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"Hmm...I wonder what this could be?" I mention as I walk into the kitchen from getting the mail. "It's a letter for Brielle Lawrence."
At the table, Brielle immediately stops coloring in her Disney Princess book.
"Brielle Lawrence? Hey that's me!" She exclaims, her face lighting up.
Things are far from normal at this point, but they at least have a feel of normalcy to them.
Immediately after the custody ruling was announced, dozens of papers were filled out and signed. And with a stamp of approval, three days before Christmas, Brielle Katherine Davis officially became Brielle Katherine Lawrence.
Afterwards, in a small, empty office, I meet with Josh Horowitz to create an official story for the media. And though Josh's job is to find out whatever he can about various celebrities, when he congratulates me, I know he means it.
That night, a catered celebration dinner was held at the local Country Club. Surrounded by family and friends alike, Brielle is welcomed into our family. Well into the night, we ate, danced, and laughed.
With just two days left before Christmas, Liam, Emma and Amy decide to stick around and celebrate Christmas in Kentucky, while everyone else, understandably, returns home to be with their families.
At the table, Brielle is full of questions about the letter that has suddenly appeared.
"Why don't we open it?" I suggest. "It says it's from Santa's workshop."
Her eyes go wide as she pulls the letter out of the envelope.
"Read it, read it!" She begs.
Laughing at her excitement, I sit down at the table and pull her onto my lap. Clearing my throat, I begin to read.
"Hello Brielle,
Not long from now, I'll be leaving the North Pole for my long trip on Christmas Eve 2014, to visit you in Kentucky. Even though it's a very long journey, I am looking forward to visiting Louisville the most."
Brielle gasps. "Louisville! That's where we live!"
I can't help but smile at her sheer excitement. Getting to experience Christmas through a child's eyes was simply magical.
"Mrs. Claus and I have been checking with the elves," I continue. "and they tell us that you have been very good this year, and kind to all your friends. That makes Rudolph the red nosed reindeer very happy!
Brielle, you might like to know that Santa's helpers have been very busy in the workshop making a special gift just for you. And-"
"I do like to know that Santa! Thank you!"
None of us are able to contain our laughter.
"And since you have been so nice since last Christmas, Santa's sleigh will be filled with surprises for you and all your family."
"Did you hear that?!" Brielle announces. "Me and all my family! Maybe even Amy, too, even though she says she's on the naughty list."
Emma practically chokes on her Egg Nog. As I glare over at Amy, her head remains down, refusing to look at me.
"Anyway!" I say, slightly louder than normal. "I must go now and get ready for my trip around the world. Be sure to go to bed early on Christmas Eve, because I only stop by when boys and girls are fast asleep in their beds. The reindeer and I will try to be quiet when we land on your roof. If you can, please leave a treat near the Christmas Tree."
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Love, Santa
Brielle looks up at me.
"Santa's coming to see me tonight."
"Mmmhmm, he is." I whisper, our noses touching. "We are going to have a nice, relaxing family dinner, watch a Christmas movie, and get ready for Santa."
"Hey Jenn? Uh, are you expecting company?" Emma asks as she leans over the counter, peering through the front Windows.
"What? No, why?"
Other than our usual, expected crowd, and my paternal grandparents who are arriving from Alabama, I'm expecting, and very much looking forward to, a quiet Christmas Eve.
"Well," she begins. "there's about half a dozen cars pulling up to the house right now."
Amy quickly joins to look. "Is that a banjo?"
Her laughter is relentless. "Please tell me that's a banjo!"
My eyes instantly widen, knowing what this means. Panic immediately begins to set in.
"No, oh no, no!" I hiss. "MAHHHM!"
My piercing yell can be heard through out the entire house, and it isn't long before she's in the kitchen with a confused look on her face.
"Good Lord, Jennifer! What in the world is wrong?" She asks, her hand covering an ear, trying to shield the noise.
"Mom, when you said Gigi and Poppy were driving up from 'Bama for Christmas, please tell me you meant just Gigi and Poppy."
Her eyes look up to the ceiling, refusing to look at me as she thinks of how to answer my question.
With my eyes the size of saucers, it's all I can do to just stare at her and gesture with my hands helplessly.
The sound of the door opening signals all peace and quiet is gone, not to return again any time soon.
"Yes, I do have to pee again, your son has a giant head, and it's currently pressing right on my bladder thank you!"
"Earl! You redneck son of a gun, focus here! Where we puttin' this keg?"
"Ian! No! Do not grab Sammy's tail!"
"Gammy, I was going ten miles over the speed limit!"
"You could have gone at least twenty over. What's life without a little recklessness!"
To say that I came from a big country family was putting it nicely. My life in Kentucky was an entire world away from the glitz and glam of Los Angeles. And while I loved and appreciated my entire family more than life itself, any event revolving around the extended family coming together was a truly chaotic southern adventure.
With my father being the second of six boys, and my mother the third of four children, family get togethers were never a dull moment. Ben, Blaine, and I had eight sets of aunts and uncles, and twenty eight first cousins. Twenty of which were boys.
Hollywood loved to joke about my loud, outgoing, boisterous personality. But when you're the first girl born on your father's side of the family in fifty years, being loud is the only way to be heard.
Amy and Emma were about to see a whole new side of Kentucky.
"Mom!" I huff, as relative after relative begins to pour in. "Where is everyone going to sleep?! We don't have room for this many people!"
"I mean, we are in Kentucky..."
I turn and glare at Amy, gamma rays of hate shooting from my eyes.
"Can it Schumer!"
"Jenn, relax," My mom tries to reassure me. "it's not like everybody came. Uncle Travis and Aunt Nikki and the boys decided to stay in Nashville."
"Merry Christmas y'all! Where we settin' up the deep fryer? Bobby Ray done shot the Turkey himself this year!"
It doesn't take long at all before things begin to get overwhelming.
I had watched as person after person after person poured into the house. Just when I thought the last person had made their way in, I went to shut the door only to have six more relatives with arms full of presents walk in.
When all is said and done, thirty five people are under one roof and my head is spinning.
There's three kegs in the backyard, enough food to feed a small nation, kids running around yelling and chasing after each other, and five barking dogs that don't stop until they're placed outside, away from all the excitement.
Needing a moment to breathe, I take a quick two minute pee break only to come out and find Uncle Earl teaching Emma how to square dance in the living room while Achy Breaky Heart bellows through the speakers.
Looking over to the kitchen, Amy and my cousin Hannah are doing shots of Jack Daniels with my eighty two year old grandmother.
"You look overwhelmed."
I turn to look over my shoulder and see Liam standing behind me.
"I'm just trying to decide if the Hilton would have a room for the three of us on Christmas Eve." I say as my eyes scan through the house, taking everything in. Liam simply chuckles, further frustrating me.
"There is square dancing, there's Billy Ray Cyrus, and,"
I glance over to where Uncle Earl and Emma are dancing. "you get a few more drinks in Earl and Bobby Ray and the banjos are coming out."
He tries, and fails miserably to keep a straight face.
"I'm sorry, love. You're just so damn sexy when you're mad. And the southern accent coming out? It's just that much sexier."
I fold my arms and furrow my brows at him in response.
"Come 'mere," He says. "I want to show you something."
I look over to the dining room. "Ben and Blaine lip syncing The Pointer Sisters?"
"Uhh, no. No, no one should be seeing that mess."
Instead, Liam walks me over to the sitting room where Brielle is playing barbies with my cousin Scott's daughter Kelsey who is seven.
"I think it's time for a trip to the mall. Barbie could use some more clothes."
"Yeah, I agree. Should we take the jeep, or should we walk?"
My angry glare softens as I take in the scene before me and listen to their innocent conversation.
"Now, look back over to the living room again."
The song had changed. Instead of Billy Ray Cyrus, Alan Jackson's smooth voice blanketed the house. I watch as my grandparents, married for sixty three years hold each other and sway to the music.
My dad looks over to my mom and offers his hand. She nodds her head and stands up, taking his hands in hers.
"Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
We gave our hearts made the start and it was hard
We lived and learned
Life through curves
There was joy and there was hurt
Remember when?"
I'm so caught up in the love so evident for each other in their eyes, that I hardly notice when Liam wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder.
"Your family is nuts. They're loud, they're quirky, they're fun, they're inappropriate. But above all that, your family loves fiercely, Jenn. They are supportive, they are kind, and they love you more than you could ever imagine."
And just like that, my attitude changes. I allow the stress to melt away, and remind myself how lucky I am to be surrounded by so many people who love me.
It isn't a burden, it's a blessing.
At ten o'clock, way past normal bedtime, Liam and I finally manage to get Brielle into pajamas and ready for bed. The plate of cookies and carrots have been left out for Santa and the reindeer, along with a glass of milk, and the adults have settled in for leftovers and a viewing of A Christmas Story a classic Lawrence family tradition.
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."
We snuggle up in Brielle's bed as Liam begins to read her bedtime story. After a full day of excitement, Brielle makes it halfway through before falling asleep.
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." Liam whispers.
With a goodnight kiss, and an adjustment of covers, we quietly leave the room, ready for the magic that the morning will bring.
I begin to shift in bed as my eyes flutter open, adjusting to reality. My room is blanketed in silence and darkness. Glancing over at my sheer curtains, I can see snow lightly falling, and a smile creeps across my lips. A white Christmas. Just another added magical bonus.
Looking over at the clock, however, I frown.
6:47am.
As it has been from the first night she was with me, Brielle woke up at exactly six o'clock each morning, and sleepily would enter my bedroom, sandwiching herself between Liam and I. She would curl into my side and fall back asleep right as Liam would put his arm around me, pulling us both in closer to him. It was a habit I both cherished and had no idea how to break. Given all of the changes going on, I said nothing the first time it happened. And then when it continued to happen, I still remained silent, telling myself that she was sleeping in her own bed through the night, and for now, that was enough for me. I knew that there would come a time, many years from now, where I would be laying in bed, and wishing she was with us.
But this particular morning, it was nearing seven o'clock, and there was no sign of her. Just Liam, fast asleep and looking as peaceful as ever. And Amy and Emma, passed out on the air mattress.
Getting up out of bed, I grab my robe and slippers, and make my way down the hall and into her bedroom.
Cracking the door slightly, I poke my head in and find Brielle asleep in her bed, warmly snuggled up beneath the covers. I smile, knowing that this year, I received the greatest Christmas gift ever.
Closing the door as quietly as I can, I sneak downstairs to grab the one special gift that I've been waiting for her to open. With everyone still somehow asleep, an opportunity has presented itself.
I tip toe through the sea of sleeping bags to my destination. The Christmas Tree. At seven feet tall, it is brightly lit in colorful lights and sparkling against the falling snow outside. Presents are packed all around it, and halfway up it.
I try and remember where I placed the gift. Presents of all shapes and sizes are spilling out in every direction. Short presents, round presents, tall presents, square presents. Presents as far as the eye can see.
Finally, at the back of the tree, the rectangular box with the silver wrapping paper and blue bow catches my eye. I reach over and pick it up, cradling it in my hands.
Back upstairs, I open Brielle's door again and make my way over to the bed. Sitting down next to her, I kiss her forehead and push some strands of her curly, golden hair out of her face.
"Merry Christmas." I whisper as she begins to wake up.
Her emerald eyes stare back at me, full of sleep and confusion.
"Santa came?" She asks, her voice horse and tired.
I nod my head. "He did, and look."
I pull down the covers and lift Brielle out of bed and into my arms, bringing her over to the window to show her the snow.
"It's snowing."
The sight instantly wakes her up, and she stares out the window, eyes wide, as she takes in the snow that has blanketed the street and the yard. All untouched, all perfect.
Heading back to the bed, I sit her down next to me. As the family has not yet woken, I have the chance to spend a few minutes with Brielle alone on Christmas morning. Yet another gift I am truly grateful for.
"I have a very special present, just for you." I say, handing over the beautifully wrapped box.
"From Santa?"
"Nope, this one is from me."
Brielle smiles as she begins to tear off the wrapping paper.
After successfully unwrapping, she holds the rectangular box out in front of her. Pulling the velcro pieces apart, she opens the box to find an American Girl Doll staring back at her.
"Wow..." Brielle exclaims.
"This is your new doll, her name is Samantha. She's adopted, just like you."
When deciding which to purchase, I had been leaning more towards a doll that could be custom made to look like Brielle. That was, until I came across Samantha.
Each American Girl Doll had a story to go along with them. Samantha Parkington lived in the early 1900's with her Grandmother, after the death of her parents. While the story wasn't quite the same as Brielle's, it was as close as I was going to get.
Brielle opens the top of the box to pull Samantha out. Holding the doll in her hands, it's then that I notice Brielle is crying.
"Baby what's wrong?" I question. She looks up at me.
"Mommy never buyed me a doll before. She's beautiful."
I kiss Bri on the forehead, knowing this is just the first of many Christmas's, many days, spent together.
"Samantha is adopted, just like me?" She asks.
"Mmhmm," I nod. "just like you."
"Jenn?" Brielle asks. "My mommy is gone, isn't she?"
I take a deep breath and nod my head once more. "Yeah, baby, she is."
"Do..." Her head is cast downward, unable to look at me.
"Do you think my mommy still loves me?" She asks, finally looking up at me."
My hand gently strokes her cheek. "Yes, I do."
"You're my mommy now, aren't you?" Her eyes so full of emotion, stare back at mine, looking for answers.
"Yes, Brielle, I am." I whisper. She nods her head.
"Jenn, is it okay to love you, and still miss mommy too?"
I try my hardest not to cry as her question hits me. At just five years old, Brielle is caught in an inner battle. The desire to love me, who cares for her and provides for her. And the still fierce loyalty to her mother, who, at the very least, got her this far.
"It absolutely is, Brielle. It's okay to miss mommy, and it's okay to love mommy too, I promise." I explain, knowing she needs reassurance on this.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, Brielle hugs me tightly.
"Merry Christmas, Jenn. I love you."
"Merry Christmas, sweet girl. I love you too."