Chapter 24: Tilting at Windmills

Police Plaza

When he was a rookie fresh out of the LEP Academy, Trouble Kelp had sometimes wondered about the possibility of humans discovering Haven City and its inhabitants. The Lower Elements Police didn't state it out in full, as such, or even hinted at it, but there was the underlying message of every duty or responsibility he had to undertake – he was one of the many officers who were entrusted with the People's safety and future. In the event that fairy civilization was threatened, he would be among the first to get into the line of fire and risk his life to prevent further harm to the People. The Holly Short affair of yesteryear, when Artemis Fowl had nearly plunged the world into a cross-species war, had shown Trouble what humans would be capable of if they should discover Haven and the rest of the fairy cities underground. His distrust of humans had only intensified after that incident, and his commitment to his job matched the distrust.

Trouble had risen in the LEP believing that the rest of the officers – his colleagues, his friends, his crunchball mates – shared the same sense of duty and ideals as him. Even after the B'wa Kell rebellion and his exposure to the underground politics in the LEP during the course of his duties, he still held on to the belief that the People would always do what was right, that they would always have the People's interests at heart and not act on their own selfish motives.

But he wasn't too sure about that today.

Firstly, in his years in the LEP, he had not thought that a fairy could be the one who would deliberately expose the People to humans. Opal Koboi had proven him wrong twice. Secondly, the idea that the LEP themselves would play a part in trying to destroy the People and their cities had never occurred to him. And thirdly, the thought that Vinyáya – a Wing Commander and Council member, no less – should actually take the law into her own hands disturbed him far more than he would care to admit.

He had called the TV stations, as per Vinyáya's orders, and the LEP spokespeople were even now working with the reporters to straighten out the sequence of events and provide evidence of Cahartez's involvement in the mayhem of the past days. The Council had disbanded without a leader, and although Lyess had called for more emergency meetings with the LEP's captains, majors and commanders, none of the other members were ready to risk jeopardizing the situation further by holding a vote to elect a temporary leader. Council member Lope had even sent a message to Trouble, asking him to continue supervising the mop-up in Haven and ignore all orders from Lyess for high-ranking officers to return to Police Plaza. Nobody liked Lyess, and with things going as they were, her political career would probably be shot to hell once the LEP and Haven went back to normalcy.

And then there was Vinyáya. Trouble didn't know what to do about her, or her band of vigilantes running round Haven City on their own. On the one hand, they were helping the LEP – on the other, they were carrying illegal weapons with them. Trouble had not asked for all weapons to be disabled on Foaly's advice, as to do so would only muck up the situation – something they couldn't afford to do now, with half of Haven burning and most of its citizens evicted out of their homes. The news stations were already broadcasting live reports of Cahartez's arrests while Trouble sat in his office and brooded over the decisions he should take.

He stared at the empty pot of sim-coffee on his desk, drumming his fingers loudly on the surface as he thought. First Cahartez, then Opal Koboi, and there was still Holly to deal with…how did Julius Root handle these things before he went?

But Trouble Kelp was not Julius Root, and he wasn't aiming to be one.

'Kelp!' Foaly called through the closed door. 'Open up!'

Trouble buzzed him through. The centaur clopped noisily into the room and dropped a handheld computer in front of Trouble.

'I'm not too sure about this, Kelp,' said Foaly, connecting the handheld computer to the plasma screen in the room. 'Vinyáya's group is still active about Haven, and while they definitely have done some good, I'm getting reports from our officers saying that civilians are confused about the sudden turn of events. I've got all the stations showing Cahartez's arrests, but he did enough damage earlier to make everyone else think that Vinyáya's people were the ones responsible for the riots and burning.'

Trouble watched the live feed on the screen with his chin in his hand. His face was blank – not merely thoughtful, but devoid of emotion.

'Kelp?' said Foaly, looking concerned. 'You need more coffee?'

'I want them off the streets,' said Trouble, pointing a finger at the screen. 'All of them. Tell them to meet me here in Police Plaza. And get Vinyáya with them – I need to talk to her.'

'You mean…arrest them?' Foaly clapped a hand to his forehead. 'Trouble. How many people are you planning to arrest today?'

'It's just for show,' Trouble replied. 'People see what they want to see. We're giving them what they want – and in exchange, the LEP will have an easier time trying to deal with them while they clear up the mess. Oh, and I want you to ask the spokespeople to make an announcement. All officers who have been working for Cahartez will be granted conditional amnesty if they lay down their weapons and report to Police Plaza immediately.'

'That's for Internal Affairs and the Council to decide,' said Foaly uncertainly. 'Conditional amnesty?'

'What are you going to give them to reel them in then, pony?' Trouble growled. 'Money? With Cahartez out of the picture, they're either going to protest innocence or make a run for it. I prefer them to be here instead of fugitives above ground.'

'Got that,' said Foaly, sending the message over to the spokespeople on the handheld computer. 'What about the goblins?'

'Arrest the whole lot, there's nothing we can do to convince them to stop. And where is Holly?' asked Trouble, getting up from his seat with the coffee pot. 'Is she back yet?'

'Captain Burbage is on the way here with Opal. Holly's a few minutes behind.'

'What about that pixie who held Grub hostage?'

'Oh, her.' Foaly let out a snort of laughter. 'She's with Grub right now, and he's holding her hostage. Said he's doing his duty as a Retrieval officer to apprehend potential criminals.'

'Good,' said Trouble, watching as the sim-coffee trickled into the pot. 'Tell her to call up Vinyáya and the rest and inform them of my decision. Hopefully they won't put up a fight when the LEP start arresting them.'

'Yep, got that too.' Foaly scratched his ear and sighed. 'Kelp, about Opal Koboi – what are we going to do with her?'

'We wipe her and send her back,' said Trouble. 'I remember you telling me about the time paradox. She needs to be sent back for the future to happen, isn't it?'

'Thing is,' said Foaly slowly, 'the Council – or what's left of it – wants her to be held in Atlantis for a while before she's sent back.'

'No,' Trouble said decisively. 'She'll be wiped and sent back. Besides, the Council doesn't have any authority left. What's left of it isn't worth speaking about, not after the head honcho's been arrested. Koboi will be mind-wiped and sent back to the past, and I want you to do it.'

Foaly keyed in the message, looking harried as he did so. 'Some aren't happy with what you did, Kelp. Going against them would only mean more trouble.'

'I have a lot of me to go round,' said Trouble, taking the first sip of sim-coffee. 'I'm sure I can spare a bit for them.'

Foaly squinted at the elf suspiciously. 'You're joking, right?'

'What do you think the LEP's paying you for, pony? Get on the job.'

Ys Street

'Hark! I've been hacked back!' Iris leapt away from the computers and grabbed Artemis by the collar. 'What did I tell you, Arty boy?'

He held up his hands in mock surrender. 'You can't blame me if your computers are slow.'

'Oh, hit me in the ego, right?' She dropped him and jumped back to the monitors. 'Ah well. At least the rogue officers have backed down a bit. And Hani's safe in Police Plaza with Grub Kelp. Wait – hold on a sec while I check the news.'

Artemis watched over her shoulder as she called up the relevant news portals, clicking on reports and the latest updates. Trouble Kelp's face blossomed into view on the screen, looking grim and worried.

'He's asking all rogue officers to report to HQ,' said Iris, 'said the LEP's going to give them conditional amnesty if they co-operate. All goblins are to hand themselves in to the LEP or face direct action. Oh, and the Council's temporarily disbanded until the members can agree on something. That doesn't make sense.'

'Thanks, I can read Gnommish,' said Artemis, unable to keep the smugness from his voice.

'Yeah, I know.' Iris rubbed her nose. 'Why d'you think I let you play around here? Here, take my place for a bit – I need to check this blasted hacker.'

'Hello!' Foaly's voice crackled loudly through the faulty speakers, startling both the fairy and boy. 'Sorry for the untimely hacking, but I need to get my message through quickly. Hello? Anyone there?'

'You got into my communications!' Iris shrieked, throwing herself in front of another row of computers. 'I was working on that for two weeks!' She switched on the mike and yanked it towards her. 'Right, Mr. Foaly, what is it you want?'

'Iris Moonlove, isn't it?' said the centaur. 'I've been reading your LEP file. You, miss, are a character to watch.'

'Thank you, my good sir,' she rejoined, rolling her eyes. 'Okay, what is it? Hurry up, I'm busy.'

'I know about the group Vinyáya formed,' said Foaly briskly, getting down to serious business. 'Holly's told me a bit about it, as has your friend Hani here. And Vinyáya's on the way to Police Plaza for a meeting with the Council and Trouble Kelp. Listen carefully, Iris. I want you to tell the rest of your group members to lay down their weapons when the LEP arrests them. This is just for show – we'll have to decide what to do with you later. Do you get it? Tell them to come peacefully with the officers. We need your co-operation on this.'

'I'll have to talk to V about this.'

'V? Oh, you mean Vinyáya. Go ahead, give her a call.'

Iris pulled out her phone and dialed the number, making faces at Artemis the whole time.

'V?' she said. 'Foaly said something about arrest – oh – you know about it? So I just tell them to go quietly? Okay. Right. Got that. Hani? She's with Grub Kelp – yeah – said there's nothing to worry. Bloom just passed the Northern Tunnel – yeah – all right, he'll be with you. Rook also? He's coming up on P'shog Boulevard – I'll get him to meet you on the way. Yep. See ya.' She put down the phone and looked at Artemis quizzically.

'You still there, Iris?' said Foaly.

'Yeah, here.'

'Is Artemis Fowl with you?'

'What?' She sounded so innocent. 'Fowl?'

'The Atlantis penitentiary just sent in their report. And he's out of jail because of a Council pardon. Delivered personally by Vinyáya.' Foaly sighed, a loud whoosh of static through the speakers. 'Is he with you, Iris?'

'He's here,' she said, giving Artemis a thumbs-up. 'Messing on my computers. I think he let you hack back to get his revenge against me.'

'Ah, smart Mud Boy. All right, Iris, I want you and him to come straight to Police Plaza once your members are all under arrest. Can you do that?'

'Anything for you, Mr. Foaly,' she said in a mock solemn tone. 'I've been waiting to meet you, Mr. Foaly.'

'Quote that movie to me again and I'll wreck your communications,' Foaly laughed. 'Come straight here, Iris. You don't want to see Trouble Kelp when he's angry.'

There was a buzz from the speakers when Foaly ended the call. Iris swiveled round to grin at Artemis. 'I'd love to see Trouble Kelp when he's angry. Now please get away from there – I need to make a call to my boyfriend.'

Police Plaza

Hani was in the main lobby of Police Plaza, cuffed to one of the seats provided for fairies waiting to make their complaints or police reports on usual days. The LEP had shut the doors against possible attacks from goblins, and officers who needed to move in and out of the facility had to undergo compulsory screenings and vigorous security checks. Rogue officers trooped into the place in ones and twos and hurried across the main lobby with their eyes downcast, heading to the interrogation rooms to meet the remaining Council members and the Internal Affairs department.

'Why aren't you out there with the rest?' said Hani, smiling mischievously at Grub Kelp. 'You'll be doing more good than waiting here with me.'

'I need to make sure that you won't blow up the place,' Grub answered darkly, tapping the side of his nose in an attempt to look knowing. 'There's no knowing what your kind will do.'

'I've been searched three times and you have my phone,' she said. 'Plus I'm cuffed to the chair. What am I going to do – rip out this whole row of seats and run away? Bit conspicuous getaway, isn't it?'

'Quiet.' Grub nodded at the closed doors and the officers in charge of the security checks and screening. 'We don't know which side you're on.'

Hani decided not to go into that. Grub was right, for all he was so whiny. Then again, there must have been something in him, beneath all that complaining and waffling, which had got him into Retrieval.

'Your brother,' she said, changing the subject. 'He's new to the job, isn't he?'

'Yes.'

'Working hard, is he? He could do with some healing shots. He looks half-dead.'

'Yes,' came the terse reply.

'Hey, you're not offended, are you?'

'No. Your friends are here.' Grub's eyes followed the three grey-clad fairies as they made their way across the main lobby. 'Looks like they're not saving you.'

'I'm not too worried about that,' said Hani, stretching out on the seats. 'Wake me up when it's all over, yeah. I need my sleep.'

'That looks like Vinyáya. And that's – that's Bloom. And isn't that Rook? He used to play crunchball with me.'

'Yep.'

'Who are you people?'

Hani opened one eye and grinned. 'You tell me.'

Grub Kelp didn't answer her. He waited until the pixie was off away in her dreams, before he stood up quietly and slipped out into Haven City.

Hani sighed, happily, and returned her phone to her belt.