Now I Am Haunted Chapter 16- Mercy Not Love, a revenge fanfic

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Revenge, I Just Love It

Chapter 16: Mercy Not Love

"It's the truth isn't it?" Ben Hunter asked with all seriousness, his scrutinizing eyes focused right on her as though her mind was transparent, " Look me in the eyes Emily, and tell me that's not the truth...and I won't question you about Daniel again."

It had been a week since Emily had last seen Daniel, a week since the charity event, where she had fought with him, hooked up with him, ended things with him, and then foolishly taken comfort in his arms, all in one whirlwind of emotions night.

She had been keeping herself busy since, contemplating what she wanted to be doing, and more importantly where, as she figured out her future plans and destinations.

Coming to the Hampton's summers ago and acquiring that beautiful beach house property as her own, Emily had really thought, that this could have been her chance, her place to call home but it seems even that had been ripped from her…..or she supposed ripped through like the bullet through her flesh, and his actions through her heart.

She knew she couldn't stay….she just couldn't, not with him here, not with remainders every she turned. She stepped outside and to the left was the Grayson Manor, a house so grand it looked unwelcoming, but a house nevertheless which Daniel had warmly invited her into countless times.

Look straight ahead and there was the beach, the beach they'd taken midnight walks on, and early morning dips in the ocean. The glistening ocean, with its lapping waves on shore which she had coaxed Daniel to stay in, baring the initial shock of the cold waters with her.

Then look to her right and there was the road Daniel's black Mercedes could always be seen cruising down to meet her.

No, to stay would be ill-advised...to stay would only inhibit her health further, which both emotionally and physically needed much more attention than she was giving it.

"Emily", Ben Hunter persisted, his voice firm yet sincere, as he looked at her needing more than just her silence.

He had figured it out, after much scrutinization over the details and the statements, and much twisting and turning of thoughts and scenarios in his head, he now felt certain in his suspicions. Suspicions against the prodigal Grayson son.

For one there was the police statements made by the guests on the boat. During the time of the shooting, everyone on that boat could be accounted for in the main room, with the exception of Victoria Grayson and Lydia Davis, who both confirmed that they were in the powder room together. Daniel's whereabouts however were kind of shaky, and it wasn't until the guests on the boat recounted their statements to the police that Daniel's name was brought up when asked who was around them. A fact made more evident from the photographs taken on the yacht, and his lack of presence in them during the time.

Then there was Emily and Daniel's relationship and he understood that the shooting could have put unnecessary stress on their marriage, but when he saw those two together…. on the surface it seemed right he supposed, but when you looked closely, there was no love in their eyes only a cold kind of tenseness, which he found especially strange for a newlywed couple.

To top it all of there was Emily's amnesia, and he in no way intended to mock her condition but when he had spoken to her doctor, although the memory loss had been confirmed, the doctor had also informed him that it was more than likely a short term condition and was confident that Emily would soon remember. However, Emily still hadn't been able to recount that moment...and just as speculation he knew that if someone was trying to cover for someone close to them, then hiding the truth behind their memory loss would be the best way to do it.

That left him with one important question, Why? Why would Emily cover for Daniel?

He had narrowed down the answer to two possible reasons, Love or Fear.

Out of concern for her safety, he had asked her, if Daniel or any of the Grayson's had threatened her to keep quiet. She had instantly denied, her eyes having flickered both angrily and uncomfortably at the thought, as she'd replied, "Daniel's no monster" .

He'd felt inclined to believe her, not observing the usual subtle gestures indicating a lie.

So this by default narrowed the answer down to love, an emotion which was much more difficult to comprehend.

But still he couldn't back down, she knew the truth, and he did now too, so it was time for justice to deal out the appropriate punishment for the crime committed. He didn't want to hurt her, and he recognized that the situation she was in was painful, but still...if he needed to exert a little pressure to make her crack, then for the truth he would do it.

He had already tried, but she'd been stubborn in her denial, ignoring, countering or beating around his question by asking ones of her own. One thing had given her away though, something which he had been able to distinguish, and that was the sad, pained expression she'd carefully tried to hide behind her eye. As a police officer though, one aiming towards becoming a detective, he was naturally observant of such things and he had seen through her. He had noticed the way she hesitated before denying, the way she made the slightest of pauses between her words as though she were picking them carefully, but mostly he noticed the pain and confliction behind her dark brown eyes, especially as he had detailed his calculated account of what he believed happened that night, an account so shockingly close to the truth.

"I spoke to your doctor, Emily" Officer Hunter began to say, vocalizing the thoughts he'd played around with in his head, "I found out you were never pregnant but I suspect Daniel believed you were, at least before the wedding, didn't he?...I don't know what happened that night, whether you told him the truth or whether he found out...but something ultimately happened, and I think in his anger he shot you. Now whether his intention was to kill you I don't know, I'd like to think not...but I know from the reports Daniel had a high amount of alcohol in his system that night which was probably a factor in the incident."

She'd done well to hide her shock, she certainly was a much better actor than her husband, and probably a much better liar too...but still in her indecision, her natural response to his words couldn't be as cleanly wiped away from her face and her composure as she might have hoped. There were just too many emotions of hers struggling to break free.

Maybe it was really time, Emily thought to herself, feeling an uncomfortable tenseness in her body as she heavily contemplated. Time to let go of the charade...to speak the truth. She didn't owe Daniel anything...least of all this.

Pausing in disconcertment from Ben's intuition and fortitude on the matter. Emily shifted her gaze up to his own, her deep brown eyes, darkening in the pain, anger and confliction she felt. Finding her mouth had fluttered open as though she was ready to speak; past the sudden dryness in her throat, and past the constricting tightness she now felt. Emily hesitated further shuffling between words of truth and words of fiction.

Flashback

"You look beautiful" Daniel murmured admiringly, as she came down the stairs dressed in a beautiful cream coloured dress, her hair draping down in soft blonde waves around her face.

"You don't look half-bad yourself" she joked as she walked closer towards him, leaning in to his body as she lifted her hand to his neck, straightening out his collar. Once accomplished she pecked him gently on the lips, before slipping on her flats, grabbing the present off the table, and last but not least, slipping her arm through Daniel's as they made their rather short walk to their destination.

"Thank you" she murmured softly, as they spotted the very small but rather special crowd of guests waiting to share in on the beautiful wedding of the bride and groom's.

"For what?" he asked,

"You know what….for being here with me on their wedding day, when I know you're not particularly close to... or even fond of either Jack or Amanda".

Daniel sighed ever so slightly, she was right...he wasn't.

It wasn't so much that he didn't like them, I mean he could tell they were good people. It was just that...well for Jack he'd be lying if he said the thought of that man having kissed Emily….his Emily didn't still bother him. Though it was clear they'd moved past it, and that whatever their feelings for each other had briefly been, they were now blown out, he couldn't help but think that if Jack hadn't kissed Emily that night, then the two of them would probably have been married now and living in Paris, not working on their second shot at love. Instead though, while Jack was the one being wed, they were the ones taking it slow.

Then there was Amanda, and he had tried really hard to get along with her when Emily had first introduced her to him. But she had been adamant from the start to dislike him, to cast him off as just another dirty Grayson. He understood why, her past was terrible and her suspicions about her parents were correct, another thing which made it uncomfortable to talk to her….but still he was not his parents, his intentions were good.

"Well I know you care a lot about them" Daniel replied softly, "and I care about you, so I want to share in on the happiness you must be feeling for your friends."

Looking up at him, Emily's lips tugged into the warmest of smiles, as she thanked him once again, before allowing herself to be whisked away by Nolan Ross who needed her help in finishing the last minute wedding preparations.

This was almost us, Daniel thought to himself half an hour later, as he watched with a bittersweet feeling in his stomach as Jack and Amanda exchanged their vows. Cementing their words with a kiss, before taking their very first dance as a newlywed couple underneath the canopy. They were awkward on their feet, neither of them accustomed to such a formal dance, which was made further difficult by the soft sand underneath them. But they managed well enough, and even he couldn't deny it was sweet to see.

"Care to join them" he whispered lovingly, tickling her ear with the warmth of his breath, as he pulled Emily close, his arms finding their way around her waist, and her arms around his neck. Moving slowly and smoothly in step, accustomed to one another's movements, Daniel gazed down at her adoringly, loving the sight of her laughing as she turned to see Nolan shuffling along to the slow song with Baby Carl instead of a date in his arms. He looked happy though, they all did, Jack and Amanda, Charlotte and Declan...and of course the two of them.

Feeling her stomach flutter as Daniel gently dipped her, she couldn't help but think, So this was almost us, her eyes looking at him yearningly as she felt Daniel tenderly press his lips against her own.

Almost...

Flashback End

"Emily?"

Ben's firm voice, sending her mind back to the painful present, where her beautiful memories were now soaked in misery and regret. Emily cast her jaded brown eyes in his direction, struggling to find her breath.

She felt like she couldn't breath.

After the pressure Ben was so persistently emitting onto her to talk, the truth now felt stuck in her airways, blocking the air she needed; air she could only get out by releasing the truth.

She'd held it in for so long, and it hurt…. it really did. It hurt to lie...to lie for him after the pain he had caused her...and to lie on impulse without knowing why.

The night her memory had returned, waking up with that searing pain in her abdomen….and such unrelenting, torturing thoughts of betrayal in her mind. Emily had bitterly vowed that she would hurt him herself, that she could cause him more pain than prison, that she could rip him apart, like he'd done to her. She'd believed that and felt justified in her decision…she was a fighter...she could inflict his punishment herself. That's what she had told herself, but deep down was that truly what she believed? Or had that just been her heart's secret way to steer herself away from the idea and the reality of condemning Daniel to prison?

There was no denying he needed to pay...to bleed as she had….and yet she'd went about doing that in the most unorthodox way, dismissing the idea of prison as soon as it had flitted into her mind. He deserved so much more she'd declared...but truly what's a worse fate then prison? Than and atmosphere so cold, dark and torturous? One he'd be trapped in.

She hadn't realized then but now she was beginning to think, that subconsciously she had been protecting him from the beginning, justifying her reason as to why prison wasn't the answer, by persuading herself that she could punish him worse.

Something, their past maybe...or the nostalgia of it all, must have been stronger than her will for revenge. Or surely she would have taken him to court and let him pay in prison; let him rot in his thoughts while she escaped it all. But instead in justification for his pain she had set up that sick twisted game. A game which hurt her just as much as it did him.

So she had lied, lied to herself, and lied to Ben Hunter and his partner, who had both sat there with their notebooks and pens after her memory had returned and questioned her, trying futilely to uncover the truth she had no intention of giving up.

But what about now? Time had passed, and she still felt such an uncomfortable feeling every time she covered for him...denied; like an agonizing clench on her heart. She didn't want to feel that anymore, to carry that with her on top of the rest of her demons when she left the Hampton's for good. So maybe it was time...not out of spite for Daniel...but for herself.

Taking a deep breath, Emily closed her eyes briefly before slowly exhaling, the agonizing truth stumbling out her mouth in what seemed like a quiet hush, "I wish I could tell you, you were wrong, I really do but…." shrugging her shoulders helplessly, she then finished off by uttering "I just can't".

Staring back at her with such a look of sympathy in his deep brown eyes, widened in the shock of her confession. Ben shook his head frustratedly not knowing what to say. It was one thing theorizing Daniel Grayson was the culprit, and even though he'd felt confident in his conclusion, hearing it being confirmed by the woman Daniel was suppose to love, shocked him more than he cared to let on to.

It also infuriated him, but as a police officer, he of all people had to contain that anger and bury it deep within along with the overwhelming sense of disgust he felt at such a shameless crime. That was one of the hardest parts of his job as a police officer, controlling his outrage. That and talking to the victims; seeing their distress, their pain, and knowing his words could do little to comfort them.

"I'm so sorry Emily" Ben whispered contritely. He couldn't even imagine the horror, the betrayal she must have felt . "You don't have to hide this anymore..." he added, wanting so desperately to comfort her, to reach across the table and place his reassuring hand over her own.

"I…", Shaking her head slowly, feeling relieved that she'd managed to get the words out without her feelings betraying her to the point of watery eyes or worse….tears, an action she found shameless and one which had been happening much too frequently to her recently. Emily cleared her throat, ready to speak, when her thoughts were disrupted by the familiar ringing of her front doorbell.

"Excuse me" she muttered, taking the opportunity to take a quick breather outside the kitchen before walking to the door expecting to open up and see the familiar face of Nolan Ross. He had been checking up on her everyday, sometimes a couple times a day, ignoring her insistence that she was fine, and coping.

Unfortunately it wasn't Nolan Ross though.

"Emily, can I-uh, can I talk to you?"

Emily bristled, the sight of him, of Daniel Grayson making her instantly tense, "What are you doing here?" she questioned warily.

"I'm not here to…." Daniel sighed, not finishing the end of that sentence, "I just…"

He wanted to see her, that was the truth, it had been a week, since that night, the night they'd finally managed to come to some sort of terms...and he just wanted to see her. He couldn't explain it, but feeling the distance encroaching in on them as if she were already a million miles away, made him want to draw closer to her.

He also had some things to say, to tell her, to ask her, to apologize for….maybe that's why he still felt a pull, because although that night had been a start, a colossal start, he still needed a little something more, if he were to ever attain true closure.

"Daniel, I'm kind of busy right now", Emily, muttered sighing.

"Fine, I just came to get my jacket, you can at least give me that can't you?" he quipped in frustration.

He was of course referring back to the jacket of his he had tenderly wrapped around her shoulders, when he had spotted she'd been cold on the porch swing . Thinking back to that night, Daniel felt his heart clench when he remembered what it had felt like to have her in his arms one last time.

He still didn't know what had come over her….. deep exhaustion he guessed mixed into the array of overwhelming emotions, he was sure she'd been feeling. He would know, he had been feeling them too. Still he'd allowed it, not begrudging her for taking comfort in him one last time or for soaking his shirt with her tears

He had just held her gently….gingerly at first in his confusion, but then more steadily as he had pulled her even closer to him, absorbing the warmth of her skin, breathing in the lingering aroma of her sweet perfume, and most specially, feeling the familiar pattern of her steady heartbeat in correlation to his own.

He didn't know how long they'd been sitting outside on the porch swing like that, probably a good hour or so, before reluctantly he decided he needed to get her to bed. Though the upper half of her body had been warm in his jacket and snuggled against his chest, he knew her legs must have been chilly, and he didn't want her to wake with a cold.

In addition he had been tired too, she'd fallen asleep in his arms not long after she'd rested against him. But he had stayed awake, gazing up into the night sky; ruminating, not wanting to move for fear she'd wake. But his eyes had begun to flutter shut, his consciousness wanting to drift into sleep like Emily, and he couldn't risk falling asleep on her. That night she was vulnerable, but in the clearness of a new morning, he was afraid of what her temperament might have been and how she would have reacted.

So carefully, very carefully, he had picked her up and slowly carried her into her bedroom. She had stirred slightly, but as he'd settled her down onto her bed, taken off her shoes and removed his jacket from her shoulders, thankfully she'd fallen back into her sleep.

She was so beautiful….he clearly remembered having that one thought, as he had carefully drawn the covers over her worn-out body, gingerly brushing away wisps of blonde hair from the front of her face, before in his closeness and in his wistful sense of desire for her, he had tenderly, snuck in the lightest of kisses onto her warm unknowing lips. Retracting with the familiar feeling of regret for what he had done and what it had caused him to lose.

Looking at her now, he wondered if she'd felt anything that night; remembered what it had felt like to be in his arms once more, or held the faintest memory of him carrying her to bed and tucking her in. Knowing Emily she probably wanted to pretend she hadn't...but maybe, just maybe she had.

Frowning at his tone of voice, Emily narrowed her eyes at him, "Fine, wait out here" she muttered as she slowly closed the front door, leaving it only slightly ajar. She did not want Daniel and Ben to come face to face, least of all now.

Watching through the crack in the door as she walked towards the stairs, irritated by the fact that she couldn't even invite him inside. Daniel sighed to himself, his body instantly tensing, when he unexpectedly heard a male voice call up to Emily from inside.

He recognized that voice too, though he couldn't immediately place it. He also recognized that it caused him to feel something that left an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, something increasingly close to jealousy. Not being able to contain that feeling and his dreaded sense of curiosity, Daniel slowly pushed the door open, stepping inside as he walked towards the kitchen, where the voice had come from.

Spying none other than Officer Hunter, sitting in his spot at Emily's kitchen table, drinking from a mug she had probably handed to him at one point. Daniel frowned, feeling a bout of bitterness rise up inside him, stemming from jealousy no doubt.

What was worse, what cemented the whole picture, was that Officer Hunter...or he supposed he should say, Ben Hunter was not even in uniform, so more than likely whatever they were doing was not a work-related meeting .

Stepping inside, wanting to make his presence known, with narrowed eyes Daniel couldn't help but tensely ask, "What are you doing here? I thought you had gotten taken off the case".

Turning his head towards the voice he heard, the hardened expression on his face further sharpening into a glare which he unwaveringly directed at Daniel. Ben stood up from his seat the sight of the Grayson man making his blood instantly boil after his suspicions had been confirmed by Emily herself. "I did, but this isn't a work-related meeting" he responded icily.

After the charity event incident where he'd ended up kissing Emily Thorne...he refused to say Grayson, news had traveled to his chief, no doubt from Daniel himself, and he had been reprimanded for it at work and taken off the case. This...today wasn't a work-related meeting between him and Emily though, at least it wasn't suppose to be. Emily had actually invited him over, wanting to apologize for her actions at the event. She had explained to him, that she had unfairly used him in some vendetta against Daniel, and that she was sorry she'd acted so shamefully. He had gracefully accepted her apology before carefully moving on to a topic of his own ..Daniel and his suspicions, which is how they'd ended up where they were now.

"Then what are you doing here" Daniel asked irritably.

"That's none of your concern, at least not until I say it is", Ben replied authoritatively, with an almost smug tone behind his harsh voice, as though he knew something Daniel didn't, which ultimately he did.

"You're full of bullshit" Daniel replied disdainfully, determined not to get too riled up not in Emily's house at least, "I'll just ask my wife". He added, emphasizing the word wife, despite knowing their marriage had been a sham the moment he'd pulled that trigger on her. Ben didn't know that though at least he didn't think he knew, for to the rest of the world they were happily married.

"That's rich" Ben mocked, also struggling to keep his anger in check, it was no wonder he'd been taken off the case. He barely knew Emily very well...and yet he desperately wanted to beat Daniel Grayson senseless for what he'd done to her, even with knowing that justice was right around the corner.

"What is?" Daniel challenged.

"You calling Emily your wife, as if you care for her, as though you have even the slightest semblance of an idea of what being a husband even means."

Daniel glared angrily, Ben's words striking a nerve with him. Did he know something? He was beginning to wonder. It was just something about the way he'd said it, the animosity heard clear in his voice, and the look of dripping disgust across his face.

"I might not be a good husband" Daniel replied tensely, knowing full well that he was in fact the lowest of husbands, "But you're wrong about one thing" he added fiercely, "I do care about her...I always have".

…

...

"And yet you still shot her!" Ben retorted piercingly, not being able to hold these weighty words packed with such clear outrage in any longer as they cannonballed straight out of his mouth, the power behind them, leaving the words hanging heavily in the taut air and sinking deep into Daniel's troubled heart and mind.

Shaking his head, his heart pounding heavily against his chest, hammering as though it was ready to jump out, Daniel froze, his body instantly stiffening, as he swallowed down his freshly renewed sense of guilt and shame in one big gulp. How did he know that? Was it Emily? He asked himself, his mind instantly in a frenzy, as perturbing thoughts of prison began to trickle into his mind. He knew he deserved to go back there, he knew that….but he was a coward, and no matter the indifference he tried to portray on the subject, the thought of being surrounded by those cold, dark walls, those solid confining bars, and worse of all, the sickening stench of such malice,and cruelty, truly disturbed him.

Speak...he had to speak, to deny….but part of him knew it was all over...it was too late….the guilt was written all over his face, the shame in the composure of his body, and the fear in his silence. He'd been found out and deep down he knew that even if he were able to force more lies out over the hoarseness he felt in his throat, then they would go unheard by Ben Hunter who looked completely resolute in the accusation he had shot at Daniel.

"What, suddenly you have nothing to say" Ben taunted, his voice raised in disdain, as he glared at him with eyes which so clearly asked him, What kind of a man are you?

"You shot her...you shot your wife, the night of your very own wedding...and left her to die in the waters. Were you even relieved she survived? Or just disappointed that your two shots hadn't ended her life, like it very nearly could have."

Daniel bristled, his eyes ablaze, and his face red in anger, "As if you have a damn clue what I'd been feeling, what I still feel every time I think about how I harmed her." He snapped, his voice booming in the emotions he just couldn't hold back. "I loved her...and the guilt I hold, the pain clenching onto my heart everytime I think about it; the anger and disdain riddled in my mind…...I'll forever hold all those feelings, all that pain deep within my heart. So you can glare at me with as much resentment as you can muster, you can relentlessly question my morals, my character, my love for her, but nothing you say will ever be worse than what I've already told myself. So if you really want to make your damn self useful, than just arrest me now, and lets get this over and done with".

"I'd love nothing more" Ben replied scathingly. "People like you disgust me".

"What? People who make mistakes?" Daniel jeered.

"No people who harm innocent women", Ben retorted coldly, his angry gaze stayed focused on the guilty Daniel Grayson.

Daniel shook his head frustratedly, clenching his fists in his aggravation, as he opened his mouth, wanting to send a sharp remark back, but finding he didn't know what to say.

"I'm not innocent Ben", Emily replied for him, her face an unreadable mask as she stepped into the kitchen. She had overheard their angry exchange of words from the stairs, and stepping inside now, she wasn't surprised to feel the tenseness they'd created in the atmosphere surrounding them. It hit her instantly, putting her body on alert as she found herself unintentionally stiffening. This was exactly what she hadn't wanted..not now at least, she still had yet to process everything...to decide.

"I hurt him too" she muttered honestly and morosely, "I married him...no let him marry me under a cruel pretense and the damage that caused was real."

Turning his head towards her, Daniel looked at her in surprise, his gaze softening ever so slightly as he asked himself, Was this Emily defending him? And if so why? It was so hard to know with her, you could never really predict Emily's next move; one moment she was hot, the next moment she was cold, and other moments she was just god damn faking it. He supposed that's what made her such a skilled adversary...though that's never what he had intended for her to be, not to him.

"That doesn't justify what he did" Ben immediately rebutted.

"I know that I'm not so bound by my feelings to ever believe that it does but…"

"But what?" Ben prompted,

Emily shook her head frustratedly, struggling to find the right words as she quickly shifted her glance towards Daniel, as though the sight of him might dislodge the wedge between her muddled thoughts and stiffened words. Their dark brown eyes unintentionally meeting in a powerful gaze, which Daniel found himself holding for longer before she quickly pulled away, the sight of him only confusing her more.

"I guess I just…" she began to mutter, trying to shut out the discord around her as she looked to her heart for the truth. "I guess I just can't shake the feeling that deep down….underneath all the scar tissue, the flaws, the temper…..there's a genuinely good guy who just lost his way and wants to get it back again".

"What are you saying?", Ben asked anxiously, afraid of her next words. It wasn't enough him just knowing the truth, even though she'd admitted it to him herself. In order for him to be able to arrest Daniel Grayson, and in order for the case to go to trial, he needed Emily to make an official statement and testify. Unfortunately, since he was off duty, and therefore wasn't following proper protocol, what she had told him...her confession was not in a legal statement, so he couldn't act upon it.

Emily hesitated, her throat feeling dry as she averted her eyes from the both of them who were tensely awaiting her reply "I'm sorry Ben…" she muttered, "but he won't find his way again in prison".

Shaking his head in disbelief, his eyes glazed with both anger and grave disappoint, Ben bitterly remarked, "He shot you Emily, you very nearly died…"

"I'm well aware of Daniel's transgressions" she responded firmly, not needing to hear the highlighted account of them all. "But I'm dealing with them my own way, and right now what's best for me is distance, sending him to prison won't help me heal, and it won't provide me with the closure I'm seeking."

"What about fairness though?" Ben asked struggling to comprehend such a decision. "Repentance for his sins? You're just going to let him sidestep that as though it's nothing. As a police officer I just can't….". Not being able to find the right words to finish his sentence. Ben shook his head, "You shouldn't be covering for him" he said sternly.

"I…" Emily shook her head, "I'm not covering for him. I told you the truth. I'm just choosing not to pursue this. He's already remorseful, and he's not a danger to me".

"On the contrary…..", Ben responded stiffly, his eyes staring down Daniel with such animosity, before he shifted his gaze back towards Emily, "He's a grave danger to you, because clearly, despite everything, and despite what you probably tell yourself, you still care about him." And sometimes caring wasn't such a good thing, he had learnt that the hard way, through life, and through other people's lives he'd observed through the cases he'd worked on. Sometimes in caring one became susceptible, vulnerable, and so for Emily's sake alone, he really hoped she buried that feeling deep within till time eventually swept it all away.

"I do not!" Emily replied defensively her voice harsh sounding in her instant need to deny. She just couldn't think that, tell herself that...hear that. She didn't want to, because like Ben, she recognized that in caring was vulnerability, a feeling she'd been trying but unsuccessfully managing to bury. "I'm showing him mercy not love, there's a difference." she retorted her eyes glancing up at him fiercely, daring him to refute her statement.

So that's what it was... mercy, Daniel thought to himself, her instant denial...her words causing him to want smile bittersweetly, of course she'd respond like that, it was just such an Emily response to the statement Ben had posed. A statement, which secretly pleased him more than he wanted to admit. He wanted her to care, if only a little bit of herself still did. He wasn't asking for her love, he knew he didn't deserve that much, but for her to care like he still cared for her...maybe that would be just enough, and he was beginning to think that just maybe a little bit of her still did. Of course she wasn't going to admit that though, and he couldn't fault her on that, not after the pain he'd caused her. So if her reasoning of mercy, was the only way for her to come to terms with her decision, he understood. For in mercy there was strength, while in care there was vulnerability, a feeling which above all else she struggled with.

He was just relieved by her decision to withhold her statement. He could breath again now, no longer feeling the noose gradually tightening sinisterly around his neck.

He was in the clear...free of the punishment he so deserved. He was relieved, yes, relieved like the time he was five and had broken an expensive vase in the manor.

Before he could apologize to his mother and work up the courage to explain, she had blamed the poor maid cleaning up the mess. A maid who couldn't dare put the blame on Mrs. Grayson's treasured son, a maid who had to sit there and accept punishment for something she hadn't done.

Yes he'd been relieved…. relieved and equally sickened by his cowardice…..relieved and guilty, though at that time he hadn't known what that nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach had been called.

Maybe Emily should make a statement against him, she had every right to, and he could handle it, he was older now...he could cope. It was enough just hearing her say she still believed he had some good in him, especially as that was a feeling he had began to increasingly doubt in himself, a feeling he missed almost as much as he missed her.

Ben nodded his head defeatedly, knowing that there was nothing else he could say or do to persuade her. "Fine" he replied sorely, disappointed in her decision, but never the less still wishing her well, as he began to walk out the kitchen knowing it was time to leave, "Just if you ever change your mind don't hesitate to call me."

Nodding her head slowly, Emily began to walk him towards the front door, an uncomfortable silence permitting before she found herself murmuring, "Thank you Ben", just as his hand reached her door knob. She owed him something that she knew, he had worked really hard on her case, only to have her shut it down when the truth finally came out. It almost wasn't fair...and he was a good cop too. "It's just nice to know that there's cops out there like you, cops that really care."

Ben nodded his head slowly, finding his lips had overturned into the smallest of smiles despite his frustrations. Her compliment being the one good thing that came out if it all, he supposed. "Just look after yourself" he sighed, meaning only one thing with those few words, Stay far far away from Daniel Grayson.

"And Daniel" he found himself resentfully challenging, having one last thing to say to the undeserving Grayson, as he locked eyes on him squarely from across the room. "If you truly did love Emily like you claim, and if you really are as remorseful as you like to sound, then instead of standing there in your cowardice, you would swallow your fear and your pride and turn yourself in for what you did to her. Actions speak louder than words, and if you truly are sorry, then instead of hoping for her forgiveness you would seek your own retribution instead."

With those last words Ben stepped out of the door, leaving Daniel to drown in the tricky thoughts and emotions those words evoked and Emily to note the heavy weight of them.

Watching as she closed the front door behind her, Daniel sighed internally, struggling to find the right words to say to her, though knowing he ultimately needed to say something. What she'd done...the mercy she'd shown him, he probably didn't deserve it and yet she'd given it to him anyway. "Emily" he began to say.

But she immediately cut him off, shaking her head, "Not now Daniel, you should leave"

She didn't feel well again, and she didn't need his presence further distracting her.

Daniel nodded his head slowly, not wanting to upset her tonight, "I will….just thanks...thank you Emily" he whispered sincerely, wishing he had better words to say to her; better ways of conveying what he felt.

He didn't though, not that it mattered to Emily, not at the moment at least. For instead of focusing on his words, she was busy trying to quell the incessant throbbing she felt in the back of her head, a horrible feeling matched with the dizziness and unbalance she was beginning to feel, as she placed her hand on the door, leaning against it as so to hold herself up.

It was happening again.

it wasn't the first time either, it had been happening a lot to her these past few days, sporadically in both time and length. She would be doing something and then just gradually she'd begin to feel this sudden bout of weakness wash over, which always seemed to build up in pressure, so much so that she'd find herself dizzy or lethargic, as though her bones had stiffened or her blood thickened slowing down the flow, and interfering with her body.

So she would have to sit down for a few minutes, trying to calm down the symptoms, with some breathing techniques Nolan had googled online in his worry for her. Eventually, after a few of those, and much of her frustratingly trying to will her body back into working condition, the feeling would pass and she'd find that if she took it slow, she was generally alright.

Nolan was of course insistent that she go to the doctors, but she was stubborn and refused. She hated doctors especially after she'd been seeing them so frequently. Her condition wasn't ideal, but she was fine, she probably just needed more sleep, and less stress. It was probably just exhaustion or something, it would pass when she finally left the Hampton's, and when she did leave she'd begin to take better care of herself again...she promised.

"Emily are you alright?" Daniel asked nervously, noticing something was up, as he quickly walked closer towards her in his worry.

"I'm fine" she muttered, her voice quiet but equally sharp. The last thing she wanted was for Daniel to know. "I just have a headache that's all" she quickly added, sensing his uncertainty.

Daniel nodded his head slowly, accepting her answer, "I'll get you a glass of water and some aspirin then" he quickly replied, scurrying into the kitchen, as she slowly walked towards the sofa, feeling unsteady on her own two feet before sitting down on the nearest side of it, her back resting against the comfortable back cushions.

Why did she suddenly look so pale? Daniel couldn't help but wonder, as he walked out of the kitchen and closer towards her, handing her the water and aspirin pill. Was it really just a headache? Would she tell him if it was something more?

"Your jacket's in the kitchen, that's all you came here for right?" Emily muttered tiredly, not so subtly hinting that she wanted him to leave. Daniel hovering worriedly in front of her was only making her feel more uneasy.

Daniel nodded his head and sighed, " Yes...and yet who knew I was this close to getting arrested today" he replied, his tone serious as he gazed at her with such sincere recognition, "Thank you Emily…. you didn't have to do that and yet you still did...that means a lot" he replied earnestly, looking at her such a sadness in his brown eyes " I truly am sorry for all the pain I caused you."

Emily nodded her head slowly, feeling an uncomfortable lump begin to form in the back of her throat at his bittersweet words.

"You should go" she whispered slowly, averting her eyes down, finding the tenderness in his words, and the grief buried in his eyes was too much for her to handle at the moment. She just couldn't….not when she already felt so weak.

"Fine….just, if you need something, or don't feel better, call someone...call Nolan or... someone".

Someone being him of course.

He would come for her.

He always would.

A/N I hope you enjoyed this chapter =D, I made it double the length again because I know its been a while and because I want to move onto other exciting stuff in this story. Thank you for all the comments from last chapter, and I'd love to see more this chapter xD. Any predictions as to what might be possibly wrong with Emily?

Anyway, I hope everyone has an amazing weekend

-InfinityxInfinity777