On the way to the Tengu Village and near the waterfall, Sasaki Kazehara is quite happy to see Aya Shameimaru's reaction after she told her that she got to interview the outsider first.
"You cheated!" Aya fumed at the fact that she lost a gold mine of news scoop to a rival, "You were up all night, waiting for dawn to pass and flew towards the Human Village before the rest of us can prepare for the day."
"And managed to secure future interviews from him on Outside World history, technology and the entities responsible for bringing him here, Aya~." Sasaki mischievously added to the editor-in-chief of Bunbumaru Newspaper's grief by bringing up that information, "As one outsider said, "You snooze, you lose."."
"You little…" Aya had enough of the other tengu's gloating and sighed in frustration, "You won this round, you broad but next time, I will be the first to get to the big scoop."
"Well good luck with that then, Aya." she smirked at the frustrated tengu who flew off on to the opposite direction of her.
Some of the wolf tengus who saw the conversation of the two tengus were also amused about the topic that the two were talking about. Then again, the wolf tengu on guard duty tend to have a very boring job and it isn't rare for one to find some form of entertainment to pass long hours of doing nothing.
When the conversation is finished with Aya zooming away out of the scene, the small number of wolf tengu who saw the scene dispersed except for one wolf tengu.
"That was certainly interesting." a wolf tengu whose white hair was tied behind her back like a ponytail and carried a shield and a sword sheathed at her back commented with some amusement at the exchange that she just watched, "I can't believe that my suggestion actually worked though."
"Yep, and I thought that the other girls would do what I was planning to do as well, Ryoko." the crow tengu lightly slapped the back of the wolf tengu named Ryoko and smiled, "Aya thought that I'd let that jab on me being slow in her past newspaper issues pass huh? Who's slow now, you speed freak?"
Somewhere nearby, a fairy named Irony laughed.
"You do realize that she might attempt to get back at you in the future, right?" Ryoko crossed her arms and warned Sasaki, who is having a small celebration of her victory.
Ryoko Kobayashi is one of the wolf tengu that currently guards the waterfalls. Despite the difference between the wolf and the crow tengu, she had been friends with Sasaki for a long time ever since she brought her a set of outside world photo journals (magazines to be precise) back when she was still a newly assigned guard to keep herself entertained while waiting for anyone to intrude the tengu's borders.
Ever since that day, Ryoko Kobayashi and Sasaki Kazehara had become best of friends, much to her fellow wolf tengu, Momiji Inubashiri's chagrin. Then again, Momiji finds the crow tengu as whole as annoying and useless, with Aya being on the top.
"That's true, but at least I managed to get her on this, Ryoko." Sasaki's mood didn't change a bit despite the warning, "Oh and before I go, you should see this…"
She opened her bag and took out five images of the screenshots that she received from her interview with the newcomer a while ago, when the wolf tengu saw the pictures, her eyes lit up with excitement.
"These are similar to the photos that I've seen from the outsider picture journal that I've read." she took the images from the hands of the tengu and began to examine them, "They're a lot more refined and detailed compared to what I saw on the picture journal." she looked at Sasaki, "Sasaki, does the outsider also have the machine that can play these?"
"Yep, he has one." Sasaki's answer made the wolf tengu excited judging by her ears perking up after hearing the answer that she wanted to hear, "I could hold the next interview on your day off next week so that you could meet him yourself."
In the next few minutes, Sasaki found her hands being shook vigorously by Ryoko and herself getting showered by gratitude by the wolf tengu like how child would when given with a gift that they've longed to have. The crow tengu knows how her wolf tengu friend's interest towards the photo journal's contents and her wishes to see one work in her own eyes.
She couldn't wait for date of the next interview to come.
-0-0-0-0-
"… despite what you say about your rather… long list of shortcomings and past sins, which I couldn't confirm if all of it were true or not…" she pocketed the mirror that she uses to view a person's life as I feel a headache incoming. I guess that telling her that I've done a lot of terrible things in my life didn't work to convince her that , "… the Ministry of What's Right and Wrong has technically marked you as a newborn due to your soul's nature."
By that she meant that I haven't been reincarnated at all and this is my soul's first cycle in this world. Then again, I don't even know if souls even exist in the first place since these supernatural crap doesn't even happen at all back at my place. For all I know, being a 'newborn' might be an appropriate term for me since I probably didn't have a soul in the first place due to it not existing at all until I entered this fantasy kitchen sink.
And yes, I am skeptical about all of this despite living in Gensokyo for two weeks and being an atheist who just got exposed to a supernatural realm for the first time. Speaking of being a heathen, I sure hope that Reimu, Hijiri or Miko wouldn't take my stance as one as an affront to them if ever they appeared in Gensokyo (in the cases of the other two). I respect the fact that they have something to genuflect upon and some of their tenets are nice but I'm not going to worship anyone or anything at all. Dealing with fucking door-to-door preachers had been a pain in the ass back home and I'm sure as hell that I'm not dealing with whatever that passes off as their door-to-door preachers back here as well.
Still, Eiki looked somehow glad that I just made a confession of all the things that I've done in my past.
"While I don't know what kind of realm you came from, the Ministry would like to know if you have any information regarding an anomalous being that entered my area of jurisdiction two weeks ago." Eiki dropped that question down like a nuke wrapped in brightly colored decoration on a really drab city.
Hoo boy, the ROB question huh? While I can simply tell Ms. Kazehara that I'll answer that question some other time, I can't really tell the Judge off about this. Her superiors might end up ordering an official inquiry about it on me, complete with a shinigami compliment. If that happens, keeping secrets and lying isn't an option in the face of judges who can see through my soul.
"I can sense your hesitation upon my question, Mr. Ebner…" well shit, looks like Eiki managed to read me, "This anomalous entity that you call ROB did send you to Gensokyo and I saw your previous conversations with Ms. Kazehara. The anger that you harbor to this being is bordering to dangerous levels."
Well shit, she isn't a judge just because she was given the title after turning from a jinzo statue to a personification of all religion's hanging judge. The mirror doesn't have any record of my Before Gensokyo life but she still had my actions archived from the day I came here. I shouldn't have expected her to give me some slack and not record my daily activities from day one here in Gensokyo.
"It would be nice if Yukari was here though…" I offhandedly commented after I sighed in resignation, "I don't want to explain this twice to two powerful entities of Gensokyo."
"You called, my dear Theo?" Yukari's voice said as I looked at the place where it came from.
The Sage of Gensokyo appeared on the other plush chair, seated with her legs crossed and her gap on top of her closing up. I would have been surprised but I didn't have the energy to be surprised at her due to my lack of breakfast.
"You look peckish, Theo…" Yukari said in mockingly worried tone, as expected from a deceptive youkai powerful enough to turn me inside out, "Not to worry, I'll have Ran prepare food for us all." I saw another gap appear in front of my television, "Ran, if you may."
From that gap, a nine tailed kitsune wearing a white and blue tabard walked out of it. Her ears are covered with her talisman covered mop cap. She doesn't look amused in my opinion due to how serious she looked and her arms are crossed underneath those large sleeves that are linked together.
"Understood, Master." the kitsune answered her call before turning her eyes on me. Somehow, I can sense a somewhat small amount of pity from those eyes, "May I borrow your kitchen for the time being, Mr. Ebner?" she asked.
How she knew my name, I'll make a good guess that she was already debriefed by Yukari on my situation.
"Uh, sure, go ahead…" I allowed her to do so, not that I'm too lazy to cook my own food for today due to the lack of energy to do it myself or anything. Before she walked towards the area, I remembered that the water I got there isn't unlimited, "Just don't overuse what little water I have there." I added.
She nodded before calling upon her familiar, Chen to come and gather the ingredients that she will used from a small gap that she created. Judging by the rather childlike voice that I picked up from that gap, that's probably Chen.
"Mr. Ebner." Eiki's voice snapped my attention back to her, "I believe that you have an exposition to give out." she reminded me.
"Ah yes." Yukari opened her fan that covers the lower parts of her face, "My dear Theo, my knowledge towards these ROBs is insufficient as it is. A little enlightenment on such topic would be most wonderful."
-0-0-0-0-
"Random Omnipotent Beings or ROBs for short are reality bending entities that roam from one dimension to another. How we came across about it is unbelievably stupid and impossible even to this fantasy kitchen sink's standards but their antics are usually recorded by an internet forum site called SpaceBattles." while Ran Yakumo is busy preparing the meal for her master, the yama and the outsider, she couldn't help but to listen to the conversation currently ongoing on the sitting area as she washed the vegetables, "There's also Sufficient Velocity that records their actions as well and to some extent, that cesspool of a site called ."
"Recorded you say?" the yama's voice sounds excited in her own opinion despite being above these kinds of emotions, "So these instances had already happened in numerous occasions then?"
"Yes." the Ebner boy confirmed, "I even have some of the written records of their actions saved in my laptop, I'll let you review them later on."
"By all means, please do so, Mr. Ebner." Eiki said in an approving tone.
"Master Ran." brunette girl wearing a green mop cap and red and light pink tabard came out from a gap and brought a container full of fish and meat. Her cat ears are not covered by the mop cap and her two tails are out in the open, "I've brought what you've asked for me to bring. I double checked the container to make sure that there's no human meat in them."
"Good." Ran took the container and put it on the counter, "Chen, try not to be too loud and help me prepare the dishes."
"Yes Master." Chen took a knife from the rack and started preparing the fish.
"… These beings sound like a bunch of swell chaps that I'd love to share drinks with." Yukari sarcastically commented as she giggled while the yama coughed a bit, "Still, how did you get accosted by these ROBs?"
"Well, I worked with him and became friends with him for two years." the bitterness can be felt from here as she listened on, "That bastard sent a lot of my friends and coworkers to whatever place he felt like placing them on."
"Oh my…" Yukari sounds a bit less amused about that bit.
"Believe it or not, I've told him back when he was still disguised as my manager that if there's one place that I wish to live for the rest of my life if ever I got sent to by a ROB would be Gensokyo." the kitsune's eyes widened over the fact that the outsider knows about her master's realm, "I also added in some bits about being able to go to some place where all objects end up to if they're lost and having an aptitude to learn and use magic." the Ebner boy chuckled mirthlessly, "Of course I scoffed that idea coming into fruition and that I'd rather die not worrying about ending up on the Sage's dinner table, served raw-…"
"I doubt that I'll ever do such a thing though." Yukari interjected with mock indignation.
"… and working on making sure that I live a well-off life once I get too old for work." he ignored the comment of her master, "Two months after that, I ended up in this place."
"It seems that your entrance to Gensokyo seems to be a rather sour topic to you." the yama's tone sounds a bit consoling, "Let's move on from that."
"Yes, please do." the outsider agreed as Ran began to turn on the electric stove to cook the rice inside the pot that she put on top of it, "I'd rather not remember that bastard."
"Moving on, I'd like to get a gist on why these ROBs do these kinds of actions?" Eiki started another topic away from the methodology of the ROB's action on the Ebner boy.
"Reason why they do this huh?" there was a bit of silence back there and the only things that can be heard are the sound of the pot boiling and Chen cutting away the meat into pieces, "Does out of boredom counts as a reason why they do it?" Ran found the boy's answer as both serious and straight to the point despite the fact that it sounds rather stupid.
"Out of boredom…" Yukari repeated the reason, "I find that reason rather lacking, Theo." she added while Chen opened another stove and started cooking the fish.
"Yet they do it anyway." the Ebner boy sounds insistent in his reply to Ran's master, "Still, despite that reason, it did turn out quite well for the realms where the victims are put into."
Ran Yakumo listened with fascination as the outsider recounted various tales of the "victims" of the Random Omnipotent Beings. Human souls put inside machines and sent to dimensions where they are given the tools and power to intervene before a greater tragedy happens. A normal human sent to a realm where society slowly descends into cessation under a zombie plague a year later and planned ways to save good men and women from it by any means necessary, even if it means killing a man responsible for the future deaths of many others once the event hits. Men who stared upon the darkest hearts of a world full of heroes and treachery. A rather misfortunate person who is forced into the weakest body ever perceived and had to face many challenges that he faces in every world it enters into.
The kitsune looked at her shikigami and found her in awe at what she had heard. She can tell that she's quite interested in hearing more of these ROBs' "victims" and their ability to overcome their handicaps. These "victims" are quite similar to incident resolvers despite getting press ganged into solving the world's problem for them.
"These victims don't sound like victims at all if they benefit from their rather inconvenient situation." Yukari commented after the Ebner boy got tired of recalling the ROB's antics.
"You're looking at one, Yukari." the outsider made a rather annoyed response to Ran's master, "I'm most likely trapped in this realm for the rest of my short life along with whatever deities know how many man-eating eldritch abominations out there that look like little girls in frilly dresses who are thinking of a way to take a huge chunk out of me. There's no one waiting for me at the Outside World of this reality..." he snorted at the last world, thinking of the sheer irony of the fact that he's stuck in a fictional realm that became his reality, "... and up to now, that idea is still eating me from the inside." he sighed, "I don't even exist in any of their records back out there if all things are considered. Starting back at square one with little to no resources at my disposal isn't ideal as what many shitty fanfic writers try to write off as something good."
Ran and Chen would have found that last part more tragic if it weren't for the fact that Gensokyo is importing forgettable outsiders with nothing to lose and no one to remember them by to feed upon the youkai residents that roam the realm.
"So, these ROBs are like the Sage of Gensokyo, chaotic and has a penchant desire of playing with other people's lives." Eiki's comparing of Yukari with the ROBs had made Yukari huff in indignation, "The differences between those two are that the ROBs do not limit themselves to Gensokyo and their constant need for entertainment can be beneficial to other realms where they send their victims to."
"Master Ran." Chen whispered as she holds a plate full of prepared fish that she will be putting on the dining table, "Isn't Master Yukari in constant need for entertainment too?"
"Sort of…" Ran began to cook both the meat and the vegetables into a stew on a pot on the stove after she removed the cooked rice, "Though she does eat her source of entertainment after she gets bored with them."
Ran and Chen continued to prepare the breakfast as Eiki, Yukari and the Ebner boy continues to discuss the topic about the ROB. Her master seems to have a severe disdain towards the ROBs, probably due to how she was one upped by one when it managed to sneak up on her and implanted the new resident in her realm. The Ebner boy, despite having a grudge towards the ROB that somehow ruined his rather stable life, spoke positively about the ROBs while using rather crude words to describe them. The yama found these beings as both troublesome and altruistic despite doing things out of impulse and boredom, then again she doesn't agree with her master at all due to her chaotic nature in many occasions.
By the time they are finished with the topic, it was already quarter to 10:30 according to the wall clock at the kitchen. Fifty minutes has been spent on the topic of the ROB. Ran prepared the table by gapping in the plates, bowls and eating implements and ordered her familiar to tell them that the meals are ready.
-0-0-0-0-
Half of my day got spent on expositions…
Half of my entire morning got spent on talking about ROBs and getting interviewed by a tengu…
Good thing about this is that I got free food from it in the process.
After that delicious meal that Ran and Chen cooked, I gave both Eiki and Yukari the printed stories about ROB's victims from my laptop, causing my ink and power supply to take a hit. Honestly, I need to find a way to contact the kappa.
Yukari was the first to leave the house after she finished receiving the printouts. She said that she had a job to do and a border to maintain. Her familiar and that familiar's familiar cleaned up the kitchen and the dining room first before following their master. I thanked them for the food for the second time before they left via gap. Eiki was the last to leave my house since she wanted to discuss my karma. She gave me a small lecture about my paranoia and issues towards the ROB.
"While being cautious is a good virtue to have, it must not become the only driving factor in your new life. Gensokyo might be a harsh place to be in for a regular human like you but only if you're not the kind of person who would care about the consequences of your actions. Too much caution to the point of paranoia can distort your views in life and skew your ethics if you let it poison your mind and too little of it can make you careless and foolhardy who thinks that everything will be all right and of no consequence." Eiki went on lecture mode as I stood at the doorway, "Don't let your past tragedies and grudges become your identity, young man. You still have your life ahead of you, so don't waste it."
"It's not like I'll turn into some angst driven Gary Stu that lives in a fictional realm, ma'am." I scoffed and made an offhanded comment on what she said last. Somehow, the Judge smiled at that despite the fact that I somehow sound like a really disrespectful dick.
"Breaking the fourth wall is still against the law, even if you are a native from that place." oh wow, did she just make a joke? "Anyway, I hope I don't see you in my court too early and consider your empty slate a second chance in doing right in your life, young man."
"Likewise, Judge." I returned the sentiments, "Thanks for the advice."
With that, Eiki Shiki has left with the documents in hand. Somehow, I don't feel sorry for the schmucks back at her Ministry once they see the content of those things, a large number of Yukari Yakumos who are unrestrained, uncaring and eternally bored cosmic horrors who sends people into different dimensions for the sake of entertainment with the altruistic aftermaths being the second thought of it. Good news for them is that they don't pay attention to anyone who isn't from beyond the fourth wall and they don't need to eat anything. Bad news however is that they're giving away power like free candy because they're totally bored. Better news of that is that the ones they are giving powers to tend to be the ones who are quite responsible and are not shitty teenagers who are on a quest for more power to show off to whoever sees them and build a goddamn harem of main characters who got delegated to the role of cheerleaders.
The last pro being the best one there is because I'll actually be scared shitless if they implanted some Gappy Stu into any Commander units from Planetary Annihilation and let him have his/her way with the multiverse.
Still, I think they don't need to worry too much about ROBs since many of them are currently focused on the Wormverse for some reason. I've read some parts of Worm and honestly, it's fucking depressing and infuriating due to how everything is shitty back there. Also, it's kind of rare to see a Touhou SI story that doesn't involve Yukari Yakumo having an itch to be incredibly irresponsible and gap some teenager from whatever stuff they are doing in order to make them solve some huge incident instead of asking Reimu to do it since it's her job to do so. ROBs are dicks but they're not that evil enough to send some kid to a death world unless the kids have enough metaknowledge about the setting they'll be into.
Anyway, I need to visit Keine for today to thank her for keeping the crow tengu off my back.