Chapter 11

Her Dead Sailor

Seeing Killian with Henry, talking, keeping up with her kid's sharp wit, it was what she always wanted, she always wanted Henry to have a male role model, sure he had her and his mother and grandmother, but it wasn't the same.

Emma had once thought she had found that in Graham, he was good with Henry, always kind, teaching him valuable skills at survival, but the guy's people skills were a mess, barely could put a sentence together in front of anyone that wasn't her or Henry.

Henry couldn't talk to him about things, problems; he couldn't seek comfort in the man after having his heart broken by his first crush, definitely couldn't goad him into an hour's long discussion as he'd done effortlessly with Killian.

Besides, Graham was dead now, and Killian was very much alive.

So there she sat watching Killian prepare to depart, she'd seen him go about the same tasks by himself, it usually took a good 20 minutes, so with Henry helping out, she knew it was only a matter of time before-

Emma suddenly felt something cold clamp onto her wrists and arms pulling her arms behind her back. She tried to thrash and scream but found her efforts futile;

She looked over to them, her boys, knowing very well what was happening. That they had spent too much time in the village, lulled into a false sense of security. They thought they were safe, but they were wrong, everything was going to hell. They were found.

"Hello my sweet girl." She said, voice dripping in delight, delight that Emma found cold and empty. It made Emma's fight reignite as her mother approached, placing both hands over her cheeks, smiling. "It's been too long." She noted.

Emma rolled her eyes, finding that the guard had released a hold on her mouth. "Sorry, that you made visiting hours so strict." Emma spat out. "Well you have me, now come on, let's go." She said sarcastically. "I know how this works, you'll put me under a nice sleep spell, chain me up in the bottom of your ship and put me back in my tower. I'd rather just get to the part where I break out." She sneered.

Emma begged for this to happen, for her to just leave Henry and Killian be. Emma's greatest fear was leaving Henry all alone in such a cruel world. But he'd have Killian, while he may not be his father, it was better, Killian was better. She had faith that Henry would be in better hands with Killian than anyone else.

She loved him.

"Sweetie, you know how this works." She said with a chuckle. "You misbehaved, so now I have to take away your toys." She lectured.

Her heart sunk. Her mother always called the men in her life toys. Emma glanced at her father, standing stoic besides her mother, barely reacting, like always.

Was she going to take him too? Lock him away? Take his heart? Make him another of her heartless slaves?

Killian wore his heart on his sleeve, sort of like her, guarded but driven by emotion, an emotionless Killian wouldn't be Killian at all. It would destroy him.

"I've been watching you princess." Her mother continued. "And this toy's not like the rest. Both of you need to be taught a lesson about defying Your Queen."

Angry images exploded in front of her eyes, of what she did to the last 'toy' who defied her. Emma's next words tore from her throat before she could stop them.

"No!" She screamed. Graham. She had done it to Graham, seen the kind socially challenged huntsman and destroyed him. All he wanted was to be left alone, but Snow couldn't allow that.

"You will not lay a hand on him!" She growled.

Her mother smiled. "We'll see." She said before waving her hand and appearing behind Killian, he already had his cutlass drawn.

"Dark One?" He called cautiously, an obvious sign that he knew they weren't alone. Emma looked around, finding the ship empty save for the guards that held her tight and her parents.

"Isn't that a little formal darling?" Her mother said with a chuckle, making Killian turn around sharply, blade pointed "After all, you both seemed pretty close in the tavern." She sneered, "Do you have no shame pirate?"

Blue eyes trailed over to her, looking her over, searching for a plan.

Didn't he see that it was too late for her? That the only possibility of survival was for him to run? Get as far away as possible?

He tried to bolt for her but Snow waved her hand, a red glow flashed around him, freezing him in place. Emma watched helplessly as she slowly walked towards him, cupping his cheek, rubbing smooth circles. It burned Emma up inside, letting whatever darkness she had unsealed, rage.

She was touching him.

"Get your hands off him." She ordered. "He's mine." She declared. Her mother was always touching her things, but not this one. She couldn't have him! Not her sailor!

Emma tore herself from the guard, biting his hand for an opportunity, taking whatever chance she had for freedom. Snow shot her a bored look, flicking her wrist, causing a tremendous force to crash down over her, pinning her arms besides her, standing on shaking limbs. It hurt like hell.

"Relax darling, I just want to see who freed you from my tower, took advantage of your gratitude." She teased; drifting towards her daughter in such a carefree way that you'd forget that she was systematically tormenting them. When she got close enough, Snow fingered the pendant Killian had given her. "Did he give you this?" She whispered with a cold glare. "Some sort of symbol of you belonging to him?"

Ah Emma could always count on her mother's possessiveness. She hated the fact that Emma kept tokens of those close to her, her father's symbol to represent her dead brother, her Swan Key chain for her son's father, Elsa's yellow ribbon, and the leather strap from Graham's hunting shoe. Snow didn't understand this, seeing it as ways Emma was tethered to things other than her precious dagger.

Emma smiled at the memory of her nervous Sailor gifting it to her. He had seen it and thought of her. It was curved with a sharp point (this one dull as it was in fact jewelry) it could leave ugly wounds in whoever fought against it, but once it…hooked onto something or someone, it was hard to pry off.

It meant the world to her, and while the thought of filthy hands on her beautiful charm boiled her blood, she couldn't help delight in the fact that the image would burn into her mother's skull. Her mother never had a single thing of her late loves. Emma had something from everyone she let into her heart.

Plus the fact that Killian chose this moment to reply, it sounded forced as it was probably taking effort to resist her mother's spell. "Just the opposite love." He said with a grin. "It's a symbol that she has me hooked on her, wrapped around her finger."

Oh God, don't let anything happen to him, she just loved him too much.

Snow's eyes flickered with rage as she leaned in close, whispering just enough to hear.

"Are you ready to watch me break your toy?"

No. Emma wasn't.

She watched Killian, looking for a way out, there had to be a way out of this; there had to be!

But there wasn't, after a bit of her mother trying to hurt him, bringing up what little she knew of his past, as well as physically clawing at his face, spilling blood, Killian finally took a stand. He was offered a choice, leave her and live, or fight for her.

She begged him to leave her. It would hurt, break her heart as she knew of her mother's powers, had he lied, Killian Jones would never see her again. But he didn't, he refused. It wasn't a declaration of love but…it was close enough, close enough for her. He had fought off David with not ease, but with confidence, which was better.

And for a second, Emma thought they could do it. That they could find a way out of this mess.

"You Majesty! Look what we found hiding below deck!" Called a guard.

Emma's heart sank, Killian visibly paled, glancing at her sadly. Words exchanged with just his gaze. He had to pick him. Killian would pick Henry over them. She gave a silent nod in understanding.

She pleaded for her mother to let them go, she felt helpless, and thought that perhaps that begging would get her mother to show her mercy, anger and demands definitely wouldn't do it. Snow would just kill them to spite her.

"You heard that? My dear estranged daughter wants you to let her ward go, do it." She chuckled.

For a second she was confused, but then they moved towards the edge and she knew. Horrified, she screamed his name, forcing her magic, desperate for it to come to her aid. She needed it. She needed it! No. No. Not Henry. Please.

The next things happened so fast. She heard Kilian's blade clatter to the floor, saw Henry go over and saw Killian leaning over, grabbing him. He must have grabbed him as Emma didn't hear the splash. He kicked slightly, keeping from falling for the ship for a moment. Emma could hear him say something softly. She didn't understand, why wasn't Killian pulling him up?

Before she could question it, she saw movement in the corner of her eye, Charming was up, picking up Killian's sword.

No. Her father had honor, stabbing someone in the back was…

…something her mother would do.

Emma saw her nod towards him.

"Killian!" She screamed, a second too late as the Huntsman already had his blade through her pirate with a sickening sound.

Killian let out a cry of pain, but didn't move for a moment. She heard a splash.

"Henry!" She screamed again. Killian dropped him. Killian was stabbed and so he dropped Henry.

"Turn him around, I want her to see his face." She declared. Charming pulled Killian from the railing, turning him like a puppet at his mercy.

"No. Please no. Mother I'm sorry, let me go, let me heal him." Emma begged, she would never run away again, sell her soul, anything as long as this…as long as someone else didn't die. He couldn't die. She loved him! He was her sweet deckhand, the light in her darkness! No!

But Emma's denial cleared when she saw him, Emma knew it was it, that her hope was gone. The blade thick with blood protruded from his chest, his deep blue eyes looked faded as they trained on her, his lips now red as he tried to take deep ragged breaths, curved to a gentle smile.

He tried to mouth something; Emma imagined it was I love you. Perhaps it was petty and small minded, but it was what she clung to. She clung to the fact that Killian loved her in the end.

Killian let out a silent scream as the blade was twisted and removed, dropped to the floor, seconds before Killian's knees crumbled too.

"Come on mother! You love deals. I heal him, and I'm yours, no dagger, no anything." She pleaded. Her mother looked at her, narrowing her gaze.

"You heal him and you promise to never run away again?" Her mother repeated her terms.

Emma nodded eyes rich with tears. "Yes." The guards released her, chains still present but with enough slack that she could bend over him, see him take each breath, each more painful than the last. Killian's skin was so pail, his blue eyes looked more grey than blue. He was in agony.

"Oh Killian, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She sobbed, finding the center of his blood soaked shirt. She called on her magic, feeling it build in her palm, just enough to heal this, it was just enough-

Killian reached over, pulling her hand away, pulling her knuckles to his lips slowly. She watched mesmerized as he kissed it lightly, a last kiss she realized

"Killian. Its ok." She pleaded. "I'll make you ok, you can live your life happy." He could sail around, forget about her, be the man he's always wanted to be. Maybe-maybe even save her son. He placed her hand over his heart, eyes meeting hers. A silent message hung in the air and it took Emma too long to realize it. He rolled over, getting to his feet, blood dripping down to into the wood, she tried to stop him but the chain didn't give her the slack.

"Killian!"

He mumbled something.

She tried to grab him, watching the acceptance glowing brightly as he tumbled over the edge.

"No!"

He fell into the frigid water. He fell to keep her from getting her end of the deal. He fell to protect her. No one had ever protected Emma before. Only Killian.

Her mother's next words were a blurry taunt, she turned, darkness bubbling. She promised hell upon her mother. She would pay, she would die for what she'd done.

Emma's purpose had always been to live, to survive, to protect her son by all means. It was to get captured when her mother's hunts got too close to the cabin, to kill when it looked like Emma's heart was softening, keeping anyone from asking why. Once Henry figured out the truth, it was to make Henry proud of her.

Now? Emma had nothing, it was fair that Snow would have just as much when she was through.

"Burial at sea, isn't that lovely?" She drawled.

"Too bad about your pirate, would rather die than for you to touch him." She snickered. Her mother wasn't stupid; she knew what had actually happened. She just wanted to twist the knife.

The Dark Swan snapped. She roared hissing, spitting, promising death as they dragged her back to land, as they pulled her into a dark carriage, securing the shackles on her wrists around her body, burning her skin were they touched with their anti-magic metal, in the cage made of black leather.

They were sinking into the sea, her boys, in pain, drowning, dying, and she couldn't do anything about it. She was helpless again, just like with Graham. She swore she'd never be helpless again.

"It'll be ok Emma, we'll be home before you know it." Her mother assured her, closing the door.

"It's not Emma." She snarled. "It's the Dark Swan."

X

She saw him die.

Days ago sure, days filled with haunting images of that moment, thoughts of what she could have done to prevent it, maybe if she had been helping rather than watching like some guest on the ship, they wouldn't have surprised her, maybe if she had insisted they hurry to leave they wouldn't have been found, maybe if Killian had never met her, he'd still be alive.

Days later, Emma was sure that this feeling in her chest, this raw breaking in her chest would never fade, that this was the heartbreak that would kill her, had killed her. Her body just didn't know it yet.

It didn't know that without Killian, Emma was dead, in the bottom of the ocean too. She was dead because of one single fact.

His last thoughts were of her.

It reminded her of all the others who had died in her arms.

"Thank you."

Just another dying confession in the string of them.

"This is your fault."

Why was she cursed to see the men she loves die? But the latter two she had at least held them through their last dying breaths, Killian had been alone drowned, last breaths choking and alone.

He promised Henry wouldn't be alone. He kept his died together.

"But what about your promise to me?" She whispered. "Where are you Killian? You left me all alone!" She screamed, thrashing violently. "Where are you?!"

She wanted to break down, there in the back of the carriage, to sob beyond control. She was trapped again, and worse they were dead. She had no more reason to fight. They were gone.

Killian and Henry were dead.

Henry drowning, helpless as she couldn't save him.

Killian killed because she loved him and Emma was pretty sure he loved her. He just never told her. No one did, no one ever told her that they loved her, always dying or leaving before they got to that point. The point that made it real.

But now at least, Emma refused to do that, to break, to let them see, instead she held on to her anger. She let it run wild, it burned and burned, she didn't have to worry about it hurting anyone because there was no one left it could hurt. She wanted to burn the kingdom to the ground, she'd dance and laugh in the ashes.

There was no one left that she cared for.

She would let the darkness out to play, she would rip her mother's beating heart from her chest, slowly clench it in her hands before stopping, and then she'd leave her mother in a cage for the rest of eternity.

Her father? Oh, she'd stab her father through the heart and toss him out to sea. It was what he deserved.

"I'm going to kill you." She laughed at the guards around her, hoping to feel their fear, get at least some sort of satisfaction to dull a bit of her pain. "I'm going to kill every one of you, and your families, anyone I can. I'm the Dark One. I have nothing left to lose!" She crackled for extra effect.

Then suddenly, something in the carriage changed, she wasn't sure what, it wasn't magic exactly, but Emma just felt something, it felt like something touched her arm briefly. It made her turn around. It felt light and beautiful and it smelled like the sea and leather.

"Killian? Is that you?" She asked, half thinking she was imagining it, half hoping she wasn't. Emma wasn't a very spiritual person, but the thought of last words with her sailor, she'd believe in anything for that chance. The air sparked and she saw him, a flicker in the dark, but she knew him, his scent, his touch, it was him. She felt his hand over her cheek, a familiar gesture, she placed her hand over his, closing her eyes. If she closed her eyes it was real, not just her own grief calling on his spirit.

"I can't hear you. I can barely see you, but I know you're here. I don't know how, but I just- I just know." She said aloud. "When you love someone, you just know." She said sadly. "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't let her live for what they did, they killed you and Henry." She could practically hear him whisper in her ear, begging her not to. Killian hated killing, he didn't want her to darken her heart, but what choice did she have?

"You're probably disappointed in me, but I'm weak, and I'm angry, I've never been so angry." She added, dropping to her knees, self-hatred flaring. But Emma had nothing but anger left. If she let her get away with this, whatever she had left would drift away, she'd be nothing.

But she wasn't nothing, she was never nothing. It was time to stop pretending she could be happy like everyone else, that she could keep them safe, it was time to realize what she was. She could feel arms wrap around her, an attempt at comfort, but it did the opposite; her eyes were open.

"They're going to die. They took the last of my light away, they took you and Henry away, so now it's time for me to stop fighting my nature."

"They need to be punished because…I'm the Dark One." She said as she pulled away, turning away from the presence. His image just stood there, in shock. She tried to sleep.

But no sleep came. She sat there, flat on her back, plotting.

XX

"Sweetie. We're here." Her mother chanted as the carriage stopped, driving her out of her happy thoughts, thoughts of paining pretty pictures with blood stained fingers. She looked out the window, brows furrowing, Emma didn't see her tower. "I thought you'd like to spend some time in your old room before going back home, doesn't that sound nice?" She explained.

Emma hissed wordlessly.

Home was target practice with Henry, teaching him to read, laughing at his blunt way of asking questions.

Home was sword fighting with Killian, snickering as he lost his footing, offering him a hand to get back up.

"Emma, use your words darling." Her mother scolded.

"I hate you. I want to watch you die." She said cheerily. "Why mother? Why do you kill everything I love?"

Her mother hesitated. "Because Emma love, when you fall in love, you gain hope, and do you know what hope is darling?"

Oh she knew. Emma knew. "Hope is dangerous and should be snuffed out. So baby, do you feel hopeful?" She asked in a taunt.

"I hope you die." She snapped back, pulling on the chains, making them rattle. She pulled and pulled hoping for a lose link, a weakened segment, anything to feel her power again, she could feel it just under her skin, but was unable to pull it all the way out.

The doors sung open as she got to her feet rushing forward to do anything she could to her captors, bite, kick, scream, she wanted to get away, needed to get away.

Killian had died saving her, he had died so she could be free. He should have left her to rot! She wasn't going to rot!

Powerful magic stopped her dead in her tracks, covering her body with a terrible weight and forcing her onto her knees. Emma's entire body trembled in agony, but she managed to look up, seeing her mother's hand glow with power as the guards unchained her from the carriage and decided to drag her with them up the palace steps.

Emma was thankful the weight eased, but only enough to stand and walk with them, whenever she tried to change direction or fight, the weight would hit her and she'd be led back.

Emma assumed her mother did this as a linkage to her father's roots as a shepherd, her way to lead her like her little lamb. It wasn't long before she laid eyes on her familiar pink room. She saw her bed in the middle of the room as well as her closet filled with stupidly frilly dresses.

"I'm going to kill you, every last one of you!" She hollered as they chained her to the far wall, before closing the door, she heard the click of the lock.

Emma waited a moment before slumping to the ground defeated, her anger simmering away, replaced with agony and grief.

(who was she kidding, she'd felt nothing but grief since Henry dropped into the ocean, since a badly wounded Killian followed right behind him)

She curled up into a ball and sobbed uncontrollably into her arms, hands gripping the hook around her neck like a lifeline.

"Why did you kill Hans?"

"He was hurting you, I didn't want that."

"What exactly do you want sailor?"

"What do I want? What do I bloody want? Are you really asking me that?...You."

He had wanted her. He had chosen her. He had died because he would rather die than be apart from her; rather die than to fail her.

"Damn you Killian." She sobbed, pulling it with a snap from her neck. "You died on me. Another man has died on me."

She kissed him as his heart turned to dust. He smiled as his body dropped to the ground. He looked at the sun as his final breath left his body.

She had screamed bloody murder, sobbed into his chest, but he was dead.

They were all dead.

"You and Graham. You both gave me your hearts and I let you down." She sobbed, throwing it as hard as she could, hearing it bounce against the wall.

And Henry, her poor baby boy. That hurt worse than all else combined. Her son was dead, at only age 14. He never got his first love, his first kiss, his first anything. She might as well die here. It wasn't like Emma had much else to live for, not that she could actually die anyway.

"Emma? What the hell are you doing here?" Emma's head snapped up, sitting forward, tucking herself closer to the wall. If that was her mother, coming in to gloat, she'd lose it.

A second voice shushed the first, venturing closer. "Emma sweetie?" It asked.

Emma's glare softened as she recognized the presence, both of them.

The first had tanned skin, and dark brown eyes, about her age. She was looking at her skeptically, like she couldn't believe she was here. The second had paler skin, ling blonde hair and was ebbing sympathy. She wanting to smile at them, but couldn't. There was nothing left to smile about.

"Lily, Maleficent." She said in realization. "I found you."

Omg. I got 7 reviews on the last chapter alone, part of me expected that since I sort of killed a main character, but wow, that's support. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

Most of this chapter is just build up, I admit to that, but it does reveal a few details.(just not the ones you were looking for)

I promise, the next chapter you'll find out quite a few details about our favorite Deckhand.

Guest Reviews:

andria: It was very intense to write too, you'll find out soon.

Guest: I'm glad you're still reading, I'm definitely going to keep posting no matter the reviews, and I'm one of those sporadic reviewers myself.

Guest-named-Anna: Your review is very interesting, David's motivations will be revealed closer to the end of the story I'm afraid. I'm very excited for that chapter.

Now for my brief rant about Our Decay, so

SPOILER ALERT!

Ok, so I'm a sap and totally think HadesXZelena is genuine on his side, him making Storybrooke for Zelena is so adorable. I feel so bad for her, she has walls just like Emma did, I find Zelena like the evil version Emma could have ended up, abandoned with her cupcake. I still harbor resentment for Hades after torturing Killian, but I still find the ship adorable. (It used to creep me out) I kept shouting at my TV for them just to give the girl to her mother. Zelena was so sad and desperate to hold/take care of her, its heartbreaking. They should totally do the whole supervised supervision until they trust her, that's what they did with Regina for a while right? I hope they get to redeem Zelena fully eventually.

Ok, don't to forget to review!

~Luna