This is a long one, filled with emotion, but I hope you enjoy it! Thank you to everyone following this story. I originally began writing for myself, thinking no one else would be interested. It warms my heart to see that others are.
My hand was absolutely killing me.
Sitting in my chair, listening to Marnie's testimony, I tried not to focus on the pain, though the constant throbbing was making that slightly difficult.
Accidentally, my knee shifted against the side of my hand, causing me to wince and shift uncomfortably. Looking down at it, the side, the part of my hand I had repeatedly slammed against the bathroom stall, showed the beginnings of a greenish blue bruise.
"You okay?" Michael whispered, leaning over to me.
"Yeah," I nodded. "just tired."
And drained.
And really desperate for an ice pack and some ibuprofen.
"I know that in the past, I have not always made good choices."
I cringed at her words. Hadn't always made good choices? Let's try and find one single good choice that you have made for Brielle in the past five years.
"But I am ready to take responsibility and be a good mother. I have been clean now for eleven days, and I have found a NA group, and attend meetings three times a week. I also have a room ready for Brielle at my mother's house where we will be staying."
The lights in the courtroom dimmed, and a picture filled a projector screen.
The small room was surrounded by four cream colored walls, the paint beginning to peel in certain areas. Random pieces of newspapers were strewn about on the dusty hardwood floor. In the corner of the room, laid a small plastic bed. The mattress, containing no sheet, was covered with a small, square, Disney Princess blanket. It hardly covered the mattress.
The only other piece of furniture in the room was a tall metal lamp, containing no lamp shade.
"You have got to be kidding me." I hissed under my breath, utterly disgusted at the thought that anybody would think this was an acceptable room for a child.
"We'll get our chance, I promise." Michael assured me.
I could feel Liam's reaching hand on my shoulder. Without looking back, I used my good hand to connect with his.
He leaned over slightly. "I believe in you love, try and believe in yourself."
"Mr. Andrews," The judge announced. "Your witness."
"Thank you your honor." Michael said as he rose up out of his chair.
"Miss. Davis, how many times have you overdosed on drugs?" Michael asked.
She shrugged.
"I'm sorry, shrugged is not an acceptable response. Eight, two-"
"I don't know." She answered, rolling her eyes.
"I figured as much."
Michael walked back to the table and picked up a file.
"Your honor, I'd like to enter into evidence exhibit A, medical records for Marline Katherine Davis."
The judge nodded. "You may proceed Mr. Andrews."
Michael dropped the file in front of Marnie and opened it, using his pen as a pointer.
"Miss. Davis, how many dates do you see listed here under admission records?"
She glanced down. "Four."
"Correct. Can you please list those dates for me?"
"August 8th, 2007
May 14th, 2010
September 29th, 2012
December 10th, 2014"
"So according to these medical records, you have sought treatment for an overdose four times in the past seven years. Has Brielle ever witnessed you..."
Michael's voice began to fade into the background as I got caught up in my own thoughts.
I took a sip of the Pinot Noir as I waited for the popcorn to pop.
"I am not at all jealous that everyone is out tonight." I said aloud to the completely empty kitchen.
"These things always end exactly the same." My hand fell to my hip as I continued to sip.
It was tradition.
The five of us had been friends since third grade, and were inseparable. Though we were all growing up, and our lives had taken us all down different paths, every December, we all returned home for Christmas. And every year, for the past three years, the five of us came together, got a hotel room, and partied the entire weekend before Christmas.
As it went, Laura always drank way too much, Kait ends up going home with some rando, Sami does at least one inappropriate thing that nearly gets us kicked out, and as it has been for the past two years, inevitably, Kylie gets belligerent and starts telling the Paparazzi what she really thinks while my security is trying to safely get us into a cab.
It was the same routine every year.
But regardless, it was tradition, and when I had to explain things to Kylie, I could hear the disappointment dripping from her mouth.
"It's one weekend Jenn, one weekend!" She had begged. "I read the magazine's, I watch the interviews, I know you don't get out nearly enough! And...tradition, damnit!"
"I know Ky, I know. And believe me, I would love nothing more than to be in a suite at the Hilton with you all drinking champagne while I sing Virtual Insanity at the top of my lungs." I explained, visually describing last year's first night.
"But I'm going through a court battle and trying to get custody of this little girl. Not only does she need consistency and routine from me, but her birth mother is a drug addict. How is it going to look to the courts when I'm photographed leaving her home with my parents so I can go out and party? Kylie I'm sorry, I just cannot do it. Even if I could, I would never be able to shake the guilt."
She had understood, deep down I know she did. But that fact did little to ease the sting of breaking tradition.
"It's a Friday night, and I am going to drink my wine and eat my popcorn, in my pajamas, and I am not going to feel guilty about it."
I removed the bag from the microwave and poured it into the green glass bowl.
Grabbing my wine, I plopped onto the couch and settled in to watch Pitch Perfect.
"Nope, not gonna feel guilty."
I lasted forty five minutes before I was glued to my phone, checking instagram.
"Don't do it." I warned myself. "It's only going to make you nostalgic."
Unfortunately for me, I was never one to listen.
I looked down sadly at the picture of Laura and I from last year's Oscars. The year I tripped over the cone.
LuLu990: Missing this bitch and her shenanigans more than anything tonight! #Missingmypartnerincrime #thefabfourtakeonlouisville #somebodypleaseteachthisgirlhowtowalk
The picture of three of my friends in downtown Louisville caused me to sigh, knowing I should be there with them.
SamiSue: Two people are missing from this picture. The photographer, and our Hollywood love who, even sober, can't seem to get one foot in front of the other. #letthenightbegin #thefabfourtakeonlouisville #ivolunteertodrinkforjenn
I stared at the screen, thinking of what the girls were up to, when I caught Brielle out of the corner of my eye.
"Baby, it's way past your bedtime, what are you doing up?"
Slowly, she shuffled over to the couch and curled up into my lap.
"I thought you left me." She mumbled sleepily, her head resting against my chest.
"What?" I'm confused by the statement, unsure as to what would make her think that I had left her.
"I had a bad dream, I went to your room, but you weren't there." She explained, her eyes closed, her breathing heavy.
"If mommy ever ran out of medicine when I was sleeping, she'd leave me to go get more."
My eyes closed against my will, and I swallowed thickly. The more Brielle revealed of her past life, the stronger my urge to protect her became.
Lifting her up into my arms, I kissed her forehead. "Come on, I'll tuck you back into bed. And listen, I'm not going anywhere baby. No matter what happens, I will always be with you." I explained.
Were walking up the stairs when it happens.
"Jenn?" Brielle asked, her voice heavy with sleep.
"Yeah?"
"...I love you."
I immediately came to a halt at the top of the stairs. Brielle's head was laying against my shoulder, her arms loosely wrapped around my neck. My stomach felt as if it had just been kicked. I had waited for those three words for a week straight. It was a moment in my life I knew few things would ever top. With my hand against her back, I allowed my tears to fall.
"I love you too, Brielle."
That night when I put her into bed, I took my own instagram picture of Brielle, fast asleep.
GirlonFire: She's worth every sacrifice.
"Miss. Davis, one last question. When is Brielle's date of birth?"
The question brings me back to reality, and I stretch my body as I try to regain my focus.
"October 2008." Marnie answered.
"I'm sorry, I need an exact date please."
She was silent.
"Miss. Davis?"
She mumbled something inaudible as she lowered her head and looked at the floor.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Can you please tell the co-"
"I said I don't know!" She screamed.
Michael nodded his head.
"Very well then," He stated before turning his attending to me. "Miss. Lawrence, perhaps you can inform us of Brielle's date of birth?"
My mouth opened slightly as my eyes scanned between my lawyer and the judge. I may not be a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure there has to be some rule about only talking to people on the stand.
"Objection! Miss. Lawrence is not the one on the stand right now." Mariah called out.
Yeah, I saw that one coming.
"Ordinarily, I would agree with you Miss. Douglass." The judge replied, rubbing his chin. "However, I'm honestly intrigued in hearing this. Miss. Lawrence, you may answer."
Awkwardly, not expecting the immediate attention, I stumbled a bit over my words. "Uh, it's um, it's October 14th, 2009 your honor."
Marnie turned to me, her face etched into a scowl, while Michael returned to the table to pick up a piece of paper.
"Looking at this certificate of birth for Brielle Katherine Davis, can you read the date, please?"
"October 14th, 2009." She mumbled.
"Thank you, no further questions."
"Your honor, the state presents exhibit B, testimony of Brielle Davis."
Michael walked over to the computer in the aisle, and popped in a DVD. The projector screen filled with a navy blue color. He hit play before sitting down.
"Alyson Graham and Cara James present for the State of Kentucky from Rowan County. We are here today in the home of Gary and Karen Lawrence to interview Brielle Davis. Let the record show that the date is Wednesday, December 17th, 2014 at ten o'clock in the morning. Neither Miss. Lawrence nor Miss. Davis are with the child at this time.
The picture ended, and restarted seconds later as Brielle appeared at a small table with a coloring book and crayons. Her hair was curled, and she wore a black cotton turtle neck with a pair of dark wash jeans. A bright, solid red scarf was around her neck. Teddy was clutched in her arms tightly. My heart instantly fell into my stomach at the sight of her. All I wanted was to be with her and hold her.
"Good morning Brielle." The social worker greeted.
"Hi." Brielle answered softly.
"Do you remember what were doing this morning?"
Brielle nodded. "Uh-huh."
"Yeah?" Alyson encouraged. "Can you tell us about that?"
"You're going to ask me some questions, but I'm not in trouble."
It was obvious by the way Brielle shifted in her chair, and clung to teddy, that she was slightly uncomfortable and nervous, but she tried her best not to show it.
"That's right." Cara said. "Are you comfortable Brielle? Do you need anything to eat or drink?"
She shook her head as she rubbed her hand against her nose.
I knew the video was coming. I knew the interview had been conducted. It was still, however, the first time I was witnessing it. The court, the judge, the state of Kentucky was finally going to hear from Brielle herself. I had been waiting all morning to see it.
"Alright sweetie, you just let us know if you need anything."
"Kay."
"Can you tell me your full name?"
"Brielle Katherine Davis."
"Brielle, do you know when you were born?"
She nodded.
"October 14th."
"Do you know how old you are?"
"I'm five years old." She answered, holding up five fingers.
"Wow! Five years old? Not Twenty?"
She giggled and shook her head. "No."
"How about your mommy, do you know your mommy's name?"
"Umm," She glanced up at the ceiling. "it's Marnie."
"Good job, and do you love your mommy?"
"Yeah." She whispered, nodding her head.
"What kinds of things do you like to do with mommy?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"Maybe, are there things you like to do that mommy does with you?"
Brielle lifted her head slightly as she tapped her chin.
"Mostly, mommy sleeps. But...this one time," she smiled.
"Mommy woke me up in the middle of the night. She was really happy, and she had a lot of money in her hands. She said she was going to make me something really special. Mommy put the music on, and we made big ice cream sundaes with lots and lots of candy and whipped cream. Mommy was happy...She was really happy."
"Brielle, do you know why your mommy had to go to the hospital the other week?" Alyson asked.
Brielle's face froze, her smile instantly disappearing as she stared back at her.
"Sweetie, do you want me to ask a different question?" She shook her head.
Her words cold, eyes locked. "I remember."
"I was watching a movie in the living room." She began. Her voice was soft, her head looked down at the ground as she kicked her feet. "Mommy and Marcus were in the bedroom. The door was shut. I'm not allowed in there when the door is shut."
She glanced back up at Alyson, not going any further.
"Do you remember what happened next?"
"There was a loud crash. Marcus started yelling, and telling mommy to get up. The door opened, and he...he," Her voice was shaking, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"He was pulling mommy out of the bedroom by her hair. He called her bad names. I-I don't want to say them." She said, shaking her head.
"That's okay sweetheart, you don't have to." Alyson assured her.
"He said 'We have to go!' He said if I didn't hurry up, he was going to leave me."
Brielle's eyes lowered, and slammed shut. She then placed her hands over her ears.
"Your stupid dumbass mother can't do anything right!" She screamed, her voice imitating that of a man. "I'm sick of this shit, now let's go!"
"We got in the car, and we drove to the hospital so that the doctors could fix her again." Her emerald eyes looked over to her side, away from the camera, her breathing was heavy.
"Brielle, did you go to the hospital with your mommy other times? Or just this one time?"
Looking back at Alyson, Brielle was silent as tears began to fill her eyes.
"Other times t-t-oo" She stammered as she began to cry, her body starting to shake.
"Honey do you want to take a little break and have some water?"
Brielle nodded.
"I want Jenn, where's Jenn?"
How?
How was every single second of this trial worst than the last?
How was my body still able to produce tears.
How much more of this could I, we, take?
What the hell was that bible story? The one with the two women fighting over the baby? The true mother had been revealed when the King, unsure of how to solve the situation, suggested cutting the baby in half. While the one woman agreed, the other woman, his true mother, immediately disagreed, not wanting to do anything to bring her child pain.
If I stood up now and screamed out against putting this little girl through such a tough situation, couldn't we just be done with the whole thing?
Looking over to her table, I was stunned at what I saw.
Marnie's hands rested against her temples as she silently cried.
It was the first time I had seen her express any type of emotion all morning.
"Okay, you ready to start again?" Alyson asked.
"Yeah." Brielle answered, visibly calmer.
"Who are you living with right now?"
A smile slowly appeared as she sniffled.
"I live with Jenn, and Liam, and Mimi, and Pop."
"Okay, and can you tell me who those people are?"
"Jenn taked care of me at the hospital. When mommy gets sick, I have to go to a foster family. But this time I get to stay with Jenn. Mimi and Pop are her mommy and daddy, and Liam is her boyfriend."
"Brielle, do you love Jenn?"
"Yeah." She nodded, beginning to cry again.
Alyson handed her a tissue to wipe her tears.
"Yeah, it's okay sweetie, it's okay to cry, I know this is hard. Do you need to take another break?"
She shook her head, hiccuping as she tried to calm her breathing.
"Okay, alright, what kind of things have you done with Jenn?"
"Umm," Her feet swung against the chair as her arms maintained their death grip on teddy. "She taked me ice skating, and we got to go ride horses. I really like it when we cuddle up together and watch movies. Sometimes Jenn let's me stay in my pajamas all day."
"Oh really? How cool!"
Brielle smiled.
"If Ben and Blaine are here, those are Jenn's brothers, they like to play games with me like Candy Land, and Basketball, and Go Fish. Liam lets me ride on his shoulders and sometimes if I ask really nice, he has tea parties with me. Mimi and me like to have breakfast together and watch the sunrise under the blankets, and Pop reads me my bedtime stories every night."
"Tea Parties, huh? You are one lucky little girl."
"Uh-huh."
"When you lived with mommy, did you have your own bed?"
"No. Mommy and me sleeped in the same bed."
"And what about at Jenn's? Do you have your own room here?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Brielle, has Jenn done anything that hurt you or upset you?"
She emphatically shook her head. "No, Jenn loves me. Even this one time, when I dropped one of Mimi's plates, and Jenn didn't spank me or even get angry at me."
"Sweetheart, has anyone ever hit you, or yelled at you before?"
Brielle lowered her head, looking back down at the floor.
"Yes ma'am."
"Who hurt you?"
She paused momentarily. "My mommy. Sometimes, if I was a bad girl, mommy would spank me. Marcus would tell me lots of times that I'm a noisy little ship.I don't think he likes me very much."
"Nosey little Shit." I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes in heartbreak.
"Was there ever a time at mommy's that you were scared?"
Her eyes closed tightly.
"Yes ma'am."
"Can you talk to me about that maybe?"
"Sometimes, there were people I didn't know. Or sometimes, there was lots of yelling and loud noises. But mommy and me would just play peek a boo."
"Peek a boo?"
"Uh-huh. When I was scared, I would close my eyes. And mommy would say 'Peek a boo, I see you.' Then I could open my eyes again, and it wouldn't be so scary anymore."
"Brielle, you are such a brave girl, do you know that?"
She nodded, looking away from the camera.
"Just a few more questions sweet girl."
"Okay."
"Brielle, who is your mommy again?"
"Marnie."
"And who is taking care of you right now?"
"Jenn."
"Do you love your mommy?"
Her face began to blush as tears slowly filled her eyes.
"Yes ma'am." She whispered.
"Do you love Jenn?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Brielle, who do you want to live with when your mommy gets out of the hospital?"
She was silent as she began to look around the room.
"Honey, right now, it's just you, and me, and Cara." Alyson assured her. "Mommy and Jenn aren't here, and they can't hear what you tell us, okay? You don't have to be afraid. This is about what you want."
"Jenn takes care of me. Jenn..." She began to get choked up again.
"It's okay honey, take as long as you need." She nodded her head as she wiped her tears with her sleeves.
"Jenn cleans me up when I have an accident, she doesn't get angry, she doesn't lock herself in her room. Jenn plays with me. Jenn loves me. Mommy tries..." She sobbed. "and mommy tells me she loves me, but she doesn't take of me like Jenn does. I want to stay with Jenn."
"Okay, that's what we needed to know. You did so good, sweetie. It's all over now." Alyson assured her.
"Miss. Alyson? Will my mommy see this video?" Brielle asked.
"Um..." Alyson stated. "Yes, she will. But it will be in court, when you are in another room."
"Can I tell her a message?"
"Yeah, sweetie. Of course."
Turning her head, Brielle leaned up on the table, and looked into the camera.
"I know you tried mommy. I'll always remember what you told me."
Brielle got up out of the chair and walked over to the camera, facing it directly. Her small, round face, with tears streaming, filled the screen.
"You'll always love me, cause I'm the only one who knows what your heart sounds like from the inside." She whispered.
"And I'll always love you mommy...I promise."
"Thank you, Brielle, you did a great job."
Alyson got up from the chair and hugged Brielle tightly as she rubbed her back. "You did so good sweetie, I know, I know it wasn't easy."
"Let the record show this interview has come to an end. The date is Wednesday, December 17th, and the time is 10:27am."
The screen faded to black.
Marnie's sobs filled the room, echoing off the walls.
"It wasn't always like that!" She sobbed. "I'm a good mother dammit, I'm a good mother!"
There wasn't a single dry eye in the entire courtroom.
The judge sat in his chair and stared down at us.
After twelve days spent waiting in limbo, after a five hour trial that ripped people to shreds, a decision had been reached.
"Don't throw up, don't throw up, whatever you do, do not throw up..." I repeated to myself.
"It has certainly been quite a day." Judge Garrison began, addressing the courtroom. "Custody cases are not easy things to go through. They are physically, mentally, and extremely emotionally draining. I thank you both for your strength and willingness to endure this type of stress."
My nerves were going crazy, my heart was racing, and I could hardly control my breathing. I knew he had to give his whole speech, but I really could have done without the whole thing. I just wanted a verdict already.
"Miss. Lawrence, I commend you for what you have done for this child. You have proven to the court that you are capable of prioritizing your life, and putting your career on hold seemingly for a stranger. It's obvious that Brielle has flourished in your care, and has developed a strong bond with both you, and your family. The court thanks you for your selfless act during this time."
He then turned his attention to Marnie.
"Miss. Davis, five years ago, you brought a beautiful child into this world, and for that, I congratulate you. Brielle is smart, beautiful, and wise, you have done a wonderful job. However, that being said, I don't believe that you have ever prioritized her."
Marine's face was hardened and emotionless as she listened to the judge speak.
"You have an incredible child. A child you have continuously put in harm's way. You have failed multiple times in showing the courts that you are capable of any change, and quite frankly Miss. Davis, it would appear you take your daughter for granted. While you are Brielle's biological mother, and nothing can change that, I do not believe you are in any way a fit parent for her. Your complete lack of caring, stability, nurture, and ability to provide for her are rather frightening. As a result, I have no choice but to award sole legal and physical custody of Brielle Katherine Davis to Miss. Jennifer Shrader Lawrence. This order is effective immediately. All parental rights for Marline Katherine Davis are hereby terminated, and this case is closed."
The gavel slammed against the wood, solidifying the Judge's words.
Around me, everyone erupted into celebration. Cheers of happiness rang out through the courtroom as everyone hugged and cried.
I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't focus.
"Jenn...Jenn!" Michael was shaking my shoulders lightly, trying to get through to me.
I turned my head, my eyes facing him.
"Jenn, you did it! She's yours, she's all yours!"
My breath came out in ragged gasps as my bloodshot eyes continued to fill with tears.
It was all over.
She was mine.
She was mine.
Liam lifted me into his arms, hugging me tightly and spinning me before placing me back down and cradling my head in his hands. I still had yet to utter a single word.
"I told you you could." He reminded me, his thumbs wiping away my tears.
Pulling his forehead against mine, it was all I could do to openly sob.
I had dreamt about this very moment more than once. In every dream, I was ecstatic. In every dream, I couldn't contain my happiness. And yet, in the moment, the most overwhelming feeling was relief. Relief that we would never again have to live through something like this. The throbbing of my hand was suddenly and completely unimportant.
"I'm so happy.." I sobbed, "there happy tears, I swear."
He chuckled against my head as he held me against his chest. "I know love, I know. It's okay, let it all out."
Trying to collect myself, I pulled back from Liam and looked over to the other table. Mariah was packing up her briefcase as Marnie put her coat on.
"Marnie."
She looked up at me, acknowledging my presence.
"I just wanted to say that I-"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, save the Oscar winning speech for someone who gives a fuck."
I stood in front of her, slightly taken back by her harsh words.
"We all know what this comes down to." She hissed. "Money."
Her eyes looked me up and down in disgust. "Go 'head, take her, bitch. I'll be knocked up again by next week. Bri isn't the only child in this world."
And with that, Marnie adjusted her collar and turned her back on me as she walked down the aisle and made her way out the courtroom.
I turned to Michael, more determined than ever to get my girl and love her.
"Michael!" I called out. "Michael, where is she? Can I get her? Do I need to sign something?"
He laughed at my eagerness. "She's out in the lobby, they've been notified court ended. Yes, you can go get her. Yes, there are papers that need to be signed."
"I can go get her." I told Liam, my eyes wide in shock.
"Yes, you can." He said, smiling. I continued to stand in front of him, shaking with excitement.
"So go do it Lawrence!" He shouted, laughing at my complete lack of focus.
"Right! Yes!"
Dropping everything, I flew down the aisle, and slammed into the big wooden doors, pushing them wide open.
Sitting on the bench, on the lap of a police officer, Brielle looked up at the noise.
For a brief moment, we simply stared at each other.
"That's my Jenn!" She told the officer. Jumping down from his lap, she ran into my arms.
Scooping her up instantly, I clung to her trying to strike a balance between hugging her with all my might and allowing her to breathe.
Around me, I could hear the clapping of applause and looked up to find my family and friends pouring out of the courtroom.
"No more foster homes Brielle." I whispered as I pulled her back to look at her face.
"You're going to live with me from now on."
"Yay!" She cheered. I kissed her forehead and rubbed her cheek, so overcome with a love so intense, there wasn't a word to describe it.
"God answered my prayer." She said, looking up at me.
"What, sweetie?"
"God," She repeated. "he answered my prayer."
I looked at her quizzically, my brows furrowed. "Honey what did you pray for?"
"On the way to the hospital, I was scared. Mommy used to tell me that God hears our prayers. I prayed for an angel to come and save me. I prayed, and I prayed. When I got to the hospital, there you were. God sent you to me." She explained.
Wrapping her arms around my neck to hug me once more, she whispered in my ear.
"You're my angel."