Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Revenge, I Just Love It

A/N

Hello all :), thanks for all the comments encouraging me to keep writing more, I really apologize for the ridiculously long wait, I just honestly did not know how to write this chapter. I must have written over 10 different versions of this chapter, and none of them felt right, so then I just decided to leave it alone for a while, and come back... anyway after much trouble, I finally have something that I think I can be happy with, so I really hope you guy's enjoy it too.

Just a quick refreshor, last chapter ended with Daniel and Emily leaving the hospital, and getting into his car ready to talk...

Chapter 18: Trust

Daniel's eyes were on the road, waiting for the red light to flash green, when Emily asked her question.

"Where do you think we went wrong?"

It was not an easy question but Emily asked it anyway, needing to get that one central thought plaguing her mind out into the open. Heavens knew she'd worn herself sick, and she was tired of living so heavily.

It was thoughts like these that Emily had mulled over in the hospital, to the point that she'd come to realize that it was no longer their fighting that was harming her anymore. Though it had left its damage, their battles had ended sometime ago paving way for their much needed divorce. Nor was it Emily's bitter sense of anger, which although remained in her inability to fully forgive, had simmered down to a more manageable state.

It was their separation that was the cause of such self-destruction, and in it her denial to recognize the vulnerable feelings within her. Through ignoring those emotions, Emily had only prolonged her pain, and not allowed herself the chance to even begin trying to heal. This conversation now was Emily trying to fix that.

"Trust" Daniel finally responded quietly, the tensed lines of his face showing deep retrospection in the seriousness of her question. "It's hard for me to trust, it's even harder for me to let people in…... do you remember when you told me that?"

"Of course" Emily replied, wincing as he repeated her past words out loud, them feeling distant, hopeless now, "we were fighting… and I wanted you to understand… if just a little bit of who I really was, or more why I was….. You forgave me for the night but the peace didn't last long".

"Because I'd begun to realize just how much you hid from me", Daniel answered honestly, his voice unaccusing, but his heart feeling heavy, "It's not that I didn't want you anymore Emily… I did, more than anything but I wanted the real you and the harder I looked at you the more I began to wonder if I'd lost that Emily, if I'd ever really had you at all."

"So you grew to resent me?" Emily questioned, almost in fear of his answer.

"I never resented you Emily", Daniel denied, shifting his eyes to gaze at her momentarily before focusing back on the road, "but I was confused and hurt that you couldn't trust me enough to open up…. I didn't know what to do so I pushed you away". Unintentionally, he had let her go first.

"I wanted to open up" Emily quietly admitted, "It's just… I had spent so many years protecting myself from people, relationships, anything that could cause me pain….that I forgot how to."

Deep down Emily had always suspected this would happen, that her past pain would impede her future and jeopardize any chance she had of a healthy relationship. It was something she'd chosen to accept, but Daniel had been so sweet, so disarming, that she'd fallen for him despite that, willing against her rationality to take the risk.

It wasn't as though she had ever faked her love for him, that had been real, but she had in a way faked some of whom she had been with him. For in not having ever learnt how to fully open herself up to Daniel, when he had gotten too close to her walls, instead of letting him break them, she pretended Daniel already had and faked trying to be what he wanted. It was no wonder the distance had formed, especially as Daniel began to detect her facade.

"I'm sorry" Emily whispered sincerely, not usually one to apologize, let alone first… but she was tired of such facades, and he'd already seen her at her weakest anyway, so what did it matter if she said it first, if she let him hear what he only deserved. "I know it's long overdue….."

"That doesn't matter" Daniel whispered, turning his tired eyes to hers with a look of pained relief. Her apology having graced his troubled mind with the tiny bit of solace he was in need of, despite his pain only serving to remind him of just how late their apologies were now…. and how much it had cost them.

"It's my fault too" Daniel whispered ashamedly, wondering why she hadn't said it, justified her reason for not opening up to him, "I was never able to prove to you that I was worthy of your trust by showing that I was better than what my family name suggested. I did try…. I tried so hard Em's, but in the end I only proved to be just as cruel as them."

Thankful he had to keep his eyes on the road so that he couldn't see the disappointment in her eyes, Daniel instinctively gripped the steering wheel tighter in his inner torment, as with an empty laugh he added, "In hindsight you probably had good reason not to fully open yourself up to me….. though the selfish part of me still wishes you could have trusted me".

"It's not that I didn't want to" Emily murmured, her voice sounding unsteady from the painful lump in her throat.

"Then why didn't you?" Daniel countered, turning his head briefly to look at her, his brown eyes catching her own until she averted them down and he was forced to focus back on the road.

…

…

"I was scared"

"Scared?" Daniel repeated, his face scrunching up in confusion as a wave of deja vu washed over him.

"I'm just scared", she had told him once before in one of their very first arguments. Her voice had been soft as she'd said the words and her eyes had flashed with painful vulnerability, but at the time he'd been too frustrated to take true notice of her words.

"Scared...scared of what?" He had questioned, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

It was funny how even then he hadn't believed her. Emily had always seemed like the most fearless person to him, someone invulnerable, someone to strive towards, though of course now he'd begun to realize just how blinded he had been. Still Daniel had painted her as that from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her, he'd painted Emily as this perfect, flawless women, and so maybe inadvertently he'd pushed her to be that, placing his ideals upon her and making her believe he needed her to be that for him to love her. Maybe he was the reason, she'd hidden her fears from him.

"I was scared to let you in on how damaged I really was", Emily explained, forcing herself to get the truth out though exposing such wounds only stung.

"You're not damaged, Emily", Daniel replied firmly, his thoughts naturally aimed to comfort her, "you have your burdens, but we all do, we're all human" .

"You're still blinded Daniel", Emily rebutted in a tired sigh.

Daniel shook his head in silent protest, not accepting that, "Maybe then…. but not anymore. I see you Emily, the real you".

Turning her head to look at him, observing the adamancy in his eyes as he gently swerved the car round the corner. Emily only shook her head dismissively, staring out towards the outline of the dark waves rippling against the beach shore. "I never you let you in Daniel"

"Yes you did" Daniel replied intently, " The one good thing that came out of our fighting was that by the end of it you stopped holding back your emotions, and I finally saw it all, all the parts you had tried to hide; your pain and vulnerability, as well as your rage, and ferociousness."

Though unintentional, through the destruction of their relationship, Daniel had finally gotten the full picture of the woman he fell in love. It truly making him wish, he could have had that from the start. As it was now, despite the maliciousness he'd seen in her while fighting, internally he suspected he'd already begun to accept Emily for all her worst parts. In a strange way, it provided him with a better sense of insight on her, strengthening all the parts of Emily he had fallen in love with.

"I had a lot of it at the time" Emily murmured, her lips curling up into a sad little smile, "it's funny how now all that anger has just turned into….".

" a numb ache" Daniel filled in for her, smiling sadly back at her, as he watched her silently nod her head, their thoughts for once congruent.

Daniel's words had seemed to be the last in the car, silence filling the space between them, though for once not in a suffocating manner. Metaphorically, their conversation had felt like the aching sting of ripping a band-aid from one's wound, the end result leaving one sore, tender, exposed, and still uncomfortably blemished, but at least open to begin truly healing. That's what he hoped Emily had gotten out of it, not the sting though that was probably inevitable, but the last part… the part with a little hope.

With his hands on the car wheel as her beach house came into view, Daniel felt a sudden aching feeling pressing against his chest, urging him to keep driving, past the Hampton's, past New York even, for if he drove and never stopped, he wouldn't ever have to say goodbye. Or at least in his mind that's how the fantasy went, but reality told him running away with her wouldn't erase the damage they'd caused. It didn't matter how far they went their pain couldn't just simply be outrun.

"What now Emily?" Daniel tentatively asked, walking her slowly up to her front door, knowing deep down what had to happen, but hoping she'd say something... anything else.

She didn't.

Forcing herself to look into his eyes wanting Daniel to know she held no hesitation, and subsequently wanting to prove to herself that she didn't. Emily pursed her lips tightly before replying, "We move on", the words sounding much firmer in her head, then when said aloud. "There's nothing left for us".

No more arguments to fight, games to play, words to say, and certainly not a relationship of any kind.

Daniel nodded his head curtly, he knew Emily was right, but he also knew there was one thing left… the remaining feelings he felt for her but couldn't bury.

"So when are you leaving?"

"In three days" Emily replied simply, too simply for his liking, as though she was just going on a short trip, and not packing away the life she had created for herself in the Hampton's.

Shaking his head at her words, having to restrain every ounce of his body from reaching for her one last time, Daniel bit his lips before he said something silly… something like, stay a while longer. Three days was just too soon though, and he knew they wouldn't see each other in between. They had no more reasons to and she'd see right through any excuses he tried to give her.

"Just take good care of yourself Em's" he whispered, his stomach in notches, as he stepped closer to her despite his best efforts to resist, "hopefully no more hospital visits."

Emily nodded her head, averting her eyes from the worry she saw in his own. Even at goodbye, he cared too much, it really made her feel unsteady, "You don't have to worry about me Daniel…. just look after yourself", she whispered firmly back, turning towards her door, not wanting a drawn out goodbye.

She didn't know what to say and she had never been good at goodbyes anyway, often times not opting to say them at all and leaving without giving people the chance. That's what she had planned to do with Daniel, knowing he would have hated her for it, but rationalizing that they had said all they'd needed to over the past few weeks.

How was one supposed to say goodbye to the person they were running away from anyway? Wasn't the whole point of running away the fact that you didn't have to look back at what you were leaving behind.

"Emily…I". Not knowing what he wanted to say, but knowing that he wanted her to turn around and face him. Daniel gently reached for her arm, turning her towards him, his eyes as if by compulsion glued to her own, before they fell down longingly to her lips, and he found himself leaning in to taste them.

Emily made no movement to stop him, frozen in place like an injured wild animal accepting its fate. The only movement was from her eyelashes which fluttered shut in a motion close to wincing as she felt his gentle lips pressing against her own, probing her mouth to let him in.

Whether it was for his need or her own, she did, feeling his pain, yearning and regret as he deepened the kiss, lifting his hand towards her cheek in a tender movement, his other entangling in her golden locks. Emily's heart equally ached and exploded at the sensation, but she didn't pull away, not being able to deny the good feeling of his lips against her own, or the feel of his body pressed so close to hers that she couldn't even distinguish her heartbeat from his own.

"Em's?"

Feeling Daniel's whisper on her skin, as they pulled away for a breath, Emily slowly opened her eyes, the internal struggle she felt at their proximity bringing her back to reality, and the depth of his dark brown eyes staring into hers so tenderly causing her to instinctively push away, retracting herself from him hastily in the guilt she felt from giving in to such selfish desires.

Daniel felt it too, the burn of her lips on his soul, the guilt of reaching for something he didn't deserve and yet still enjoying it. It was like a curse mark had been branded on them, forcing them to feel what they couldn't hide. He was tired of it... of feeling so hopeless…. so wrong for loving who he hurt but even still he couldn't let her go.

"Emily"

She was ignoring him now, her back to him as she dug into her pockets in search of her key… the tool necessary for her escape. At least in her mind she pretended it was, liking to believe that her house served as a safety zone, impenetrable to not only him, but also her feelings.

" Can I just say one more thing"

Daniel's voice was sincere, but Emily shook her head anyway, slipping the key into the lock, and turning the handle, her only wish to shut him out being denied, as she felt her body tense up and go cold at his next words.

"I'm turning myself in".

"I don't understand" Emily spoke in frustration, her eyes fixed on Daniel's resolute ones, searching for an explanation, "If I wanted you in prison I would have allowed Officer Hunter to arrest you".

"I know, and I'm thankful you didn't" Daniel replied, his eyes flickering towards her with a look of true gratitude as he took a tentative seat beside her on the living room couch, "but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, trying to figure out my future here now that you're leaving, and the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that there was no future I wanted because there was no future I believed I deserved after what I did to you."

"I need to change, Emily…. truly change, I need to stop being a coward and take responsibility for what I did. I owe that to you, even if you don't ever come back to see it, and I owe it to myself. I'm so tired of running away, of avoiding my problems, of hating myself for what I did to you….. I know no amount of wishing can take my actions back, but if I'm ever going to truly heal and become a person worthy of true forgiveness, then I need a clean slate."

Emily closed her eyes at his words, wondering what Daniel wanted her to say, to think. She heard him she did, and she understand his desire for a clean slate, more than anyone else, but she struggled with understanding how prison could do that. Punishing himself in such a harsh and permanent way…. seemed much too vicious a plan, to repair himself to the man he wanted to be.

"There are other ways to change Daniel" Emily replied tightly, her thoughts going back to the last time he had been in prison. She remembered it all too well.

It was her who had seen through the prison glass what it had done to Daniel. The bags underneath his eyes, the paleness of his face, the posture of his body; guarded and on alert so that he couldn't be attacked and taken by surprise. Daniel still had been though, and she had been there when the officers had brought him in through the door with his ankle monitor restricting his freedom. His face bruised and cut, and his body aching in the assault his inmates had inflicted upon him.

She remembered lying beside him that night, too scared to move in case it would cause his body pain, despite his gentle assurance that it never could. He said that it helped, that her warmth healed him, so very softly she had rested her head against his chest, the beating of his heart comforting her, and the gentle motion of his fingers stroking her hair comforting him as she listened to him talk about the horrors in there.

"Prison's punishment is to strip people from their freedom so they can drown in their guilt, and whatever other feelings they have. You've already drowned Daniel, prison's just going to keep you down there, don't you want to get out?" she asked, trying to rationalize her thoughts into words he could accept.

"I shot you Emily" Daniel rebutted, watching her wince as he stressed the words, "I shot my wife…. and I can't run away from that, I can't fix that…. I can't heal you. The only thing I can do is try and change, and I need to start with my cowardice. I deserve this punishment".

"You've already been punished though" Emily countered, her voice raised, as she tried to force her point despite inwardly knowing from the solid look in his eyes, that for once she wouldn't be able to influence his decision, "I made sure you were… but even in my angriest moment, I never wanted this punishment for you. You're already deeply sorry so turning yourself in won't fix anything, Daniel".

"It will for me" Daniel replied unwaveringly, finding himself feeling strangely incensed by her resistance to accept his decision, despite knowing he should feel comfort at the thought that Emily didn't want something so cruel for him. "I would have thought you of all people would understand that Emily, " he added tensely, watching her flinch at the tone of his voice but still continuing, "or now that you're running away from the Hampton's do you not care anymore, about the type of man you've always wanted me to become".

"That's not fair" Emily snapped back, narrowing her eyes at him in warning, as she watched Daniel inhale deeply, clearly conceding. "I'm sorry" he murmured apologetically, feeling the crack in his solid composure, "I thought I could fake strength long enough to tell you what I was doing but the truth is..."

"You're scared" Emily finished for him.

"Scared" Daniel repeated, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he shook his head, "I'm fucking terrified Em's".

Daniel had already gone through prison once before and had thought that was truly hell, but it was nothing compared to what he would be enduring this time. And this time, he'd be alone, Emily wouldn't be waiting on the other side, or comforting him through the prison plexiglass windows as she took his call. He wouldn't have her to draw strength through anymore, he'd have to rely on his own.

"But that's how I know I'm doing the right thing" Daniel added introspectively, his hand very tentatively moving towards her own, it suddenly dawning on him, why he had snapped at her. It was because subconsciously he'd been waiting for her reassurance, hoping her words could take away a sum of his fear.

"The truth is Daniel", Emily began to mutter, her gaze reflecting something he hadn't seen in a long time, respect, as her hand slowly found its way on top of his in a soft gesture. "I'm really proud of you" .

"That means a lot Em's" Daniel murmured back, her earnest words enveloping Daniel's mind in a light layer of reprieve from his guilty feelings, and the gentle sensation of her hand upon his, sweetly torturing his mind with the palpable desire he felt between them, propelling him into lifting his hand towards Emily's face.

Freezing at his touch, as Daniel lightly began caressing her cheek, his body seeming to naturally lean further into her, Emily closed her eyes, hating how her body so positively reacted to his gentle touch. The affectionate motion of his pleasantly cool hand against her flushed cheek, making her weak from the unavoidable feelings that still lingered within her.

"I'm going to miss you Emily" Daniel whispered under his breath, the inescapable thought escaping his lips and waking Emily back up to reality. Staring at him now, wide eyed, feeling overwhelmed by the emotion in Daniel's eyes, Emily's body moved efficiently as she wrapped her fingers around the wrist of his hand that held her face, firmly pulling it away from her cheek before letting it go.

"Don't" Daniel whispered, his hands quickly ensnaring her own wrists, as he felt her shifting to get up from the couch, ravenous desire, overruling his rational, as he rapidly pressed his lips against her mouth, his tongue moving passionately against her own wanting to force back down the angry protest he felt bubbling inside of her. Relishing in the exhilarating thrill she sent down his spine, a thrill she herself couldn't evade, Daniel released Emily's wrists from his hands so he could pull her even closer, the anger he sensed from her, only enticing Daniel to kiss her back harder reveling in the hot taste of her mouth, his kisses serving to weaken any resolve she had of pulling away.

One last time Emily rationalized, feeling her breath hitch, as she felt her back being lowered against the couch cushion, his body pressed so maddeningly on top of hers… and yet in this moment she wanted him too, almost sure that the electrifying desire held in Daniel's eyes, was but a scary reflection of her own. Wrapping her arms around his neck as he lowered his head to meet hers, Emily moaned softly in his ear, as Daniel began to leave a light trail of kisses up the nape of her neck, his hands working rapidly to free them both of the clothes that clung to their flushed skin.

As his eyes took in every inch of Emily's exquisite body, covered only by her black lace lingerie not yet discarded, Daniel found himself slowly faltering as his gaze landed on the bullet scars marked across her lower abdomen, it serving to remind him of all the reasons why he didn't deserve her.

Burying his face into her neck ashamedly, Daniel found even with the bitter reminder, selfishly he still didn't want to pull away from her so soon.

Sensing it, the suffocating nature of his guilt, Emily breathed in quietly, her breaths shallow as she tried to settle her racing heart, that being easier said than done with Daniel's firm body still against her slender figure. Not knowing what to say… what she could say, Emily just laid still for a while, allowing her heartbeat to settle down to the gentle pace of his own as she ran her fingers tentatively through his thick brown hair, needing something to do with her hands.

"You're going to have to forgive yourself eventually, Daniel", she quietly murmured, knowing they were words Daniel needed to hear, "We both promised to take care of ourselves, and you can't do that if you can't forgive yourself, and until you truly have…... I don't see how you can hope for me to completely forgive you either".

"I know" Daniel whispered after a few silent minutes, his head lifting so his deep brown eyes held Emily's, "that's why I'm turning myself in" he slowly concluded before lifting himself very lightly off of her, and sitting up on the couch.

"I should go" he murmured, gently brushing his fingertips against her arm as she too sat up, her almost unclad appearance and disheveled blonde hair, causing him to shift his gaze. It was alarming the way she could so maddeningly excite every one of his senses, though he knew he couldn't act on it again… not now, not after his guilt had blown out their passionate moment.

"You should" Emily whispered back, confirming his thoughts aloud, as she stood up with him, her body feeling strangely unsteady, as she watched him search the floor for what clothes of his they'd ripped off, frustratingly still craving his very touch. "But..."

She hated it, the way her mind always ceased to fail her when she needed it most... self control out the window, rationale gradually fading and morals all over the place. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be, goodbye was meant to be simple... not sensual, and Daniel was supposed to be her past, not her present moment. It was wrong, they were both going to their extremes to try move on for a reason; her by running away, and him by turning himself in, and that reason was to get through the realization that their powerful love had grown too convoluted to ever truly repair in the irreversible pain they had caused the other.

Knowing that, as Emily's dark brown eyes locked so palpably with Daniel's, a part of herself wondered whether that was why she so maddeningly felt the desire to go back there. To the one place between them, where for a moment in time, all their complicated thoughts and painful emotions were completely tuned out in the fervent bliss they created for the other.

"But what?" Daniel questioned cravingly, his lustful eyes searching hers so clearly for permission, not wanting to force it this time.

...

...

"But I won't hate you if you stay"

Breathing shallowly, watching Emily's chest rise and fall heavily as the words left her lips, Daniel could feel his heartbeat pounding the same way as he stepped closer towards her, feeling the heat off her skin before he even touched her. All inhibitions to leave her alone shattered by her words permitting his company as he crashed his lips ravenously against her own.

Lowering a now fully unclothed Emily against the queen sized bed, unable to even recall their passionate ascent up the stairs, as he stared down at her in adoration, it was at that moment that it suddenly hit him, the realization that this would truly be there last.

Refusing to rush it in a fiery haze, when Daniel lowered his head back down to meet Emily's, her arms wrapping reflexively around his upper back, this time he brushed his lips against hers ever so softly, his hands tenderly exploring all the familiar parts of her body, desperately wanting to remember every satisfied tremor or pleasured sound she made.

Feeling their bodies intuitively begin to respond slower and gentler to each other….. still fervently passionate, but not as reckless as before, Emily found she was of the same sentiment. This was their last time and they were going to make sure to take their time, to savor every moment; every sweet taste of the other's lips and beautiful sensation of their body against the other's flushed skin.

A/N thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it :), I'll try much harder to update more regulary. Also if you're interested please check out my other story, Before Revenge.