Chapter 05 – Rescue Yourself

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Eric tried to hide out in his office for the majority of the day. Ever since his picture was in the local paper, coworkers were seeking him out for details on the weekend and there really wasn't much to tell. Was this intrusion into his private life a small glimpse of how celebrities felt? His mother called twice, once to gush how handsome he looked and who was George? The second time was to remind Donna to bring her apple pie to Christmas dinner and why wasn't Donna answering the phone at home?

He pressed his fingers to his temples. The headache was one of those slow builders that would require extra Excedrin and probably a dark room. Jackie never called him back last night. He shouldn't fault her for that but man, he really wanted someone to talk to and she was the only girl that knew Donna pretty well. It wasn't like he could talk to his mom. If Kitty Forman found out about the DIVORCE she would fall apart. Divorces in the Forman family were uncommon – no make that rare – like Yeti sightings – a very hushed topic.

The ringing of his work phone rattled his nerves. He picked it up after the first ring. "Eric Forman. Can I help you?"

A stern voice came over the line, "This is McAllister Garvins and I'm trying to locate Donna Pinciotti-Forman. She has been AWOL for three days now. That means away without approved leave of absence. If the Human Resources office doesn't hear from her by the end of today, she will be terminated. If you would relay that information I would appreciate it. If we do not hear from her, all belongings will be boxed and mailed to the last address of record. Good day."

Mr. Garvins hung up before Eric could reply. Well, there was definitely only one paycheck coming in now! He hung up the telephone and started putting his desk in order. This was one day that he was leaving early and would use some of that sick time that he'd been accumulating. Although his mind was racing with the thought of what was he going to do with the house? He couldn't afford the payment by himself and if Donna was coming back in a few months, could he take out a second mortgage in the meantime or what could he do?

What should he do?

Stop by the drug store and get something for his head!

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Eric was leaning over the many different types of headache relievers when he got bumped from behind and the "bump" was followed by a, "Hey there, hi there, ho there son-in-law!" Bob Pinciotti was smiling underneath an elf hat. "What brings you to this side of town?" That cheery red wind-burnt face of his father-in-law greeted him happily.

"Hi Bob….just picking up some things for the medicine cabinet." Eric decided this run-in with Bob might work to his advantage. "Say, have you talked to Donna lately?"

Bob removed his elf hat, scratched his wig which jiggled on his head and he replied, "You know….I haven't talked to her since….gosh…I think it was last Friday. Why? Is everything okay?"

Last Friday was the day she told him she wasn't in love with him anymore. Last Friday was when she missed the cable station meeting with the producers. Last Friday was the last time her family saw Donna Pinciotti-Forman.

Eric shrugged, "She mentioned that she was going to Europe with that Anna reporter from WPPT to do some story…"

Bob looked like he was concentrating hard or going to crap his pants – Eric wasn't too sure so he took a deep breath and backed away. "Bob, I'll talk to you later."

Bob Pinciotti held up his hand and smiled, "I remember! Anna Cantana! The hot reporter I like to watch. She's a honey! Anna came by the house with Donna to say goodbye. Midgie was feeling frisky so I didn't ask a lot of questions…Donna said she would call soon."

Eric nodded as if he too, remembered, "Oh right. So hey, if Donna calls you first…have her give me a call okay? Her old boss wants to know what to do with her stuff."

"Righty-oh Eric. I'll tell her to call you."

Eric felt the urge to flee the pharmacy. Donna's parents get a live person farewell and her husband of ten years gets a letter. How was he going to explain to his parents that their only daughter-in-law split just before Christmas? Oh this was going to be a Holly Jolly Holiday for sure!

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Fez

Fez was sitting cross-legged on the floor cutting large squares of Jackie Burkhart Christmas wrapping paper and setting it in stacks beside her. The snip snip snip of the scissors was the only sound besides some dogs barking "Jingle Bells". Fez smiled, "This is my favorite Christmas carol. "Sit. If you want to ask me questions, sit and help me wrap presents."

Eric removed his jacket and sat down on a fluffy pillow. "Jackie has her own wrapping paper?" Eric held up one square and it was that familiar happy face with the iridescent smile. Why did she always look so happy?

Fez reached into a bag and pulled out a doll that looked strangely like a miniature teen Jackie Burkhart Barbie. He rolled the dolled into the paper and taped the edges shut before setting it in the pile of previously wrapped dolls. Eric was very curious now. "So…where are all the dolls going?"

Fez smiled, "Jackie has many children charities that she sponsors. These dolls are going to an Indian reservation in Utah. U-tah, what kind of word is that Eric? You taw." Fez shook his head as if to clear it, "Anyways, the children make her these cute little beaded necklaces….she wore one on the Arsenio Hall show last week…did you see it?"

"Afraid not…I'm usually in bed that late." Eric felt stupid for not paying attention. "So are all of her charities for kids?"

Fez grinned, "No….she has a pet rescue that she co-sponsors with Mel. Have you met Mel yet?

Eric recalled the strange voice he heard on the recording, "Nope, talked with her…him…so no. A pet rescue? She told me she sews."

Fez looked like he was beaming, "Oh she does that too…but she's not good at it. Eric… why did you come here?"

His throat felt tight but he knew he could say anything to his foreign born friend. "Donna left me and I need to talk to Jackie."

'"Oh Eric…I'm sorry….she's doing Spanish voice overs for "Cómo Puede no Amarme?" Her latest movie and I got to see a private screening." Fez looked at Eric's blank face and explained, "The movie is called
"How Can You Not Love Me" and she's in Cabo recording some key pieces that the Latin actress can't cover."

"But Jackie doesn't speak Spanish." Eric replied.

"No…but she grew up with housemaids that did so she acquired a good accent when she needs it. Besides, it's all spelled out phonetically for her – no guess work and she gets to work on her tan in December." Fez taped colored bows to the tubes of dolls. So….Donna left?"

Eric's heart felt heavy. This was not the time for families to split up – it was Christmas for Pete's sake! "She left me a letter and said she'd be back in a few months."

Fez paused his wrapping exercise to bite off a piece of Tootsie Roll. "Eric, my friend…it looks like you are going to have to rescue yourself."

"And how do you propose I do that?"

Fez smiled, "Help me with the fan club. Immerse yourself in the goodness that is Jackie and make people happy. When you are making others happy…you are filling a hole you have in your heart."

Eric wanted to protest that he did not have a hole in his heart but he did have a deep aching wound that he couldn't fix. Maybe hanging out with Fez would give him a diversion but there was no way in Hell he was wrapping toys with Jackie Burkhart wrapping paper!

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Michael Kelso was pissed but he was laughing so Hyde wasn't too worried. "Man, you were lucky that Elf only puked on your shoes."

Eric grinned, "I didn't know Egg Nog smelled so bad coming back up…at least my shoes are clean."

Hyde smiled, "Not too bad for a free show. Did you see the face on that kid who got hooked on the end of the skate chain? I think he was going to pass out – they had to be flying at 50 miles an hour. I felt wind."

Eric was reminded that the elf in the middle hardly moved but his companions were skating around the rink in excessively dangerous speeds…hence the vomit spew on Kelso's shoes. The men fell into the listening pit and relaxed. The bile filled shoes were safely on the snowy sidewalk. "So Eric man….have you told your folks yet?"

Eric looked at Hyde, "Told them….what?"

"That Donna wouldn't be there for Christmas, what else?"

He shrugged, "Well, you'll be there….you could take up the slack while I pretend that she's just running late." Eric tried to play off a lame excuse.

Hyde shook his head no. "Don't you remember I'll be chowing down with W.B and Angie this year?"

Kelso patted his stomach, "I wouldn't mind an invite to dinner at your folk's house dude. Your mom is an excellent cook."

Hyde reached over and frogged his pudgy pal on the shoulder, "Have you seen yourself? Red might roast you in a pit with an apple in your mouth. What happened to your diet?"

Kelso huffed, "Well first, diet is a four letter word and the first three letters ar and I don't want to die…okay?"

Eric was concerned around his friends weight as well, "Hey….they do this thing at the mall in winter where you can walk a couple miles without getting frostbite. If you wanna do something like that on the weekend….I'll walk with you."

Hyde couldn't let the offer go without one of his own, "Okay, if you can lose ten more pounds by New Year's Eve….I'll get you and Betsy tickets to the Ice Capades. They're supposed to be coming to Wisconsin."

That certainly got Kelso's attention. "Hey…something I can do with my daughter? I can lose ten pounds in a snap." He tried to snap his chubby fingers but it merely sounded like sandpaper rubbing against itself.

He looked at Eric. "Deal. I'll see you on Christmas Eve….at the mall."

Fez was right. "When you are making others happy…you are filling a hole you have in your heart." Eric did feel better helping someone. If he could prevent Kelso from having a premature stroke…it would be worth it.

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Eric was wrapping a new wallet in some cheap Muppets wrapping paper he bought at the supermarket. His dad's leather case was fraying and worn. Plus it didn't cost a whole lot of cash so Red would appreciate that. Eric's Christmas shopping list was short this year since Donna was gone. He would send the Pinciotti's a salami/cracker basket and get something nice for his mom. The guys agreed that gifts weren't necessary but Eric got each of them bags of new socks. What guy in his right mind would turn down new socks? He smiled as he wrote "HYDE" on the outside of the poorly decorated lunch bag. His cartoon version of a hand drawn Santa Claus was at best…pathetic…but Steven Hyde wasn't impressed by fancy wrappings.

A tentative knock followed by the doorbell broke his reverie. If it was more of those crappy Christmas Carolers…Eric stood up and brushed the paper cuttings from his shirt and padded to the door. Instantly he was wrapped up in the arms of a short brunette hugging him tightly. "Oh Eric! I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier!"

Eric untangled himself from Jackie's arms and blinked. "Don't you call first?"

She smiled and pulled in a large piece of luggage on wheels. Eric looked out the door and commented dryly, "Only one bag this time?" He closed the door with his foot.

She grinned, "Yeah, this one I'm going to leave here." She took his hand and led him to his sofa, "Sit and tell me all about it."

Eric sat close…but not too close to Jackie while she looked like he was expecting him to say something wonderful. "Where do I start?"

She took his hand again and he noticed that her fingers were chilly. "How about Mel didn't give me the message you called last week until I got back in town. Start there."

Eric really didn't want to relive all that drama but she reminded him that he called her first. He told Jackie about the call from Mr. Garvins, Donna's farewell to her parents and the fact that she had been gone two weeks and he hadn't received a letter, postcard, telegram or collect phone call. Jackie just took it all in and sighed heavily.

"This is sad." She shook her head slowly. "The Donna I know…er, knew wouldn't behave like this. She hasn't even called Midge or Bob?"

Eric replied, "As far as I know, she has disappeared somewhere in Europe on this story thing."

Jackie bit her lip, "So she has no job to come back to….no home…because you banished her…"

He held up his palm, "I didn't banish her…"

Smiling, Jackie answered back, "Oh really? What about when you said and I quote 'Donna. If you leave….you can't come back'….I think those were your words right?"

His brows knitted as he recalled he did say that but he was angry. What his wife was doing wasn't fair and he was lashing out. "Okay so maybe I said something like that."

Jackie's hand on his wrist was tender, "Perhaps Donna doesn't want to come back at all and it nothing to do with how she feels about you. Remember when all she wanted to do was leave Point Place? Maybe these last years' just reinforced those feelings she had repressed. I mean Donna was always a free spirit right?"

Eric nodded, "Yeah she went after what she believed in."

Jackie scooted closer, "Maybe there's something about this story….or whatever she's calling it….could it be possible this is something she feels strongly about? I can't help but feel that she's not as happy as she wants people to think."

Eric noticed that Jackie's thigh was almost touching his and her shiny pants made his sofa look drab. But what she said…."Did she talk about anything on that movie interview?"

Jackie thought back to the beginning of the month – her first trip back – Donna seemed like a caged cat but she smiled the whole time. Tapping her chin Jackie replied, "Did you guys argue a lot?"

Eric shook his head, "It was more like we were…friendly roommates. I rarely saw her. I'd come home from work and she was leaving. On the weekends…well, we always seemed to have things to do that didn't involve each other. Why am I confessing all this to you anyways?"

Jackie Burkhart smiled her famous movie star smile, "Because I'm a good listener, easy to talk to and you called me in desperation. So let's talk!"

Eric didn't realize how much he missed having a conversation with someone. The words poured out like water from a porcelain pitcher. His heart ached and he could feel angry but the words didn't stop and true to her word, Jackie was a great listener. When at last he sighed, "….and maybe I wasn't the best husband….I tried my hardest."

Jackie took his hands from his face and smiled. "How about I make some coffee? Have you had dinner?"

Eric shook his head no and pointed towards the fridge, "There's still some Hungry Man TV dinners in there."

Jackie looked appalled. "I am not eating a TV dinner. Do you know how much salt is in those things? I'll retain water and swell up like as a sausage! No, we are having something delivered. Do you have a preference for Chinese or pizza?"

Eric half-smiled. Food. Who would think of food at a time like this? Kelso of course. "I could go for some lo-mien."

Jackie looked at the ceiling, ignoring the water stain and decided that some won ton soup wouldn't destroy her diet. "I'll make an order and you find us something to watch on television."

Eric's Friday night ended with a pleasant dinner amid all his wrapping paper. A pleasant hostess who already staked out his bedroom again with the explanation, "I need my beauty sleep!" They watched 20/20 together and there was a promise of breakfast in the morning.

As Eric lay on the sofa, he realized how lonely he really was. How ironic was it that a married man – a ten year married man – could still be lonely.

Then one day a lovely brunette walks into his house and the cold shadows disappear.

How ironic was it that Jackie Burkhart was the reason?

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