Chapter 18
Out of Time
He follows Gina in a blur, her hand is in someone else's, but all Killian can really process is the wetness against his arm, the blood soaking through the shirt, the way her pale form trembles in his grasp. Even when she'd turn her skin a terrifying platinum color when she was on the attack, even when she was half drowned and shivering, she had never looked so pale.
He was bloody terrified.
"Killian. We're out of the castle." Gina says a hand on his arm, stilling him suddenly. He can feel the world spinning, but all he cares about is Swan. She seems to have seen his panic, having been leading him most of the way.
"Put her down; let's see if we can stop the bleeding, she'd already be dead if she was normal." She observes. It doesn't bring Killian comfort, no not at all.
"Mama G-gina? Who's t-hat?" Says a small voice, behind the woman, thumb in his own mouth, face filled with ash and clothes an absolute wreck. She places her hand on the boy's head, ruffling his brown hair sweetly, telling him that they were taking a break for now. That Killian was a friend.
"Told you you'd warm up to me." He mutters. It's an attempt to steel himself against his pain with a joke, but there's none of the merriment he usually has. She grips his shoulder.
"I know." She says gently as he removed the blood soaked cloth from Emma's chest, replacing it with a new one, with Gina's, he touches her cheek, hoping to see her coming around, able to see her eyes, hear her voice, teasing him for his worry. He wanted to watch her stitch the wound back together like it was nothing, it is nothing. She's the Dark One, she shouldn't look like this, pale with weakness, small and fragile, vulnerable. Doesn't she know that he breaks everything he touches? Doesn't she know that he needs her alive? Needs her to be ok or how else can he die in peace?
"Swan, come on darling, hold on for me, ok? Open your eyes for me? Bloody Hell, I didn't come back here to watch you die. I came back to save you." He whispers to her, begging her to wake up. She doesn't even stir.
Killian looks towards Gina, watching her embrace the boy; he must be around 6 years old.
"Your son?" He inquires, once they part. She looks over to him, and nods her head.
"Killian, meet Roland, Roland, Killian." She introduces. "He lost his father last year, separated when the Queen raided his village. I've been taking care of him, he's my son in all ways that matter. The Queen found out about him, about how happy he makes me and she took him as retribution." She explained, clutching the boy closer.
"Because you're really Bandit Regina." He said simply.
"Yes." Gina-Regina says. "But it's not what you think; it's not what she's told you." She says pointing to Emma. "I did the right thing, and have been paying for it ever since." She explained.
Killian nodded. "I figured as much. You don't strike me as a bad person, maybe cold and untrusting, and a bit sarcastic and-" She shot him a glare.
"and someone who fights for what they stand for, but not a murderer." He finished.
Regina flashed a smile and an eye roll.
She is warming up to him!
They rest for only a moment or two longer before he pulls Emma back into his arms and Regina goes and holds Roland's hand as they continue onwards, towards, he assumes, her camp.
X
He sees them first. One with a stab wound in her side, the other two trying to support her, she hears curses and hateful words shared among two and the third trying to keep the peace.
"Lily! Thank Heavens!" He calls, seeing the brunette turn towards him. She drops the injured Aurora and goes to him. Her smile fades as she nears. His arm and side are covered in blood after all.
"Killian are-" Lily starts in a worried voice. He shakes his head.
"It's Emma, she's hurt. She won't stop bleeding, why won't she stop bleeding?" His voice cracking in desperation, his eyes wonder towards Mal, who puts down Aurora and goes to their side, He releases his grip on Emma a fraction, allowing to pair to get a look at her.
The elder fairy sighs.
"Her magic is weakened, it's going to take some time to recover. We need somewhere safe to hide." She tells him. It's nothing he hadn't known already. He knows she's healing, can feel the heat off the wound, the same heat he felt when Emma healed his wounds, but weaker.
She just needs time, time to recover. She'd wake up, and then Killian would tell her everything. She deserved the truth in all its gory details. She deserved the chance to shout, scream and hate him.
Regina steps forward, pulling the boy, Roland, into her arms.
"I know a place. It's where Henry is." She explains. Lily's eyes go wide in delight, in relief over seeing her son again. Killian looks down at Emma, imagining the boy's eyes as he sees the state of her. He promised to rescue Emma, but this wasn't what he had in mind. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. "This way." Regina leads. He can feel Lily's hand on his shoulder, offering what little support she can.
"She's strong. She'll make it."
He barely knows the lass, but appreciates it just the same.
XX
The second the group enters the camp, he can feel the tension, the eyes on him. He knows they recognize him and the woman in his arms. He clutches her closer, protectively. The man, Sydney, is the first to approach, him and what looks like his supporters; he draws his dagger pointing it square at him.
"You!" He sneers at Killian. He doesn't respond, keeping his expression neutral as he glances at Regina, tone demanding. "Why did you bring more strangers here?!" Whatever softness he'd seen around Regina around the boy, fades as she approaches him, defiant.
"I don't answer to you, I answer to Zelena." She snaps back. "These people need help and that's what I plan to give them" She says.
The men around them slowly increase in numbers. He can see Lily eye them nervously, her eyes flickering between them, counting.
It might just be a trick of the light, but her eyes seem to be glowing.
"And him? You know your orders; he doesn't look the least bit compliant." The man sneers. Killian wants to get up in his face, show him exactly how compliant he can be.
"Back off Syd." She snarls. He doesn't though, coming closer to him, he clutches Emma as the look from the man indicates that he wants to take his Swan.
"Maybe you aren't so useless Gina," He spits, he can see the anger and lust in the man as he takes in Emma's form. "You've brought us an injured Dark One, maybe we can make her compliant." he's about to place Emma into Lily's awaiting arms, smash the man's face in. No one should talk to a woman like that. It was worse than bad form, it was downright disgusting. He knew Regina could take care of herself, but right now Emma shouldn't be leered at. The men approached them; he felt the man's hand brushing against her skin. He pulled her back.
"Touch her. I bloody dare you to try it mate!" He snarls. "I will kill you, to hell with good form, to hell with anything!"
The man barely flinches as they meet eye to eye. Killian knows his words are now seen as a challenge, but he doesn't care, he'd carry out his threat if needed. The men around him stalk closer, drawing weapons.
He sees something making Lily stand taller, hands clenched in fists. After counting her enemies, she smirks.
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Lily challenges. The man turns his attention to her, she towers over the shorter man. "But since no one is that tiny, I guess I'll do." The man draws a weapon, but Lily makes no motion to do the same. Killian gets the feeling that the lass needs no weapon to carry out her threat.
He feels the tension is seconds away from igniting.
Thankfully just as it looked like they'd have to clash, a loud voice interrupts the standoff. He sees him, head of dark hair rushing through the camp, calling out one word.
"Mom!" The figure crashes into Lily as she pulls him in for a tender embrace, tension evaporating at the sight of her boy.
"Oh Henry!" She cries out, he can see she's obviously holding back tears. He can hear the soft words flowing from her into her son's neck. "I thought…they told me you were dead, my sweet little thief." She says after getting control. "But when Killian came and told us otherwise I couldn't help but worry-"
Henry shook his head, gazing up at him, meeting his gaze. "Killian took good care of me." He confirmed. Killian smiled warmly before feeling Emma shift in his grasp, moaning lowly. He gently moved her hair behind her ear, urging her to wake up, to see her boy.
"Come on Emma, wake up, its Henry, please Swan, for him." He whispers into her ear, making her moan again before going still.
"M-Emma?" Henry gasped; he must not have realized it was Emma he was holding, not until this moment. Killian doesn't dare lower her so he could see her, not until he knows no one will try to take her from him again. His eyes were still resting on the men.
"What's the meaning of this?" Someone says sharply. The men tense, backing away, bowing their heads, all except Syd. He holds her gaze. He sees Zelena approaching the group, a group which parts respectfully to allow her through.
"She's aligned with the Dark One." Sydney tells her, pointing towards Regina. "And has brought strangers into our camp, I told you that she cannot be trusted with-"
"Have you succeeded?" She asks Regina, completely ignoring the man. She smiles, pulling Roland out from behind her.
"He was very brave, waiting for me just as he promised." She said softly, kissing the boy on the head.
"Hi Auntie Lena!" The boy exclaims rushing towards her. The red head smiled, picking him up so he sits on her arm, other wrapped around his small form. She turns to Syd.
"I believe in taking any necessary risk to save a child don't you?" She challenges the man. "Especially my nephew." He ducks his head, nodding in agreement. "Are you ok Rolly?" She asked. "Any bo-bos?"
The boy shakes his head as he squirms to go back to his 'Mama Gina'. The brunette takes him happily, kissing the top of his head.
"Yes. My apologies." Sydney says before retreating.
She turns towards them, greeting them with a controlled smile. "Welcome to my camp." She says shaking Mal's hand first before looking toward Killian. He tenses, recalling how the last time he spoke to her; he may have threatened bodily harm.
"I take no offense Captain; you believed I was going to harm your son." She said casually. He flinched in surprise at the word, glancing at Henry who flashed him a wicked grin.
"I told you Zelena, he's not my birth father." He reminds her with this knowing smirk.
"Ah yes, sorry, my mistake." She says. Killian's heart skips at the word birth. There is hidden meaning in their words, he can feel it. He feels touched.
Thankfully Regina interrupts, pointing toward the blonde woman in Killian's arms.
"Zelena, it's the Dark One, she needs help. Help her, sister. Please, she means us no harm." She tells her. He can see her green eyes taking in Emma's still form, before they lock in on him. She smiles.
"Fine. Bring her in here. Just him and her, Gina, set them up in the guest tents." She instructs beckoning him forward. He follows, praying that this woman, this healer can save his Swan's life.
XXX
He watches her carefully as she places polices of herbs over the wound. He holds her as the woman does so, refusing to let anyone else do it, even if Zelena offers him to wait outside.
He doesn't say that he doesn't trust the others, he doesn't need to. It's obvious that she doesn't trust them entirely either.
"This is my tent, but now that the bleeding has stopped, it wouldn't be wise to move her." Zelena explained. Killian didn't meet her gaze, eyes staring at the slow rise and fall of her chest, her paler than normal skin and the way it glimmered like diamond. Killian touched her hair, feeling it just as cold and stiff as the rest of her, hair no longer golden.
"I don't know anything about that." Zelena admitted, seeing his reaction. "Magic isn't my area of expertise, but I do know that she's fallen into a coma."
He turned towards her in surprise.
"C-Coma?" He repeated. One of the crew had slipped while drunk once when he was 10 and still with Liam, banged his head on a crate wrong, the Victor told them that the man had fallen into a coma, Liam had sailed directly to the man's home, brought him home to his family. He remembered how his family cared for him to this day. "How do we get her out? Is she ever going to wake up?" He demanded.
Zelena looked at him sadly. "I don't know." She said simply. "A coma is the body's way of healing from both physical and emotional trauma. I've heard talking helps." She said in an uncomfortable way to give him some comfort.
"Stay with her, I'll just grab some of my belongings and move in with Gina until The Dark One recovers or-"
He can't help but glare. "She will recover." He insists.
Zelena doesn't look the least bit hopeful as she leaves. Killian turns towards Swan, hand on her cheek. "I know it, I just hope…" He pulls down his sleeve now that he was alone, flinching at the sight. Black veins burning beneath his skin, he knows it won't be long. Liam had dropped dead mere moments after he'd been scratched. "I just hope I will be here to see it."
XXXX
Killian stayed by her side, sleeping on the ground besides her, holding her hand. Lily came in that morning however, wanting to see how Emma was doing, she tried to help, putting her magic to the test, trying to heal her wound, but when her light faded and her smile disappeared, Killian knew that it hadn't helped. The woman kept a brave face, but couldn't help the tears forming.
"She's blocking my magic." Lily explained in despair.
"Why?" He replied. "You two are friends."
The woman shrugged. "Maybe she's afraid, doesn't know what's going on and is blocking everyone out with her walls, just physically this time." She observed, glance pointed at him. "But I know one thing for certain. She wouldn't want you wallowing in here by yourself. I'm going to get you something to eat alright?"
There may have been a question in her words, but there was none in her voice, in her gaze. He knew it for what it was an attempt to help, to not be completely helpless.
He nodded. "Alright." He didn't remember when he'd eaten last, and the option wasn't very appealing, he'd tried to stand earlier and a rush of nausea made him sink right back down.
Lily placed a plate in his hand, her own besides her as she plopping down beside him.
"So what's your story Jones?" Lily asked with a pointed gaze, eyes a deep brown color.
He shrugged. "I'm not all that interesting lass." He replied. "Sailor turned friend of the Dark One." Lily scoffed.
"You do remember I watched that kiss you planted on Emma right? I've seen and had my share of steamy kisses, but damn!" She teased. "That was hot!" Killian's cheeks flushed red.
"Henry hired me to free the Dark One from her tower." He explained. "I almost didn't do it but then…I saw her, saw Swan and realized that she wasn't a monster, not how the rumors made her out to be. We went on a wild adventure and well…one thing led to another." He explained quickly. "This journey to rescue you, your sister and your mum just confirmed everything." Lily nodded.
"Sounds like a fairytale." She mused.
He laughed darkly. "I don't believe in fairytales." He said curtly. "So, what's the deal with your injured sister?"
Lily laughed. "You two are perfect for each other." She said. "Amateur deflecting tactic, asking about Henry would probably be better, but I'll allow it. Aurora's my selfish half-sister; thanks for helping her by the way, my mom would have been a wreck if she'd died."
He nodded. "Henry made it seem you were quite close to your mother." He inquired carefully. "But you seem…not as close as I'd assume." Lily rolled her eyes.
"Let's say that I value loyalty a great deal. Emma, she broke it once, but has worked her ass off to try and fix it between us, and my mom. I love her, but she broke my trust yesterday, she made me a promise and she broke it, put Emma in danger to save Aurora." She hissed, eyes flashing green.
"Danger?" He repeated. "What-" He stopped. "You were threatening me, thought I was going to curse her." Killian recalled.
"My mother is the owner of a deadly sleeping curse. A derivative of the original, they would have put Emma under it." She explained. "I made her promise not to give it to them, she swore she wouldn't, but the second her precious Aurora was threatened, she caved." She crossed her arms as she finished up her plate.
"Emma, could she be under it now?" He asked frantically? It would make sense, all they had to do would be to-
Lily shook her head. "I checked. This…this is all her." She admitted. "The curse has to be one's own choice, no force. Duress sure, but not…"
She looked down at his barely touched plate. Killian reacted forcing a spoonful down his throat, he flashed her a smirk. He got a scowl in return. He just wasn't feeling…hungry. At all. The very thought of it was repulsive.
Liam had once told him that a dying dog lost their appetite once death was near. It was sickening, counting down the days in silence. He wanted to tell someone, anyone, he wanted to release this control on his emotions, but couldn't.
It wouldn't do any good.
"So how's the lad?" Kilian asked, breaking Lily's suspicious scowl. A grin took its place, but not a bit of her suspicion wavered.
"You learn quick Jones." She replied. "He's with my mom; she's healing him up to full strength." She explained. Killian nodded gratefully. "He's been talking nonstop about you and Emma, how happy you make her and that you offered to teach him 'Good Form'?" She asked.
"You'd probably call them manners." Her eyes flickered. "Not that I'm implying that the boy doesn't have good manners, he's a charming boy, so smart and brave and-" She was laughing.
"Thank God. I've been trying to get him to stop stealing for years." She sighed "Good luck." She said breathlessly. Killian suppressed his grin, he had no intention of stopping that bit of behavior, just curtailing it. His role model growing up had been a pirate after all. "Wait, does this have anything to do with the girl you mentioned?" She exclaimed. "Violet?"
His expression fell. "Yes…but…Lily, she's…" dead. Lily nodded, understanding as she mirrored his expression.
"My poor boy. He's been through so much. I'll tell him."
Yes, he had, as had Emma. How was Killian going to tell him that he was breaking his promise? Leaving her? Dying? That he could never teach him-
"Jones?" He smiled, neither speaking nor explaining what he could only imagine having been a somber expression.
The two lapsed into an uneasy smile, eyes locked on Emma and her breathing. She deserved an explanation. They all did.
"Lily, may I ask you for a favor?"
The brunette smiled. "Of course."
XXXXX
They weren't easy to write, none of them, but he starts with Henry's, planning to work his way down. Lily gets him paper a large stack of it and he's determined to write his words and wishes to those important to him. He writes one letter to every person in his life that ever gave it meaning.
So he writes the first to Henry. It takes him all day, eyes going to Swan whenever he felt his willpower waning.
He apologizes for hurting him and his mother, telling him how very sorry he is, but doesn't ask for forgiveness, just understanding. Henry's letter is thick and is probably the longest, as he'd detailed everything he could about 'Good Form'. Because that was the one promise he'd made that he could maybe, actually keep.
(If the boy doesn't throw it into a fire in a blind rage)
"Killian?" Says a voice, interrupting him. He quickly conceals his writing.
"What is it Zelena?" He asks. She doesn't flinch at his harsh tone. She just smiles gently, approaching him with a smile.
"You've been here all day, I was wondering if you'd like anything? I'm about to send out a patrol to get some supplies." She says, her arms crossed before her eyes settle on the pen in his hand and she loosens.
"You're writing something?" She questions. Killian dropped the pen.
"It's nothing." He says dismissively. "No, I'm fine." He says crossly. She crosses her arms, waiting.
"You're just like Gina you know? Stubborn as a mule, come, away from there" She orders, hand on his shoulder, pulling him away from the desk, he finds her sudden friendliness rather odd. She had been nice the day before sure, but she seemed more upbeat now. "That bandage needs cleaning." She says, pointing to the gash in his hip where the Huntsman had gotten him, "and you need some ice on that jaw." She lists, touching the dark mark. "And when was the last time you've eaten anything?" She adds.
Killian shrugs, he had lunch with Lily yesterday, but it didn't matter, food wouldn't help what was ailing him, he could already feel the burning poison spreading to his hip, opposite to the other injury thankfully. He tries to dissuade the woman, but he's unable to, helpless as she pulls him away, hands nimbly running down his arm, removing the jacket and folding his shirt back.
"He got you pretty good didn't he?" She says softly. "It must have hurt a lot." Kilian simply shrugged.
"I've had worse." He mumbled.
"Hmm." She says softly, retying a new bandage over the cut. "There." She says as she finishes.
"You're quite skilled." He inquires. "How did you learn?"
Zelena grins, plopping down, happy about his inquiry. "My mother." She explained. "When it seemed likely that I was going to be the next Queen, she wanted me to learn, to better the kingdom you know?" She says.
"Next Queen?" He asked.
"My father was supposed to be the next king, Leopold was dying, but then he met the miller's daughter, Ava, he fell for the young girl and married quickly." She explained before looking back at him.
"I've seen your handy work too you know, your stitch work with Aurora was flawless, nothing I've ever seen before; she would have died without you." She complimented, her hand lingering on his arm. "Not a skill a man often learns."
He chuckled. "Well a woman did teach me." He laughed. Milah had lectured him on his form before, making him practice until he had the technique down pat. Don't want you to bleed out because of a missed stich. She said.
"Your mother?" He frowns.
"Someone I was close to." He says instead.
"Where is she? I'd like to learn what other tricks she might have." Zelena says hopefully, green eyes bright. Killian sighs.
"She's dead." He says curtly.
"I'm sorry." Zelena says quickly, "I didn't know, sorry for bringing that up with you, I'll…" Her gaze lands on Swan. "I'll leave you with your friend."
Killian smiles gratefully. "Thank you for coming Zelena. I appreciate it."
XXXXXX
He writes one to Ursula and one to his mother.
He thanks Ursula for being a great little sister. He tells his mother where to shove her concern.
He hopes Ursula has a good life, marries her sailor and has the happily ever after she deserves, even remarking that he wishes the Jolly be left with Emma.
He hopes his mother regrets her every day. Hopes she knows the fate she's thrust upon him. Hopes she chokes on her guilt, she was as guilty as Liam.
Not forgiving her would never be high on his list of regrets. It wouldn't even be there at all.
Lily came in by then, a plate of food in her hand, thrust it on his lap with a glare of 'eat' on her face. It didn't seem to be up for debate. Killian wasn't feeling hungry so he just moved his food around, taking the occasional bite. Her mother came in afterwards, long blonde hair pinned in intricate braids, dressed in dark fabrics.
"How's Henry?" He asked casually. He had been keeping vigil for Swan so the boy didn't have to. Killian didn't want Henry here alone in the dark thinking about the possibilities.
"Playing with Gina's boy, Roland, at the moment." Lily replies. "He's worried about Emma, but keeping an eye on his new shadow has kept him busy." She chuckles. "It's you I'm worried about. Killian, you aren't eating." She insists. "I've seen the plates you leave behind." Killian stops.
"Lily-"
"You're pale, you're always swaying when you stand, the few times I've seen you stand." She demands, standing and urging him to do the same. Killian does, and Lily's not lying as he's had more and more dizzy spells. She grabs his shoulders to steady him. "I'm not your friend, you don't know me, or any of them, but Henry and Emma care about you, so it makes you family." She continues. "Let my mom check on you. She's good at healing with magic. Or maybe Zelena if you don't like magic."
"I'm fine." He says sharply. "Lily, if you really care, you'll drop it." He warns, glaring at Maleficent when she nears him. Lily pouts.
"Lily, I think you should check on your sister." He hears something delicate but stern in the older woman's voice.
Lily looks between them before she huffs and storms from the room muttering about knowing that she was being sent out of the room like a child.
He stands defensively, unsure what this woman was going to say to him, but it was obvious she had something on her mind.
"Sit." She orders. He does.
"Lily tells me you gave-" He starts but is interrupted.
"Dreamshade." She notes instantly, not hesitating or mincing her words.
He freezes.
"But not the normal variety; or you'd be dead by now." Killian doesn't reply, watching as she extends her hand to him. He sighs and give her his.
"How did you know?" He says in a whisper, looking back at his sleeping Swan. He wonders how much she could hear, how much she could understand.
"I spent some time in Neverland as a young fairy." She explains, shifting his sleeve upwards revealing his paling skin and spreading poison. "How far do they go?" Killian touches his hip, unable to say the words. "Do they hurt?"
Killian hesitates, knowing answering will make his voice break.
"If you want my help, I need your honesty." She says sternly.
"They burn." He says in a broken gap. "I'm dizzy, and the thought of eating makes me ill." He admits breathless. "Can you…?" She shakes her head sadly.
"Not without the plant that did this, every plant is different, placement on the island, environment, etc. What I want to know is how you were infected." Killian doesn't know why, but he finds himself spilling the story to this woman, this stranger, it's like a cascade of words that he can't stop, before long he's breathless, closing his eyes to get control, shaking uncontrollably, his arms wrapping around himself to get his emotions back in check. He can't help Emma if he's a broken wreck.
"I'm so sorry Killian." She says once he finishes. "I think you have two days, three max." She explains, flicking her hand, a purple vial appearing. "Drink it all, it should ease the pain significantly. I'll send Lily in with one for later." She explains.
"Are you going to tell her? Henry?" He asks quietly.
The woman shook her head. "This is your secret to tell, but I wish things were different. Thank you, thank you for taking care of my grandson, of Emma. I didn't do right by her, but I promise, I will make up for it." She vows.
The unspoken promise of taking care of her when he drops dead hangs in the air. Killian chugs the purple vial as she stands to leave.
They suddenly hear a high pitched scream, it makes Killian and Mal rush out towards their tent. It was Lily's scream.
"Aurora." She exclaims, pointing to the cut tent as she clutches her head. "She's gone! The witch hit me and ran!"
Killian groans. Another bloody problem.
XXXXXXX
The next letter goes to Liam. He writes it three times, crumbling the failed attempts immediately.
The first one showcases Killian's anger, his rage at what he had done. It ends up ripped in three places.
The second is him trying to lie and say he forgives the wanker. He wants Liam to have some sort of peace, be able to live the life he had stolen from his younger brother.
He wants his death to have some sort of meaning.
It just makes him angrier. It makes him angry that he didn't even have a choice in the matter. It makes him angry that his own brother was so sure that his life was worth less than his own. What happened to protecting him at the cost of his life? What happened to being the older brother and taking care of him, not throwing him to the wolves, dealing with all of this by himself?
He eventually settles somewhere in between, folding it up tucked under the other three in his jacket. The fifth and final letter is beyond hard, its damn near impossible.
What do you tell the woman you love when you know you're about to break their heart?
It had been three days and Emma was no closer to waking up. The wound was starting to heal at an unnatural pace, but she was still blissfully asleep.
"Emma love, it's been three days and I…You have to be strong ok? For your boy, ok? For…whatever you find when you awaken…I hope you know that I tried my best to protect you…to protect your heart…" He tells her that morning, feeling bloody awful. He hasn't had much of an appetite, he's had constant dizzy spells and all he wants to do is curl up and sleep every moment. Thankfully, the fairy's brew lessens the burning of his blood to a low ache; he feels it in both legs and left arm. But Killian knows he can't give up, not yet, he has to keep up appearances, make sure all effort is aimed at making sure she's alright.
Zelena starts to visit more often, sitting beside him, talking about anything that isn't Emma. He's appreciated the distraction her visits provide him, especially when she tries to convince him to go for a walk that day, to stretch his legs a little.
"Come on Killian. You look half dead you're so pale." She prods with a joking chuckle. "Let's get you some sunlight."
Sunlight. Killian likes sunlight, and Henry had already looked like he wanted to spend some alone time with his mother. It just worked out he guessed.
"What's it like being the leader of this group of outlaws and thieves, when you were supposed to be a queen?" He asks as they walk in silence towards a nearby clearing, in perfect view of a lake. She smiles, hand reaching towards his arm, touch lingering a second.
"Different, I don't have to worry as much about what dress I wear or whose wife I insult." She snickers. "Or my reputation." She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
He nods, it made sense.
"What's it like being a Captain?" She counters, taking a step closer to him. Killian shrugs.
"Hell if I know, I may have a ship, but no crew, never actually took her out after I reclaimed her." He admits. "I was going to but…we got interrupted." He wonders what would have happened if he hadn't been so foolish. If they had just rushed out of town…
"It seems we're both have some…wasted potential." She purrs.
He turns away from her, grasping at a tree as a wave of nausea hits him hard. His other hand goes to his side; he can practically feel the poison now, snaking up his side, racing towards his heart. He'd taken Mal's potion just minutes before, they'd helped significantly yesterday, Killian had actually been able to get some sleep, so he knows he shouldn't feel this spike of pain unless… He didn't have much time.
He smiles at Zelena, before saying he needs to get back to Emma.
"Fine." She replies evenly, leading him back to camp. His vision must be going because he would swear he was watching her pout. "Killian? What do you see in her anyway?"
It made him flinch.
"I met her when I was a different person, she made me see my potential, and challenged me to do what I wanted with my life, to stand up for myself." He explained vaguely. "To be the kind of man I wanted to be."
Zelena smiled. "Sounds nice." She replied. "I believe people are put in our life to get us ready for the next part of it." She explained.
He nodded. He'd suffer through everything he'd already been through to ensure he met Emma. She was everything to him. Zelena placed a hand on his arm as they walked back to camp. Just as they become apparent, he sees Lily watching him. Killian nods a greeting.
"Ah!" Zelena shrieks, losing her balance. Killian barely has time to think before she nearly falls backwards into him. He steadies her instantly, noticing Zelena smile in thanks, a hand lingering on his shoulder. "My knight in shining armor."
There are snickering and knowing looks exchanged between others around the camp when he helps Zelena back to her feet
"You ok lass?" She smiles and nods.
He barely thinks about it before he returns to Emma's tent, wishing to see her, to finish her letter and just be around her for as long as possible. He sees Henry speaking with her as he waits, gripping the tent, unsure how long he can keep his balance for. He'd barely been able to right Zelena, he could have easily toppled right along with her.
And unlike Zelena, he'd probably not be able to get back up.
He returns his gaze to the brunette. She's scowling at him.
"What?" He asks. "I was helping her!" He defended.
"You went for a walk with Zelena." She says crossly.
"I thought I'd stretch my legs for a bit." He replied, not quite understanding Lily's obvious frustration.
"She can't be trusted Killian." Lily insists. "I've been keeping my ear to the ground, listening to all the gossip. She's planning something. Today she started talking with Henry." She told him in a whisper.
"I don't see the harm in that lass, she did save him." He reminded her. "I thought you liked her?"
Lily shrugged. "I don't know anymore. She seems different somehow."
Killian shakes his head. "I was warry at her at first as well, but she means us no harm, she's been nothing but helpful, giving up her tent for Emma and me, making sure I don't waste away in there…If she's planning something, it has nothing to do with us." He replies.
Lily shakes her head, lowering her voice. "Do you know what this camp really is?" She whispers. "It's a rebellion, Zelena is staging a coup. They believe Snow is not fit to rule and want to put Zelena on the thrown. Do you know what comes after a coup Killian?" She practically hissed.
He shook his head.
"You kill the Queen and her entire line." She snapped, returning her gaze to the Queen's injured daughter and innocent grandson. "I don't trust her. You should keep her at arm's length Killian; she looks at you too fondly for my liking."
Killian couldn't help but snicker. "I'll keep her away from Emma, just as I assume you are of Henry. As for how she looks at me, I believe you're greatly mistaken, even if she does fancy me as you say, my loyalties are to Emma. I would never betray her." He says firmly.
Lily is about to respond when Henry gets up and moves towards them, ducking out of the tent.
"All yours." He replies, taking steps back towards Lily and back to his family's tent, but Killian holds him back, taking in the boy's appearance, before pulling him into a hug. It catches Henry by surprise.
Killian can't help it, he knows what's about to happen, possibly today, maybe tomorrow, and he couldn't bear to have Henry's last words to him being so dismissive.
"Be good to your mother alright?" He asks, keeping from saying the words he wrote to the boy in his letter. "She's going to need you to get through this."
Henry obviously assumes he means the fact that her own farther tried to kill her. "She'll need you too Killian." He points out. Killian gives a small smile but says nothing.
Killian enters silently, sitting beside her, eyes trying to memorize her face, the way she looks so calm and at peace. He wonders what she's dreaming about. He hopes it's a good dream.
"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do Swan." He starts. "I never meant to, believe that and please…read what I wrote, don't burn it in anger." He could just imagine that; imagine her anger turning his carefully chosen words to ashes. He has to believe that she won't. That she'll read what he's written and understand, get some sort of closure from it.
"And please Swan, don't…don't kill anyone ok? I know what lies in your heart, I can see the darkness, but I can see the light even if you don't see it yourself."
Memories of seeing her in his dreams haunted him. She seemed so damaged and cruel. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would have carried out her threats had she been able to.
"I beg of you Swan. Don't let my…what's about to happen…go to waste, even if you and I hate it."
Because she'd find a way to Neverland, or perhaps Liam would find a way off of it? She'd find him and she'd want to kill him for this. Emma would see it as Liam killing him. In all honesty, Killian agreed over that fact, but he didn't want vengeance. He wanted more than anything for Emma to leave his brother be. He wanted Emma not to succumb to vengeance.
It was his dying wish.
He lies down beside her, pulling her into his arms…remembering that first kiss, first dance, and the last. It just wasn't fair. He wanted months of being with her, sailing the Jolly, or traveling from village to village, he wanted to spar with her, to gift her with beautiful thing after beautiful thing. He wanted to tell her he loved her.
Killian knew he fell asleep at some point, he knows because he woke up, a few hours later in utter agony.
He could feel it in his chest, making it harder and harder to breath. He wanted to stay here, die with her, but decided against it. With his luck, she'd wake up as he passed and fall right back into her coma. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, kind and gentle.
He stood up, body shaking, spots in his vision. He felt like he was going to be sick, he felt like he was on fire.
"Bloody hell…its happening now…"
All Killian could think was that he wasn't ready. He wanted to scream and rant and rave, because even through all his preparation all is thoughts about making peace with it, in truth he wasn't ready to die.
"I'm sorry Swan. I- I wish I had a chance to explain I lo-" He couldn't. Not like this. Not with his breathing ragged, barely keeping himself steady.
"Goodbye Emma Swan."
He wasn't sure how anyone was able to walk away from Emma, because right now, doing it himself hurt worse than his impending death.
Somehow Killian got himself out of the camp. Wobbling, darkness threatening his vision at every turn, but still he managed. Killian vaguely recalled being in similar situations, barely able to walk, running to find somewhere quiet to rest and heal, it brought on a feeling of nostalgia. Now he was doing the exact same thing for vastly different reasons.
"Killian?" Someone called. He had his forehead pressed against a tree, one arm wrapped around his waist, the other holding onto it, trying to keep himself upright for as long as possible. "Are you alright?"
He shook his head, feeling his back hit the ground as he groaned, he didn't even remember the fall. "I'm dying." He admitted.
His vision blurred until he vaguely heard someone shout his name, appearing over him, hand roaming.
"What happened?" the voice exclaimed before the hands settled on his arm, he felt his sleeve being pulled back. He screamed as it felt unbearable, thrashing in a blind attempt to ease the pain.
He suddenly wanted to die very much.
And then before he knew it, everything changed.
Color splashed over his vision and he flew to a sitting position gasping for air and shaking like a leaf, the burn through his body was receding quickly, surprising him. "What the devil-"
There was a chuckle. "You're welcome." He looked over, seeing Lily kneeling beside him watching him with amusement. "Poison Killian? Really? Is this why you've been so sick? No appetite? No sleep? You should have told me sooner!" She snapped. "Mom knew didn't she? That's what her potions are for, to cure you."
He sighed but shook his head. "There was nothing to be done; your mother was trying to ease the process." He admitted.
"Emma's sooo going to kill you." She teased. "She hates secrets, almost as much as lies, and there is no way she'd not be all hands on deck to find a way to fix you…if she knew"
He nodded. "Now that would be counterproductive." He replied. "What happened? What did you do?" He demanded.
"You weren't just poisoned, but cursed too." She pointed out. "By really dark magic, its entangled with the poison. My light magic prevented you from dying you infuriating pirate." She smacked him in the back of the head. "How could you not have told her?" She snapped.
"I was going to. But then she was captured, and now she's…"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Please. I've listened to both Henry and Emma rave about you and how you saved her. You should have told her you were cursed, is that why you saved her? Why you've gotten so close to my son?" He shakes his head quickly.
"I only found out about it recently. It was…a lot to process." He admitted. "I realize that my own brother caused this in exchange for his own life. That at 30, I'd die. I couldn't tell her until I figured out what I wanted to do about it." He admitted. "And by then it was too late."
Or would have been.
"Your brother did this?" Lily asked, a strangely soft expression crossing her face. He nodded. "I know a little about siblings that betray your trust, mine tried to kill me when I was a baby, and when that didn't work, she tried to curse me." Lily admitted, sitting beside him.
"Aurora?" Killian asked, recalling her talk of loyalty. She nodded.
"She had been jealous of me all my life, and she just couldn't handle it. But I loved her; I loved her with all my heart. So I get how the betrayal had to have stung." Lily says.
He gives her a small smile. "Having her escape must not have helped, not knowing when she'll return." He added. She shakes her head.
"Mom's grieving for her like she died. I can't forgive her for all she's done. I can't, not after she's hurt my family so many times"
Killian chuckled. "Perhaps you shouldn't. But I have to try." He tells her, showing the stacks of paper in his jacket. He wanted to tell Swan all this, but he hadn't found the opportunity, he didn't realize how good it felt to tell someone until now, not just about the poison, but everything.
"I'm going to die before I have a chance to reunite with my brother; I wrote him this to give him some understanding of what I think of him, as well as an effort to forgive him." He explained. "But in all honesty, I don't forgive him, I'll never forgive him. He's ruined my entire life, had I not met Swan, I'd die all alone in an alley behind a bloody tavern. At least here, I won't die alone; I'll have Emma's love even if I don't deserve it."
"Killian…" She sighed. "There must be another way."
"I've spent 15 years trying to get back to Neverland, it's the only hope of a solution, I need Swan to help, she's traveled to different realms, I was going to tell her, and ask her, but then I met your boy, I realized that we wouldn't have enough time to save me and Henry's family. If I told her, she'd have to choose. How can I ask her to make that decision?" He asked.
Lily didn't reply.
"Besides it's my decision. I only regret hurting them."
He tried to stand back up, but felt his body tilt in unsteadiness. Lily went and steadied him, but Killian still felt less then alright. With a sigh, he looked over to his arm, still seeing the black gash and the beginnings of the veins over his skin, not as far as they had been last time he checked, but prevalent. It made him gulp in realization. "How long has your magic given me?" He asked lightly.
Just a bit more time.
He hadn't let hope for a future invade his thoughts, and for once his lack of optimism was helpful. He wasn't cured. He still had no future.
Lily shook her head sadly. "My magic comes from True Love but even it has its limits, I give it a few weeks at least, a month at the most. Who knows what can happen in a month."
Lily stood, taking her leave but paused, turning and meeting his confused gaze.
"Oh and Killian? Happy Birthday."
This is a really long chapter, like the longtset chapter I've ever written. Hopefully it's not too confusing.
This is the problem when write in switching perspectives, I can't break a chapter in half, but I'm sure no one minds extra long chapters. Sorry, the next ones will be shorter.
Fun fact, I planned to post that last chapter before the finale, I had the author's note written around six, but literally forgot to post. Oh well.
I've officially caught up with my week or two of accidental delay. I'll be back to my uploading once a week. I had news, but I'll wait for next chapter due to the sheer length of this one.
Guest reviews:
andria: I will admit, I did include the Darkness part due to the fact that Swan Song had recently been aired while I was writing. It was another dream sequence because I felt like having a little bit of fun. But it does serve a purpose down the line. All will be revealed. I just don't consider it to be soon.
Anna:I'm glad you were in a happy mood while reading. Chapters like this were supposed to be confusing and hopefully a bit enlightening too. I love foreshadowing, its one of my favorite part about writing something like this, all the breadcrumbs I leave that mean something. It also something I love about Once. I'm obsessed with this story as well and I'm glad I'm not the only one, obsession with stories is a lot of fun. Something definitely happened while Emma slept as you read...just not as dire as you expected. I love dream sequences, especially to create speculation. Long reviews are always welcome, I try to answer as much as I can.
I'll rant and rave about the finale next chapter because this chapter does not need anymore content.
~Luna