Walking Out of The Shadows

Chapter 8

Thank you for all the followers! It makes me happy! Review please. It makes me happy! And motivated? I had to get Jim and her talking, since they are both survivor's and Jim knows something about survivor's guilt. But she isn't falling for the Kirk charm yet! Another long chapter.

Sydney opened up an eye at the insistent chime of her dorm room and glanced at the clock. She mumbled grabbing her robe, stumbling to her door. "Do you realize it's 6:30 AM on a blasted Saturday?" she mumbled as she opened the door. "Kirk?" she asked as she looked at him. She raised an eyebrow as she took in the man's appearance. "You are wearing the same clothes you were last night when we all went to dinner," she said.

"Yes, and I didn't want another lecture from Bones about coming home with another hangover," Jim responded.

"So you came to my door at 6:30 in the morning?" she questioned.

"I came to take you out to breakfast, I need to eat, and I know Bones wants you to have three square meals," he told her. "Are you going to invite me in or am I going to stand out here while you get changed?"

Sydney sighed. "I never said that I'd have breakfast with you. I was enjoying my first four hours of interrupted sleep in a while before you woke me up," she told him. "Fine, but you're not coming in. Give me ten minutes," she told him as she shut the door in his face. Sydney sighed as she went into her room and changed, putting her hair up in pigtail. She walked out the door. "Happy now?" she asked.

Jim laughed. "You just don't like me do you?"

"I'm not a morning person," she grumbled. "So who did you wind up going home with this time? That waitress you were flirting with at the restaurant? Or someone that you felt up at a bar?" she asked.

Jim smiled. "Someone at the bar," he admitted.

"We're not going to the cafeteria?" she asked as she stopped as they were passing it.

"There's a café right outside grounds, best black coffee ever," he said. "I'm buying."

"I know the place, best Lox and bagel," Sydney told him as she walked with him. "I can buy for myself, thanks."

Jim laughed. "You never answered me, you just don't like me?"

Sydney rolled her eyes and sighed. "Kirk, if I didn't like you, then I would have punched you for having the audacity to come to my dorm at 6:30 on a Saturday morning, half hung over," she told him. "And, I certainly wouldn't be going to breakfast with you," she said as they got to the café.

Jim grinned. "So my charm is working on you is it?"

"There it is," Sydney answered as she shook her head. "Not every woman has to fall for that so called charm Jim, and you can't stand it that I'm not falling into your bed," she told him. "You know what, you have your coffee," she said as she turned around.

"Syd, wait," Jim said as he grabbed her elbow. "Can we just have breakfast and have a conversation? Please?"

"Fine, but I'm buying my own food," she told him as she sat down at a table with him. "What do you want to talk about? And please don't start talking about last nights little conquest, because I am not in the mood."

"I wouldn't kiss and tell," he told her.

"Yes you would," she shot back.

"Well, there's a time and place for it, and this isn't it," he told her. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday," he told her. "The incident with Ziering."

Sydney let her eyes look down at the menu. "What about it?"

"Hey, look at me, Syd," Jim said. "What you're experiencing, it's survivor's guilt," he told her.

Sydney leaned back in her chair. "When did you get your medical degree?"

He laughed. "If you don't remember, my mother and I were survivor's," he told her. "I watched my father's death eat up my mother for years. Panic attacks? She had them all the time," he told her. "And looking at me, it made her feel more guilty," he admitted. "Black coffee," he ordered as the waitress came up.

"Large orange juice and Lots on a everything bagel," Sydney ordered as the waitress walked away. "Why are you telling me this?"

"My mother never talked to me about my father, and maybe it would have been easier if she did," he informed her.

"So are you suggesting I go to Ziering and talk about his brother? I don't think he's much into the whole listening thing," she told him.

"No I'm not suggesting that you go talk to him, personally from what Uhura told me, I want to punch him for cornering you like that. What I am suggesting is that you talk to your new friends about your old friends," he told her.

Sydney looked at him with her light blue eyes. "What?"

"That night in Riverside, after you had your little talk with me, I went back to my room and I pulled your name and read some articles," he replied honestly as the coffee and juice came.

Sydney tensed and waited until the waitress left before she said anything. "Really? And what gave you the right?" she hissed.

Jim met her gaze. "You want to tell me you didn't look me up after your father sent you out of that bar? Curiosity?"

Sydney relaxed a little. "Part of my job to be curious," she admitted. "Plus I needed to know why the name Kirk peeked my father's interest."

"I was curious too, I mean it's not everyday that I meet a female that can take me down with one good twist of an elbow," he told her as he sipped the coffee. "The way you tensed when I even suggested I knew something about what happened, the same way my mother did when I even mentioned the Kelvin and my father."

Sydney sighed. "Yeah, so I'm not comfortable with talking about them OK? And, yes, you're right, I do have guilt about surviving. Every day, I go through it in my mind and ask myself why I survived and they didn't," she admitted as the waitress brought the bagel and lox.

"I saw it destroy my mother, running from the memories, never talking about him. I couldn't do anything for her, maybe I don't want to see memories destroy a friend," he said.

Sydney watched him. "I've talked to people," she said as she took a bite of the lox and bagel.

"I'm not talking about psychiatrist, they don't talk back," he said as he motioned the waitress over and held up his cup for a refill.

Sydney waited as the waitress refilled the cup and walked away. "What are you going to say? I'm sorry? It doesn't help."

"Wasn't going to sorry," Jim answered. "So what was he like?"

Sydney looked at him. "Who?"

"Max, your boyfriend? Fiancee maybe?" he asked as he drank the second cup of coffee. He watched her face. "The way you were standing in the picture, he probably had his arm around you in that picture."

Sydney took another bite of her food and looked at him. She remembered that picture, the day it was taken. The captain liked taking a picture of his crew at the beginning of each stint in the black.

"So he does this every time?" the young blond woman asked.

"Every time," Davidson the second in command answered.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because one of us may not come back, and I want a reminder of everyone I ever take out there," Carpenter answered. "Now get over there."

"We knew each other since we were younger…kids really," Sydney answered. "We grew up together, ate here a lot actually," she admitted.

"Didn't answer the question what was he like? What did he like to do? When did the two of you get serious?" Jim questioned.

Sydney knew by the look on his face that he wasn't going to drop this subject. "He was the star of the Swim team, good at listening to someone talk and pick up the dialect. Federation would have loved him," she told him.

"Eat," Jim ordered as he got another refill of coffee. "Why didn't he join Starfleet? Why didn't you for that matter?"

"We weren't rebelling against our last names if that's what you're asking. For Max it was in his blood, exploring further then Starfleet boundaries," she explained as she took another bite. "For me, it was the thrill of it," she admitted. "I mean they aren't as strict with the rules as the Federation, we did our job and if we had to break the rules, no one really questioned it," she said. "You wouldn't know anything about rule breaking would you?"

Jim laughed. "I don't see you as a rule breaker," he pointed out.

"Out in the Black, there's a thin line between right and wrong. Maybe if we weren't following protocol that day…." she started to say.

"Hey, how did you and Max get together?" Jim asked. He wasn't letting her go to what if's, it would eat her up alive.

"We went to the prom together," she answered.

"Prom? Seriously?" Jim asked almost spitting out his coffee.

"Yes, his prom," she answered. "Then he had just finished his first tour out in the black when my prom came up and he went with me to mine. I guess there wasn't really a time there wasn't a Max and Sydney…until now," she said as she finished her bagel. "Look if you tell me that I didn't die that day, and that I need to live, I'm going to have to hit you," she warned him.

"Heard that a lot huh?" he questioned.

"Doc said it to me yesterday, Admiral Archer a couple weeks after I got here, Uhura reminds me at least once a week," she answered.

"Well they are right," Jim answered. "I mean you could become like me, a drinker, bedding anything in a skirt, well in your case pants," he teased.

Sydney laughed. "You could change," she reminded him. "How do you do it? I mean, I kind of asked Dad how you were doing."

Jim gave her the Kirk grin. "Oh you did, did you? Why?"

Sydney rolled her eyes. "Well considering you insist on calling me Syd, you think we are friends," she told him. "It was that damn curiosity again, see how you were handling the rules and regulations. He said that you were doing good in your classes, wouldn't be surprised if you finished in three years. But you also are never on time for his class, the first one in the morning."

"I sit in the back, how does he notice?" Jim mumbled.

Sydney laughed as she finished her lox and bagel and drank her juice. "Welcome to the world of Christopher Pike noticing everything. I swear he has eyes in the back of his head. You can't get away with anything with him. So try to be on time on Monday."

"Yes ma'am," he answered.