Chapter 6

Picking Partners

A bloody ball. He was going to a bloody ball.

He didn't feel in the partying sort of mood. Partying was for heroes, not for cowards who keeps getting himself in dangerous situations. He keeps needing saving.

"Aye. That sounds peachy Swan." He said bitterly, he tried to keep his voice cheery but he couldn't help it.

That bloody woman was in his head and he couldn't get her out.

Emma told them the location, in the golden kingdom two days north of there as the sorcerer's spawn was turning 4 and the village was celebrating it.

He would never celebrate his own birth; it would turn into the day of his death anyway. Yet another foe he would be helpless to stop, he would be just another who would leave Emma, who would hurt her.

He clenched his fists once the boy had turned his back on them.

"Sailor?" He shook his head.

"Give me a moment Swan. I really don't want to snap at you again, but I need a moment to think." He admitted. Words and memories tearing at his insides.

"Ok." She said softly. She was looking at him like that, worried, like he was about to break. He didn't like that look, not now. Back on the ship he liked seeing that she cared, but now he felt weak and powerless and inept.

It made him burn with rage.

He really didn't want to go to this ball.

Emma let him have his space, much to his surprise; she only spoke to him when necessary all throughout the day. He appreciated that, he really did. But it didn't help exactly, it just kept spinning in his head, spinning and spinning.

"Killian?" Said someone suddenly. He turned around, seeing Henry, looking at him thoughtfully.

"Yes lad?" He replied calmly.

"Mom says you want to help get my mom back." He nodded.

"I do." Killian replied simply. He would do anything in his power to return the lad to his family, family was very important to him.

"Why?" He asked in all seriousness. "Why do you care?"

Killian turned to see how far Swan had gotten before tuning to her boy. "Henry, do you remember what I said about good form?" The boy nodded. "Good form means that you do the right thing, no matter what. And do you know what the right thing is Henry?" He shook his head. "The right thing is making sure you don't lose your family. No one deserves to lose the people we love." He insisted.

"Do you love my mom?" Henry asked next, looking over to where Emma was as well.

"I..um…I don't know." He admitted. "It's complicated."

Henry chuckled. "That's what mom said about Graham." There was that name again, he had heard it in another fight the boy had had with Emma. "You adults make things so difficult. If you love my mom, she'll want to hear it." Henry told him.

"I thought you don't like me." He asked the boy. Henry folded his arms.

"I don't trust you, there's a difference." He reminded him. "You're still a pirate." It made Killian laugh.

"I'd trust a pirate above a Navy man any day." Killian snickered, much to Henry's amusement as he laughed.

For some reason talking with Henry helped combat the demons a bit. It made him remember why he was walking through this forest, were he would have been if he hadn't taken the boy to meet his captain, a chain of events that had forever changed his life.

Unfortunately, that very night, brought him back two paces. He could pretend to be a hero with Henry, with Emma. He could even fool himself

But in the dead of night, he knew. He knew who he was.

"That's a funny tattoo." Lacey remarked fingering it lightly. "I knew of a Milah. I know what she did, tell me, are you the coward who watched her die?"

He hadn't expected that. "How do you know of her?" He growled right back, not liking the way her name fell of this siren's tongue.

She laughed cheekily. "Read about her in a book, you can say I'm an avid book worm. Is it true that the village burned her house after what happen? They didn't want to let the darkness in?" She sneered.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He had hissed at her, remembering the fire that he'd watched from the ship, the fire that took the last traces of his love away. "So tell me your terms or I'm walking away and finding someone else to help me." He had barked.

"Does the Dark One know you watched a mother bleed out on their living room floor? That when the boy is eventually found, he'll have no one to return to? Because you were weak? Does she know you'll let her ward down too?" She had continued, he had felt the blade enter his side, he tries to pull away, but her grip on his arm was stern. "Sit sailor, before I put a pretty little hole in your lung, one your precious Dark One can't heal." He feels the blade deepen and does as he was asked. He was becoming a hostage yet again. He was putting Emma in danger, again.

"Does she know that she's in bed with a liar? That you promised to fight for her when you can't even fight for her? The woman you loved."

The scene shifts to another. To a jungle island to a cave where despicable children swung on trees and he clung to his brother's side, he could see the wound, the jagged cut along his arm, turned black with poison. He was just glad it no longer spread, that his brother was ok.

"What are your terms?" Liam asked "So that my brother and I can go free?"

The demon laughed and laughed, touching their lip before pointing at him.

"There's someone on this island. Someone who wishes to oppose me, I don't like opposition, don't you know, I want him to kill this person." Kilian went rigid.

"Absolutely not." Liam had roared, getting to his feet, pushing him behind his back. "He's just a boy." Killian looked between the demon and Liam the harsh stares.

"Look around you Captain Jones, we are all children here. It has to be him. I want him to cut out my enemy's heart." Killian shuddered.

"He won't." Liam snapped. "What he just killed this enemy and I bring you his heart, will that settle this debt?" Killian pulled away, looking at Liam, he didn't want to kill anyone.

"Brother!" He cried out as the demon nodded with a joyful smile and Liam turned to face him.

"You can do this." He promised. "I believe in you."

The scene changed, he was standing in front of her, a brunette beauty who ruled his heart. She reached up and kissed him.

"Take me away Killian." She pleaded. "I can't live here, not like this." She was crying, he couldn't bear to see her cry. "Please Killian." He nodded.

He was always hopeless to her every desire. "I will Milah. We'll go away from here. We can be together."

Then she was dead. He sunk to his knees, cradling her body as she gasped uselessly in his grip. She was dying, dead. A dagger through her heart.

"No Milah, No. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She turned to him. "You did it for her." He leapt back. That wasn't how it happened. She never said…she didn't say…

"You did it for her!" Liam yelled standing in front of him now, dagger raised. "But not for us."

He shook his head. No. No. He turned back to Milah, she was standing now, Bae at her side.

"Not for us."

Then Hans struck, the man he'd killed for Swan, he struck him right in the back. The dagger going right through his chest.

He leapt awake in a cold sweat. Shaking like a leaf, he felt over his chest feeling for the wound, for wetness of blood, but there was nothing.

He moved his hand through his hair, over and over again, pleading for the voices to go away.

"Why her and not me?"

"Are you alright?"

"You watched her die."

"Shut up." He hissed. "Just leave me be!" He said raising his voice over them.

"Killian? Hey Killian." He shook his head. "Killian?" He pulled his head from his hands, seeing Emma sitting next to him. It took a moment for him to realize that he was no longer dreaming, she was real and was seeing him in his post-nightmare state.

He pulled back.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." He snapped harshly, calming his breathing, getting his shaking down to a slight tremor. His words were more for his benefit than hers.

"You're not." She snapped back. "I'm trying to give you space, but you know what? That's not really me. So spit it out." She demanded. "What did that witch say to you? I know that's what's bothering you, or at least related."

He let out a breath.

"She knew of Milah." He responded. "Knew what happened to her. What I let happen. It's thrown me a bit." He could feel her deflate. "Old wounds of the heart." He added with a light hearted grin.

"Oh Killian, why didn't you tell me?" She pleaded. She felt guilty; of course she would feel guilty. That's just what he needed, not only did she have to protect him from real threats, but from his own inner demons too.

Could he do anything right?

"It's my cross to bear Swan, I shouldn't be worrying you every time something difficult crosses my mind." He explained dismissively.

"Maybe you should." She whispered. "Maybe I want to do that with you. Maybe I'm scared too."

He watched her warily, unsure what she meant. "What could you possibly be scared of love? You're the Dark One."

She nodded. "You would think that with all this power, I could protect people I care about." She turned, looking over at her sleeping son. "But I can't. The first person I tried to protect was my father. I had known for years that my mother held his heart, literally. He was forced to do her bidding. So one night I tried to get it back, free him. My mother found out and I had to watch her use it, squeeze his heart and cause him pain. I was helpless to stop it."

He could see her shut her eyes closed at the memory. "Do you remember what I told you? About how my father stopped caring? That was when it happened. After I failed to save him, mother ordered him not to care for me. She shut off his feelings for me." She whimpered. "I'm not telling you to tell me everything. I'm just saying that there is some good in talking to someone, to saying all these terrible things that happened to you out loud." She whispered, fingering his hand, rubbing gentle circles over his skin.

"Milah was married." He admitted in a single breath, reaching forward, whipping the tears from her eyes with his other hand, he didn't want her to drop her touch. "But she didn't love him. She resented him, hated him even." He continued. "But she loved her son. She would do anything for that boy, Bae."

Emma nodded, he pulled her closer, scooting them to lay against a tree as he continued his sad tale. "Her husband was constantly out, he was a soldier, he was constantly trying to help people, but never took the time to realize that the person he needed to help was her."

He remembered the first time he met her, her calm and caring face, her gentle touches, her fiery personality.

"We met after I had suffered a particularly bad beating from the Captain." He explained.

"Smee." She interrupted.

"What?"

"You stopped calling him 'the Captain' when you faced him. Just because you're dealing with other painful issues…I don't want you to undo the progress you've made." She insisted.

He nodded. It had been a simple slip of the tongue, but he saw her reasoning. He was the captain now. He was Captain Jones.

"Yes, yes, you're quite right." He said simply. "Anyway, Milah found me, weak and bloodied in an alley behind a tavern. She took me into her home, cared for my injuries, and generally showed me compassion. Elizabeth was the only one who ever usually showed me compassion, but Milah. Milah did it because of me, not because of a debt to my brother." He explained.

"When did you fall for her?" Emma whispered, pressing her cheek against his neck.

"We visited the port often. Every time we did, I'd go to her like a moth to a flame. Sometimes I'd go to her with gifts, souvenirs I'd picked up at various ports, other times I'd appear bleeding in need of her care." He explained. "Regardless, she'd open the door, invite me inside and tell me 'Killian, you shouldn't have."

He shuddered. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He couldn't, all he could see was the blood, oh the blood-

"I get visions of the future." Emma said suddenly, breaking him from the memory. "It's a gift received by all Dark Ones." She explained. "It showed Neal, my Neal, Henry's father, dying." He shifted, looking at her, her eyes were firmly planted on Henry's sleeping form.

"He told me it was my fault he was dying. He told me he hated me." She admitted. "So I turned him in." She whispered.

"Turned him in?" He repeated.

"He stole watches before we met, he told me so I called the cops. He got arrested for it." He looked at her confused again.

"Watches? Cops?" He repeated. "Sorry love… I'm unfamiliar with those terms."

Emma broke out into laughter. "Its not important, I returned home without him and went to my best friend's home to lay low. Her mother was the first to realize I was with child." She explained. "I soon realized that if I had this child, if I had Henry, if my mother found out…they would use him, my enemies would leverage him against me. He would be in danger, constant danger." She shook her head. "I couldn't let that happen."

He realized what she did. He had known all along, but he saw the physical toll it had taken on her. It took tremendous bravery to give up her child.

"At first I would appear, pretending to be his Aunt, but Henry eventually figured it out. He's always been a smart boy. He was furious that we all lied to him, but eventually he forgave us." She admitted. "I'm so glad that he forgave us, my greatest fear…is that Henry would grow up like I did, alone and thinking he was unwanted."

He took a broken breath. "He'll never be alone." He promised. "Regardless of what happens in our rescue attempt, this I promise you." He understood being alone and unwanted, understood how it hurt so deeply. Killian would make sure that Henry, a brave clever boy, would never have that scar on his heart, not just for Emma, but for the fact that Killian genuinely cared.

She gave a grateful smile. "Thank you."

Now it was his turn and he knew it.

"A couple months after we met, Bae ran away from home, disappeared without a trace, that's when things with her took a turn. She was so lonely and in so much grief. She couldn't stay there, with him, in her house, with all of Bae's things littering the place. Milah begged me to take her with her one day. She didn't care where, just that we could leave, leave Smee and her despicable husband, maybe even find Bae. I was putty in her hand. I would do anything for her. I left to make arrangements. We were to leave at dawn." He explained. "I think that was the last time I was happy, truly happy until..."

Until he walked into a tower, and saw a blonde haired beauty.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Her husband happened. He approached me, demanded what I was doing sleeping with his wife." His voice shook. "He challenged me for a duel, he knew of our plans to run away. He handed me a sword and challenged me to a duel to defend Milah's honor. He said he wouldn't lose his wife to a coward."

He didn't need to say what happened. Emma had seen his reaction when he hurt the dog-guard in her tower. He hadn't been able to stand up to this man. He ran away.

"I returned the next day, aiming to apologize to Milah, but when I got there…"

He paused, unable to say the words.

"I was with her as she died, I held her, she told me she loved me. I let her down. I remember asking myself what would happen if Bae came back, if he found out what I had done…I always have nightmares of Bae screaming at me, of being so angry. He would tell me it was my fault and eventually, I started to agree. I ran, and now Milah is dead." He admitted.

"It wasn't your fault." Emma insisted.

"I left her son without a mother." He insisted. "If it wasn't for me, she'd still be alive, maybe I was the reason Bae left in the first place, since he never really liked me."

Emma shook her head. "You didn't kill her." She insisted. "You are not a murderer."

She's not just talking about Milah, he can feel these words are for his guilt about Hans too. She forces him to look at her, and he does. He sees her, and she sees him. Killian has never told this story to anyone before, not even Victor and Elizabeth. They knew that first visit when he had returned, broken hearted, tattered and hopeless, but they never knew the story behind it. He may not have told everything to Swan, but he had faith that he would. When he could say the words, he'd tell Swan everything. Right now, he felt too raw, too helpless to shed that emotional armor.

"I've had years to get over it, but I haven't. I still blame myself. It was easier to live with; it was easier when I was nothing. But now, now that I feel worth something, now that I want to be worthy of you…It makes me wonder why I chose now to do something, to actually fight for things that are important to me." He admits.

Emma cuddles deeper into him, understanding radiating off her in waves. "I wonder the same thing. I wonder why I'm willing to let you influence me like this. I wonder how you can see good in me after everything I've done." He turns, kissing her on the top of the head.

"Perhaps we should just both accept it, stop questioning fate and the past?" He wondered aloud. "I accept that I'm willing to fight for you like I've never fought before, and you accept that I see so much good in you Swan. I have faith in you and your choices."

Emma smiled.

Killian slept the rest of the night entangled in Emma, her head in the crook of his neck, his arms wrapped around her. He never slept better.

A few days later, they showed up to the ball fashionably late, according to Emma.

"All the royalty love to show up late, so naturally they all show up at the same time." She had explained. It seemed pretty ridiculous to him, but he was a deckhand, not a prince.

He held Emma's hand as they entered, a bright red dress cutting in all the right places, hair golden like the sun, she sometimes hid it's golden color from the world beneath her platinum exterior, but right now she was light.

She was love.

Bloody hell he loved this woman.

"Do I really have to wear this?" He grumbled as she caught his stare. It was a very…princely attire, the dark brown blazer over the pale dress shirt, but it felt stuffy and tight when he moved.

"Yup." She chuckled, kissing his cheek. "You're my prince charming tonight." He laughed as a blush most certainly took hold. "Besides, you don't see Henry complaining."

He looked over at the lad, seeing the way he scowled at his dress shirt. He looked quite handsome, but obviously unhappy. The lad however probably knew he should keep his complaints to himself.

"I didn't think he'd want to come." Killian inquired.

"He's planning to pick pocket the princess of Camelot, he heard she was to make an appearance with some precious heirloom." Emma explained with a sigh.

"What's his thing with thievery Swan?" He asked honestly. Whenever their backs were turned, it seems like the boy was stealing or swindling, or plotting one of the two.

"When he was 7, I was taking him on an adventure into a nearby village. He was so excited, but then one of the merchants was rude to me. He said a slut like me didn't deserve to wear something so beautiful. I was ready to blow him away with magic but I had Henry with me, I didn't want to draw attention to him. I let the man live, planning on getting retribution afterwards." She began. "But when we walked away, Henry had stolen the man's expensive jewelry. He told me that he thought I was beautiful. It was so sweet." Emma shrugged.

"Ever since then he steals things, he's gotten better with practice, scary good actually. But I never understood why he started in the first place."

Killian did. He understood too well. He'd have a word with Henry about it when this was all over.

They saw the young teen slip away in the crowd, a smirk on his face; it seemed he had spotted his target.

"Welcome!" Exclaimed one of the guards, making them jump. He commanded thier attention with a joyous voice. "The name's Gaston, head guard. Who, may I announce, is next to enter the ball room?" The guard boomed. Killian blinked, not knowing what to say.

"I'm Princess Leia, and this is my betrothed, Prince Charles." Emma said with ease as the guard bowed to her. "Of Alderaan." She continued. He nodded in agreement as the guard announced them and they slipped in undeterred.

"That was close Swan." He said softly.

"Not really, I've been conning my way into balls since I first got away." She admitted, making him raise one brow. "The tales of Princess Leia's attendance to balls stretch back far in this type of crowd's memory." He hadn't expected that.

"I never pegged you for liking this sort of things." He asked carefully. She shrugged, pink in her cheeks.

"I am a princess." She reminded him. "A rebellious princess, but still a princess." Yes, she was, and he was a gentleman. He did the only thing he could do; he gave his hand to her, a smile on his lips.

"Care to dance Princess?" She looked at it with awe before a blush crossed her face. Emma looked adorable when she blushed.

"I don't…I don't know how to do…whatever it is they're doing." She says shyly. It makes his grin only widen.

"I thought you said you went to ball's before?" He asked guiding her towards the dance. "You've never actually participated?"

Emma shook her head. "Mother said dancing was for the royals trying to make themselves look better. No one ever wanted to dance with me. I brought Graham along once, but he was a terrible dancer, I held his heart and still couldn't get him within ten feet of a dance." She mused sarcastically. "Don't tell me you know how to do….whatever it is they're doing?" She challenged, looking around nervously. "We shouldn't, we really should be looking-"

Killian shook his head, holding her hand in his, placing her other around him and then positioning himself. After everything she's done for him, the least he could do was show her how to dance in these types of places. "It's called a waltz." He supplied. "There is only one rule, pick a partner that knows what he's doing" He flirted as she eased into his grip, winking. She seemed surprised as he easily swayed around the floor, perfectly instep with the other couples.

"And how exactly do you know how to do this?" Emma asked in a challenge.

"My brother taught me. He taught me many a skills to woo a lady." He explained. "But the first mate, one of the only members of the crew who was ever kind to me, asked my assistance in teaching his fiancée how to dance before one of the naval balls. He knew I was the only member who would restrain from making an inappropriate pass at her." He explained.

"Because you're a gentleman?" She teased as they drifted around the floor into the sound of the music and the feel of the dance. It was nice, existing with Emma, watching her lose a bit of her tension, to just be. The Dark One was here, he was dancing with her, falling for her a little more with each passing day.

"Because I was dancing with my little sister." He explained. Emma blinked in surprise. "Half-sister." He corrected. Emma didn't reply at first.

"You get more mysterious by the day don't you?" She prodded. He grinned.

"Likewise Swan. You mentioned this Graham fellow…As did Henry." He said curiously. She shifted uncomfortably, and Killian realized the conversation wasn't light enough for the dance, so he switched it, or he would have had he not seen something that was not expected but had him grinning from ear to ear. Swan however would probably not find it so amusing.

"What?" Emma asked, trying to turn her head to see what he was watching. He lifted his head, desiring to see her reaction. Now that would be amusing!

"I'm going to spin you, Swan." He warned her as he leaned in. She easily went along, allowing him a look at her dress's skirt fluttering. She looked so beautiful.

"Who's that girl talking to my son?!" She hissed, smile disappearing, a protective scowl appeared in its place. Killian adored every part of her, and right now, he adored the protective look on her face.

The girl in question was a petite brunette, tanned skin and a lilac dress. She was laughing with Henry, hand on his shoulder. "Why I believe that's Camelot's princess Swan." He murmured, the girl nervously pushed her hair away avoiding his eyes as her cheeks flushed at whatever Henry had said before replying. Henry blushed at whatever that reply was. "He looks quite smitten."

She growled under her breath. "I thought she would be older, like a pick pocket type of job not-" Emma shook her head. "Maybe I should go over there and-" He grabbed her back as she started to.

"Give the lad his moment; I'll keep an eye on your boy." He told her. "Make sure they don't disappear into any empty rooms." He snickered.

"Killian!" She hissed, staring at the girl with daggers. He just laughed.

"Only jesting Swan, aren't we here with a particular reason as well?" Emma nodded, pulling him close, pressing a kiss on his lips before backing away leaving him wanting more.

"When I get back, I plan to find myself an empty room Captain." She gave him a wink before leaving his side and fluttering off in search of her target.

Killian smiled as a blush crept across his face. "Bloody minx." He cursed.

"No cursing here dearie, there are children present." His blood froze in his veins, he knew that voice, that chosen word of endearment, he knew it too well. Killian turned around slowly. The man stood tall and powerful, in his fifties at least, dressed in a deep blue coat, accented with none other than gold. "It's been a long time deckhand." He sneered.

No. Not him, anyone but him, what the bloody hell is he doing here!

Killian shivered, nodding. "Yes. Yes it has." His voice dull, mentally shifting between fear and acceptance. He honestly wasn't sure which, after all this time running, maybe it was time to just accept it. The man turned, pointing to one of the adjacent rooms.

"I believe you and I are in need of a little chat." He ordered in a light voice. "You wouldn't want your new lady to hear would you? Tell me, she married too?" Killian scowled.

"Its bad form to leave a party before the guest of honor makes an appearance." Killian replied evenly. "The sorcerer and his family have yet to make themselves known." He insisted, hoping to buy some time, think of a way out of this mess, he hadn't even told Emma that Milah...

The man smiled his snide smile. "Oh, but I am the sorcerer." He gave an emphasized boy, waving his hands around. "Rumpelstiltskin at your service."

Well originally I wanted to post this Sunday night right after 5x12 ends, but unfortunately, life will prevent me from doing so. Its either post now or be forced to skip a week, something I couldn't do to my loyal readers.

(But I will be seeing the episode right on time, and probably be suffering the angst I'm sure will come because our beloved Killian is in the Underworld!)

Besides that, I couldn't have picked a better chapter to be the last hiatus one, I mean seriously, based on one of the most crucial scenes for this pairing EVER. I'm glad it worked out like that.

andria: I'm glad you liked the bartender warning. I hope the ball lives up to your expectations, we're going to be here a while.

Happy day (or so) before Once comes back!

~Luna