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Rose
"Are you sure about this?"
I nodded looking at my reflection. "Yes" I sighed, "It will be good"
I could hear Tasha huff and mumble something under her breath. I rolled my eyes turning towards her, "Just speak your mind Tasha" I said falling onto the couch still wearing the dress.
She hadn't agreed with me at all lately. I knew she was my best friend and she only wanted what was best for me. But I could tell she had been holding back on her opinions. She eyed me before she got the courage to say her opinion.
"You're wedding dress shouldn't be Good, excuse my language but it should be fucking amazing! You should be teary eyed and feel like this is the dress you want to wear on the best day of your life. I'm here to help and I know this isn't the way you may have hope this would be like as a little girl, but this is just wrong"
"Life isn't always plain and simple Tasha" I said giving her a side place.
"I know something that's plain" I knew she was glaring at my dress.
Taking a deep breath I got up looking into the mirror again.
She couldn't have been more right to be fair. I never imagined to have a plain wedding dress, knowing the types of gowns I usually loved, this would be the peak of my fashion moments! But what I was wearing was the opposite.
It was a white dress of pure white silk. It had a simple U neckline with an inch wide straps. The bodice was very fitted, hugging my bust and waist. The skirt was very full and the silk was very beautiful, the dress couldn't get simpler than this.
I wasn't sure i could tell Tasha the real reason why I had chosen this dress. I had only tried to act like this is what I really wanted. I was going to wear my mothers old lace veil.
Licking my lips I was turning as I took the whole image in. "Some red lipstick and a nice bracelet could brighten it up a little" I said trying to make Tasha a bit more excited about this.
"It's going to need a lot more than that" She said, arms crossed over her chest looking at the dress like it was the devil.
Walking over to her I unfold her arms and take her hands in mine. Taking her over to the sofa I dreaded saying what I was about to say. I had tried holding all my emotions in lately. I could tell she could see straight through me though.
"I know this isn't want you originally thought for my wedding, I know this is important to you as well, you're my best friend. Of course you're looking out for me and only want the best, that's exactly what I want for you"
A small smile played on her lips. I met her smile with a sad one, "I know I should be wearing something fantastic and that we should be looking for hours to make this perfect, that this should be the most amazing, fantastic day of my life"
I could see realisation in her eyes as I continued, "But this isn't going to be the happiest day of my life"
She started shaking her head in protest but I squeezed her hand, silently asking her to let me finish. "As sad as it sounds I don't want to wear something amazing, I don't want to look so fucking good it will kill him when he see's me. If I even invite him" I said with a grimace on my face as I realised what I just said.
"I've thought long and hard on this and I want to do this as much in Mason's favour as possible. I let him decide pretty much all of it, I know it will make him feel like he has a say and that he can do whatever suits him and what he thinks would suit us. Simple is easy, simple gives me less to think about and less to get reminded of something I don't want to think about"
"But it's your wedding" Tasha simple stated. I could see the tears pooling in her eyes.
"Tasha" I said squeezing her hand tighter but she was shaking her head no. Moving her hands away from mine she got up. "You can't let him dictate you like this!" She was angry, She kept moving around the room. "This is suppose to be happy, I know it's hard and I know you've had it rough lately but you can't let him ruin this day for you!" I could see a tear run down her cheek, "You're my best friend, I can't let you do this"
"There's nothing you can do" I said sadly, hating to see her like this.
"Yes!" She shouted, "Yes there is!" She was breathing heavy, "I can tell you how stupid, stupid and wrong this is. I can tell you what an asshole he is for doing this to you and how stupid you are for letting him"
A grim smile spread on my lips, I knew she was right.
She was shaking her head, "It's like you've given up. Like you can't even be bothered to fight anymore! What happened to you Rose? You use to be so strong, so confident. No man could ever fuck around with you, you wouldn't let him"
Anger was slowly entering my veins and I tried to stay calm. I didn't want to fight. But as she continued it felt like it was inevitable.
"No man should ever have the right to do that to you, to take away your right to do whatever you please. He's only a man" she said looking at me like I was crazy.
"What do you want me to do?" I said feeling the panic and tears lace my voice, "Be alone for the rest of my life?" Running my fingers through my hair I groaned. I hated fighting with her but I couldn't hold back. The words were just freely leaving my tongue.
"To come home to nothing every day? Have nothing but a big empty home with only myself in it? I rather give into him thousands of times and get my heart broken than not to have felt anything at all" I said fiercely, "What Dimitri made me feel, what we had was something I've dreamt of since god knows when. I wouldn't give that up for anything, no matter how much it hurts. I know how sick it sounds but I have never felt anything like that before in my life, if I could I would have this disappear, leave and never ever set a foot here again. But I bound to him" I felt out of breath, light headed.
"It's like he's a part of me, like he's taken the only piece that I'm able to give to someone, and I'm not able to feel anything for anyone else ever again. I love him" A tear were running down my cheek as I was looking my best friend in the eye.
"I love him" I whispered, "I know he will never be mine, it will never happen. Should I be unhappy for the rest of my life or try to at least like someone else? Maybe Mason can distract whatever Dimitri have and one day I could maybe-"
I couldn't even finish that sentence before the tears broke through. A sob rips through my chest. Tasha moves over quickly and takes me in her arms.
I sniffle, "It's like I'm standing still, like I'm frozen. Like nothing else matter now he's not here. It's like I'm screaming out for help but no ones coming"
Moving back I dry my tears, "It's like" I sniffled, "Like I will never be the same again"
Hugging me tight Tasha was slowly swaying us back and forth. From time to time as I'd sob she would squeeze me a little big tighter just for comfort.
When I finally felt like I was calming down, she leaned back to take me in. She had a small sad smile on her lips, the tears were gone and I could tell she tried hard to stay smiling.
"The dress isn't that bad, all it needs it's some nice accessories"
I chuckled sniffling smoothening out the fabric. Taking a deep breath I looking down at the dress, "Thank you, It will be good"
Her reply was a nod as she started tidying up around her. Placing my hand on my stomach I could feel an uneasy feeling making it's way in. I don't know how this will end. But I will be happy one day, If it's the last thing I do before I die, I will be happy.
Mason and I were sitting in a meeting with Papa and Oscar. We had pretty much all the wedding details ready. Food, decorations, schedules on arrivals and sleeping arrangements. It would be a big event, I think there was a guest list of three hundred people.
Papa and Mason had been sitting with the list for a solid week before they sent out invitations. We had tried loads of food, cakes and wines. This should be my favourite part. Sadly as it sounds the more I get to know Mason and his choices I realised how different we are.
For the main we had come to a little disagreement, we were having a five course meal, I thought it was a little too much, I wasn't that extravagant. Like my wedding dress, simple was my aim. But Mason wanted this to be the event of the year. After a while I started to give in. I went with whatever he wanted. Seeing some of the decorations, it was beautiful, stunning even! He had done well, don't get me wrong, but all girls plan their weddings well in advance.
This was nothing like I had planned. Shaking my head, I needed to stop whining! A future Queen doesn't whine.
We were going through what the day would look like, when we had to be where and be ready.
"Then after the ceremony you will go outside and the people will be waiting in the square and wave to the people before we move to the great hall for your wedding breakfast" Oscar was explaining the whole thing. Papa and Mason looked very proud. They had been so busy lately and they've done an amazing job.
I already knew everything was going to be perfect, everything always is when papa has a say in it.
"Rose?"
My head snapped up, "Yes?"
Papa smiled at the look on my face, "You're a bit quiet, is everything ok?"
"Is there anything you don't like?" Mason asked taking my hand under the table. Forcing a smile on my face I squeeze his hand before meeting papa's gaze.
"I was thinking about the accessories that would work with my dress, sorry Oscar" I said giving him an apologetic smile. "And everything is prefect" I smiled towards Mason, "I can't believe how quickly you to have worked to have all this done!"
"It's been hard work" Papa smiled putting a hand on Masons shoulder, "But he always knew what he wanted so making the choices were easy, it was just making it happened that took some time" He chuckled.
"And it looks amazing" I said squeezing Masons hand again. He grinned back looking very proud.
"So you have found your wedding dress then?" Oscar asked smiling.
I nodded, for some reason I could see something in his smile. The way he was looking at me it was like he could see through my lies. He'd always been good at that. He had eyes everywhere and he always was in the loop.
Mostly what's giving me away is my lack of excitement I think, I know it's such a small thing that you can fake but I feel even worse for faking it.
"Don't tell us" Mason said grinning, "You can't let the groom see or know about the dress, it's bad luck!"
Half smiling his way, "I'll keep it a secret, you will see it all on the day. Now if you both excuse me I am meeting Tasha to go over the accessories and then the dress for the Pre wedding dinner party"
Getting out of my chair and smile toward Papa and Oscar. Mason turned to me, "I put the dress I wanted you to wear in your room with Tasha"
A big fake smile shone on my lips, "Thank you, I can't wait to see it!"
He grinned, "Some guests starts arriving tomorrow and then the dinner is the day after tomorrow"
"I know" I smiled leaning down kissing the side of his mouth. "You've done amazing planning it all, you both have" I smiled meeting papas gaze.
Oscar cleared his throat and I chuckled, "You've done OK" I joked winking towards Oscar.
"Afternoon Gentlemen" I smiled before I left the room.
Entering my suite I could see Tasha's back towards me. I already knew what she was looking at, her arms were crossed and her head cocked to the side. Almost letting up a giggle I knew she wasn't completely happy about Masons dress choice.
"What's the verdict?" I asked sitting down on my bed pouring myself some tea before preparing one for Tasha.
Shrugging she sighed before saying, "A bit boring, but it works"
A smile were on my lips as I poured a little bit of milk into my cup. "Can I see?"
Moving aside so I could see, she had put the dress on a mannequin to see the fit, how the skirt would fall and so on. I see why she thought what she did. It was very simple, empire waist and quite thick straps. Falling to the floor it had some nice detail but over all simple. I liked it, but with red dresses Tasha always went with bold styles and always making a statement. It was a very statement colour.
"See, it's boring" Tasha said when I realised she was staring at me. Shaking my head I tried to smile, "It's very simple but it's what he chose"
I could practically hear her eyes rolling. Walking around it, the back was slightly low cut which was a nice feature. Hopefully with a nice hairdo and jewellery it could lift the whole outfit.
"What Jewellery options do you suggest?" I asked studying the dress.
"Masons already chosen"
My head snapped up and I frowned meeting her gaze. She had this look on her face, expecting, hoping I'd get pissed. Taking a deep breath I looked at the dress again. "OK" Was the first words leaving my mouth, "That's fine"
Tasha didn't say a word as she lifted her cup sipping quietly. I knew she didn't like this one bit, as harsh as it sounds, this wasn't really about her.
"We will make it work and it will be great on the night"
"You're really going to pretend you're ok with this?"
Sighing I pursed my lips, "I thought you liked Mason and wanted me to be with him"
"Not when I know how you truly feel! You don't love him, we've already talked about this"
"So I should just wait around for Dimitri, who's never going to be mine?" I said raising my brows at her.
"You deserve someone who treats you better than him" she said wrinkling her nose.
Walking over to her I said, "Neither of us will win nor agree in this conversation" Taking her hand I squeezed it, "Can't we just be friends and not argue, I'm doing this, you know I am"
She pursed her lips sighing to herself knowing that I was telling the truth. "I know, I know. I don't like it, but I'm doing this for you. Only you"
Giving her a hug we started discussing what we could do with my hair. I tried pushing out of my mind that so many people were coming to this event and I wasn't even sure if I could hold myself together. But I guess only time will tell. This is my last week as Rose Mazur, as sad as it sounds, I think I'm going to miss my maiden name. I don't know what my future will hold, but it's a step forward. No matter what, I hope I've made the right choice.
I'm thinking I'll post chapter 19 end of this week and then 20 at some point next week. Then I'll take a break. I don't think there will be a sequel, I will continue to post on here after chap 20. There will be a break in between though so I can catch up with the chapters :)
How does that sound?
xxx