Two weeks had passed since the day my residential address switched to Human Village, Gensokyo. Frankly, this place isn't so horrible at all if you didn't think about the darker parts of this place but unfortunately for me, I'll end up thinking about those things anyway. Clean air, not so much garbage lying around everywhere, hospitable people (albeit curious), cooler climate and the nostalgic look of the past only found in history books as well as the fantastic beings that can only be found in fictional settings, those things make Gensokyo a nice place to be into.
However, I still like my old life better, where I'm just some regular schmuck going about the daily grind and not being seen in a small degree as some celebrity. I stand out too much like a Gary Stu in an inappropriate world setting.
I want to leave but to be honest, ROB picked me up from beyond the fourth wall and there's a huge chance that there's no one waiting for me out there. I have nowhere else to go since the Outside World of this setting is also fictional. What's even worse is that it's possible that I don't even exist out there due to the lack of records proving that I was even born in the first place or if there's even an Ebner family similar to mine in the fictional Outside World. It's like being in an impregnable prison island with no boat in sight. There's no escape and I'm not going to be able to leave anytime soon.
Worse, I'm not going to be able to leave at all. Ugh, thinking about that makes me miss my old life even more.
When I met the elders, they were quite pleasant towards me. They asked me if I needed any help after going through such an ordeal. Some person amongst the elders considered the event that brought me here as some sign of a god, fucking annoying in my opinion. If only they knew what kind of a godlike creature decided to play with my life, they'll probably change their tune. I can tell that these people are trying to get me to stay here despite the fact that I told them that I'm not going anywhere. Still, I appreciate their concern and wanting to help despite being unneeded and unnecessary since I can take care of myself.
Also, I found the book that ROB told me about in the letter. A blue book is actually a journal of a nameless mage, nameless because all mentions of any names in this book are erased, fucking ROB. Normally, I would find these kinds of things as nothing more but a waste of paper and written gibberish but thanks to my brain getting crammed with magical knowledge, these things started to make sense to me. Like how the nameless mage has shit affinity towards the four basic elements despite wanting to become an elementalist and had to take up a different school of magic involving dark arts, illusions and golem creation.
What's more impressive is that the nameless mage refined non-verbal casting to the point that he can cast powerful spells without making more than two hand gestures and utter any words. There are even guides on how to use his spells, how to cast them, enchant items and build golems written on this book along with the nameless mage's life entries. It's like this journal's an idiot's guide for a specific computer coding language.
Sadly, while the book is a great instructional material, I'm not going to attempt trying to learn how to use magic without any supervision. I'd rather not challenge Murphy even more by making self-experimentation on whatever ROB implanted in me and end up killing myself in the process unless I'm experienced enough to do it on my own. I'll have to look for a teacher for magic that are not Patchouli, Marisa or fucking Mima, wherever the last one is. Alice Margatroid would be a good option but I'm not sure if she already moved out of Makai at this time so she's not a viable option. Keine suggested that I should go to the Fuwafuwa Ellen's Magic Shop at the other side of the Human Village bordering the Forest of Magic yesterday since there's someone there who might be able to help.
Fuwafuwa Ellen's Magic Shop? I'm getting a vibe on that name implying that that place is run by a really eccentric magical girl but I might as well visit it.
Speaking of Keine, she's also giving me lessons on how to read and write the local written language after finding out that I'm illiterate. Problem about that is that I'll have to take her classes along with the younger kids at her school. She didn't have any time to tutor me since her schedule's already full of other kids who needs it more than me so I've decided to take the classes along with her students. Besides, there's nothing too strange about adults taking up elementary classes and I don't mind taking one with children. It's not like their endless attempts to ask me about things and getting a rise out of me will kill me.
Still, I really wished that everyone could just stop staring at me too much.
Ever since I got out from the infirmary, the villagers around me seem to have a habit of staring at me for a bit before either getting back on what they are doing or greet me like as if I was special. Focusing on a thought can sometimes be hard no thanks to those people trying to bore a hole on me with their eyes thanks to their staring. I can also feel the eyes of one Sakuya Izayoi whenever I shuffle past her whenever I'm on my way to Keine's classes, all the fucking time. It was creepy as hell and I'm sure that the maid found her master's order as a bad idea but would still follow Remilia's orders to observe me.
Then again, my appearance didn't help my case since it's rare to find someone with brown skin in Gensokyo. A lot of people here have fairer skin complex than I am and it makes me look like a sore thumb sticking out in the open. My clothes doesn't help alleviate my sore thumb syndrome since modern age Western casual clothes do not blend well with the ye olde rural, Japanese kimonos and yukatas that a lot of people here wear.
My appearance also made me an easy person to find as well, considering that I'm currently serving some snacks to a crow tengu right now who found me while I was on my way home from Keine's class.
"I'm quite glad that I got to be the first person to interview you, Mr. Ebner." a wavy black haired tengu wearing the white blouse with a blue ribbon tie, black short skirt with gray outlines on the frilly ends and a tokin gave me a toothy grin while seated on the sofa and preparing a portable recorder if ever the interview starts, "I can't wait to see Shameimaru's face when I print your article tomorrow!"
Rivalries between tengu "journalists" are quite amazing in my opinion. Also, it seems that Hatate isn't the only tengu in this fantasy sinkhole that rivals Aya.
"So, before we begin…" I set a tray of chocolate cookies next to the two mugs full of coffee on the coffee table and sat on the plush chair on the opposite side of the tengu, "I believe that a formal introduction is in order, yes?"
"Indeed." she cleared her throat and turned on the recorder, "Greetings, I am Sasaki Kazehara of the Arashi News Press, thank you for taking a time of your day to humor me on my request to interview you."
"My name is Theodore Nathan Ebner and it's a pleasure to grant your request." I returned her greetings, the tengu is writing down things on her notebook now.
"I'll begin with my first question, if you don't mind?" she flipped one page of her notebook before looking at me and said, "How did you get here to Gensokyo, Mr. Ebner?"
Well, that question's pretty much expected. While tengu journalism can be a bit shoddy in some ways (Aya Shameimaru being the greatest concern here), they're pretty much what tengus call it instead of reconnaissance and information gathering. I'd love to answer her question with "A ROB did it!" response but elaborating about what ROBs are will take me a lot of time. Then again, I can't think of any other ways to answer her question aside from that so…
"A Random Omnipotent Being decided to mess with my life by transplanting me from the Outside World to Gensokyo." she looks confused about the first parts, "I'd love to explain more about them but you have a lot of questions to ask so I'll put it in a few words on what Random Omnipotent Beings or ROBs are; they're a bunch of reality bending eldritch abominations who tends to send outsiders and in some cases, beings from different dimensions to other worlds out of sheer boredom and not out of necessity."
"So, they're like the Sage of Gensokyo then?" Sasaki wrote the things I've said on her notebook as she asked me that, "The Sage of Gensokyo does have an ability to do such a thing as well."
"You mean the ability to bring people from other worlds to different places?" she nodded at my answer, "According to what Keine told me about the Sage of Gensokyo," by that I mean my meta-knowledge about Yukari, "… her ability is just as similar as the ROBs but the latter doesn't do it just because it needs to feed upon humans nor does it need to be believed to even exist. Anyway, let's get to the next question."
"Okay then, I'll ask you about that some other time then." she flipped one page of her notebook and looked at me, "Next question, before you got here to Gensokyo, what kind of life did you lead before your transference to Gensokyo?"
"Well, I was a computer technician to a software company. My job is to keep the equipment that my company used in their work maintained and running efficiently." I can see a spark of curiosity in the eyes of the tengu, "I've worked in that company for two years, three if my internship before graduation counts."
"That's an interesting occupation, Mr. Ebner." the tengu journalist said as she reached for a cookie, "So you have an experience in handling technologies like the kappas down at the Genbu Marsh, huh? The kappas themselves would love to know what you know."
Oh right, I forgot about those guys. The kappas are the techies in this place so I'm bound to meet one and probably ask about what I know about the Outside World technologies and advancement. They can make technological wonders according to the source materials but they're not that well-known for being humble about it. Youkai ego kind of prevented them from having coherent working group, thus preventing them from outpacing Outside World technology by centuries.
But they still have that one bad trait that involves anuses and fabled salt balls within it.
"So long as my ass doesn't get an on-the-spot kappa style proctology, I'd love to meet up with one in the Human Village." even if the kappas claim that they are friendly towards humans, I'm not going to meet up with one on my own. They'll probably try to shove their arm up my sphincter and take out the supposed shirikodama that I have the moment they can feel like they can get away with it.
Yeah, fuck that kappa noise.
"Hmmm, I might rephrase that later on... what in Lord Tenma's mask is proctology?" I could hear her mumbling about changing what I just said. Yep, I am definitely experiencing shit-tier tengu journalism/information gathering, "Anyway, aside from your occupation, could you tell us more about yourself?"
"Well…" this is going to take a while.
I picked up a piece of cookie from the platter and began to tell my tale before I got to Gensokyo.
-0-0-0-0-
The interview continued for an hour's worth of me answering the questions that Sasaki had on me and her reacting to my answers in a personal way. I wouldn't to bore her with an extensive history of how I was made, born and raised and she's not that interested in listening to me droning for more than the allotted time used for this interview so I told her the summarized version of it.
I've told her what kind of a life I once had beyond the Fourth Wall or Outside World, starting with the family I once had back there until my aunt and I were the only ones left who bear the Ebner name. Sasaki commented that it might be a curse and I'm inclined to agree with her if it weren't for the fact that youkais don't exist beyond the Fourth Wall. I tried not to go into the details on how they died and told her more about the ones who raised me. My mom and dad were once engineers and clerks until they've retired from work and became farmers. I was the eldest sibling amongst the four kids that mom and dad had. My three younger siblings, two brothers and a sister are studying in different colleges across the nation. I also have at three uncles and five aunts with many of them having two or more kids and bearing the name Ebner. Of course there were other aunts and uncles who are also related to me but bears another family name but that would take too long to enumerate. We're all pretty happy about life despite having some difficulties with each other.
Just remembering how many times I went to a funeral of a dead Ebner made me feel depressed and alone.
Get it together me. Angst won't bring them all back so you better live out your life.
Anyway, my personal life, while not as glamorous as I think it will be is what Sasaki considers as interesting. For starters, I'm the type of guy who doesn't go out too much due to spending my time studying, working and being alone. I spent fifteen years doing just that, neglecting my social life to the point that I'm no longer good at being sociable until my friends back in college started helping me out in developing such skill.
I didn't have any vices nor did I ever pick up one. My hobbies are writing, reading, playing video games and collecting children's card games. My lifelong aspiration back then was to live off a financially stable life so that I could do whatever I want without worrying about living in the streets. No grand schemes of becoming a politician or a CEO of a multibillion dollar company, just a life where I can breathe freely without working my ass off until I'm old enough to become a grandfather.
It was boring in my opinion, with all the lack of the dangers of getting eaten alive but at least I'm not worrying too much about what will happen to me next if ever the residents and the environment of my new home will suddenly try to kill me in the future.
I usually get coaxed into joining in my group of friends' antics which in the end I end up enjoying it despite disagreeing with it in some occasions. I'm also treated as a little brother to my group due to how they first got me to join them back in my college days and I met them during a gaming session in an internet café that ended up becoming a tournament. That day was the beginning of me being involved with things aside from video gaming such as extreme sports, camping trips and topics that are not about gossips, hearsays on other people's lives and stuff that I'm not even interested such as show businesses.
When the tengu asked what kind of a game would get me friends, I showed her my laptop and opened Company of Heroes. She's impressed and said that she would love to interview me about Outside World technology in the future. She wanted to take a picture of the laptop's screen but her polaroid camera's not that great at capturing screenshots so I told her that I'll print her some of the pictures of the gameplay after the interview.
Back to the topic about my life in the Outside World, when Sasaki asked about my love life, I told her that I was too focused on my studies and later on, my work that I ignored that. She chuckled about that, thinking that I must be joking and asked if I had a crush on anyone, which I answered in the most honest way I could think of, which is no. It didn't help that my social ineptitude back then was horrible enough that some of my classmates told me that someone actually fell for me but I didn't notice since I couldn't recognize flirting from casual talking. The girl who fell for me left, sad that I'm that much of a brick to even notice her.
I don't know if I should get pissed off at her or feel bad for myself after she gave me the look that screams "Oh my God, this person wasted away his already short life." that I usually get from my parents and my friends whenever I keep insisting to them that girls are not on the top of my priorities.
I can't help it if I want to prioritize moneymaking and establishing a future where I'm financially well-off. Also, I forgot that humans here have preserved the tradition of the old days of Japan where if you're somewhere in 16-18 years old, you should be in a relationship or getting married by now. Back at the Fourth Wall and beyond, I can pretty much get married at any age I want and I'm not planning on doing it even now.
Finally, she asked me what I will miss the most when I left the Outside World and if I could name them all. My first answer was of course my only family left, my aunt. She took me in when the Ebner family took a terrible turn and was always with me when I was still boarding in her dormitory back at my college days. I also wouldn't be able to visit their graves anymore as well now that I think about it. It feels terrible just by thinking about that.
Second were the friends that I've left back there. I really wish that I could say goodbye to my aunt and them first before I got put here in Gensokyo with ROB's reality shifting power contrivances. I think some of them might be interested in seeing Gensokyo too if ever given an opp-… maybe I shouldn't jinx them to get ROB'd here as well.
Third will be the utilities of the modern world or to be precise, indoor plumbing, electricity and internet connection. Right now, the solar panels that Dad bought will not be enough to fill the battery packs up to at least 30% of its capacity due to the cloudy weather and the water tank's pretty much empty after some asshole left the faucet open, wasting the water stored inside. While the public bathhouse nearby isn't too bad and the water's safe enough to drink, I still want to take a cold shower and have running water at the comfort of my home. Also, the internet part's a no brainer here. That place might be a cesspool but it's a cesspool that I enjoy using.
Fourth would be the tropical climate back at home. Have I mentioned that Gensokyo has four seasons, with one of them going to be a huge problem due to how I once lived in a place where the seasons are either sunny or rainy days? If Yuyuko Saigyouji ever starts hatching a plan that will involve prolonging the winter season just because she wants to see the tree that loves to eat people that looks at it bloom? Yeah, that's going to be fucking problematic and I need to find a way to get my house's electricity back or else I'll freeze my sorry ass off once winter hits unless I remodel my house to have a traditional heater that runs on charcoal to keep the place warm. Looks like I'll need to strike a deal with those proctologists if ever I meet one.
The last on my list would be the food and drinks that can't be made or grown here. I don't know if there's a place here where I could get coffee since tea's the most prevalent kind of beverage here. I think one of Reimu's future fairy neighbors might know where to get coffee so I might ask her about her supplier in the future. There are also the tropical fruits like mangoes and bananas, something that this place's climate will not be able to sustain. Saltwater fishes and shellfishes will also be missed a lot as well, no more shrimps, crabs and shark meat for me to eat. Bread's also another thing and I'd rather not visit the Scarlet Devil Manor to have some. Not to mention the numerous cuisines from my home country, something that I wouldn't find here nor at the SDM due to the former sticking to the old Japanese style and the latter being European.
After that answer, Sasaki clapped her hands and concluded the interview. She pressed the Stop button of her recorder, thanking me again for letting her have an opportunity to interview me while taking the last cookie and ate it. She tried drinking the coffee but couldn't finish the cup due to the taste of it.
It's not like what you guys drink are any better. I couldn't even stand drinking green tea unless there's crystallized honey to sweeten it.
I also asked why it took two weeks for them to notice me despite appearing like a truck with a loud horn and adorned with neon lightings. It took a few seconds of silence before she answered that the reason why I didn't get swarmed by tengus is because Keine Kamishirasawa told them off before they could even get the chance to pester me.
I should thank Keine later for that.
I was about to lead her out of the house when I finished handing her the screenshots of my laptop until I heard a knock from my front door.
-0-0-0-0-
Sakuya Izayoi knows that the person that her master had ordered for her to observe is aware of her for quite a while.
She mentally sighed as she remembered the time when the young man got out of the village's infirmary and saw her. The first thing he did was to pretend that he didn't notice her and immediately walk as far away from her as possible. After that day, it became his routine, avoiding her like a plague on a daily basis no matter what. Every attempt to interact with him will be met with him scurrying away like a mouse that got surprised and saw something quite dangerous.
Her Mistress spoke venomously about a gap generating hag and how that wretch presumably poisoned the mind of the outsider human with her biased opinions towards her, not that the previous incident that her Mistress started help in alleviating the Sage's rather unpleasant view towards her.
In her opinion, it would have been better if the Mistress did not make such unreasonable orders and wonder why it did not work as it comes back to bite her. Even Little Mistress agrees with how idiotic Mistress could get whenever she tries to create grand schemes that will inevitably end in failure due to discounting the other players of the board. The Vampire Incident being one of those that ended with the Sage of Gensokyo enforcing a deal involving the human residents of Gensokyo.
Little Mistress didn't let Mistress hear the end of it for the next months after that incident she caused had failed spectacularly.
"At this rate, Mistress would not be able to get the young man under her influence." the head maid crossed her arms as she walked, "Hmmm…" as she pondered while she walked until she came to a halt just nearby the house of her Mistress' interest.
She had a realization on why he avoided her no matter what.
The young man has been made aware of not just the Scarlet Devil Manor and its residents but also that deal made by the Sage to the humans in the village. He is an outsider and a human to boot therefore he is an acceptable target to Mistress and any man-eating youkais outside the Human Village. He's likely to have heard the rumors of the Scarlet vampires that lives on the other side of the lake and took them seriously as well.
While her Mistress does eat humans, it doesn't mean that she's just as voracious of an eater as any of those youkais that lived outside the walls of the manor. Even the other youkais who live within the manor's grounds are not going to eat humans that they will see left and right.
"If I could play my cards right, I might be able to convince him that there's no need to fear Mistress and get…" she began to walk towards the house that stands out amongst the wooden shacks of the village, "Oh, who could that be?"
Sakuya saw a tall, green haired woman heading towards the house of her Mistress' interest. She wore a dark blue vest over her white long sleeved blouse and a black skirt with red and white ribbons adorning the edges of it. Her blue and white hat has a golden emblem in front and white and red ribbons on the back. She is also holding a wooden rod that speaks of what kind of a being this one is.
"I am not surprised to see the yama take her day off to lecture someone…" Sakuya looked as the yama made it to the front door and knocked.
When the door opened and the young man looked at the person who knocked, the face that he made was quite hilarious that she had to stifle her laugh.
"Greetings, Theodore Nathan Ebner." the yama greeted the young man casually.
Sakuya decided that today was not a good day to enact her plan to convince the outsider of her Mistress' wishes to interact with him. She would leave him be for now and wait for another opportunity to speak with him.
-0-0-0-0-
Eiki Shiki, the Judge of the Paradise. The Yama in-charge of the souls that come to her realm and judge them if they're going to be reincarnated or have their souls repurposed in Hell. She's also one of the nicest characters in Gensokyo due to her active attempts to lecture people to change for the better, telling them on how they fell short on things and what they could do to change for the better. She lectures people so that they wouldn't end up fucking up so badly that they end up in her court where they are likely to be sent to Hell.
She's also currently standing right in front of me, at my doorway.
"You are an easy person to find, Mr. Ebner." I don't think I'll be able to respond to what she said. I'm too stunned to even come up with something and right now, I'm probably making an expression of a fish that was forced out of the water, mouth wide open and eyes getting wider.
"Good day to you, Ms. Yama." Sasaki cheerfully said as she came to my side, "I didn't expect you to have an off day today."
"Ah, Ms. Kazehara, have you contemplated in what I've told you in our last conversation?" Eiki asked the tengu, who started cupping her chin and think of an answer to give.
"Well…" I'm going to make a good guess that she didn't listen to the yama, just like every youkai that she had lectured, "Not really, Ms. Yama. Old habits die hard and changes are kind of hard to do, even for a tengu of my age." oh wow, I doubt that Judge Eiki will not like that answer now.
"I must insist that you should try to change for the better, Ms. Kazehara." looks like Eiki's readying herself to switch to lecture mode now, "If you don't-…"
"I know, I know…" she cut off the Judge as she shuffled past her, "I'll be boiled in a lake full of lava while some oni poke me with sticks to see if I'm dead yet and I would forever remain in that place, always in pain and torment while being unable to die in the process like that immortal from the bamboo forest." when she's outside, her black wings sprouted out and she started floating, "Oh and thank you for giving me a time of your day to interview you, Mr. Ebner. Let's do this again sometime next week."
After saying that, the tengu left the scene. Admittedly, she was quite in a hurry in doing so since the Judge is here and would likely lecture her ears off. Eiki sighed and muttered something about people always doing that whenever they met her. I can't blame them for doing it to prevent themselves from hearing what they don't want to hear. While Eiki means well in doing so, she ends up coming out as a nagging mother with a propensity to exaggerate in order to get her points straight in their eyes.
I wonder if the Judge realized that she's pretty much driving others away from her. It's most likely that she does and doesn't mind it at all. Maybe she thinks that they will come around someday and when they do, they will change for the better.
She's quite compassionate in keeping mortal souls from getting sent straight to Hell. I wonder how many people she had sent to Hell despite being lectured by her.
"So…" I finally recovered from my initial shock from being visited by a tall being that is actually the final judge fabled in many religious texts and literatures, "Would you like to come in?"
"Ah yes, thank you for inviting me inside, Mr. Ebner. We have much to discuss…" she thanked me as I stepped aside and led her inside my home and to the couch where she seated, "… starting with your soul's complete lack of any track records of your past deeds before you were sent here first and foremost." despite how calmly she stated her topic to me, I can tell that she's quite serious about this.
Looks like ROB's fuckery has struck me once more.