A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story and any of my other stories! Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, Rosalie! This chapter is very short, but it was fun to write anyway. I hope you enjoy it!

Between Chapters 44 and 45 of "Determinant" – Tris: Exploration

It's certainly not unusual for me to dream about Tobias. We've been apart for three months, but he still fills my head as much at night as he does during the day.

It's not even unusual for the dreams to be sensual. If I can't really have his hands tracing over every part of me, and his lips on mine, and his body pressed hard against me, I can at least remember. And imagine.

So, when I wake up slowly, a tingling sensation running along every inch of my skin and an echo of pleasure still rippling through me, it doesn't seem particularly strange. But what is different is how long the feeling lasts.

I stretch luxuriously, enjoying the after-effects even as I find myself wanting more. God, I miss him.

My hands move slowly down my sides, and I find myself thinking distinctly non-Abnegation thoughts…. If I close my eyes, maybe I can pretend he's here.

Technically, this wouldn't be the first time I've touched myself. Back in sex ed at school, we were divided by both gender and faction, so a teacher could address each group's individual needs. And what they had to say to the Abnegation girls was rather enlightening.

"You have to decide for yourselves," I remember our teacher saying, "which is more selfless. You can let your first time occur naturally, knowing that it will be somewhat painful – and that your husband might feel guilty for inflicting that pain. Or you can prepare yourself in advance, by stretching your body gradually with your own fingers and whatever else you choose to use – but that might give you pleasure that your faction would call selfish."

She went on to describe to the mortified class all of the ways we could "prepare" ourselves, using a gradually larger number of fingers or anything else of a suitable size that was clean and available. Susan turned beet red when the teacher started giving specific examples of which fresh produce worked best.

The approach was a good example of Erudite trying to understand another faction – both missing wildly and somewhat succeeding.

Afterwards, I spent a great deal of time thinking about which option was most Abnegation, which one I preferred, and if I cared whether or not the two matched. And ultimately, I explored a little before deciding that the level of pleasure I was getting was definitely not appropriate for my faction of birth.

In retrospect, I wish I had continued anyway. Maybe it would have relieved Tobias' guilt a little if he hadn't hurt me our first time. I'm not a fool – I know it wouldn't have kept him from leaving the way he did – but maybe it would have made some difference. Enough for him to contact me again.

My hand slips lower, sliding along my sensitive areas as I remember that first time with him, and think about how it might have gone differently. It could have been like our second time, I suppose, which was far more pleasant. He ran his own fingers along me then, breathing in my scent the way I always loved his. He was fighting his claustrophobia that time, but it seemed to vanish when he reached inside me, exploring with obvious desire.

I move my own fingers the way he did, trying to achieve the same effect, but they're too short and are at the wrong angle. And they certainly aren't a substitute for his other body parts. But they're all I have, so I do my best, rubbing and circling and thrusting and generally experimenting with every type of sensation I can create while I imagine Tobias penetrating my body in much better ways.

It takes a lot longer than it did with him, but eventually I achieve some level of satisfaction, whimpering his name as my climax overtakes me.

It's better than nothing, I suppose, but as I shower afterwards, I can't help but think about the produce the kitchen has this time of year. Maybe there are some choices around this place after all.

A/N: I don't know if I'll be adding more to this story or not. I'm writing mostly in third-person, past-tense these days, which I've never used for my "Determinant" related fics. If I were to write some chapters in that POV, would you be interested in reading them? If so, please let me know in a review. Thanks!

P.S. In case you missed it, I posted a new story last week under this account. Please check it out. :-)