True to his word Legolas departs at dawn. He wakes me with a kiss, whispers he loves me and then he is gone.
I am left alone with my thoughts.
I think back to yesterday and the ride here. My misery, my conviction we were falling apart, disintegrating before my eyes. Was I right? It seems so far away now and yet I am not sure what has changed. He has not, he is still weighed down by the sea and entwined with these strange mortals. He is still not the Legolas I fell in love with, the Legolas who left for Imladris but despite it all he loves me. He may have changed but his love has not. It is what he has been telling me all along.
And now I have to change. I only hope I can, I have to try and accept these people I do not know, I do not really want to know, into my life if I want to keep him in my life also. If I want him to be happy.
He does not return to escort me to breakfast as I thought he would. Instead an eager page knocks on my door telling me he has been sent by the Elven Prince. I cannot help but feel disappointed. Where is he?
He is not at breakfast either. When I arrive only the Royal family are there. Aragorn, Arwen and a child, a handsome child with curly brown hair, big eyes and a serious face. It must be Eldarion. Legolas has told me many tales about him. I know he loves him.
Elessar's face falls when he sees me alone. He is not pleased.
"Legolas is not with you?"
"I thought he would be here," I take my seat, trying not to take the Kings frowning face personally. A memory flashes through my mind, Legolas lying on the bed last night, "He has confined me to the palace" he said. I would not put it past him to be strolling around the city this morning just to prove to Elessar he will not be restrained, and I do believe the King is thinking exactly the same thing.
He runs his hand threw his hair in frustration and I see Arwen touch his arm gently.
"You can not cage him Estel. He will not allow that."
"Does he have no care for himself?" He replies, "It is a strange poison that affects him. He will not mend unless he rests...and eats."
"I will send food to his room. It will be there when he returns," she says softly,. "He is not a child. If he behaves foolishly he will pay the price. Let it go."
I feel awkward sitting there listening to them discuss Legolas in front of me but I have to agree with Arwen. He is being foolish, childish and shortsighted, but with Legolas sometimes the best tactic is just to let him do this. He is ridiculously stubborn and forcing him to obey you will only makes matters worse.
"He is grieving Estel," she continues, "Do not forget that,."
I wonder then how much she has sensed, how much of Legolas' chaotic turmoil of emotions she feels. She is Galadriel's grandchild. Surely she must have some ability of the mind. It makes me nervous to think of that. What will she see if she looks inside my mind?
"Where is Legolas?" it is the child who speaks, interrupting his parents conversation. "He promised he would take me to the woods when he came next."
"There will be no going into the woods with Legolas this visit Eldarion," Aragorn says firmly, "for he is hurt and needs to rest. You must let him do that."
"Hurt? Has he been injured in battle?" The boys eyes are wide and shine with excitement. A battle is obviously an interesting, dramatic idea for him.
He will never have seen the reality.
"Yes, little one," Arwen says gently, "and he is sad. You must try and cheer him up when you see him."
"I will show him my new soldiers," the boy says confidently, and despite myself I smile at his innocent belief some toy soldiers will be enough to ease Legolas' grief.
He turns his attention to me then, staring at me with his big round eyes.
"Who are you? Where is Taenor?"
He is so blunt, so outspoken he takes me by surprise and I do not know what to tell him. I have no experience of children for we have had none at all, my people, for centuries and I am one of the youngest myself. How do I tell him about death? I open my mouth to attempt to tell him, but thankfully Arwen saves me.
"Eldarion," she turns his face towards her and softly strokes his head, "Taenor is dead. That is why Legolas is sad for he misses him very much."
The boys eyes, if possible, open wider and are suddenly filled with a rush of anxiety.
"You are wrong, Mother, for he is an elf and elves can't die. I know that, Legolas has told me." He turns back to me, "That is true isn't it?" he asks me, "You can't die."
I have to answer him and I am at a loss. My heart is pounding—how can a child be so terrifying?
"We can die," I say finally, trying my best to be gentle, "if we are hurt in battle, just like anyone else. That is what happened to Taenor, but you should not worry, we will see him again in Valinor and he will be happy there."
"Father!" the boy cries, "Legolas will not die will he? If he is hurt?"
"He will not die," Aragorn reassures him,. "Not this time if he does what he is told," he adds under his breath.
"Estel!" Arwen gives him a sharp look across the table, then swiftly she moves to send the boy on his way,.
"Legolas is quite safe," she tells him with a smile, "But he will be disappointed if he hears you have been missing your lessons. Go and work hard this morning, Eldarion, and you will see Legolas when you are done."
He stands then and gives his father and mother a hug before he is on his way but he stops next to me on his way out of the door.
"What is your name?" He asks sweetly.
"I am Maewen," I say,. "I am a friend of Legolas. He has told me all about you."
"Oh!" He exclaims, "He has told me of you, too!"
"He has?" Elessar leans forward with a frown and I am surprised at that as well. Legolas has told this child about me?
"He said you were the most beautiful lady in all of the world," he leans over then to whisper,
"He is wrong,though, because my mother is the most beautiful, but you are quite pretty." And as he trots out of the room I cannot help but smile. .
It is a good ten minutes, during which Arwen asks about my sleep and how I find the city and Elessar sits in moody silence, before Legolas appears. He strides into the room as if he has not a care in the world, acknowledges no one and throws himself into a chair by my side.
"Where have you been?" The tone of the King's voice suggests he is not to be messed with.
Legolas takes his time answering,. instead he helps himself to bread and jam, casually as if there is no hint of tension in the air.
"To the stables, to check the horses are well." He does not even raise his head when he eventually answers.
"Why? Legolas, do you do this just to annoy me? I told you to rest." Elessar's frustration spills over.
"They are my responsibility." Legolas' voice is tight and clipped.
"Surely Maewen could have done that for you." Elessar just will not let it go.
"Leave her out of it!" Legolas hisses and clanks his knife angrily against his plate, the sound ringing around the room.
I touch his arm to try and calm him for I do not understand this mood that has descended upon him. He was bright and cheerful earlier.
"I would have gone if you had only asked," I say quietly.
And he shoots me a look that silences me instantly, a look that tells me to stay out of this. I duck my head and stare at my plate. I will not be sticking it over the parapet again.
It is Arwen who takes up the challenge to ease the tension,
"You missed Eldarion, Legolas," she says cheerfully as if it is just a normal everyday conversation we are having, He is keen to see you, as always!"
"Oh!" Legolas' voice completely changes, it is light and enthusiastic," I told him I would take him to the woods this visit."
"I have told him that is not happening." I cringe at Elessar's sternness and Legolas lifts his head and frowns.
"You do not get to tell me what I will and will not do," he says icily and there is a challenge in his eyes.
"Eldarion is my son and I do say what he will do. You are not fit enough to protect him."
I brace myself for the explosion but it does not come, perhaps Legolas knows all too well that Elessar is right about this. He says nothing and silence descends upon the room. It is the King who breaks it.
"So apparently," he says casually, "Eldarion knows all about your love life as well. Is it only I who know nothing?"
"Will you stop this?" Legolas slams his mug onto the table. "Will you let it go.? Eldarion knows nothing. He is a child. What do you take me for? I told him I knew the most beautiful woman in existence. A tall tale, that is all." and he pushes his plate of barely eaten food away from him.
"Where is Faramir?" he asks, "I thought you wished to talk about the Haradrim. Can we get on with it?"
And suddenly, suddenly as if a shaft of light illuminates it for me, I understand. I know what this mood is about, I know where it has come from. For talking about the Haradrim means talking about Taenor, thinking about Taenor. No wonder Legolas is all sharp edges and prickliness for he must be dreading it.
I reach under the table and take his hand, it lies warm and solid in mine, and I squeeze it to tell him 'I know'
"Faramir is with his men," Elessar says in response,."He had other business that needed seeing to so I have told him we will meet later, after lunch."
"Well I do not wish to wait." Legolas pulls his hand from mine, pushes back his chair and stands.
"You and I can discuss this together surely, then he can join us later. I wish to get this over with."
Elessar sighs and suddenly he looks very weary.
"If you insist Legolas, we can talk now." And he stands as well.
I wish I could tell him. I wish I could explain, the horror of Taenor's death, the blood, the look on Legolas' face. The way he retreated into himself, that nothingness that he became. The trauma it caused him, its similarity to Laerion.
I realise I do not know if the King is even aware of Laerion. If I could somehow tell him all of that he would understand this difficult, infuriating Legolas. He would know it was all just pain, terrible, terrible pain.
But I cannot tell is no way, sitting here, in front of Legolas. I am stuck. And so I watch the two of them depart and I can only hope Elessar has enough sense, knows Legolas well enough, to be careful.