"D-Deeks." Kensi mumbled his name, eyes closed as she reveled on his touch. She can feel his fingers, with the gentleness she never thought he had, lightly wiping her tears away.

"I-I'm not asking you to do anything, I know you're marrying him no matter what. I-I just don't want you to think, not even for a second, that I can forget you."

Kensi slowly fluttered her eyes open and her heart broke more at the sight before her. Deeks' face was filled with sorrow, his baby blues were teary as he gazed at her with all the love he had for her. Kensi couldn't take it anymore, her arms flew around him, hugging him with all the love she had for him. Even with the foam collar she still had on her neck, she was able to convey how much she grief with him. More tears flowed from her eyes.

"For 4 years of not seeing you, of not being with you even as a friend, a moment didn't pass by that I never thought of you, of what you've probably been doing, of how you are. Are you happy? Do you still get sick when the weather changes? Do you still sleep late at night? Do you still have your morning donut craving?" Deeks uttered as he returned her embrace, his hand caressing her hair tenderly. "So don't you ever think that I will find somebody else because I've known long ago that my heart belongs to you."

My heart belongs to you too. Kensi wanted to say those words but for what? She was marrying Jack, haven't she hurt him enough? There was no need to put salt on his wound. She reluctantly removed herself from his embrace. "I'm sorry." She was apologetic to him for many reasons but it was for breaking his heart that she was the sorriest.

"I know." He whispered, resignation in his voice. He had long ago accepted the reality that Kensi wasn't his to love more than as a friend. "All my life, all I wanted was to see you happy even if I'm not the reason that you are."

Jack entered their dimly lit living room quietly, not wanting to disturb his fiancée thinking she might be asleep on the couch. Kensi had a penchant of waiting for his return from the hospital and had often times fell in stupor while doing it. But tonight was different, he spotted her awake, sitting on edge of the sofa, looking so lost.

"Honey." He called in a hushed tone, taking a seat beside her.

"J-Jack?"

Remembering her previous accident, he carefully enclosed her in an embrace. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She said but pressed herself more in his arms.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's okay. You're here now, I'll be okay."

He was combing her hair with his fingers while watching her rest. When Kensi fell asleep in his arms, he gingerly carried her to their bedroom and laid her lithe body in the bed before covering her with a blanket. He sat down beside her, his back on the headrest, eyes on her, studying her carefully.

Jack noticed streaks of dried tear on her cheeks, a crease was fixed on her forehead. It had been a while since he last saw her this sad, not since... No, he didn't need to go there. He took a deep breath, ignoring the turmoil building at the pit of his stomach.

Since he was young, Jack had already known what he wanted to do in his life. He desired to be a doctor like his father. He sought love, love that was strong and powerful. When he met Kensi, she immediately caught his interest. She was pretty, that was a given but there was something more, something he can't define at a tender age of 8.

Then they grew up and Jack was able to identify what made her different from all the other girls he knew. He loved her. It was love all along, a feeling he very much welcomed. He loved Kensi and was convinced that she was the only woman for him. Jack had never needed anyone more than he needed her. Just the thought of losing her sent him into agitation. He made decisions based on the notion of living a life not having her, resolves that broke the hearts of two people he most cared about.

"How long have we been friends?"

Deeks' brows furrowed at his best friend's inquiry. He received a text message from him earlier that day telling him that they need to talk. He wasn't surprised with Jack's message but he felt strange that they have to do it at the lake where he almost lost his life if it weren't for him who came to his rescue.

"We've known each other since preschool, so... more or less 12 years?"

"12 years..."

"What's going on Jack?" His interest was killing him.

"When I saved your life not too long ago you told me that if I wanted anything from you, all I have to do is tell you about it." Jack reminded him, his tone was serious.

And Deeks was not the one who forgets.

It happened 2 years ago at that very lake. They went swimming with their classmates one weekend. Deeks considered himself a good swimmer so he wasn't scared when he glided away from the edge and onto the center. He didn't get that far when he felt spasm on his leg. He tried going back to the shallow part but he can barely move. Putting his hands on the air, he hoped one of his companions can see him before he drown.

Fortunately for him, Jack, who was also busy talking to their friends, spotted Deeks struggling. Speedily, he swam to him, reaching him before he sank. His best friend dragged him across the shore and towards the land, saving his life in the process.

It was then that he promised him those words.

"I can clearly remember it."

"I'm going to ask Kensi to be my girlfriend." Jack disclosed.

Deeks felt his heart skipped a beat at what he heard.

His best friend stared at him intently. "Can you not act on your feelings for her?"

He laughed, trying to disregard the fact that Jack knew about his feelings for Kensi, a secret he thought he kept well hidden.

"I know you love her too." Jack said matter-of-factly. "And... I don't want you to tell her anything about it."

Deeks was now confused. "Why?"

"I will not answer that. I just want to know if you can do it."

He contemplated. Uncomfortable silence fell as he did.

He loved Kensi, Jack was right about that. But Deeks never admitted it to anyone. Heck, he even entered into relationships trying to forget it. He wasn't ready to face the truth that he was in love, and not just to anyone, he was in love with Kensi, his best friend, the girl he knew since she was 6.

And now, Jack admitted that he, too, have feelings for her and was planning on confessing it to her. Deeks was torn between keeping his promise and following his heart. He knew a decision must be made but he wasn't sure what it will be.

"You don't have to worry about it." He spoke after a while as dark eyes gazed at him weighing his words. "It's just a crush. She's pretty, I admit. But you know me, I prefer blondes." He tried to sound as unconcerned as he can.

"And you want me to buy that crap?" Jack grunted, obviously didn't believe his statement.

"What more do you want from me?!" He questioned in controlled anger, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, eager to get over with this predicament the soonest.

Jack fell silent. When he finally got what Deeks was doing, a small smile graced his face. "Thank you."

Unspoken and unwritten agreement was settled at that very moment.

Deeks let out a breath of surrender. "Just... Just make her happy."

Deeks' voice that time was the saddest he had ever heard of him, Jack recalled.

All these years, he knew how Kensi feels for Deeks. Jack had been a witness on how her eyes lit whenever she was with the blonde haired man, how she tried to hide her pain every time they meet Deeks' newest girlfriend and how she let out a breath of relief after learning that they broke up. Jack saw it all. What he didn't expect was how oblivious Deeks had been in all of those. For a man who was supposed to be sensitive to his love's actions, Deeks was blind to Kensi's real emotions.

And he took advantage of it. It wasn't the proudest decision he made but he loved her. So much that he was willing to do everything to make her his. Knowing that he had no chance on Kensi's heart if she learned that Deeks loved her, Jack asked his very best friend not to confess how he feels for her discerning that the blonde man would do what he asked him to.

Jack loved Kensi that's why when he admitted it to her, he was ready, no matter how long it would take, to prove to her how serious he was. But he was astonished that she didn't need convincing from him, she accepted his love no questions asked. And he became the happiest.

He promised himself to love her with all he has, to wait for her until she had forgotten her feelings for Deeks, to make her happy like his best friend requested him to.

So he loved her with his everything.

So he thought he waited enough.

So he did his best to make her happy.

Looking at her now, even in sleep he can tell how distressed she was, the only sure thing he accomplished was loved her. Because no matter how long he waited, Kensi had never forgotten Deeks. Because no matter how much he tried, he couldn't make her happy.

But he couldn't let her go, he wasn't strong enough to do that.