Chapter 17

Past, Present, Future

She remembered her face, pale with bleach blonde hair. She would smile at her, telling her stories all involving puppies.

"I love you Cruella!" She'd say, snuggling up in her nanny's fake fur coat. She'd take her on long walks and tell Emma what a good girl she was. With her mother never around, the first person Emma loved was her favorite nanny.

And Emma had told that to her, to her mother.

"I wish Cruella was my mommy and not you!" She had shrieked as Snow tried to fire Cruella, tried to take away the only person in the whole castle that made her feel safe, feel happy.

That's when it happened, her body, moving on its own stilled, mouth snapping shut and this thing, this darkness swept through her. Emma knew magic, she'd been able to use it as long as she could remember, but this felt overwhelming. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but she couldn't. The only thing that let anyone knew of her distress were tears dripping down her cheeks in utter silence.

"Emma, my love, do you see this dagger? The one with your name on it? When your misbehaving, I have to punish you baby." Snow had said. It was the first time she ever laid eyes on the weapon.

"Now kill her." She had ordered. The darkness took hold, moving her body, commanding her magic. She tried to fight it, wide eyed and terrified, a young little girl tried her hardest to save the only person who loved her.

But she wasn't strong enough, at only 5 years old; she pushed her nanny off the ledge. Her mother made her watch as the woman fell.

"Swan, come on darling, hold on for me, ok? Open your eyes for me? Bloody Hell, I didn't come back here to watch you die. I came back to save you."

After that, Emma was constantly haunted by the dagger, if she dared to step out of line, her mother would use it, still her moments controlling her like a puppet, making her apologize for whatever she had done.

Emma wasn't sure when, but Emma began to hate her mother, hate her like no child should ever hate her parent. She spent years like this, years of silent agony before Emma remembered that she still had one parent. She would watch him sometimes, standing at her mother's side, other times, sparring with a fellow guard.

(He always came out victorious, and Emma had to admit she silently cheered him on)

But he always had a smile on his face, relaxed even. He never spoke out, nor contradicted Snow, but he still looked rather content.

Then one day something miraculous happened. He looked back, he saw her.

"Hey Emma, come here." He said gently. She did as told instantly, before realizing he hadn't used the dagger, it was her own choice. She went along anyway. "Would you like a better view of the sparring? I've seen you watching." He admitted.

Emma nodded. "Seems pretty cool." She said in a small voice. Her father's eyes brightened. He spent the next hour narrating the match, about footing and blocking and fooling your opponent.

"But remember Emma, you are a princess, you never stab someone in the back. It's dishonorable." He said sternly. It was a lesson Emma took to heart.

"Lily! Thank Heavens! Its Emma, she's hurt. She won't stop bleeding, why won't she stop bleeding?"

"Her magic is weakened, it's going to take some time. We need somewhere safe to hide."

"I know a place. It's where Henry is, this way."

The next day, Emma found a wooden sword in her room, she grinned, practicing with it rather clumsily. She raced out to the garden, excited to practice with him, her father.

He seemed pretty happy about it too.

It isn't long after she started learning how to sword fight that her mother insists that she learn how to shoot a bow as well.

Those lessons aren't as fun, but she still enjoys learning something she actually wanted to learn.

It's among those lessons that Emma learned something else. She learned that her father is a prisoner just like she is. She's determined to fix it. She can imagine the two of them escaping her mother's clutches, just the two of them.

They can be happy.

"You! Why did you bring more strangers here?"

"I don't answer to you, I answer to Zelena."

"Mom!"

"Oh Henry!"

She finds the heart box, glowing from its hiding spot, she sees it, and she holds it in her hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" She growls. The darkness comes, holding her in place. "Stealing from me? My own daughter? A punishment is needed Emma."

She can't help but replying out of anger.

"What? Are you going to make me kill Daddy too?" She snaps. It only causes her mother to get angrier.

"Yes."

Emma's helpless to watch as her mother summons her father, squeezing his heart as he crumbles to the ground, screaming in agony. Her mother doesn't crush it, she just watches her daughter's pain as she tortures her father, the only parent she loves.

"Huntsman. I want you to shut off those emotions? Do you hear me? You no longer love your daughter." She proclaims.

"No!" Emma screams. The light fades from her father's eyes and he barely looks at her. He no longer smiles, ever.

"Don't you understand? No one will ever love you." Her mother says patting her head. "I'm doing you a favor Emma. Love is weakness." Emma doesn't look at her, nor does she look at her father.

"What's the meaning of this?"

"Zelena, it's the Dark One, she needs help. Help her, sister. Please, she means us no harm."

"Fine. Bring her in here. Just him and her, Gina, set the others up in the guest tents."

Emma is fifteen when she first runs away. Her mother is away and the guards are tasked to watch out for her, only problem is that they are absolutely terrified of her.

Just because in a fit of outrage, she crushed a couple of their hearts, ugh. Such cowards.

She slips out of the tower, levitates down the side and the second her feet reach grass she bolts. She wants to run and run as far as possible, she wants to run until nothing can stop her and she's out of the dagger's grip.

She ends up in a village, stealing because she's hungry.

She runs into a girl her age stealing because she's bored.

They get caught of course, but while talking to the girl, Lilith, she realizes that the two have a lot in common.

"I'm an orphan." she tells Lilith's mother when she comes to get the brunette. The blonde woman smiles softly, she offers her hand. It makes Emma flinch, thinking she'll be struck or burned with magic. She isn't though.

"How would you like to come along home with us?" She asks. "My name is Maleficent."

For the first time, Emma knows what it's like to have a mother who doesn't hate you for breathing. She spends a blissful 2 weeks with Lilith and her parents, even her older sister.

(The older sister doesn't seem to like her.)

But then she feels it. The darkness stilling her body.

"Emma?" It's only Mal who sees the dark magic over her skin, controlling her.

Everyone else just sees the dread and fear on the girl's face. They watch her force a smile.

"You've all been so kind to me." She whispers in a broken voice. "I have to go now."

Lilith surges forward, gripping Emma by the shoulders. "Emma! No, don't go. You promised best friends forever!" She wails.

Emma keeps her smile.

"I'm sorry."

And then she returns to her mother's side.

"Mom. Its me, Mom says that you've been through a lot and need your rest…I want you to get your rest really, Killian hasn't left your side, he's actually asleep right now, right there on your shoulder…hehe. Anyway. Please mom, wake up. I promise, I won't be so mischievous, I won't steal as much. I just…I just want you to wake up."

When she turns 18 she feels it, magic surging in a way she had not expected. It no longer feels like darkness controlling her magic. Emma realizes in that moment, that the darkness is her magic.

"Emma darling-"

She feels the dagger's push to obey, but Emma isn't that silly 5 year old anymore. She puts everything she has into it. She pulls at the dagger, not fighting it, willing it to return to her. It was a part of her and now she had to embrace it.

"No!" She roars. "Give me my dagger." Emma had never felt at peace, and suddenly she knows why. The dagger is her other half, she needs it. She needs to stop resisting it and let it come to her.

It flies from her mother's grasp directly into her own. The darkness curdles in her heart in delight. Her body is glowing with such darkness, a darkness she no longer pushes away, but falls into with open arms.

She looks to her parents, and flees. She runs because now she's free.

You don't know me, but my name is Zelena. I've been taking care of you and your friend's son Henry. They say you're repelling their magical help. I'm no wizard, but they're not the only one your repelling." She snickers. "That pirate of yours, very loyal and honorable, you hooked yourself a keeper that one, looks at you like you are the moon and the stars. What I wouldn't give for that kind of devotion, blind loyalty." She pauses, snickering "Wake up soon because if you don't and I have my way, you might find yourself with one less person in your corner."

She meets him in the woods five years later. He's a loner, talking to the wolves. She smiles seductively. Men only want one thing, and for once, her interests are aligned.

"Hey, what's your name?" She purrs approaching him.

He draws his weapon instead.

She bats her hands, throwing them aside. "Play with your toys later, right now I'm willing to offer you something else to play with."

He blinks at her in confusion, doesn't speak.

"Hello? Earth to hunter? I want to have sex with you. You know? Sleep together? Scratch the mutual itch?" She says with her arms crossed.

The man looks between the wolf and her for a moment.

"Ugg!" she yells in frustration, collapsing back into the grass. "That's just great, first guy that seems a little bit interesting and a whole lot of hot is a mute forest guy who's never seen a woman before." She curses to the sky.

"Who says I've never seen a woman before?" He asks in a gruff voice.

Her eyes snap back to him. "I've just never been offered sex so openly before, you really through me." He admits shyly.

Emma smiles at the flush in his cheeks.

"Emma love, it's been three days and I…You have to be strong ok? For your boy, ok? For…whatever you find when you awaken…I hope you know that I tried my best to protect you…to protect your heart…"

Then the Queen finds them, sharing his camp. She's yelling in outrage. Emma can see what she tries to do, the way she gazes down the hunter and Emma can only think one thing.

"No! You will not destroy him too."

So she does it herself. She takes his heart before her mother can put her claws into it, before she can crush it and mold it in whatever form she desires. Her mother was not going to destroy this innocent man too. It's only when her mother is gone that she looks at him, the startled and frightened face. He wants to run, wants to run so badly, but can't.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to protect you. I will protect you."

He doesn't respond.

"What's your name?" She decides to ask, it's not fair to search through his heart for the answer, she'd prefer if he did it himself.

"The village calls me Graham."

"Hey Em, It's Lily, I made Killian take a walk, he's been here at your side nonstop. You picked a good one Emma, a really good one, but I'm worried, he isn't well, he's been driving himself sick in trying to get you to wake up. But I'm taking care of him, for you, I don't care if I have to pit him under a sleeping curse to make him rest, but when you wake up, your doting pirate will be here. Just…wake up alright?"

Her mother doesn't destroy him.

Instead her mother lets her do it herself.

At first she just asks for a favor, to check in on Henry, to spend time with him. Sometimes she asks him to have dinner with her, to kiss her.

She never goes farther than that however.

Its months before she realizes that her asking with his heart is no better than commanding it.

So the next time, she asks for real, with his heart in his own hand.

"Do you like me? Do you really want to help me? Spend time with me and Henry?"

He's honest. "At first, no. I didn't. But now, now I do. I like you, I like Henry." He admits. It eases her guilt a little.

That is until her mother finds the curse.

It hits Graham right in the chest, making him fall and the heart in her hand jolts and moves against her. She tries to grip it, but the slimy thing has a mind of its own and tries to escape. Emma knows this curse, it'll drive the heart right into her hand, no amount of her power can keep the heart from going to Snow's outstretched hand.

"Let it go. Let me have your toy." Her mother sneers. "There is nothing you can do."

She can barely keep a hold on it. She's going to lose him. Her mother is going to take everything from him. It leaves her with only two choices and from the look on Graham's face, he knows it.

"I don't want to be a heartless anymore." He begs. "Do it. Set me free."

So she grabs the heart before it can slip away. She hears him cry out in pain, gripping his chest as tears flow from her eyes. "Thank you Emma. I got to see what it was like…not to be alone."

She has to do it quick, the quicker she does it, the less pain he'll feel. The less time she'll have to actually realize what she's doing.

The heart crumbles in her grasp, not like ash as others had done, but into diamond rubble.

Graham howls in pain.

"I love you." She whispers as the light fades, as Graham dies. He never even hears her.

At least her mother has enough decency to disappear as Emma cries over her dead hunter and Henry scurries out from the bushes, sobbing on the Hunter's chest.

"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do Swan. I never meant to, believe that and please…read what I wrote, don't burn it in anger. And please Swan, don't…don't kill anyone ok? I know what lies in your heart, I can see the darkness, but I can see the light even if you don't see it yourself. I beg of you Swan. Don't let my…what's about to happen…go to waste, even if you and I hate it.

Emma is no longer swimming in the past, no, she sees clearly now.

"Killian?" He's standing in front of her with an apologetic smile.

"Swan, my love." He begs. "I'm so sorry."

Sorry? She doesn't understand. She reaches for him, but he disappears like smoke between her fingers.

"Killian?!" She screams, wading through the darkness. She can feel it now, like a weight on her chest. Agony, utter agony.

"Bloody hell…its happening now…I'm sorry Swan. I- I wish I had a chance to explain I lo-. Goodbye Emma Swan."

But then he appears again, looking different. Similar leather jacket but it looks darker somehow, the decorations maybe. His ear is pierced hands covered in rings and he wears a black vest. But what really draws attention to is that his left hand is gone, replaced with a large silver hook, the same type of hook hanging around her neck as decoration.

She reaches towards it, feeling its presence no longer bringing her comfort, instead it burns her skin.

"Killian?" She asks, reaching towards him instead. "You can't be…"

He gives her a smug grin, more condescending then anything her Killian would ever give her as he bats her hand away. His eyes flash with something not him, not human.

"Maybe I'm not your Killian." He sneers coming closer, getting in her face, resting the silver hook against her throat, the cold metal sending goosebumps down her spine.

"Not yet anyway." He adds ominously.

She gasps, hearing something metal clatter to the floor. She knows what it is, knows exactly what that familiar sound is. She can't look at it, she won't.

"You did this to me." He tells her, sliding the hook up, tucking a piece of hair behind her face, just as he always did. The gentle gesture conflicts with his vile words, words filled with hate and malice.

Killian has never spoken with such hate before; he's unable to do so. Her sailor's heart is rich with light and love.

"I'm like this, because of you." He growls. He places his hand against her cheek. She flinches away at it, his skin was too cold. He laughs at her reaction and says his next words like a promise.

"I want to hurt you, like you hurt me."

Then Emma Swan falls into darkness.

I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing. I'll admit, its mostly filler and an opportunity to show scenes from Emma's past that I originally couldn't in my plan.

That being said, its also pretty important going forward for various reasons.

So Guest Reviews:

andria: It was a necessary event, and was so painful to write, especially after those sweet moments between David and Emma in Last Rights. I love Regina, I definitely wanted her to rescue them, it builds trust.

Anna: That scene with David stabbing Emma broke my heart to write, but it's a necessary evil. As for what the truth is behind the Charmings' actions, that won't be revealed for a while. (like 6 chapters...) And I love responding, it makes this all the more fun to post.

Now, I'm going to rant about Last Rites before the finale.

Spoiler alert (a week later...)

Ok, first of all, Robin Dying tore out my heart. Hades betrayed everyone and that made me sad. ZelenaxHades ship was so cute. But I am not one of those people who thought it was pointless. This was the point, shock and all the influx of emotions we're feeling. Isn't that why we love this show? The feels? I feel sorry for Outlaw Queen shippers, (which I am one) but I am confident that the writers aren't going to leave the sisters man-less for the rest of the show. Regina will find her happiness.

Now Arthur's death was pointless, I was screaming in glee when I saw it. I've been threatening Arthur since he first stole that freaking mushroom. But it really had no point, I mean Arthur was Zelena's ally 5a, and he looked like he wanted to be Hades ally too. Whatever, I'm ok with what they did with him. (As long as we never see him again). I'll ignore the Camelot plot holes.

CAPTAIN SWAN LIVES! I mean I knew Hook would come back, but that reunion was perfect. Absolutely perfect. This finale better not mess them up. They better be ending the season TOGETHER. Not with one under the influence of a curse, not with one in one realm and the other in another. I want the hiatus to have good Captain Swan happiness.

Ok, sorry, long rant.