Rose

Sitting in the office with Mason, Oscar was going through the details that were set for our wedding. Mason was very eager to start planning, to set dates, there was nothing that could keep him from waiting.

I'd felt like a ghost this last week. Ever since I left Stockholm it was like I left the last piece of emotion or feelings I had left. I could still smile and act like I was ok, but I knew Tasha and Eddie could see straight through me. I was getting pretty good with hiding what ever I felt from Oscar and Papa.

Talking about the wedding and the details made them think I was just as excited as Mason is.

"So the 15th it is then" Oscar smiled as he was making notes in his book. Mason was almost jumping in his seat.

"Perfect" Mason grinned.

He had pushed forward the dates as far as possible. The we had come back from Sweden early November and mid December we would say our vows. We had barely been engaged for 2 months but this is what he wanted. I didn't see why not, we were getting married one day anyway.

I could feel Oscar eyes on me but I didn't meet them. "Mason how about you go tell Ibrahim we have agreed on a date and then we can meet for lunch?"

"Of course" Mason grinned, "See you for lunch beautiful" he kissed my cheek and I gave him a smile. I was getting up form my chair as Mason left.

"You can sit down again" Oscar said. I stopped with my back towards him. I couldn't bare another speech. They had spoke about love growing with time and that I'm doing the right thing for weeks now. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists, "I don't want another speech Oscar" I said feeling defeated.

"I'm not planning on giving a speech" I could hear him get up, "I just want to talk" he said stopping in front of me.

Nodding I sat back down again. He sat down on the chair next to me, he didn't say anything at first, my eyes moved to his as I was curious why he wasn't saying anything.

His eyes were fixed on me. It was like he was looking straight through me.

"I know you're not happy"

I frowned and tried to brush it off, "I'm just tired, I'm really happy we've set a date, I have something to look forward to, something to distract me-"

"Exactly"

I stopped as he interrupted me. "Exactly what?" I asked

"You want to be distracted" He had a serious look on his face, I felt uncomfortable. "Do you actually want to get married?"

His question made me look away from him, I felt annoyed. I didn't need this conversation, it only reminded me off what Dimitri told me in Stockholm.

"I saw you talking to Dimitri in Stockholm" Gasping in surprise I met his gaze again. I felt my heart started to hammer in my chest. "I saw what you did, I understood what you were telling him"

Looking down at my hands

"I think you did the right thing"

I nodded slowly. Focusing on my breathing.

"But sometimes I wonder if it really is"

My head snapped up in surprise. "W-what?"

"You papa will probably kill me for ever saying this, but I know you don't love Mason, but do you think you can?"

I felt numb, "I this so"

He sighed, "All I want is for you to be happy, that's all ever your father and I care for"

"I know" I exhaled, "I know I haven't been the most lively lately but I will get over it, I will" I don't know if I was trying to convince Oscar or myself. "Mason is an amazing man, nobody will treat me better and more fairly then him"

Oscar nodded.

"What ever Dimitri and I, did" I bit the inside of my cheek, "Wasn't right, no matter how I feel"

Oscar took my hands in his, "I just want you to be happy"

"I will be" I smiled sadly. It was like a chant for me now, continuously tell myself I will be fine. "I will be"

Later that week I was going to an orphanage in a town near by. These were my favourite types of visits because I felt like they didn't care about being prim and proper. The kids were playing and singing and they were always making sure I was a part of it.

I brought Eddie and Tasha with me like usual, Mason was busy with studying and he was meeting papa later on continue to plan the wedding. I was surprisingly absent from the plans, they did include me and I did make some decisions, but Mason wanted to do this as good as he could.

I trusted him of course, I just didn't feel the urge to choose foods, music, decorations and such. The dress of course was my own charge. Tasha would go with me in a week to find what I should wear.

Shaking the wedding thoughts out of my head we went to the orphanage. It was a very lively and sweet place with many, many children.

Walking around the ground with the head of the building we were talking about costs and how their daily routines were.

"Well we have breakfast together every morning, we study with the older children in the morning and do reading sessions. Everyday we go for a walk around the woods to make sure the children go out. Lunch and then afternoons are usual play time and then we do more reading and story time" I smiled hearing the routine, kids needed to play, it was their way of learning. I deeply appreciated how they took care of them so well.

"The children were actually wondering, your majesty, if you would like to do story time this afternoon? And maybe answer some question that they may have?" She looked very guarded as she asked. It was like she was expecting me to be offended.

I was quite the opposite, "I would love too" I smiled, "We can do it as we go in, I'm sure Tasha and Eddie won't mind joining us"

"Thank you your majesty, it will make the children so happy!"

"Please" I said, "Call me Rose"

She smiled sweetly, "I will gather the children in the reading room and you can come in whenever you're ready"

Nodding and smiling she walked off. I saw Tasha waiting outside for me with a small smile on her lips. "You always look so natural at what you do when we go out"

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Talking and discussing the children future, you have such passion and a lot of knowledge. It's incredible to see"

"I want them to have options, they can't fight for themselves yet, so somebody has to"

"Spoke like a true queen" She winked and I laughed.

"You laugh when you're around children" She stated. I sighed I bit my lip as I realised how much I missed my old self. Always laughing and smiling, I can't understand how I'd lost it. It was like the urge to keep smiling had left my body.

"I feel more like my old self to be very honest" meeting her gaze, "I know they have no expectations of me, on who I am or who I should be. They just want to play and be free"

She nodded as we walked inside. "I miss the old Rose too"

I felt like crying when she said that. Closing my eyes I tipped my head down, "Me too"

"We're ready!" The lady called from around the corner. Taking a deep breath I put a smile on my face as I greeted the children. The had formed a half circle and left a cushion on the floor in front of them.

Sitting down I could tell they were all excited, "Right, I've heard you have some questions for me? I'll happily answer anything you're curious about and then I might have a story we could read"

They squealed and laughed with excitement which only made me laugh. "Whos' first?"

A little boy at the front put his hand up before I finished, I snickered, "Yes?"

"Will you marry a prince?"

My smile faltered slightly but was still warm, "Just because I'm a princess doesn't mean I have to marry a prince, but who ever I marry will become one yes"

The boy next to him quickly raised his hand and I nodded for him to continue, "Can he sword fight?"

I chuckled, "Not that I know of"

Disappointment fell on his face, "But I can" I smiled. His face lit up, "Really?"

Nodding I said, "My father and his dearest friend taught me. They asked what sport I wanted to learn when I was a girl and sword fighting was what I wanted to learn"

"I didn't know princesses could sword fight, I thought princesses loved dresses and dancing" A little girl with a very innocent voice said looking at me with big eyes.

"Anyone can learn how to use a sword" I winked, "But I do love my dresses and dancing"

She grinned happily when a girl in the back raised her hand, "Yes?" I smiled.

"When are you getting married?"

I bit my lower lip, "Mid next month"

"How did you meet him? Was is super romantic?" She asked, eyes big with excitement.

"Did he see you and you fell in love instantly?"

"Is he handsome?"

The questions were coming shooting at me and I was a little surprised. I snickered feeling a little anxious. "Um well" I thought about it.

"It was during a ball a few months ago, I had helped my father organise some of it. I wore a dark blue dress with a big full skirt and the most beautiful tiara that use to be my mothers" I smiled. I could tell all the girls really enjoyed this, they were looking at me dreamily as I continued.

"I was greeting guests along side my father when he suddenly caught my eye" My smile grew as I imagined it again, "He wore a dark green jacket and his hair was out. He look incredibly handsome" I felt warm all over, "When our eyes met it was like I was lost for words, his eyes were so beautiful, big brown eyes that had me from the second I laid eyes on him"

"Did you dance all night?"

I nodded, "Song after song, I didn't want it it to stop. Before he left he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it"

"It sounds so romantic" One of the girl sighed. "I wish I was a princess"

I smiled, "You don't have to be a princess to find your prince, remember that. But you don't have to wait around for him either, it's perfectly fine to find him yourself"

After that all of the children were buzzing. I read a short story about a dragon and a little boy. It was very exciting. When it was done it was time to go back to the palace.

Outside we waved good bye and I told them I would be back soon. Walking along my best friends I could feel their eyes on me. I already knew what they were going to say, but I let Tasha say it.

"That was how you met Dimitri, wasn't it? Not Mason"

Pressing my lips together I nodded, "I didn't realise until I was done that I wasn't telling the right story" I admitted, "I couldn't stop then and say it was with the wrong man" I said looking over at Tasha.

She gave me a sad smile, "I understand"

Taking a deep breath, "It was a slip up and a stupid one, I know you must think I'm crazy. I'm engaged to Mason and I like him dearly, I just want to focus on the wedding"

"You're not stupid" Eddie said moving his arm around my shoulder, "Just a big hopeless with your emotions sometimes"

I chuckled, "Thank you?"

"So are we going wedding dress shopping soon?" Tasha said with a big smile on her face. I nodded, "We'll go early next week. I will send Louise a note of warning"

"Warning?" Eddie said confused.

Tasha laughed, "This is going to take Ages!"

Right so what do we make of this? Will she shape up and realise that Mason might be better for her, or will she forever be buried in her own pity, pining for the man she love?

xxx