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Chapter 20 Regrets

The battlefield was always such a terrifying place to be, even when you were winning. Matthew knew guerrilla warfare since he had his fair share in the Plegian war, but this battle was on a whole nothing level. The gruesome battlefield outside Walhart's castle were plagued with blood and bodies 10 times the size of the body count in the previous war. The gore he saw with his own eyes could easily scar anyone who was not mentally prepare for this battle. Luckily for Ylisse, they were able to push Walhart all the way back into his castle. The only thing left for Ylisse to do was barge in and take the castle; killing the conqueror if necessary.

And currently, they were succeeding.

Matthew shouted order after order to the men around him. The Conqueror had great defense for counter the tactician's offense, but their lack of mages were costing them big time. Say'ri had personally run her sword through that slime's heart and made sure to twist it for her brother. Cervantes was more difficult to dispatch than their previous encounter at the Mila Tree, but he also fell to the sword by Lon'qu and Vaike's teamwork.

"Reinforcements!" Matthew heard someone yell from the cries in the battlefield. Sure enough, the Shepherds were now being bombarded from both sides from more knights that filled the gaps of their fallen comrades. Matthew, being prepared, ordered the mages into place. The heat of fire and sparks of lightening filled the room immediately; followed by the cries and screams of the unfortunate that were hit by them. After cutting down a swordsman who got to him, Matthew turned to the battlefield once more. The fire and lightening was doing them justice, but the Valmese were being were persistent and were getting use to the strategy. "They adapted too early." Matthew cursed inwardly as he tried to find the nearest Shepherd. The castle was so condensed and filled with soldiers that it was almost impossible to pinpoint anyone at a glance.

However, before he could find anyone, he yelped in pain as an arrow pierced his shoulder. The arrow didn't go clean through, but he now had an arrow in his shoulder plus the fatigue he received from battle outside the castle. His options were running low and he needed a solution. Matthew didn't even need to find his attacker for he had already been dispatched by a Feroxian, which gave him enough time to prepare to withdraw from the battle. Chrom, Lucian and Say'ri were currently dueling with The Conqueror himself; and seemed to be struggling. He couldn't withdraw now! He needed to help! Matthew forced himself forward and down to the throne.

The first thing Matthew while running was an explosion, then there was the force of wind that slung him backwards and into the cobblestoned walls. The wind was knocked out of him and he couldn't barely see in front of him anymore. When he was finally able to clear his vision, something inside of him wished he didn't. Bodies of Feroxian, Rebels, Valmese and Ylissean were all laid across the crimson carpets. Friends, family, and foes were laying across the ground, and yet…people were still fighting. It never really hit the tactician how terrifying the battlefield was until this day, but why? He has seen this so many times in the past, so why was now different? Maybe it was because, before, he fought out of anger and a means to protect his friends. It was the same right now, but he wasn't fighting from anger. He was fighting to put an end to a meaningless conqueror.

For the first time in his life, he felt utter pity for his foes.

"Uugh…" Matthew's was brought out of his trance from the sound of grunting close to him. Someone lived through that explosion?! There was another sound of grunting before the tactician stood and walked over to the sound. The sound of the grunting was coming from an Ylissean soldier laying with a hand over a wound in his stomach. Matthew knew this soldier by name; Carl was his name. He was bleeding pretty badly, but he would make it if he got treatment right away. The tactician pulled the man's arm over his shoulder. Carl passed out before the tactician could even take one foot forward.

"Don't worry, Carl. I promise I won't let you die." Matthew whispered as he slung the man over his shoulder. He tactician's body felt heavy, but he needed to at least save one person from this terrible battle. It wasn't like there was much he could do anymore on the battlefield. His body was almost too heavy to carry, and the body on his shoulder didn't make things any better. His part in this war was over. All he could do was retreat and put his faith in Chrom.

Looking over the bodies he passed was making his stomach turn. Why was he treating this like it was his first time? Why did all this have to happen? Why-

Matthew paused when something truly terrifying caught his eye. Even among the many dead bodies in the field, the was no way the tactician would mistake such a thing, but he had to blink a few times to make sure he was clear on what he was seeing. Sadly, nothing change. That pot, that blue garb, that messy black hair, all the evidence point right at it.

It's was Donnel's corpse.

Matthew felt his legs give out and he stared at the farm boy's body proned on the ground. He was lying in a pool of his own blood with crimson dripping down his mouth. If the tactician felt sick before, then he felt like the plague had hit him now. His Shepherd, no, his friend was lying motionless on the ground "Oh Gods…Donnel…" As if answering the call to his name, the farm boy coughed and shook the tactician's state of mind. "Donnel!" The boy answered with heavy breaths and squinting eyes from the pain. From the looks of it, Donnel still have a chance to live! He could be saved!...

But, the tactician couldn't carry more than one back to the rear. Matthew looked to the soldier on his shoulder with horror. Do I throw away this man's life just to save my friends? Matthew shook his head furiously. What the hell was he thinking? This man won't last any longer and he needed treatment NOW… But Donnel needed him as well… But what kind of leader would he be if he threw away another's life just for his own personal selfishness?! What the hell do I do! Matthew looked back to the boy. He had stopped squinted and stopped breathing heavily, but he wasn't dead from the looks of his body pushing up and down. Matthew knew what he had to do, even if he didn't want to follow it. Without looking back to the farm boy, Matthew stood to his feet with the soldier on his shoulder. His job as a leader came above his personal feelings.

"I'm sorry, Donnel…" Matthew mumbled before walking away in the body filled hallways. He didn't want to look back. He couldn't look back. If he looked back, then he could never forgive himself for leaving his friend behind. The tactician couldn't think straight anymore. The only thing driving him was the need to get away from the body. Even though Matthew knew what he'd feel, his body stopped. He could feel tears falling down his face, and the sound of battle slowly dying away from his ears. Then Matthew did the regrettable.

He looked back.

The war was over.

The fighting, the bloodshed, the killing, all of it was finally over, but what Chrom was seeing wasn't really the best of sights. There were countless bodies being picked up and treated by both the Ylissean and Rebellions; most of which were the Valmese. They didn't lose as many soldiers as the Valmese did, but they lost share as well. If it wasn't for his tactician's brilliant planning, then most of his men would have died today in battle as well.

Speaking of the tactician, where was he exactly? The last time the blue head saw his brother-in-law was when they entered the fight into the castle. Did something happen to him? Was he injured? Anxious for an answer, the blue head went through the castle in search of the tactician. He asked passing Shepherds and soldiers, but none were really helpful. When he finally got a lead to where the tactician was from Libra, who was currently healing another soldier, the monk looked to the Exalt with a grim expression.

Libra had explained that the tactician did not look like he was in the right state of mind at the moment and it would have been better to just leave him alone, but Chrom needed to make sure that his friend was truly okay. Luckily for the Exalt, he found Matthew outside sitting on the ground near the fort that was next to the Ylissean medical camp; Naomi and Emmeryn hovering over him. Chrom barely had time to move out of the way as the young blonde desperately ran pass him and into the camp; Emmeryn nor Matthew seemed to make an attempt to go after the girl. Instead, Matthew placed his face in his hands, while Emmeryn sat down next to her husband and massaged his brown hair. The two didn't seem to notice the blue head, so Chrom decided to circle around to the other side of the fort to listen in on the conversation. He didn't really like eavesdropping, but now was not the time to think about what he would and would not do.

The Exalt got closer and closer until he could hear the voice of his friend. "Emm," The tactician finally spoke. "I-I don't even know how I'm going to look at myself anymore…"

"…What happened, Matt?" Emmeryn asked with a concerned voice. "You can tell me anything... I promise to be here for you."

"Emm…" Chrom stood through a short period of silence before the tactician spoke again. "For the first time on the battlefield, I did something that I…I truly cannot live with myself with…"

What is he talking about? Chrom asked himself as he crossed his arms and waited for the tactician to continue.

"I…I held two lives in my hands, but…I could only save one of them. There was…a soldier that I found injured on the battlefield….I actually knew him by name and….I could have actually saved his life, but…I saw Donnel's body amongst the many others in that castle…" Despite what the tactician was saying, his voice was slightly calm, but completely lifeless. What was the blue head's brother trying to say? The blue head could feel his chest starting to pound. Did he lose a Shepherd? Did Donnel lose his life? "Donnel…was bleeding badly and…he needed medical attention right away or…he would die…I had an arrow in my shoulder and I could only carry one of them."

"As a leader, it would have been obvious that I save the life that…I already had on my shoulders…I told myself this and…left Donnel behind to die…but…" Chrom could hear that it was getting harder and harder for his brother to go on from the way his voice kept cracking, but he didn't stop. "Before I knew what I was doing, I turned around and…I chose…to save my friend's life…I went back and…tried to take Donnel with me. I couldn't even get 10 feet before my arm gave out and I dropped him. So in the end, I had a choice to make…and I left the soldier there to…save Donnel… I took Donnel to the camp…and went back for him…but…but when I went back…the soldier…he was…" Emmeryn and Chrom didn't need to hear the rest of what the tactician was about to say before he broke into a maniac laugh.

"It's funny, I should be happy that I saved my friend, and yet…knowing that I abandoned another life that I held in my hands, just to save another? What kind of twisted person does that?! That man…asked for my help…I swore that I'd save him, and yet, I let him die! What the hell kind of leader am I?!" Emmeryn saw tears starting to roll down her husband's eyes and he began to shake uncontrollably. "How the hell am I supposed to lead anyone when I'm like this? What am I even supposed to say to that man's friends and family? Emm, I…I don't know what to do anymore…" The last part was almost completely inaudible. Emmeryn didn't know what to say to her husband. He was right there in her arms, and yet, she couldn't do anything to help him and that fact destroyed her on the inside. "Emm…do you mind leaving me? I…don't want you to see me like this…"

"…No." Emmeryn refused and her husband looked to her through teary eyes. "I don't know what to say to you…but I can't leave you right now, especially when…you need me the most."

"But…I don't-" The tactician was silenced when the former Exalt placed a finger over his mouth.

"Don't you remember our vows, Matt?" Emmeryn asked with a smile. "We both swore that we would be there for each other…I may not be that smart…but I do know what a vow is, Matt. At our wedding, I vowed that I'd always be next to you…through sickness and sorrow, and I will keep that vow…I ask that you let me do what I promised." Emmeryn moved back the bangs of hair covering her husband's forehead and placed a light kiss on it. Matthew dropped his head so his wife couldn't see the new wave of tears coming, then buried his face in her shoulder.

"Thank you, Emm." Matthew mumbled into his wife's shoulder while wrapping her into a warm embrace.

Emmeryn smiled and returned the embrace. "You're welcome, Matt."

Chrom smiled and took this opportunity to slowly slither away from his older sister and brother-in-law. He knew Matthew would come and find him later on to talk about this situation, so he needed to prepare himself for it. An idea of what to say already popped in his mind, but it was only right that he practiced before that. Chrom stumbled on his feet when a muscular arm wrapped around his neck and an all too familiar voice spoke up. "The Vaike has been lookin' for ya, rival!"

"Looking indeed." Gregor joined in from behind the blond. "We preparing to throw big celebration for victory over the spanking given to Valmese! Much drinking tonight indeed!"

"Chrom shook his head. "I don't think Maribelle would approve of me getting drunk guys, so I think I'll pass."

"Oh no you don't!" Vaike exclaimed. "Who cares about what lil ol' Goldy Lock thinks?! You deserve to kick back and have a drink after ya gave the final blow to Walhart! Ain't that right Gregor?"

"Gregor agrees! Exalt needs to get with the relaxing! Goldy Locks can live one day with husband, no?"

"…That "Goldy Locks" IS my wife you know?"

Vaike rolled his eyes. "Wife, husband, lover, it makes no difference! You are comin' with us if we have to DRAG you there, Chrom!"

Chrom looked to the serious face of his supposed rival and sighed in defeat. "…Fine, I'll go." Vaike and Gregor both shared a high-five before dragging the Exalt into the camp.

"Oy, where is tactician? He must join with the celebrating as well!" Chrom looked over his shoulder to the fort that was now fields away from his current position.

"…He'll be late."

North of Valm's Castle in a Fort

Walhart had lost. He lost the fight he believed would make the world a stronger and more independent place. One where humans wouldn't have to quiver in fear after a divine deity or even a dragon. One where the people would be happy and lives would no longer be lost-wait, those last words sound more right than the beginning. He started off as a means to get the people to come together, to get them to stop fighting one another, get them to live peaceful lives. When did he stray off of his path? Why did he start this meaningless war against his own people? Oh, that's right. It was that damned Excellus whispering lies into his ear.

And the accursed woman who was with that worm just healed his wounds; saving his life. "Why have you saved my life, wench?" The Conqueror growled at the tall, slender woman standing to her feet after healing his wounds.

"Oh, should you be more grateful to the one that saved you?" The woman said with a smirk and an overconfidence in her voice that set a fire in Walhart's heart.

"I didn't ask to be saved, woman. Especially from the likes of a Grimleal like you."

"My oh my, is this how you are to all the ladies? And it's former Grimleal, Sir Walhart." The woman smirked wider and placed a hand on her hip.

"Whether you are current Grimleal or former Grimleal, it matters not to me." Walhart stated as he pushed himself to a sitting position and looked to his Wolf Berg that laid to the side of the woman. "If you would hand me my axe, I would like to end my life with my own hands."

"Sorry, but I don't believe I can let you do that." The woman refused.

"Either give it to me, or I will stand and get it myself." Walhart retorted back with a threatening tone, but it did not seem to faze the woman.

"You can try, but I highly doubt you can best me at the moment when you wounds haven't fully healed yet."

"The willpower of man is stronger than you Grimleal lot know of."

"Willpower can also only get you so far. And I said it's FORMER Grimleal!" The woman said with an annoyed voice. Seeing that this conversation was going nowhere, the Conqueror let out annoyed sigh and staggered to his feet. The woman was right. He could barely keep himself on his feet and it took most of his willpower to stay conscious from the pain. None the less, the man stood tall and crossed his arms while looking down at the smaller, yet surprisingly tall woman. "Why is it that you have saved my life? Is there something you want to ask of me?"

The woman nodded and her face turned into one of complete seriousness. "Yes, I would like to ask for your help in assuring the safety of the Shepherd's tactician and Exalt."

A mighty rage appeared on the Conqueror's face as he replied, "Why in Gods' name would I fight to protect the man that defeated me?! Do you wish to make a mockery of my pride as a warrior, woman?!"

"I can understand your anger, but think about it this way. You are not fighting for the Shepherds, but against the man who strayed you away from your path."

"That man is dead-"

"No, he is not." The woman corrected. "Excellus and I were nothing more than tools in his twisted game. My fathe-no-that man has manipulated me into believing what I was doing was right. If not for the Wellsprings of Truth, I would most likely have died without knowing the truth of my past. He technically brainwashed me and Excellus into doing what we did…well, probably not Excellus, but I know the truth behind everything now. I need your help in order to make sure that said man has met an early grave."

"…I have no desire for revenge."

"Then do it for what you fought for in the beginning. Didn't you want to change this world? Those Shepherds are also seek a dream where we know peace, just in a different method."

"And why haven't you killed this man yourself?"

"…Ashamed as I am to admit it, I'm not strong enough to kill him with my own hands." The silver haired woman said while looking away from the tyrant in before her. "That is why I'm here. Why die for nothing when you can die for something?"

"You DARE call what I fought for NOTHING?!" The tyrant roared.

"And you dare call your reign PEACEFUL?!" The woman retorted.

"HA! Strayed from my path or not, I still fought to awaken the strength within men!"

"And where has that gotten you? You are the exact same as me! We both were nothing but pawns in Validar's twisted game! He knew that you would meet your end here! He knew that the Shepherds would claim victory today! Heck, he even knows what vegetable you ate this morning! You've strayed so far off your path that it's turned the people you wanted to use against you!"

"And you Grimlean lot are the cause of all of it!"

"Then use that knowledge and anger and hunt down every last Grimleal dastard in this world!" The argument ceased when the words left the woman's lips. You could literally feel the tension in the air as the two stared each other down. "I could care less if you trust me or not. Hell, you can despise me for all I care. The only thing that matters to me is killing that man, and if we have to use each other to kill him, then so be it."

"…And what of the Shepherds?"

"I have no quarrel with the Shepherds. Their former Exalt is alive, so I don't need to grimace in my past actions."

Walhart's eyes opened from the woman's words. "Emmeryn yet lives? I was informed that she died 2 years ago in the Plegian war."

"Technically she did, but due to the Grimleal being greedy, she was saved. They wanted to force her to give the unknown secrets of the Fire Emblem, but when she awoke her memories and speech was completely destroyed from the fall. They were supposed to kill her, but the Grimleal took one eye off of her and she escaped."

"…Interesting." The tyrant said as a smirk came across his face. "Fine, I will join you and make those Grimleal dastards regret the day they ever poured water on my fire. From today onward we will be working together, Ms?" The woman smirked while placing a hand over her heart and bowing.

"You may call me Aversa."

I was disappointed in myself for this chapter for 5 reasons: one, I thought about killing off a character just to make things a little more dark. Two, I chose that character to be Donnel(since in my first run through of Fire Emblem Awakening, he was the first to die :/ ). Three, I, as we American's would say, "Bitched out", and was unable to do it because if I DID it I found that I lost a lot of motivation to write the rest of the chapter…I even tried writing future chapters and it just felt…wrong… Four, I took WAY too long on how to end the scene with Emmeryn and Matthew because I was torn between having "someone" appear and not having them appear (*Slight spoiler 'not really'* You will find out who it is in about 1 to 2 chapters). And five, I wanted to make it to 8000 words, but couldn't I find a way to put in the rest of what I wrote without the need of a chapter skip! ARGH! I'M SO FRUSTRATED!

….Anyways, just a heads up, I wasn't just doing anything this past week. This chapter was short, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't working on anything but this. As somewhat reward for making it to 100,000 words there will be an update Thursday and Sunday again! (Who knows, I may even update another chapter on Friday if everything goes smoothly ;] ) Oh, and I'm sorry about my poor performance of checking errors in the last chapter x( . I have no excuse and will try harder next time!

As always, thank you for the reviews, favs, and follows and hope to see you next time!