I'm so tired right now, so my apologies for any mistakes. This chapter is more of an Ed coming to terms with herself chapter.

Chapter 12

Ed stood on the platform of the train station and waved mournfully as the face of her brother disappeared from the train window and the engine pulled away from the station. Finding out how far Al and Winry's relationship had progressed had left him with a sour taste in his mouth. It wasn't…fair. Rarely had she ever thought such things and it made her feel incredibly guilty and selfish. Alphonse had been through enough after all.

But what about her? Was this thing with Roy just a thing or was Alphonse right in questioning Mustangs intentions?

On the walk home she began pondering what it was she intended from all this. Her brain logically argued 'You and Roy have known each other for years and your gender change has created a natural new avenue to explore. You find him attractive and get along well so there's no reason not to see where this goes.' Then her heart gushed 'who cares if he can be a dick sometimes and his breath reeks in the early morning before he brushes his teeth. He's got adorable bed-head and his eyes sparkle and mushy gushy fluffy stuff.' And last but not least the most troublesome thoughts. Her pure animal instinct groaning 'He wants you and did you feel that kiss. Let him do it. It'll feel good. Just because you have girl parts doesn't mean it would be that much different. You want it too.'

Ed shivered. She'd been thinking about it ever since she'd woken up next to Roy. The idea made her hot and her gut and heart ganged up on her brain which couldn't decide if this was a good idea or not.

A hand waved in front of her face and Ed's instincts switched gears as she reached out and grabbed it, ready to twist into one of her martial arts techniques if need be.

"Ed, let go," Riza said. "That hurts."

Ed dropped her hand and took a breath. "I'm so sorry Riza. I was lost in thought, and you scared me."

"I figured after calling after you with no response," she said. The Leutenient Colonel was wearing her uniform and caring a leather purse. Not far behind her was Breda who nodded to Ed. "Hey Edna," he greeted. "Long time no see."

"We just left work," Riza explained. "Are you heading home?"

"Yeah," Ed said suddenly feeling some hope. Maybe Riza could help straighten things out. "Could I talk to you? Alone. It's important." After Riza asked Breda to give them a little space, Ed started. "Riza. I don't know what to do about Mustang."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah…maybe. We…um…kissed and I just don't know what to do anymore. My brain is all messed up and Alphonse was just here asking about intentions and drilling Roy like he was my…boyfriend…or something stupid like that," Ed rambled out. "I don't know what to do."

Riza obviously hadn't been expecting all that from the surprised look on her face. But her face softened at Ed's distressed. It reminded her too much of a certain colonel's panic not that long ago. "Ed I really think this is something you need to figure out on your own."

"But you're supposed to help me with women things right?"

"This isn't a woman thing Ed," Riza crossed her arms in thought. "Ya know what. I think Gracia would be better off talking to you about all of this. She's had more experience in love than me."

"LOVE?!" Ed burst out. NO WAY! No way in hell was she in love with Mustang. Sure she liked him and they had gone on dates and kissed and he'd slept in her bed. But that did NOT equal love.

"Well maybe not love," Riza said calmly. "But something like it." Ed just stared at her wide eyed. "Why don't you stop at her place on the way home? You two can have a nice chat."

With that Riza motioned for Breda and the two waved to Ed as they continued their way down the street. Ed stood rooted to the spot before slowly turning and continuing on her way. Her heart was screaming in nauseas girly glee as her gut turned her stomach to butterflies and her brain decided to give up and just have a headache.

It was a miracle she managed to make it to Gracia's in one piece. The older woman was startled to find Ed unexpectedly standing on her front porch, but after fifteen minutes she had them both set up with nice warm cups of tea in the living room. Elisia was at school, thankfully, which gave them plenty of uninterrupted time to talk.

"I'm sorry again for just coming over like this," Ed said.

"Nonsense. You're always welcome," Gracia waved off and took a sip of her tea. "Now what is troubling you?"

"Gracia," Ed paused as she took a deep breath and then blurted, "How do you know if you're in love?"

Gracia was stunned by Ed's question. She looked thoughtfully into her tea cup for a time. "Why do you want to know?" she asked softly.

"Please Gracia. It's important," Ed said and leaned forward. "Trust me. I wouldn't be bringing this up if it wasn't"

"Love…" Gracia fiddled with the wedding ring she kept on a chain around her neck. "It's wonderful Ed. It's not about flowers and kisses. That's in the beginning. And after that it's so much more. It's about finding that person that completes you just like a puzzle piece. They don't mind listening to you rant and then acting like goofballs to make you smile. You argue about the little things like leaving used sandwich plates in the living room, but you can count on your hand the times you had real fights. When you're with him even the simplest things are fun from hanging in the park, to going to dinner, and even building a fort in the living room and then making love under…under it." Her voice cracked and the tears started to spill. "It's wonderful Ed. It's wonderful and so very hard."

Ed was out of her chair and around the coffee table in an instant. She held Gracia until the woman wiped her tears and pulled away. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm being silly."

"No," Ed said seriously. "Thank you for telling me."

"I just miss him so much. I still cry about it,' Gracia confessed. She took Ed's hands in her own and looked up at the young woman. "The heart is a fragile thing Ed. It can lift you up and bring you down in an instant. Be careful. Whatever you choose to do."

"But I don't know what to choose Gracia," Ed told her. "I was a man my whole life and now I'm a woman and…"

Gracia smiled through her tears and wiped them away. "Ed you don't act like a woman. Me and Riza have tried giving you some guidance, but I can see it. You talk like a man, you dress like a man, you even eat like a man. And I understand that. You are who you are and nothing physical can change that."

"I'm sorry," Ed said.

"No. Don't ever be sorry Ed," Gracia told him. "But love and you being a woman are two very different things."

"But I'm…" Ed couldn't finish. "I like Roy…and I don't know…if…"

"You can be intimate?" Gracia guessed. "Ed that is something you need to figure out. Only you'll know when you are ready." She brushed some of Ed's hair behind her ears. Maybe it was time for her to stop hiding.

Ed had disrobed and was staring in the mirror. She…was a she. Ed knew this, but had never really accepted it. In fact in all the times she had been a she, Ed had never really looked at her new body. Bathing, dressing, and undressing were done in a quick methodical way as if she was ashamed to look upon her own skin. She remembered her old body. The scars still arched across her right breast before stopping abruptly where her automail used to be.

She leaned in to examine her face. Her hair was the same. And so were her eyes. But her lips were fuller, and her jaw had smoothed out considerably. Ed massaged her boobs around in her hands a bit. They were sensitive and she could feel the hard little nubs of mammary glands beneath the flesh. Beneath that was her stomach which was thankfully quite similar to the one she had as a man, albeit a tad slimmer at the waist, curvy, and marred by an ugly scar. It was good to know that while the gate had changed her, it had not completely remade her.

Then came the most uncomfortable area for her to look. Her crotch. As weird as it was, Ed missed her penis a little. As a male it had been important to him, as it was to all males. And now it was gone.

She tilted her head to the side. Roy found all this…attractive?

She could see the appeal of women, but she just couldn't see the appeal of her as a woman. Especially when all she could see were the differences between what she had been and what she was now. Was she going to completely deny being romantic with someone because she wasn't a man anymore. She knew there were women who loved other women, but how did they do things? Ed could see herself dating a woman. After all she'd always been attracted to women.

But what about men? She'd kissed a man, but could she be romantic with a man, have a relationship with a man?

"Mom…I think I miss you the most right now," she said aloud wishing desperately her mother was here to help guide her through all of this.

She took a deep breath and put on the navy blue summer dress she'd bought with Riza and Gracia not that long ago. It was somewhat cold so she added her jacket and even added lipstick.

When Roy finally arrived, Ed was so anxious she was wiping the sweat from her hands.

Roy looked agitated as she descended the stairs, but that disappeared to pleasant surprise when he saw her. "What's all this?" he asked.

"I just wanted to look nice," Ed said. "Everything alright?"

"Just work. They want to move Breda and Falman out east," Mustang said. "Since I'm not a state alchemist anymore my crew is getting downsized. But they can't have just chosen Falman for no reason. He's my best detective."

Ed frowned. "You think they're trying to keep you from finding out what's going on."

Roy fisted his hands. "Yes. And not just me. Other officers who have shown…unfavorable views toward this treaty are being relocated or their teams dispersed." He loosened his shirt. "I'm just worried they're going to relocate me next."

Ed's body tightened, and her heart sank. "They wouldn't dare," she spat. "You're the hero of Ishval and the Flame Alchemist."

"I'm also vying to be Fuhrer someday," Roy reminded her.

Ed wasn't sure what to do. While the news of Breda and Falman upset her, Ed's whole body rejected the idea of Roy leaving too. "I'd come with you," Ed said.

"Ed…"

"No Roy listen. I'd come with you. This shop and apartment are just places to me. I can leave and start somewhere fresh again."

Roy was so astounded by her answer he didn't respond. A girlfriend you had a few dates with didn't just relocate to be with you. Only serious couples had that kind of relationship. He swallowed thickly. "Ed I don't think you realize what you're proposing."

"You're the one that asked me out on a date. You brought me flowers. You kissed me," Ed said and her cheeks flared up. "You started this, and I know Alphonse was all concerned about your intentions but what about mine? I've been thinking about it all day. Can I even do this? And why does it have to be you?" She stomped over and took Roy's collar. "But I want you. I want to do this. For as long as we can make it work. And you need to understand that I am a man, Mustang. I may be in this dress, but I am a man too." Ed pulled him a little closer, her violent yanking on his collar turning to a more alluring tug as she stepped closer to him. "And you are not going anywhere." She settled her arms around his shoulders and leaned into him. "Got it."

Roy nodded slowly and rested his hands on her hips, feeling as if he was touching something untamable that was just as likely to lash out as it was to purr. He certainly hadn't expected this when he'd left the office this afternoon. Ed commanding, putting her automail foot down, and staking claim to him… it was sort of sexy and touching at the same time.

"Yes ma'am…sir," Roy submitted. Ed let out a sigh of relief at his answer and laid her head on his chest. They stayed like that for a few moments before Roy broke the tension. "Did you still want to go out to eat?" he asked.

"We can still go," Ed said, feeling stupid now for her outburst, even if every word had been the truth. "I'm in this silly dress after all."

"I think you look beautiful. Leather boots and all." Roy smirked at her footwear.

"Heels suck." Ed tilted her head back to look him in the eyes. "Maybe…we could get take out?"

Roy gave her a chaste kiss. "That sounds like a perfect idea."