Chapter 20

But You Can't Take the Deckhand Out of the Man

He knew that he should tell her right away, he could imagine how angry she would be that he chose to wait any length of time. Not to mention the fact that Lily too would want him to tell Emma what was really going on, but he couldn't help it.

Killian was still scared of her reaction, he was scared of his own reaction if he was being honest. He just didn't want this peaceful, quiet moment to go away just yet.

"That's a neat story Killy!" The little boy, Roland, said, jumping up from his seat when he finished his tale. He grinned. "So? What happened next? After the Deckhand and the Princess returned to the port?"

Emma laughed besides him, hand drifting over his shoulder.

"Well lad, that's a story for another day." He said simply, standing up.

"Please! At least tell us a little tiny bit of a bit." The boy insisted. He could see other children making their way over, eyes wide with curiousity, wanting to know more stories.

"Roland." Regina starts, but Killian shakes his head, who was he to stiffen their curiosity?

"The three of them went off to search for the Purple fairy and her daughter, the…Dragon Girl of course." Emma interrupted, taking his seat from him. He stared at her as she smirked back at him, an obvious challenge in her expression.

Minx.

"You see, they were the Little Thief's family and the Princess wanted to return his happy ending to him." She explained. "She wasn't ready to admit just how much she cared for her dashing Deckhand, and neither was he, so he accompanied her on her new mission."

The boy's eyes went wide, while Henry's narrowed, looking obviously irritated by her using the word 'Little'.

"Did they? Did they rescue them?"

Killian nodded.

"Did they have their happily ever after?" Roland continued.

Killian froze, debating lying, but knew Emma would catch it, he couldn't risk that.

"Yes." Emma said in that breathless way she used to make his heart melt. She was confident and sure and worse, she was so happy. He could see it in her face.

It made Killian want to hit something. He wanted to see that face forever. The second she knew that face would be gone.

"I wouldn't listen to them Roland." Said a voice that made him tense, he could feel the man coming up behind him, feeling the sneer on his back. "Sometimes stories are just stories."

It was none other than Sydney. Moving forward, placing his arm around his shoulder like they were mates or something. "For example. This story leaves out the part about the Princess being evil."

He could see the boy's eyes widen. "Evil?" His voice far away and scared. Emma flinched and Killian wanted to punch the man.

"Oh yes, why do you think she was imprisoned? She did bad things, and the Deckhand was selfish to let her out of her cage." The man said casually. Killian shrugged out of his touch.

"That's a matter of opinion." He said in a controlled voice, the man placed his hand back on his shoulder, leading him closer to the children who were either whispering or looking at him with confusion. All Killian wanted was to give them a nice pleasant story? Why the hell was this snake of a man ruining this?

"Do you know why the Deckhand was a fool? Because he wanted something from the Princess. He wanted to unleash evil on the world because he wanted the princess's help, why else would anyone care for such dreadful creature?"

He froze. Emma was standing now, turning and staring at the man, glaring daggers.

"Mate." He said in a near whisper. "I'd advise you to move your arm if you'd like to keep it." He growled. Sydney did as he scowling at him.

"No! The Deckhand went there to rescue her because it was Good Form!" Roland shouted, obviously upset. "And the Princess was there because her mother was mean and didn't like her!"

Regina reacted instantly, going over and picking him up, big fat tears threatening to fall. She cooed gently, ensuring him of the first and better version of the story. She shot Sydney a cold glare.

"Who the hell do you think you are, we were trying to tell a nice story!" Emma hissed at the man as Regina shepherded away the children, this was something they did not need to see. "You didn't have to make the boy cry."

The man didn't even look at her. "A nice story, tell me Deckhand, does it have a happy ending? Does he get the girl or does he…die trying."

He snapped. Punching the man straight in the jaw, he knew, somehow he knew. The man got up and hit him back in the eye, but Killian didn't care, he was just about to lay another blow on the man when others of the camp came over seeing the violence and grabbing his arms back, restraining him.

"Let him go." Emma growled, magic sparking.

"Makes me wonder if the Deckhand was being honest, maybe the reason he liked her was that his heart was as dark as the Dark One." Syd continued. "Or maybe darker." A part of him was glad the men hadn't listened to Emma as he swore he'd kill the man for his words, all Killian could see was red.

But it was Emma that snapped, punching him square in the jaw, knocking him down.

"Shut up!" She seethed, the mane dropped him, going over towards Emma, hesitant over what to do. "Don't ever say that! You hear me? Killian is light! He freed me because he cared!" She seethed.

He hadn't expected her anger to be quite so…fierce.

"Sydney! That's enough!" Zelena snapped. "Miss Swan, you too." Killian noticed the men looking at Swan warily as she took a breath, calming down as he neared a hand on her shoulder. Sydney got to his feet surging forward but Zelena stopped him. "They are guests here, and it would be wise to remember to respect them." She snapped. He turned away from the scene, clenching and unclenching his fists, noticing Emma's magic flickering as well.

Zelena moved away from Sydney towards him. "Killian are you alright?" She asked gently, smiling brightly at him.

He could hear Emma practically growl as Zelena touched the spot just below his eye. Killian gently moved her hand away before Emma could react. Emma had been strangely hostile to the red head this morning and the last thing they needed was to be kicked out of camp because Emma had done something reckless.

He didn't want this, this fight, to dwell in things neither of them could help.

"I'm going to get some bloody firewood." He muttered darkly when it looked like Emma had her control over her temper, wanting desperately to be alone for a moment.

"Killian." Emma called, following him. He didn't stop until he reached an empty clearing; if he was going to stop he might as well make sure they were alone.

"One day, Emma. I wanted to give you one day of just laughter and happiness." He said, voice still quivering angrily as he turned back towards her, pacing back and forth, back and forth. He couldn't stop. If he stopped he'd have to look at her, and she'd look at him and his resolve to keep going would crumble. She deserved one day.

You're a coward Jones, the second you tell her its real, you can tell Lily and Maleficent, but telling Emma would mean you're actually dying.

"You are." She insisted, trying to still him, it wasn't quite working. "Being with you makes me happy, so so happy."

He gave her a small smile. "You make me happy Emma, never forget that." She cupped his cheek, rubbing the bristles of his facial hair.

"You'll be here to remind me silly." She giggled.

He just smiled at her, he couldn't correct her, and he couldn't lie to her. So he just smiled.

"Killian, can I ask you a question?" She said suddenly. "The mermaid who healed you, why did she do that? It has been bugging me." She admitted sheepishly. "Is she why you're not well?"

He sighed, knowing he'd have to tell her eventually, but had wanted to wait for that too.

"I mean if you don't want to tell me I get it-" He shook his head, going to an empty spot and laying down on the soft grass, patting the spot besides him.

"I'll tell you Swan. I should tell you a bloody lot of things, I guess I can start there." He said. "Your boy knows, at least a bit, so you should know too."

He saw her curiosity spike, but didn't question him, letting him get out his secret when he was good and ready.

"I told you how my mother abandoned the family when I was an infant yes? My father was a royal, an active participant in the royal court, when it was active of course, my brother went with him, he was popular you know, had tons of friends, anyway, my mother gave birth to me and left me with a neighbor, after she'd been gone a week, they sent word to my father. He and Liam came down to our home village as soon as possible, taking a few weeks' time before finding me. They were stunned by my mother's sudden disappearance, thinking something terrible had happened to her. But she was seen running off with a pirate. She completely abandoned me, us." He could see sorrow in Emma's gaze, making him chuckle. There was so much more.

"After Neverland, I must have been 16, I was still openly rebelling against the…Smee, I never truly stopped, so his…manners of discipline were still pretty severe." He admitted. "But while sailing one day, we heard this beautiful singing voice, it was mesmerizing. It had the ship's crew so entranced that they nearly led us straight to the rocks. I could recognize its beauty, but I wasn't…enchanted. I ran to the deck, changed out course, and saved all of our lives." He touched his side, where a particularly nasty burn scar remained. "Smee wasn't pleased, saying how he didn't need a lowly Deckhand touching his ship." He touched the one right above it. He'd received that one when he stated that the ship wasn't Smee's.

"The next day a furious storm tore us from our path, docking us on an abandoned island against our will." He explained. "The crew left to investigate, ended up getting themselves stuck in a cave." He laughed. "But then someone came on the ship as I was mopping, a little girl around ten years old. She asked me why I didn't get confused when she sang. She was a mermaid, or half one if your being technical…at first I didn't understand." He explained. "Then she asked me if I'd go and visit her mother, she said that her mother always new the answers."

Emma's eyes widened, he could see her connecting the dots, but let him say the words. "I never had a single living memory of her before that day, but I'd seen the pictures from Liam, every day on her birthday, Liam would get bloody drunk and curse her name. The moment I saw the Little Mermaid's mother, I recognized her, and she somehow recognized me." He remembered the way she'd embraced him, looking unsurprised at his sudden visit.

Emma squeezed his arm comfortingly. "Did she give you a reason? For what she did?" He nodded.

"My mother was a seer, often predicting things for the future, nothing ever good actually. She supposedly predicted deaths and births in the village, sometimes helping to change the paths. She told me that she saw the path she would take to bring my sister, the little mermaid, into the world, that she was destined for greatness. That the world needed her in it." He explained. "And she saw that my life would bring great darkness into the realm." He clenched his fists. "She told me that it was still an option, that she could guide me away from it, but only if I chose to stay here with her and her daughter. Her new husband was away on a trip and would be back. She said it like she expected me to be a part of her family with open arms." He growled. "I knew what she was doing. She felt guilty, guilty for ruining my life and having found a perfect little angel in her new daughter."

He took a breath.

Fear flashed in Emma's eyes for a second. "What is it Swan?" He asked.

"I-I understand. It must have hurt to have been replaced." She said softly. "And to be abandoned for no good reason." He nodded. "Continue." She urged.

"Ursula, my half-sister, visited the ship often, at first to deliver messages from my mother and so she could get to know me, and before long…" He grinned in laughter. "She became enamored by Smee's first mate, a young lad, only a year or two older than I, but a wiz with a sword and a chart. Ursula fished him out of the sea one day and it was love at first sight."

He smiled at her. "Apparently it's quite common to fish those we care for out of the sea." He teased, making Emma roll her eyes.

"I had a brother." She said in a quick breath.

He was surprised, but heard the past tense in her voice, the sadness in her face. "Oh Swan…" She shook her head.

"He should be four by now. Boys can't inherit magic, only acquire it through uncontrollable circumstances." She admitted. "Mother told me she got rid of him. Killed him for a spell."

Killian paled, thinking about what kind of vile woman would do that to their own child.

Well, after seeing the pain she caused Swan…perhaps it wasn't too far of a stretch.

"I believed her. But now, now I'm questioning it." He looked at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "My mother has this tradition she did with me as a child. On my first birthday, I got a chain, and every year after she'd give me a charm, each with a different reason or purpose." She explained.

It sounded vaguely familiar. Then it hit him.

"You think-" She nodded.

"I think Neal's my lost little brother." She admitted. "And I don't know what to do about it."

He tried to keep his expression neutral, and it seemed to have worked, she didn't see the way the news crushed his soul, made him want to confess his secret condition to her and weep in her arms.

"Maybe you should go and see him? After Henry is set up?" He says curiously. "He's family Swan. Family comes first."

She nodded. "I barely got to chance to see him, I was too focused on what was going on at the time, and it seems so far away now." She admitted.

He agreed with that. "Will you come with me to see him? To test if he's really who I think he is? I know you'll see that man, and it brings up painful memories but-"

Killian couldn't stop himself. "If it was up to me love, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth." He vowed. She grinned, pulling herself closer to him, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck.

"I don't know what I'd do without you Killian."

Another stab in the heart, when he told her the truth, she'd have to delay that, stay in constant wonder until they found him a cure in Neverland. He hated this. He hated what it would cost her if she told him.

"If it was up to me, you'd never have to find out." He replied.

They stayed like that for a little while, returning to camp with grass in their hair and a bright smile on her face. Lily was there and Emma left to talk to her in private again. He stood there for a moment before Zelean approached him.

"My apologies for earlier." He began. "You and Gina have been very kind in offering us shelter for these few days." Zelena waved him off, stepping into his space.

"No biggie, I'm just glad I can help."She replied. "Are you going back into the tent?" Killian nodded.

"I thought I'd get our things out so you can have your dwelling back." He told her kindly. "It seems unfair to keep you from your home when both Swan and I are perfectly able to stay elsewhere." He reasoned. "We'll probably be leaving soon anyway."

Her smile faded. "You're leaving soon?" She asked. "I-er...Roland will miss you." He felt his cheeks flush and Killian couldn't help but pull at his collar as Zelena stepped closer. "Please don't go?" she asked in a whisper.

"Swan's all better now." He reminded her. "Thank you again for everything, but I go where Emma goes." He said gently, backing away slightly. He didn't want to offend the lass, but he suddenly understood both Lily and Emma's concerns.

Zelena backed away as if she had been slapped, her frown increasing and Killian felt himself shiver at the look in her eyes. "Fine." she snapped. "I hope you know what kind of person you're getting involved with, Killian. She's going to hurt you." Zelena said ominously before she left.

He sat down at the small desk, taking a moment to enjoy the shade. He was going to tell her as soon as she was done with Lily. He would show her the marks, then tell er the story from the very beginning. He wouldn't hide a single detail from her.

Emma was going to be livid with him.

Killian felt the burn on his arm, he looked over, scratching at it in an effort to alleviate some of the irritation, but it only seemed to make it worse. Bloody hell, he thought he'd have some time before the pain came back. The last thing he wanted was not to be completely focused when he told Swan.

Killian looked over, seeing the purple vial sitting peacefully on the desk. He shrugged; he should have probably taken the bloody thing earlier. Killian uncapped it and chugged it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

His head was cotton when he awoke…awoke?

Killian looked around.

Where the hell am I?

There was grass beneath him, he clawed at it, trying to make some sort of sense out of everything. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't…there was just nothing.

He'd been waiting for Swan hadn't he? How had he gotten outside?

He stood on shaky legs as his vision seemed to shift in and out of focus. Slowly he realized that he was on a familiar path just outside of camp. He moved forward, hoping there was some explanation and that Swan was ok and could tell him what the bloody hell had happened.

He felt hung over but not. It was too bloody odd.

It took longer than he'd like to get back to camp, he saw the uneasy looks, but passed them off, it wasn't unusual. He walked into their tent.

"Swan. Something distressing happened." He began, seeing her blonde hair as she was facing away from him. He moved towards her, placing his hand on her shoulder but she slapped his hand away the second it made contact. "Swan? Has something…" He tried. He was alarmed at her violent reaction.

She rolled her eyes.

"You have a lot of nerve Jones, thinking you can pull the wool over my eyes." She shot darkly. "I know exactly what secret you've been hiding, to think I was worried about you." She laughed. "But its fine, now you don't have to worry about breaking the news to me anymore."

He blinked. "Break the news?" He questioned. He must have told her before whatever fog had risen over his memory. "You mean you know that I-" Emma cut him off with a snarl.

"Don't say it; haven't you caused me enough pain?" She demanded in a broken voice. "I can't forgive this, not ever!"

He blinked. She knew? That he was dying, he knew she'd be upset but he didn't think she'd be like this.

"Swan, please understand, I didn't know how to tell you." He pleaded. "Let me explain."

She looked at him with an evil expression. "I don't want your explanations." She snapped. "I don't want to ever see you again."

He felt his heart tighten, she was gathering up her things, bits of clothing, all the little signs of Emma Swan.

She was leaving.

"Are we leaving? I'll get my things I'll-" She shook her head.

"I'm leaving." She clarified. "But not with you." She insisted.

She was leaving him.

"Emma don't do this!" He shouted suddenly before he took a ragged breath. This could not be happening. He didn't understand why this was happening. Didn't she understand why he had lied? "Don't leave." He pleaded. He felt and sounded desperate. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't.

She crossed her arms, he knew without a doubt that it was the Dark Swan looking at him; her eyes were just so cold. "This is the last place I want to be, to watch this? I won't do it. If you thought I would stay after this, then you don't know me at all."

How had he been so wrong? If she truely cared for him, her reaction wouldn't be this. She wouldn't be this cruel. They were right, Elsa, Regina, Zelena, he never mattered to her. He was nothing but a tool. A bloody broken tool. He felt used.

"I don't want to be alone." He begged one last time. He felt petty for needing her, but he just couldn't help it. He didn't want to go back to his life without her, and he certainly didn't want to die without her. He could already feel it, the very idea of staying anywhere without him made a terrible fear grip his heart."I'd go to the end of the world for you, please just-" He wasn't sure if he could bear it, to be turned into that coward all over again. He needed her. Surely she understood that? Surely she'd give him this one act of mercy?

She laughed.

"Oh you won't be alone." She said sarcastically. "But it sure as hell won't be me sticking around."

Killian knew she could be cruel, just never to him.

"A Deckhand and a Dark One, we were never meant to be." She continued. "You once told me something. That you'd come with me for as long as I wanted you, well this is me. Not wanting anything more to do with you." She sneered. "You're off the hook." At that word she grabbed the charm from around her neck and dissolved it into nothing.

She may as well have stabbed him. She probably should have stabbed him.

Emma turned her back on him, gathering something else in the far corner.

"Fine Swan. Just bloody fine." He seethed. "Go run away. I won't chase you. I won't come after you." He vowed. "Leave now and that's it, we're over I can't-."

She glared at him than snapped her fingers before he could even finish.

She dissolved in a puff of dark grey smoke.

He stared at the spot for a moment, as if willing it to return his Swan. His knees buckled as the realization settled in.

She was gone.

I meant to post this on Wednesday but I forgot.

Do you know what I really love about posing this story? That sometimes I recognize the names of authors who follow/favorite I've read stories from and I freak out a bit because they like my writing. NothingImpossible wrote an amazing review of Freeing the Witch the other day on her tumbler that literally made my week, especially since I love her stories. I recommend anyone reading this to go check it out her work as well.

Guest reviews:

Anna: Bad Killian just happened in Emma's dream. Snowing is returning in a few chapters with lots of answers, just hang tight. I'm glad you still liked that last chapter. I look forward to your review of this chapter.

andria:I love throwing in my references. That 'taco' scene was so much fun to write. I'm nervous of where its going too. I hope you like it.

Don't forget to review!

Luna~