Death Valley, California
8:00 A.M. pacific time
(Kowalski's POV)
"Okay the Lair of The Phoenix is near," I said despite the fact that the heat was missing with my mind…I mean I think I just saw a jackalope! science still doesn't know if they exist or if they even existed. And I'm currently don't have any available brain space to speculate about their existence at the moment. And finding a way to defeat a Phoenix is more important right now anyway. "Kowalski how much farther!" Skipper said, "I think I'm starting to see mirages!" "Oh we're way past that skipper," I said. "thermometer!" Skipper shouted. "a scorching 100 degrees Skipper," I replied looking at the temperature.
"What!" Skipper shouted. "And that's in the shade!" I said. "when we return to cilivation let's get a big container of icecream!" Skipper said. "I second that idea," I said. "Let's find this lair and defeat that Phoenixfireydestructionpants!" "firey…destruction…pants…OoooH I want a pair of those!" Skipper said. "Me too! Me too!" Rico said. I facepalmed, "The Lair is this…waaaaaay!" I fell into an open pit and the darkness below. "Kowalski are you okay?" Skipper shouted from above. I look up and shouted, "Rico! Threw down a rope so the rest of you can come down!"
after climbing down the rope Skipper asked the obvious question, "how do you know this is the lair…" The snores of the Phoenix echoed from deeper in the cave. "ah," Skipper said. "Shh…" Private said. No that wasn't the obvious question, "how are we going to get out of here?" Private said. "The rope," I said. "Uh," Rico said holding up both ends of the rope. "Uh," I said, "I'll figure it out!" "let's make sure this Phoenix never wakes up," Skipper said. as our eyes adjusted we walked thru the dark, damp passage ways until we were directly in front of a sleeping phoenix.
"Okay…" Skipper whispered, "now what?" "I didn't get that far," I whispered back. "What!" Skipper whisper-shouted. "I thought we were just going to wing it," I said. "Oh…great," Skipper said. And at the moment Private happened to drop his lunacorn (which we didn't know he had on him) turning on the nightlight. Private blinded all of us and woke up the phoenix who quickly swiped the head off of it. "Princess self-respectra!" Private shouted, "Nooooo!" "rainbows are upside down…c-c-c-color smiles….coloooor smillllllles! c….o….l…o…r…s…m…i…l…e…s PRIVATE I TRUSTED YOU!" "What?" private said. "Kuchinkukan!" Skipper shouted. Rico hacked up a the flamethrower but, "be nice to everyone one and everyone will be…" "AHHHH!" Rico shouted smashing it into little bitty pieces with his crowbar.
"Nooo!" Private shouted. "Welcome to the adult world," the Phoenix said, "now allow me to get rid of those tears…BY MELTING YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SKULL!" "ew," rico said. "sorry…your wrong," I said, "eyes don't melt…" "Maybe I should boil your brain then smart guy!" he said. "brain don't boil Phoenix!" Skipper shouted. "Actually," I said, "yes they do…" "That's is not helping!" " Why do you want to burn us!" Private shouted. "WELL YOU DID RUIN MY SLEEP!" "you have been dead for decades…why would you need sleep," I said. "I did just fly over here from Arizona...and coming back to life from my own ashes is tiring." "do phoenix's breath fire?" Private asked. "Yes," The Phoenix said opening his mouth.
"Um…Kowalski…" skipper said. I picked up the subzero cannon and fired into his open mouth. The Phoenix choked a little, "Ha! No freeze ray and extinguish the firey blaze inside me…" The Phoenix freezed completely in two seconds. The ice had immoblized the phoenix…he couldn't do much beside move his eyeballs. The angry gaze suggested that if he wasn't completely incased in ice from the inside out he would have probably said, "You fools!" He probably had one massive brainfreeze as despite being immobile he was shivering. But off course the Phoenix was done freezing and when all his internal organs were frozen the Ice statue that was The Phoenix started to crack. And then with one weak and painful squeam the The Phoenix shattered into ice fragments. The fragments resembled more a of a freak desert ice storm then a corpse.
"Take that!" Skipper said, "we kicked that Phoenix's butt!" "Uh…all you guys did was stand there…I was the one who actually defeated it." "The Kudos to you Kowalski!" Skipper said, "now let's head back to cilivazation!" "Rico signal the monkey-powered superplane tell them to get a monkey chain ready!" "Wait…" Private said, "so…your telling us that you had the superplane on stand by this whole time!" "Um…yeah," I said. Rico hacked a crowbar into Private's flipper. "Ahh!" Private shouted as we chasing Skipper around the cave. "Wahhh!" Skipper shouted as he ran away from us.
THE END