disclaimer: i own the ideas, not the band

TWENTY-SIX - GOOD NEWS AT THE WRONG TIME

Time's racing, please slow down
I got to find my way out
I'm hopeless, but hoping
My lungs won't fail me now

Lauren and Joshua – finally – returned from the longest honeymoon on the face of the planet – okay, maybe it wasn't quite the longest honeymoon ever, but it was a close contender for top spot – on the Wednesday that followed the J.P. Scott fiasco. Lauren and I spent most of the weekend – we started it just after lunch on Friday and ran it through until Sunday evening – together, catching up – the only part of the weekend we didn't spend together was the nights, when she went to her – new – home. She told me all about her trip, leaving out all the gory details that I did not need and did not want to hear about, showing me pictures of the islands and places they had visited and some of the people they had met while they were gone. She also told me about married life, how awesome and exciting and different it was, and how it really wasn't all that different at the same time – mostly because she had been with Josh for years and everyone was just waiting for them to get married already, and because they spent most of their time with each other already anyways.

What we didn't talk about was my short-lived relationship with J.P. Scott. Seeing as she had been gone the whole time I had been going out with him, Lauren didn't even know about him – somehow, I hadn't told any of our friends about him, either, so there was no one to spill the news to her. I hadn't told her about our relationship on any of the occasions that I had talked with her since she had gotten married – it never seemed like that big of a deal to me. I hadn't told her – mostly – because the subject never really came up – I wasn't just going to pop into a conversation we were having about monkeys or coconuts – or something along those lines – and say that I had a new boyfriend – seeing as the last boyfriend I had had had been Robert – the lying cheat! – and I wasn't sure how long the relationship would last and I wasn't sure how much I really liked him. Maybe that was one way I was trying to tell myself that I didn't really see the relationship – if you could have even called it that – going anywhere.

I accompanied Lauren and Josh when they went to see Donna's baby for the first time – they hadn't had a chance to see and meet him before they left on their honeymoon. Of course, they had seen a couple of the pictures Donna and Jonny had blasted out to everyone, but that was nowhere near the same as actually seeing him in person. When we left, after a couple hours of cooing at and playing with the one-month baby, as well as talking with Donna and Jonny – them telling us how different it was to be parents, but also how exhilarating – Lauren told me they had news. After finding out it was good news, she announced she was pregnant.

To say the least, I was shocked into silence. I hadn't been expecting her to tell me that. But I was excited for them and told them I would be there for them the entire time – and when the baby came, too, of course.

But as I was telling them this, Lauren looked away, her smile faltering only slightly – but enough for me to take notice. Asking what was wrong, I got an answer I was expecting even less than Lauren's announcement of her pregnancy: "While we were away, I got a job offer." This came from Josh. Lauren was still looking back at Donna's house. "I start at the end of the month" – less than two weeks away – "and it really was too good to turn down."

In an instant, I didn't feel so well – I became increasingly dizzy with each word he spoke. Were they serious? They couldn't be! They had already spent a month away and I had just gotten my best friend back, only to be losing her again. Selfish, I know. I was just starting to wrap my head around her being married – which wasn't all that easy, seeing as I hadn't seen her since the wedding – and now I had to get my head around her becoming a mother – which wouldn't be easy, either – and her not even being here? This was going to be my hardest challenge yet.

Suddenly, my head was reeling. The time when we were ten and had decided that we would get married at the same time, even though we had different dreams for how the actual event would be. The time when we agreed that when we had children, we would always be there for each other and we would raise them together. The time when we were eight and made a pact that neither of us could move away from the other – I knew I had already broken the pact, but I returned within a couple years, and I was always back every month.

I didn't want Lauren to leave. I already knew that I wouldn't be getting married any time around hers, seeing as I hadn't had a boyfriend I was completely serious about since we were in college. And that meant that I wasn't going to be have kids at the same time as her, either – seeing as she was already pregnant and I couldn't even think about having a kid at this point in my life. If Lauren left, that would mean that our pact would surely be broken, and that we wouldn't be able to raise our kids together – even if I wasn't ready to even think about it right now.

Coming back to the present, I noticed Lauren and Josh watching me with concerned faces. I realized that they were saying something, too, but I couldn't make it out. I also realized that I was having a hard time getting the oxygen to my lungs, as it felt like my throat was closing in on me.

Trying to get some space so I could breathe properly, I took a couple tentative steps backwards, attempting to force the air into my lungs. But it wasn't working. I became even dizzier than I had been and the next thing I knew, I was falling into a dark abyss.

song: still breathing by mayday parade.

an: muchas gracias!

also- this will be the last one for a while - i'm currently travelling in central europe and won't have my laptop again until september. thanks for your continued support, i'll try to remember to update it as soon as i'm back and have the next one finished! ta! :)