As soon as she slumped herself on the driver's seat of her car, Kensi let go of the tears she had been holding since she turned her back away from him. She didn't bother wiping them knowing there were more to come, she started the engine and drove away, catching a glimpse of Deeks still sitting on the swing with a faraway look on his face. She should be happy she had done it, she said goodbye to a love that never happened. But why was she in pain?

Kensi and Deeks. Deeks and Kensi. A love story that didn't even get to the first chapter, she thought sadly.

She couldn't help but remember the night before he left 4 years ago.

"Deeks are you in here?!" She didn't bother knocking knowing she was always welcome inside the Deeks household anyway.

Growing up with him and Jack, her boyfriend of 6 years, Kensi was very familiar with both of their homes and was never treated unwanted by their families and so were the two on hers. Her parents considered Deeks and Jack just like the twin sons, one was blonde the other was dark haired, they never had for she was an only child.

The friendship the three of them have often times caused some weird reactions from the people who see them. Growing up with two older boys, Kensi was sometimes reputed to be a tomboy. Her reaction? Laugh. She was very certain of her preference and it never bothered her what others think of them. She adored Deeks and Jack and was questioned from time to time who she likes the most. Her answer? Both. Kensi wouldn't choose either of them. Or so she thought.

When she turned 16, Jack confessed that he likes her more than a friend and wanted her to be his girlfriend. It didn't shock Kensi, she was not ignorant to the extra attention he was throwing at her recently.

Jack had always been the caring one, he always speaks softly, and does things gently. Kensi admired that traits of him. Having Jack in her life was like having something so constant. Amidst all the chaos you have, you can always rely on him and he will do everything to make sure you are alright. That's Jack for her.

So when she thought of his offer, it terrified her. Unlike Deeks, both Kensi and Jack never had previous relationships. They have been very careful in falling in love. For them, relationship should be treated genuinely, much to their blonde haired best friend's hilarity. She clearly remembered how Deeks laughed at them when they shared their view on the matter of the heart.

Deeks. Her loud, flamboyant and brash best friend. Kensi repeatedly wondered how he and Jack were even friends, they were opposites. The only common thing they shared aside from basketball and their age, was her. Although they never fought physically, which she thanked God for it, they argued like husband and wife, she jested whenever she was placed in the middle of their argument. But what Kensi saw was their respect for each other. Deeks may be gaudy to Jack's reserved attitude, but she can tell that he admired him and vice versa.

Thus his words about Jack made her reconsider.

And now, 6 years later, Kensi and Jack were as strong as ever.

"Deeks?" She called his name again when she got no reply.

She heard some hustling sound upstairs and was a little hesitant if she would go there. But her concern for her friend wanted her to make sure he was okay. Kensi cautiously took the stairs, she can hear voices, a man and a woman, and they were getting louder as she near Deeks' bedroom.

Kensi knew she should have stopped, eavesdropping on your best friend was an offense in the friendship manual. She didn't know what got into her because instead of going back downstairs, she found herself standing right outside the door and she can now made out everything clearly.

"How dare you!" A woman yelled from the inside followed by a familiar man's voice.

"It's not what you think, Kim."

Kensi's brows furrowed, how come she didn't know Deeks had a girlfriend. Why wasn't she told? Did Jack know about that Kim? She'll ask him when he comes back from his conference tomorrow, she resolved.

She shrugged her shoulders and proceeded to leave the house to come back later. It was only a lover's quarrel, she concluded and knew she need not to be caught listening to it. What she heard next froze her in place.

"Did you just call me 'Kensi' while having sex with me?! Don't you think I didn't know about your undying love for your best friend, Deeks? It was, Kensi does this, Kensi does that, Kensi likes this, she loves that. Everything is all about her! I haven't even met her yet but I know I'll hate her." Kim's voice was full of loathing.

There was no reply from her best friend but she can hear movements. She wanted to leave immediately but she couldn't move, her feet felt like they were nailed to the floor.

Moments later, everything seemed to stop. Then she heard Kim again, the disgust on her voice didn't falter as she spoke. "Does her boyfriend knows? What's his name? Jack, right? He's your best friend too if I remember correctly. Does he knows how you fancy his girlfriend? Does he knows that you are so deeply in love with her that you are calling her name while inside another woman? How about Kensi? Do you think she is that naïve not to notice your feelings for her? What do you think will happen if they found out, Deeks?" Kim let out a bitter laugh. "I really wanted to be there when they do just to see your face but I don't have time for it. Don't worry, I won't tell a single soul. I'll leave you and your pathetic excuse for a life alone! I don't need your drama!"

It was too late for Kensi, the door opened and came out a disheveled looking woman, her hair was a mess and her clothes were carelessly put on. The woman saw her and for a moment stopped, gawked at her from head to toe before casting an angry yet conceited look at Deeks, who was standing motionless inside. His eyes were now on Kensi, panic was written all over his face.

"Guess now you'll know." Kim's final words to him before running downstairs.

Kensi heard the sound of a car's engine not long after.

Silence fell over the two. Neither one wanted to speak. Deeks was looking at her but she found the tiles on the floor more interesting.

From the corner of her eyes she saw him combed his hair with his fingers. Kensi knew he was agitated. He always did that whenever he was feeling tense.

"K-Kensi-"

It was then she decided to leave. Hastily, Kensi stormed out of the house, disregarding Deeks' frantic calls. She had forgotten her car and was walking briskly on the street. She wanted to go home, Jack will call any moment now. He'll get worried if he didn't hear her voice. 'Walk fast, Kensi.' She told herself.

A hand grabbed her arm, halting her steps.

"Let go of me!" She yelled knowing who it was.

"Kensi- " Before he can continue, a palm landed on his cheek. Deeks felt the burn of her slap but he ignored it. "Kens-"

She was about to hit him again but he caught her wrist.

"H-How could you?!"

He closed his eyes, not wanting to see her tears. "I-I'm sorry." He whispered, letting go of her hand.

Kensi was gasping, her mind was whirling. She didn't know what to feel. "For how long?"

"I don't know." He shook his head helplessly.

"For how long, Deeks?"

"Why does it matter, Kensi?"

"I want to kno-"

"Since forever!" He bellowed. "Do you really want to know? I've loved you since forever, Kensi. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I didn't know it was love back then but the moment I saw your tear-streaked face, I know my life will never be the same again. I'm not sorry that I love you, that I feel this way about you. I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to fight for you, that I wasn't brave enough to tell you sooner. I'm sorry you have to find out this way."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"It wouldn't make any difference, Kensi. I'm not the man for you. You are far better off with him." Deeks answered weakly.

It was Kensi's turn to snap. "All this time, you always acted like you know me, like you discerned what's best for me. You don't know anything about me, Deeks" She shook her head sadly, wiping her tears away at the same time. "Do you know if you just told me, I will choose you? That I will follow my heart because it's dying to be with you and will fight against my mind because it knows I'm only going to get hurt?"

He looked at her in disbelief.

Bitterly, she smiled. "Yes. My stupid heart wants you. But you're right, you are not the man for me. I don't need someone who can't fight for me. I don't need a man who would rather hide his feelings than confront it." Kensi took a deep breath to try to keep all her emotions at bay. "Jack doesn't need to know about this. Forget how you feel about me, Deeks."

"If that's even possible, I would have done it sooner."

She knew he was right, she tried doing that countless times already but failed every time.

"Then make it possible now! Jack doesn't deserve his best friend's betrayal. He trusts you."

"And what about you, huh? You said your heart belongs to me, are you going to continue pretending that you love him? Are you sure it's the best for all of us, Kensi? Live our lives with lies?"

"I love Jack, I never said that I don't. He's not you. I know he will never be you but he makes me happy. He loves me, Deeks. If you can't do what I am asking you to, I don't think it's wise for us to continue being friends."

The painful recollection of that night brought Kensi into more tears while driving. That was the last time she talked to him because Deeks left the town the morning after. She hadn't heard a word from him since then, not even a visit. 3 months later, Roberta got a news from him that she happily shared to her son's best friends. Deeks had been busy training to be a cop in LA and was living alright. Although surprised at his sudden change of career, Kensi was glad that he had found what he really wanted to do. He always seemed to be lost on what he truly desired.

Deeks was never seen back in their small town, not even a visit to his mother. It was always Roberta who went to LA to see his son. It was as if he had forgotten their town and everything on it, including her. But Kensi knew better. It was his response on their last conversation.

On Kensi's part, she continued her relationship with Jack and tried to be the best girlfriend for him. Two months after Deeks left, Jack proposed marriage for the first time. She declined but asked him that they live together. They bought a house near their parents' and were living there since then.

After Jack's third failed proposal, Kensi questioned herself what was wrong with her. She had the perfect guy offering her a life others were only dreaming of but she kept saying no. She then realized that she was waiting for him all along. The man she hadn't seen in years but never left her heart, not for a moment. She was doomed, she knew it. Years had passed but nothing changed and Kensi discerned nothing will. Her heart will always belong to Deeks.

Without telling anyone, Kensi went to LA. She convinced herself that she only wanted to see him but deep inside she sought to talk to him. She was tired of waiting for his return. Tired of thinking the 'what ifs'. What if they were brave enough to fight for their feelings? What if they were selfish enough not to think of the people who might get hurt when they get together? Just this once, she didn't want to rationalize her action. She wanted to do what her heart needs without thinking twice.

She arrived late afternoon to his address given to her by Roberta. She was about to knock but to her surprise it opened and a blonde woman, still wet from the shower she perceived, was standing in front of her, eyeing her with interest. Kensi panicked when she heard Deeks' voice from the inside.

Abruptly and without a word, she left Deeks' home and went straight to the airport. She took the next flight out of LA and back to the waiting arms of Jack. She had her answer, Kensi should be okay now. She need not to worry about him. Clearly, Deeks was happy. He found a place in LA he can call home and was now a cop, a job he actually aspired. He had moved on and she needed too.

It took her almost 2 weeks to find the courage to ask Jack to marry her. He was beyond astonished and was speechless for a minute. Kneeling on his front and waiting for his answer, Kensi had never felt that terrified in her life. She was afraid that she hurt him too much that he would say no like she had done more than once previously. But to her shock, he took her in his arms, gave her the tightest hug and kissed her fervently. They were almost out of breath when they parted. With tears both on their faces, he said yes.

Kensi vowed that day to love Jack as best as she could. She knew it will not compare on how she felt for Deeks, nothing will, but Jack was her future. She would do anything to make him happy and would give anything to show him that she was worthy of his love.

Driving from Deeks' house and towards the local museum where she was working as an art curator, Kensi was too focused on the memories that she didn't see from the back view mirror of her car the uncontrolled SUV running after her. The SUV collided on the rear end of her car.