I was angry. And sad. And I could still feel where he had touched me on my hand. Seven years later and he could still affect me the same way. Seven years later and I was still in love with him.

"Momma why are you sad?" I wipe my tears and am reminded of how important it is to not think about him.

"Honey I'm not sad. I'm just really tired." Tired. I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of raising a child by myself. I'm tired of still being in love with a man who has proven to me time and time again that he doesn't care
/about me and will never care about me.

At this point, Jacob and I have made it to the diner. "How does a warm piece of apple pie sound?"

"Can I get it with the ice cream?"

"Of course little mister."

We walk into the diner and I feel at home. The sweet smells of coffee and apple pie and the hustle and bustle of the waitresses and the customers puts me at ease.

"Clary are you okay?" Izzy. My best friend since middle school. My friend who helped and supported me throughout the pregnancy.

She can tell that I'm most definitely not okay. "Jacob how about we get you some apple pie with vanilla ice cream and we can set up the tv for you in Magnus's room okay?" He nods and lets go of my hand and takes Izzy's hand.

She comes back five minutes later with a piece of Apple pie and ice cream and sits it down in front of me. "Clary what's wrong? I haven't seen you this sad since that night with Jace."

"Izzy he's Jacob's teacher."

"Who is?"

"Him. Jace. He's Jacob's teacher. And Jacob loves him. He brought him over to me so that we would meet because he thought that we would like each other."

"You're kidding me." I shake my head. "What did he say to you?"

"Well he kind of just stood there and stared at me, so I sort of snapped and blew up at then I told Jacob we had to leave and Jace grabbed my hand and told me he was sorry."

"Oh my god Clare. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do. Izzy I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can stand having him back in my life. I don't want to hurt Jacob, Izzy. I just, ugh I don't know what to do."

"Clare I know you don't want to hear this, but don't you think You should talk to him?Maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's time that you and Jace talked about that night and everything that happened."

"Izzy you know how he affected me. I was a wreck for years! I'm still not the same and I probably will never be. I've never been completely happy again. I just feel so lost and alone. And me feeling alone doesn't make any sense! I'm surrounded by

so many amazing people who care about me and love me and yet I somehow still feel alone."

Izzy hesitates. "Maybe the reason you feel so lost and alone is because you're not with Jace. Clary the two of you were perfect for each other. God you made people see that there's hope and that it's possible to find the person that you can spend

the rest of your life with in high school. You guys went through so much, you guys fought like any couple would. But you guys always found your way back to each other. You showed everyone that love can overcome anything. You can do this. You're
/the strongest person I've ever met. I know that this is really hard for you, but I know that you can do this."

I drop my fork and push away my plate. "Thank you Iz. I don't know what I'd do without you." I give her a hug. "Well I should go check on my boy and get back to work I guess."

My god what the hell is wrong with me. I think to myself. I should've just let her go. I should've know that me apologizing wouldaffect her. And yet I still did it. Well I also just wanted an excuse to touch her. Just once.

Seeing her in person reminded me how much I missed her. Seeing her standing there so close to me and not being able to hug her physically pained me.

And Jacob. God I should've know he was her son. He has her same red curly mane and the most beautiful green eyes. And he's so artistic. I should've know that only Clary's child would have so much talent at a young age.

I don't know how I'm supposed to go in everyday and teach him. It's just going to be a constant reminder of her.

Suddenly I'm being shoved. And then I realize that I'm still standing in the exact same spot where I talked to Clary. I start to make my way back up the steps and to my classroom. I pack up my bag and grab my thermos. I head out to my car and start
/up the engine.

I wish I could just talk to her. I want to hear her voice. I want to tell her why I left that night. I want her to know that I didn't mean to hurt her.

And then I realize. Jacob is Clary's son, and I have all of the kid's parents 's phone numbers. I know that I shouldn't do this but I have to.

I pull out the phone book and flip to Fray. And I start to dial. And then I wait. And then

"Hello?"