. "He told me he loved me after we, uh… you know…" I trail off, hoping she gets the meaning.
Her eyes widen. "Oh! Azura! Holy Hells! Wow." She babbles.
"Shh." I quiet her down.
"So, what are you going to do?"
I bite my lip again. "I guess I have to stop it before he gets too far ahead of himself. But I don't want to seem like a slut."
"Well, this is wretched timing." She comments.
"I agree."
"You know what? I think you should give Bl- Sirius a go."
"Only if you say yes to James." I smirk in her direction, suddenly feeling so much better. She won't give in that easily.
"Alright."
Blink, blink. I'm sorry, what?
"I'll do it." She smiles at me, before she heads up stairs again, leaving me, once again, by myself in the common room.