Chapter 06 – You Need Jackie Help

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Eric was chewing on an incredible slice of bacon…the kind of sizzling pork that could rival his mother's cooking. The eggs were perfectly sunny side up and the warm English muffin held butter and jam in the tiny nooks. The coffee was fragrant and he was relaxed and smiling.

To an outsider, it looked like Eric Forman was the luckiest man in the world.

To Jackie, it seemed like her high school friend was just scraping bottom. The emotional confession last evening was surprising – she never suspected Donna, her friend and former roommate to be so harsh. Yes, Donna could be brisk and unrepentant but to be cruel to her husband? Maybe Eric wasn't the breadwinner of the family but still, they had a house and weren't lacking for anything…didn't that count? Many marriages survived on much less!

Eric's self-esteem had taken a beating and while he would never admit it (especially to Jackie Burkhart) he needed a good kick in the pants to get his ego boosted. Of course, Jackie had just the plan.

"As I see it, we need a plan." Jackie began the breakfast conversation.

Eric blinked. "We?" What was this "we" stuff about? He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry. A plan? What are you talking about?"

Jackie smiled patiently and waited for her squirrely friend to calm down. "After talking with you last night there were three big issues that kept coming up so I want to talk about those first."

Eric wasn't aware of any issues other than his wife wanted a divorce and didn't consult him first, didn't ask for marriage counseling and left the country on a news scoop. Pretty much abandoned him. Those were Eric's three highlights from the prior evening. "What do you think my issues are?"

"You are worried about your house. You are worried about paying your bills and you are worried about being alone." Jackie's response was short, succinct and to the point. She watched as Eric's hand covered his heart in a feigned attack. "You wound me."

Still she smiled, "Tell me I'm wrong."

"I can make my house payment." He said confidently.

Jackie bit off a piece of bacon. "Okay, then you won't be able to make your utility bills will you?"

He replied, "So I use lanterns for a while and maybe light a fire in the garage….why are you worried about me?"

Using her fingers to tally the score, Jackie pointed first to her pinkie, "Okay, one….you pay your house note and you have no utilities but you are fine with that. Two, you have no extra money for gas to go to work but knowing you, I suspect you'll walk. Three, since you are saving a meager amount on no car insurance or bus fees, you may have enough money left to eat ramen noodles when your mom gets tired of making you breakfast lunch and dinner every night and four…."

Eric held up his hand and said, "Stop! What is this really all about? Are you seriously worried about my welfare or am I one of your charity cases?"

That smile came back. "My charities are better off than you are Eric. I want to help you because we can benefit each other! You have the perfect location for my fan club base. Fez's apartment is too small and he is using my celebrity to get girls over there to sleep with."

She took in Eric's shocked expression but continued. "I can rent your garage, have my stuff sent to a PO Box which I will pay you or Fez to pick up from…. but my base will be here. I can pay your mortgage for six months or until Donna comes back. I mean seriously, your car is in the driveway….do you really use the garage for anything?"

Eric didn't want to mention that Donna had stored his boxes of beloved comics and action figures in the back, but Jackie was correct, the garage wasn't being used for its full capacity. His argument was weak while Jackie's suggestion was sound.

"Only for six months. I don't want a whole houseful of Jackie Burkhart dolls…" this was his tentative proposal.

"…collectibles." She smiled.

"….dolls…" Eric maintained. "I won't be your employee."

Jackie bit her lip to stop a chuckle, "No…of course not. I'm not paying you to run my fan club. Fez does that AND having Fez come by a couple days a week will alleviate your loneliness."

He scowled, "Did I say I was lonely?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, but not in so many words. Eric, really, what good is it going to do if you to hole up inside your house until Donna makes a move or you sign the divorce papers?"

"Ouch!" Her words hit the mark. "You don't pull any punches do you?" he asked. Jackie reached across the table and tore off a piece of his muffin. "Eric….you are my friend. This is a business deal. You help me and I help you….Hence, me leaving my suitcase at your house."

"Oh yeah…what was that all about?" He forgot to ask last night.

"On occasion, I fly here to check on things and with me using your house as an operations base; I can avoid hotels and the paparazzi harassing me! It's the perfect win-win."

Eric felt like he was being steered in a direction he wasn't totally comfortable with but his alternatives were bleak. "Okay….but what if I decide in a couple of months that I don't like this arrangement?"

Jackie's eyes were bright. "I'm your friend. I can always move to a warehouse…. and pay my money to someone else…. which would still leave you broke and lonely…."

He half-smiled. "Point taken."

"See? All you really need is Jackie Help."

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"See? All you really need is Jackie Help." After the weekend was over, then Eric truly understood what Jackie Help actually meant. His bedroom smelled like flowers (which wasn't too bad), a second phone line was installed in his garage while a large truck dropped off pallets of boxes that contained JBB Enterprises materials. Fez danced like a girl when a carpenter installed some Berber carpeting on the floor. Donna would have a fit! Eric smiled. There was a desk and a filing cabinet tucked nicely in the corner wherein sat the telephone and an answering machine. Jackie assured him that he would never hear the telephone ringing from inside his house.

True to her word, she left behind a personal check that would pay his house note for the next six months! Eric felt like the world had lifted from his shoulders. Having Fez pop in three times a week wasn't as bothersome as he would have imagined. Fez was good company and Eric even found himself boxing Jackie Burkhart coffee cups for the fan club.

Fez had commented one evening, "Maybe the feelings you had in high school were just part of growing up? I think that after you went to Africa….we all grew up. Donna was different. When you came back maybe she felt obligated to still be your girlfriend and you felt bad about leaving…."

Eric sighed. "….and I couldn't tell her we needed time apart because I already forced that on her by leaving."

Fez nodded. "I mean she did date Randy a couple of times but aaayyyiiii….you come home and it's supposed to be like old times."

"Except it wasn't really…I just wanted it to be." Eric confessed.

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Eric had arrived for his promised Mall walk with Kelso. It was interesting to walk laps around a dimly lit mall when the stores weren't open. He had almost lost his friend as they passed the food court. Kelso swore that he could smell Cinnabon's and refused to walk anymore. Eric promised him a healthy breakfast if they finished on last loop around the top level.

Kelso submitted and true to his word, Eric delivered scrambled eggs and diced ham along with a whipped cream topped cup of hot chocolate. Being Michael Kelso, eating with your mouth full and talking just went hand in hand, "So….what did you get me for Christmas? I mean the big day is tomorrow…."

Eric smiled as he thought about of the bag of socks wrapped in the leftover Muppet Christmas paper. Strange, but it was the Saturday before Christmas and he hadn't even decorated his house! Well, he always left that to Donna but she was a minimalist – a wreath on the door and a mini tree on the table in front of the window. There was an aerosol spray that smelled like pine that was festive.

"….and I got you and Hyde these giant pickles that are really spicy and hot at the same time! Have you ever tried to wrap a pickle gift?"

Eric turned his attention back to his friend. "No Kelso, I've never wrapped a pickle shaped….no…I'm not going there with you and your dirty little mind."

Kelso laughed, his belly shaking like Santa. "So I'm a hot horn dog…don't tell me you do don't think about it too."

Eric reminded his friend that he was a married man. Michael Kelso merely scoffed. "Heard you've been seeing Jackie…"

Eric figured Fez had a big mouth so he only replied, "and what?"

Kelso pointed a finger in the air and pretended to be shocked, "You don't deny it?

Eric sipped his coffee. "What's to deny or whatever? She's been to my house twice and her fan club crap is in my garage."

Kelso felt seriously let down. "So you're saying Jackie Burkhart, award winning actress, my ex-girlfriend has been to your house and as Fez would say….you aren't getting tingly in the pants?"

He shrugged, "I'm not chasing her Kelso. I'm married to Donna."

Kelso shook his head sadly, "Man….you need to open your eyes. Big D has moved on. I don't think you're going to be married much longer."

Eric needed to nip this conversation in the bud. "Dude, I had a great walk with you around the mall here….I'll drop your gift off at Grooves, but I'm heading home. I need to get some shit done before tomorrow." He stood up and put a hand on his large friends shoulder, "Think about cutting back on the holiday snacks okay? I don't want to visit you in the hospital during the Christmas season.

Michael Kelso tried to suck in his gut but failed miserably. "But I drink diet soda…..doesn't that count?"

Eric still walked away waving goodbye.

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The first thing Eric noticed when he arrived home was a delivery truck leaving. His immediate thought was more mugs but then he saw Fez acting all girly and pulling shopping bags from the back of a rented Town car. He waited until Eric parked and then ran at him with arms akimbo shouting, "Christmas is here! I love Christmas!

Eric locked his car and walked up the drive, "Did you rent a car?"

Fez grabbed Eric and proceeded to give him a giant bear hug, "No, not me. Come inside your house – there's a surprise."

Eric's first thought was Donna came home and he immediately felt guilty because he was getting used to being without her. Still, Fez latched onto his arm and pulled him towards the front door. "Oh Eric…it's just...so beautiful."

He opened his front door and it looked like old Saint Nick exploded in his living room. There was a seven foot Christmas tree decorated with elaborate delicate ornaments. Crystal embellishments hung from the fir branches and it smelled unlike his home. Big red bows were sitting beside glass bowls filled with colorful Christmas adornments. The tree twinkled brightly with tiny white bulbs and a delicate Angel waved from the top of the Fraser fir.

Beautiful gift wrapped presents were artfully set on the green fleece blanket beneath the tree and a real gingerbread house adorned his coffee table. But the sight that left him gob smacked was the white leather sofa that sat where his sad old couch had been. He looked back at Fez who was grinning like a loon. "Wasn't me!" he laughed.

A small brunette carrying a basket of laundry stopped him in his tracks. Eric opened his mouth to say something shrewd but no words could convey what he was feeling. How could one small face like hers have such an effect on him? She was drop dead gorgeous and the wink she gave him told him she knew it.

"Merry Christmas…. Eric." She smiled and carried on into the bedroom.

Eric didn't know if he was speechless because he was attracted to the short woman or the fact that his house was not his anymore. He started to walk towards the bedroom but Fez grabbed his arm and nearly threw him on the new couch. "Oh Eric…..it feels like a….like a naked ladies ass…." And to demonstrate, Fez rubbed his face against the leather.

Jackie came back out of the bedroom and looked at the perplexed face of the garage owner and Fez making love to the furniture again. "I got you the couch as a present since I'm borrowing your bed from time to time…I didn't want you to have to sleep on that raggedy old sofa." Her expression dared him to say otherwise.

When he finally found his voice, Eric blathered, "How in the hell did you get in my house."

Jackie smirked and sat on the arm of the Barcalounger, "You know…it's amazing what a nice smile and a crisp one hundred dollar bill will get you."

Eric still didn't understand. "Say what?"

Fez grinned, "She told the locksmith that she was your wife and lost her keys. He made her a set and even helped the delivery driver bring in the leather couch."

Eric held out his pointer finger again. "But I wasn't gone that long…."

Jackie fell into the seat of Eric's favorite chair and crossed her legs. "My flight came in early this morning so I hired this nice old man at the Christmas tree lot to bring me a tree and some girls from my fan club helped decorate it. Eric….I have Jackie magic….I can make things happen."

Those sexy legs that were crossed at the knee actually did give Eric what Kelso called "tingly in the pants" until he thought about what Donna would say about having a brilliant white leather sofa. "Just a fancy in your face piece of furniture!" Yep, that's exactly what his wife…soon to be ex….what Donna would say.

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