Saturday was more about navigating the too full apartment than anything else, that and making an awkward mess of his life. Dean took a call from Charlotte at some point in the afternoon. Everyone was crowded into his dining room when her name showed up on his phone screen. They were all researching and Dean was making lunch.

"Hey Charlotte. Gotta full house here so you might have to put on your teacher voice for me to hear you."

"Oh, I can do that. I've got you on speaker because my hands are full, so I was already planning on being loud."

"Whatcha up to?"

"Just working at the church shelter. It needed some fresh paint, so I volunteered." She sounded like she was lifting something while she was talking and there was a lot of background noise.

"Sounds fun." Dean laughed. "I've got four people camping out at my place. I was just making lunch if you need a break for some food."

"Nah, I'm gonna be pretty busy here for the foreseeable future." She paused a moment then continued. "So, I guess with all that company, I won't be able to convince you to come to church with me on Sunday. Claire too of course."

"Didn't get that this was going to be something you wanted me to participate in on the regular."

"Would that be a problem? You said that you liked it."

"I did. Of course I'm gonna bet money that you're intentions involve setting me up with Hotty McPreacherman."

Charlotte sucked in an audible breath of air, and Dean heard a deep laugh as well. "Dean, you're on speaker."

"Shit, Charlotte. Who else is listening to this. I swear to God it better not be…"

He was immediately cut off by a deep voiced apology. "I'm sorry, Dean. I should have made my presence known. I was helping with the painting and wasn't really paying attention to the conversation until, well, until I was mentioned."

"Well, that makes nearly everything awkward."

"Yes, it truly does." The reverend laughed and then added, "Or it doesn't. It's at least a compliment."

"I think I should hang up now and keep from making this any worse."

"So, are you coming to church Sunday?"

"I'm fairly certain that I won't be doing that now, no."

"If it helps, I will feel immeasurably guilty if you don't come because of this little moment. It was really nothing. Besides, Charlotte will be disappointed if you don't come and sit with her while I go on and on about whatever it is I plan to share tomorrow."

"You're good at the guilt tripping. I'm not sure though. What's the topic?"

"What do you want the topic to be?"

"That's not how it works."

"Maybe it is. Come tomorrow."

Dean thought about it a moment and then called over to Claire. "Hey kiddo. We going to church with Charlotte tomorrow?"

Claire looked at him like she wanted to question him, but instead just said, "Sure."

"Well, the kid approves, so I guess we'll see you tomorrow."

He could almost hear the reverend's smile through the phone. "Good. It would have bothered me if I had driven you off without even trying."

"Well, just focus on the sermon. I'm expecting great spiritual enlightenment."

"I'll do my best."

"Bye Charlotte. Bye Paul." He used the reverend's name and heard them both chorus back their bye's. Dean hung up and all of his guests were silently staring at him from the table. "What?"

Sam smirked, "So, you got a date or something?"

"No, I'm going to church. Who goes to church on a date?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe someone that likes someone named Hotty McPreacherman, or was it Paul?" Sam laughed and the others joined him.

"Shut it jerk." Dean turned tail and fled. He had no defence that he could mount and no way of dealing with the ribbing that he saw coming. Best to flee. So he did.

He found himself in the local woodland park that was not far from his apartment. It was being heavily used this weekend. There were bikers and hikers on every trail. Dean walked like he had a goal. Really he just needed to shake off some of the day. His world was getting to be too much for him. Just a few more weeks and they'll all be off. He took the path that rose up through the trees in a steep winding route. He could feel his heart rate kicking up. It reminded him that he needed to exercise more if this little trek was feeling like effort.

He thought about how things would be this summer, once all of them had moved on. He wondered if he could convince Claire, and Alex of course, to move out to his neck of the woods. He thought of Jody though, and he realized that she might feel a bit abandoned if they both left now. Of course she might be ready for a break. They are adults now. He knew that he was giving it all too much thought. He focused on the dirt path and the smell of the trees and the moist earth all around him. It was humid and just a little too warm for his brisk walk.

Dean got to the top of the ridge where the path veered off in two directions. He stared at the path that dipped down into the valley below, and then he looked up at the path that followed the ridge line farther around the hill. The trees thinned out if you followed the path a bit more. At night, it was an ideal way to get past the city lights and really see the stars. Because it was day though, he chose the valley path. He didn't want to roast under the sun.

He didn't realize he was doing it, but in his head, he started up a prayer. You could have made things easier, you know. You could have made me of braver stuff. If I was supposed to be the righteous man, then why wasn't I able to handle the little things. And why didn't you give him a better gig? I mean really, what did Cas do to deserve this? How badly did he have to piss you off to get saddled with me? Then what? He get's blasted to molecules and you bring him back in the instant, but you can't do that for him again later? I'll never get it. Now I've got everyone and my brother trying to set me up with a preacher. Well, nice try, God, but no. If you're all set on rewarding me, then bring back my angel.

His steps were heavy now, and if the day had not been so humid, he would have been kicking up a dust trail with his heavy footfalls. The trail in the valley was empty for the most part. It was almost eerie. There had been so many people on the trails before. There was a small stream up ahead that wound by the rocky edge of the trail. There was a large outcropping of rocks that Dean wandered over to. He settled onto the smooth part and stared off into the distance. He felt the warmth that he had felt before. The light seemed to settle on him. He had no way to get at the truth behind it, what it was, or better yet, who it might be.

He didn't want to be hopeful, but in the moment he wanted so much to believe it was Cas. His heart knew it wasn't, but he wanted it to be so much that he closed his eyes and imagined a familiar face with deep blue eyes. He imagined softness of a tentative touch, the breath of all things wisping about in the space that they shared. The light was warm around him. It was holding him, and seemed to want nothing more than the nearness. It was comfort again, and it seemed to want Dean to accept that. With his eyes closed, he could accept it, because his mind could supply him with Cas. He breathed in deeply of the mountain air, the sounds of the babbling stream accompanying the base acts of living seemed to lull him into a near sleep.

"What are you? Who are you?" He didn't expect an answer, and none was provided. There was just the warmth and what felt like love if he imagined enough to accompany it. You're not Cas though. He opened his eyes and the light was still there, but not as tightly wrapped around him as it was before. He watched it slowly pulse away until he was no longer surrounded by it. "You're not Cas." This time it was a whisper, but he felt like it bore saying out loud. In part he said it, because if Cas was out there somewhere, not that he was, Dean didn't want him to think that a wee spot of light would be able to convince him so easily. He didn't want Cas to think that he would confuse any other creature for him. He knew Cas and would recognize him in a heartbeat. He missed things when Cas shared space with Lucifer. He wouldn't miss anything again. He tipped his head back and looked up to the bright blue sky, blue like his eyes, blue like the last of his dreams. He looked up, and he said, "Come back to me. Just come back."