Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

Hey guys. Here is the next one. I will say this before you read on. It may seem a bit fast about what happens at the end but there is a reason behind it which I will get into in the next chapter so yes it may seem fast when reading it but just keep with it and you'll understand. Thank you to everyone who is now following or has favourite this story. It means a lot to me :) Also I haven't proof read it yet but I am going through each chapter doing that at the moment so I apologise for any mistakes. Anyway enjoy!

Chapter Eighteen

Last night had been very different for Brittany, and in some respect, scary. To think that she had been celebrating her birthday for the first time since Zack had died was overwhelming and then there is the fact she had touched someone for the first time in nine years. It was nice but she couldn't help but feel that it was a one-time thing. Since she had met Santana she had been the one person she could ease into touching so last night she launched herself at her out of fear, but what she didn't realise is the fear that she had around her at the time was a lot bigger since it meant more people could touch her. It was why she hugged Santana so she could protect her and have someone she trusts. What if Santana took it the wrong way and thought that they could go into touching all the time?

Brittany was laying in bed thinking through the night before whilst eating her breakfast. She didn't want to lead Santana on then crush her and disappoint her. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. It seemed that one minute she could openly touch her then the next she's going back to being afraid again. She didn't want it to be like this and she couldn't help but think things would be different if she was normal. Brittany closed the book in front of her which she used to write down her touching experiences for the therapist to look at. Maybe she should go and see him today at some point.

She walked into the living room after eating her breakfast to go and watch some TV when she saw a picture on the side f herself and Zack. They were only about two years old and by the looks of it, they had been at the beach that day. Brittany smiled sadly picking up the picture moving her hands over it. This picture was a great memory of the life she had when Zack was alive and if only she could see him one more time she might be able to stop grieving. Brittany had trouble getting over his death since they were twins but one of the main reasons is that she had never gotten the chance to say goodbye. She also thought it was odd how the murderer had never been known to be caught too. She had looked online and stuff about the killer and Zack wasn't the only child he killed. There were a bunch of others around the block, but what was interesting is they all happened to be young boys around the same age he was. Had he been watching him? She didn't like to think about it but the fact is, if he was dying in hospital she could have said goodbye but he didn't. Another thing was that it was strange how no one heard him scream but then again the killer could have covered his mouth.

There was a reason she never celebrated her birthday alongside the fact that it was Zack's birthday too. Her parents didn't seem to celebrate it either because Brittany stopped being in the mood when she was a lot younger. You'd think they'd at least try to celebrate it but no. Brittany stood up and started pacing the kitchen. She shouldn't have celebrated last night then she wouldn't have gotten into all that she had but she does remember the present she got from Santana and she had never been s touched before. She walked upstairs to her bedroom and went into the bag she came back with the night before getting the locket out and putting it on. She looked down at it opening it to see a picture of them. It brought tears to her eyes when, really, she shouldn't be getting as upset as she is. She walked back downstairs picking up her phone and calling the number she had saved. I took a couple of rings when there was an answer.

"Hello and thank you for calling Lima General Therapy Centre. My name is Hannah, how can I help?" A person on the other side of the line asked. Brittany's eyes widened realising what she had done. She can't speak so how was she meant to talk to this person? Brittany was about to hang up when the woman spoke again.

"Hello? Oh you must be one of our selective mutism patients. Hang on a second and I'll set up this device so you can text through your request. Can you put the keypad up on your phone for me?" She woman asked so Brittany put the woman on speaker and brought up the key pad on her phone and waited for a response from the woman on the other end of the line. She heard a lot of shuffling so it must be a fiddly device to set up.

Brittany waited for a few minutes silently listening to the noises from the phone when she heard her voice on the other end of the phone again.

"Okay it's all set up so just text through your response and I'll see it on the screen in front of me." Hannah explained.

Brittany picked her phone up and began to text through what she wanted to say.

"Hi my name is Brittany Pierce and I just wanted to know if Dr Parker was available for a therapy session today"

"Hello Brittany. Yes, Dr Parker has got a time this morning about 11 o'clock. Is that alright for you?" Hannah asked her. Brittany nodded her head but realised that she couldn't see so she texts back a 'yes' to her for confirmation which the woman seemed to get. "Okay it's all booked in. I'll see you at eleven o'clock then."

Brittany nodded and hung up the phone putting it on the side running her fingers through her hair. She looked at the clock and realised she had an hour before she had to go. Since she usually dresses before she leaves her room she had nothing left to do which would definitely make her feel worse. Just when she was about to leave the house her phone vibrated. She walked over to it to see that Santana had text her. Did she want to talk to her at the moment? Truth was, she really did, but she also didn't want to lead her on either. Sighing Brittany picked up her phone sitting down on the sofa with one her foot propped up on the couch with the other one tucked beneath her. She opened the text from Santana reading it.

From Santana: Hey B I was just wondering how you were :) Want to hang to for a bit today? Xx

Brittany sighed again looking up at the ceiling tilting her head back. She groaned out loud in frustration then lifted her head back up looking back at the phone replying since it was the polite thing to do.

From Brittany: Hey San. I'm sorry but I'm a little busy today. Maybe we could meet another day but thank you for last night. It meant a lot to me what you gave me :) xx

She sends the message and sighs out loud lying on the couch looking up at the ceiling. So last night she hugged Santana and had her touch her for the majority of the night. She remembers that they even danced together and let's not forget the fact she gave her a locket with a picture of her and Zack in it. But the fact was that she actually had felt comfortable enough around Santana to do that. She wants to do all the things they talked about such as holding hands, cuddling and kissing each other but it's as though their bodies are both magnets and they repel each other when they get close. That's how Brittany feels with her condition. She wants to touch Santana but there is a force field stopping her and that's how her mind puts it across. She could put it in any other way but that's the best way to describe it. She sighed and continued her staring contest with the ceiling just hoping that the session would go alright.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Before she knew it, she was sat in the waiting room. Brittany always made sure she was sat away from everyone else and that no one could sit next to her. She didn't want anyone trying to touch her or talk to her. She looked around the room and saw the different sort of people that were here. There were children with their parents to adults who were way into their sixties. Brittany didn't know that their stories but no matter what it was nice that they were getting help. She was glad she was too because sometimes everyone needs a little help, even if they don't blatantly ask you.

"Brittany Pierce?"

Brittany looked over and saw someone standing in a doorway. She stood up walking towards her. "I'm Brittany."

She smiles and motions Brittany to follow her. They walk through the door and down a corridor right to the end until they are standing in front of a door. The woman opens it and smiles reassuringly motioning her to go in. She nods and walks inside sitting down when she sees Dr Parker smiling at her from behind his desk. He takes off his glasses putting them down and entwines his fingers together putting them on the desk in front of him.

"Good morning Brittany. How are you today?"

Brittany shrugs her shoulders. "Not sure if I'm okay or not; both I guess."

Dr Parker nods and gets up from behind his desk walking to his chair with some paper and a clipboard looking at Brittany. "I see. Did you bring that book I asked you to fill out?"

Brittany nods and hands it over to him watching whilst he flicks through it. She notices that on some pages he stops and reads but then continues nodding in approval. 'It must be good right?' Brittany thought watching him curiously awaiting his response which seemed to be taking longer than she thought. It made her anxious. It's not as though what she had written was bad but since he's the therapist, he could say she's not trying hard enough. It's not like he told her to go out and let someone touch her but he expects it. She knows he does even if he doesn't say it out loud.

Dr Parker nods his head and puts it on the table in front of Brittany. He doesn't say anything for a few minutes which worries Brittany but he gives her a bright smile in reassurance. "Brittany you've done really well. Especially last night when you hugged Santana, held her hand and danced with her. How did that feel?"

"I freaked out this morning because there was a big group of people that were there when I arrived last night. I looked around getting anxiety, so when I saw Santana I flung myself at her for safety. I think that's the reason I kept her close to me last night; for protection." Brittany explained looking at Dr Parker.

"That's understandable but why exactly did you call to see me?" Dr Parker asked curiously. "You seem to be making fantastic progress."

"I don't think it was me making progress. I think I just held onto her out of fear and I don't want her thinking that I'm going to be able to hold her hand and stuff like that like normal couples. Let's be honest here. I'm not a normal person." Brittany responded with a sigh looking at her fingers whilst she signs.

Dr Parker looked at Brittany in front of him. He had dealt with patients before with Haphephobia but he had never seen a girl with the condition make such good progress in such a small amount of time with being in therapy. He knew the blonde was stressing out over the situation which he didn't blame her for. He can imagine how stressful it can be. He knew the symptoms to this condition which are things such as having anxiety which can cause panic attacks, doing everything you can possible to avoid being touched and some can even isolate themselves from everyone else. There are a majority of symptoms but those are the main ones. All of it was linked to anxiety so maybe it was time to start the medication with her.

"Brittany I think the anxiety you have along with the fear of touching I can help with." Dr Parker began writing down a medication on a piece of paper. "I think we should start with the anti-anxiety medication to help you."

Brittany looks up at the therapist. "What? I don't need medication. I'm fine."

Dr Parker writes out a prescription giving it to her. "I want you t take this for a week and no longer. It's only a low dosage so it won't harm you and I want you to see me next week to see how you are getting on. I don't want you relying on this and it is only a trial for this week since I don't believe medication is necessary for this fear. Just give it a go and if any of the symptoms get too bad then stop taking it."

Brittany takes the piece of paper and nods. It couldn't hurt to try it at least. She put it into her pocket and looked down at her hands which started to move as she began to sign. "I want to talk about Zack."

The therapist looked at her in surprise. She had made it clear that the subject of her brother was off limits until she was ready which he didn't think would be for a few months yet. When it comes to therapy he knows how everyone is different such as some people come in and need help for years whereas others come in and only need a couple of sessions. It depends on the person but Brittany seemed to be just embracing the therapy but struggling outside of it. It was why he had to go about things differently.

"Okay if you are sure. You talk about whatever you wish."

Brittany nodded her head and took a deep breath before starting to sign. "Zack was my best friend. I grew up with him and he was one of the only people I know that understood me better than anyone. He was...he was more than just my twin in some way. I could imagine him being there for the rest of my life with him getting himself a wife and with me getting one too and our families being super close. I wanted that for us but now...now that can't happen obviously."

"Do you still think about him a lot?" The therapist asked writing down notes so he could look back at them later for a better understanding. He saw the blonde girl nod her head.

"Yes. I think about him all the time and I haven't celebrated his birthday since he died...until last night." Brittany explained not looking at the man in front of her. "I shouldn't have celebrated our birthday since he wasn't here with me."

Dr Parker nodded his head watching Brittany to see how she reacted to the questions he asked. The last thing he wanted was to push her too far. "Okay so why don't you think you should be able to celebrate your birthday?" He asked watching her. "I mean it's your birthday too."

Brittany shook her head quickly. "No it was our birthday, so now I can't celebrate it because he's not here. It doesn't feel right."

It was understandable how Brittany was acting since Zack was her twin brother. He knew that twins were a lot closer than regular brother and sister but something was keeping Brittany hanging onto her brother's death as though he died yesterday. He just had to figure out what that was but that would come with time.

"Okay I won't begin to understand your connection to Zack since I'm sure it was very strong. Have you visited him since he died? Like gone to his grave?"

Brittany shook her head. "No. I just can't go and do that. It makes it real that he's dead then." Brittany felt her eyes start to tear up at the thought of it. She knew where he was buried but going there? No, she just couldn't.

"I think visiting will help you Brittany. You can talk to him and let him know you miss him." Dr Parker suggested taking his glasses off putting them down. "Just think about it, okay?"

Brittany nodded her head wiping her eyes. She stood up not being able to take another second in the room. Dr Parker understood and stood up with his notebook closing it.

"I'm sorry I just...I can't." Brittany said apologising to the therapist feeling guilty for making an appointment for a session that wasn't even that long. Dr Parker shook his head with a smile on his face.

"Don't apologise. It's a hard subject for you to talk about and believe me when I say; you have a lot more courage than most."

She shook her head in disagreement. "I don't. My brother has been dead almost ten years and I'm still grieving."

"There is no limit to how long you grieve and one day you will accept it and be able to live on without him." The therapist assured walking to the door opening it to let her out. "Don't fret on this. You will get better and we will talk more about this next week."

The blonde sighed and nodded before waving and walking out. She wasn't sure where she was heading yet since she wasn't sure if home would be the best place to go at the present time, but where else would there be for her to go? She could go to Santana's but she didn't really want to see her at the moment. It wasn't that she was trying to avoid her, but after yesterday she couldn't face her. What could she say? 'Sorry that I touched you but I think I only did that because I was scared?' Brittany knew Santana would be disappointed and she didn't want to see that disappointed look on her face. But then again she hadn't tried to touch Santana since last night either. She just made an assumption that she wouldn't be able to.

Looking around she noticed there was a sign for the cemetery and couldn't help but let he mind drift back to her session. Her therapist had mentioned going to visit her brother's grave after all but the thing is; could she do it? She looked at the sign for the cemetery and paid attention to the way the sign looked old and worn then made a decision. She let her feet move towards the cemetery knowing that she had to do this.

Walking into a cemetery was never something that people enjoyed. She looked around and saw all of the gravestones with writing on the showing who was buried there. Some were newer than others and some graves looked like they hadn't been visited for many years. It was a fact that some people maybe didn't get to have that. They didn't get to have people visit them anymore due to their families moving away or not bothering. But then what did that say about her? She hadn't visited her brother even though she knew where he was buried and in the exact location. He was buried near the large tree between two gravestones. It was awful when you saw that a child had died and was buried into the earth amongst many other bodies that were buried. Children weren't meant to die. They were meant to be children and enjoy life, not die before they got the chance.

Walking through the graveyard wasn't a fun experience. It felt as though someone was following you and that ghosts were wondering around the place even though it was most unlikely. Brittany walked over the grass towards a marble gravestone that was a cream colour and knelt in front of it. Someone had been to the grave recently and she could bet she could guess who had visited. It had been their birthday not long ago so her parents most likely came to visit. They were the only people she could think of since all of the other family she had, moved away. She didn't blame them since what happened to Zack was awful and if she could, she'd do the same.

Brittany moved her fingers over the top of the stone feeling the smoothness of the marble then down the lettering that was engraved onto the front of the stone. It read:

Precious memories of

Zackary Daniel Pierce

20th February 1997-25th November 2003

A Wonderful Son & Twin Brother

Forever In Our Hearts

'Goodbyes Are Not Forever, Goodbyes Are Not The End,

They Simply Mean I'll Miss You Until We Meet Again'

She smiled at the gravestone and the quote her parents had decided to put at the bottom of it. She remembers how she had shown that to them after he died even though she was at her lowest. She saw it in a magazine and pointed to it showing it to them which made them smile since most of the time she didn't mother communicating. She had no idea they had put it on the stone but apparently they decided to. She pulled her hand away from the stone and saw the picture of Zack that was engraved into the corner near his name. To see a picture of him that was recent before he died was nice since it showed others who looked what he would have looked like when he died.

Brittany looked up at the sky then back down and noticed the sun was beaming down onto Zack's gravestone. It was unusual but for some reason, she felt as though he was watching her and it made her feel a whole lot better about visiting. She knew that if Zack was watching over her, he would be excited to see her since they were like that as kids which made her happy that she decided to come along. She did miss him and was having trouble accepting his death even after him being gone for so long. She took a deep breath and did something that she hadn't done in ten years.

"Hey Zack"

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