His apartment was small. He didn't require much. It was enough to have a clean space to lay his head at the end of the day. And unlike some of the places that he visited, this one had a decent place to park his baby. He had taken the long route home, snaking by the giant Walmart with its too-bright parking lot. He almost pulled into the place. He had even mapped out where he'd park and how long it would take to walk in, find the liquor aisle, and get the Hell out. He had missed the turn though, maybe on purpose. He had circled back and missed it again. He did this a few more times before he gave up and just drove with his music off and his windows down.

He got home and threw his bag on the couch. He'd been sober for a few years now. There had been slip ups in the early days. Drunken calls to Sam lead to a mother-henning little brother camped out in his space. Sam got him sober, not once, not twice, but on three separate occasions since Cas...

Dean stooped down and picked up his bag again. He rummaged through it for his phone. It was nearly midnight now, and he considered that as he swiped his way through the contacts. Sam would be the first to tell him that the time wasn't important. He could call at 12:00 AM or PM, didn't matter which.

Still, his finger hovered over the name unable to commit to the call. It had been a good day. It had been a really good day with kids and science enthusiasm. Yet there he was driving past the one place in town that was still open and stocked with what he craved. What had done it? He wondered, not for the first time. It was always some stupid innocuous thing. The saddest things in his past were always on his mind, but one little thing could happen and suddenly he was falling apart.

He committed to the call. It rang once. "Dean?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there in a couple of hours. You'll be okay?" They had a certain shorthand. Dean hadn't said anything beyond the Yeah, but Sam was fluent in Dean's tones, especially when Dean was at his worst. He'd nursed him through those moments enough times to really know them.

"No, don't make the trip. I'm fine. I just needed to talk to you for a minute. I needed a little grounding."

"What happened?"

"I don't even know. Nothing. Everything. It was a really good day, Sam." He hated that he sounded pathetic, broken. He hated the crack in his voice, the whine that sat just beneath the surface.

"Good days are harder. At least when things are shitty, you aren't wishing you could share it with someone that can't be there."

And that was it exactly. "How'd you know? How is it that you always know?"

"I get that way sometimes too. I start to send up a little prayer, and then I realize that he's not gonna hear it. It's always when something good happens, like I forget because I really want him to be a part of it." Sam stopped. Dean could hear his breathing. There was comfort in the silence that was punctuated by Sam's life played out in something as simple as breathing."Tell me about this good day."

"The Springdale Elementary kids came for the planetarium. It was a great group. They were so excited about everything. Plus, they asked intelligent questions. I think sometimes that I missed out by not picking a path that would put me in an elementary classroom."

"Not much call for astronomy teachers in elementary schools."

"Yeah, I guess. It would have been fun though. I like how they think. They see things so vividly. I like the innocence of it all. I like the way that they aren't afraid. They look at the sky and they see the light first, before the dark. The stars are their focus."

"Isn't that true for everyone a little?"

"No. At least not the adults I know."

"And you wanted to share the day with Cas?"

Dean didn't answer right away. He let the seconds click by. Sam was breathing into the phone. Dean's hands were clammy. He sat down. Dean started tapping the front of his one shoe against the heel of his other. "Yeah."

"You sure you don't want me to come down there?"

"I'm sure." He sucked in a breath. "I just needed to tell you, so I wouldn't carry it by myself."

"Did Cas like kids?" Dean knew that Sam was just giving him a gentle push into sharing his feelings, his thoughts, but he hadn't expected to do more than share the little that he had. He wanted to be a little vague a little general. The question was too specific for that.

"I don't know. Maybe. Yeah. I think so."

"Well, you said it was a good day with kids, so I have to assume that you associate that with Cas, or was there some other event that got you thinking?"

Dean let his mind drag back over the day. "Not really. I talked with Charlotte a bit about faith and such. It was idle chit chat though."

Sam practically laughed. "Idle chit chat about faith. Yeah, I'm sure that in no way connected in your head to Cas."

Dean hummed out a non-committal tone into the phone before saying, "Okay, maybe it did."

"I know he liked Claire, but I don't remember him ever interacting with any actual kids beyond her. I'm betting the faith talk was the kicker." Sam's voice sounded casual, like they were just riding along in the Impala passing the time.

Dean felt the weight on his chest lift away a little. He thought about the past a little, of Cas and kids. "There was this one time in particular."

"Yeah," Sam encouraged.

"Yeah, when I left you and Kevin to go help Cas out, back when he was human."

"Oh, when he was working as a clerk or something, right?"

"Yeah. He thought that he was going on a date with his boss. She had a baby. I dropped him off, gave him some pointers. Turned out he was there to babysit while his boss went on a date, with someone not him."

"Ouch. Kinda funny though that he misunderstood the situation to that degree." Sam laughed a little, and Dean laughed a little with him.

"The things that Cas misunderstood must be legion." He laughed again, but it died out abruptly. Dean quickly went back to the story to keep from letting the feelings overtake him. "So, just an hour into his gig and the baby starts crying and such. Cas checks for a temperature and discovers that the baby has a little fever. At least he knew to call me before he fully freaked out."

"I thought that you all were on a case then."

"We were, but I already told you about all of that." Dean huffed out a sigh and continued. "Anyway, we took care of the evil business, and I took care of the baby for a bit while Cas cleaned up. We got the baby back to sleep, but Cas insisted on holding her for a bit before putting her back to bed. He just wanted to watch her sleep like doing that was the one thing that could give him peace."

In the silence of the moment, Dean remembered with clarity the seconds that had passed then and how they had stretched out into something eternal. It was one of those times he had set to repeat. Castiel was in his slightly unbuttoned white shirt, hair a little messy from the fight, holding a sleeping baby to his chest. Occasionally, he pressed a kiss to the child's head. It was a gentle moment that brought Dean peace too. The child's tiny hands were curled into fists against his chest. At some point, Cas had looked up at him. They had stared at each other often over the years, but in this singular moment, they were truly on the same page, or so Dean thought.

Cas had murmured, "I should put her to bed." Dean had nodded. He followed Cas to the crib and helped him with the rail. The baby didn't wake up as he slowly set her down. Her lips pooched out though in a little kissing movement that made Cas smile which made Dean smile too. Dean had settled a hand on Cas' back, and they had stood there together for a few minutes just looking down at the child that was not theirs. Cas had leaned into Dean's side a little more, like they weren't already close enough.

He couldn't remember how long they had stood there, but it had felt like forever and also like no time at all. At some point he had turned to Cas and found that their faces were quite close. He remembered feeling his heartbeat in his ears. Cas wasn't breathing right. He licked his lips and Dean tracked the movement hungrily.

"Nora will be home soon," Cas had said, and like that the spell was broken. Dean had stepped aside, letting his hand drop from Cas' back.

Cas moved back into his space though. He brushed a couple of fingers back up through Dean's hair near his temple. "Cas?" Dean had practically whispered the name.

"You have a cut here." His fingers seemed to touch some sensitive spot on his scalp. "Let me clean you up."

Dean smiled at him and said, "Is it bleeding?"

Cas leaned to the side a little and looked at it a bit more closely. "No, not anymore, but Nora shouldn't see it."

"I can always just wait in the car." Dean didn't step away though.

"Or you can let me clean it up and then you can wait in the car." Cas had dropped his hand down to Dean's elbow and pulled him out of the room and to the kitchen. Dean let him work. Cas got a washcloth and soaked it in warm water. He squeezed out the excess into the sink before dabbing at the wounded area. There was an intimacy in the moment. When Cas finished, he didn't immediately step away. Dean lowered his forehead to Cas' shoulder.

"Thanks," he mumbled into the cloth and scent of him. Cas' hand settled on his back in a move that made this moment a hug or the beginnings of something more. In the quiet, Dean prayed, knowing that Cas couldn't hear him, yet wanting to tell him what he wanted, what he hoped for just the same. But he had made a mess of things back then when he sent Cas away from the bunker, and he had silently talked himself out of taking comfort from Cas anymore than he already had. He stepped away, and Cas' hand returned to his side. "I'm gonna wait in the car until Nora returns."

Like that he had left the room, and Cas hadn't stopped him. He had thought that Cas would come out to the car later and tell him to take him to some apartment somewhere. He had imagined watching him go. He had imagined following him too. It had been different with Cas being human. There was something a little pure about it all and maybe a little magical too. Instead when Cas got in the car, they didn't go to any home or even a run down motel. Instead Cas asked him to just drive and let the night pass.

When they finally stopped driving, they pulled to the side of a country road next to a big open field. They got out and leaned against the hood of the car. Cas had tipped his head back and looked up at the sky. He looked like he was mapping out the constellations. Dean followed his gaze and did the same. He didn't know as many as Cas surely, but he knew the major ones: Orion's Belt, Ursa Major and Minor, the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. They lingered there for hours just silently watching the sky. "I've missed you," Cas quietly confessed.

Dean had responded, "Same here." He chanced a glance at him. Cas was looking at him too.

Then Cas looked back to the stars. "I fear too early for my mind misgives some consequence yet hanging in the stars..." Cas let his voice trail off.

"Okay Shakespeare." Dean chuckled. "What's that about?"

"Just a passage that seemed relevant tonight." He pointed up to the sky and leaned into Dean's side. "See that group of stars there?"

Dean noted the general area that Cas pointed out. "Yeah, I think I see what you're pointing at."

"That is Cygnus, the swan. Some call it the Northern Cross. I spent some time there, just gazing at the brightness of Denab. It is a white supergiant. It is brilliant to behold."

Dean stared up at it, noting the one brighter star in the cross-shaped constellation. He looked back to Cas and saw that he was gazing back at the sky. His face was awash in moonlight and looked more human than angelic now. If pressed to explain, Dean was sure that he would be unable to express what the difference really was. Cas still looked for the most part like he had always looked, yet now, though, he was missing the stoic presence in his features that came from having seen everything enough times to have become bored. "Cas, now that you're human, what happens if..." He didn't know how to finish the question all of a sudden. "I mean, do you have a soul now?"

Cas slowly turned from his vision of the sky. "I'm not sure. I might have a soul. Of course I might not. I might just cease to exist when all of this is done." He waved his hands at his sides a little signifying in the move all of his humanity. "Or maybe I'll die a hero and get placed in the stars."

Dean tried to imagine a constellation that could be a fitting representation for Cas. "So you wanna be like a giant star gerbil or something?"

They both laughed at that. "No, I think I'd like a more human shape. Yes, I think I would like that. Then I could still watch over those that matter to me."

That had given Dean pause. It sounded like Cas thought that he would not be long for this world. It sounded like he thought that he'd die first. Years later and reality would prove to have a dark sense of humor. Dean reached across the hood to him. He gave Cas' hand a little squeeze. "I wish things could be different."

Cas let his hand go. "Let's not." He leveled his gaze at Dean and then the sky again. "Let me tell you about that one instead." He pointed at another part of the sky.

"Go ahead, Cas. Tell me about the stars." He found Cas' hand again, and Cas did not pull away. Instead, he told him the stories about the heroes hidden in the sky above.