Disclaimer: I don't own Glee unfortunately

I can't believe these spoilers about Brittana in Season 6! I could not believe it when I heard it and I can't wait to see what happens in the episode now! We've waited a long time for this guys and it's finally happening! Anyway I did reply to every review apart from one which was a guest review and here is the response to it:

Guest: Her voice will sound a bit different since she is older now and she hasn't spoken in a long time otherwise it is basically the same :)

Thank you to all of your reviews. I'm glad you like it and from here it will get exciting! Here is the next chapter :)

Chapter Nineteen

Sitting at Zack's grave was definitely different. She had never been to the cemetery before let alone his grave and now that she was there, she felt mixed emotions. She remembered all the good times the both of them had up to his death and she still had the image stuck in her mind seeing him on the floor in a pool of his own blood. It still haunted her, but right now it wasn't something she wanted to think about.

For the first time since she was young she had spoken with words instead of using sign language. She knew that Zack couldn't see her hands moving to do sign language which was one reason why she wasn't using it, but the other reason was that she wanted Zack to hear her voice. Before he died she was speaking so she wanted him to hear the same voice he remembers. Yes, it was going to be different since she is older, but she's sure he'll recognise it anyway. Brittany was happy that she finally had that confidence to speak to someone even if it was with her brother. She just felt that with her brother it was different. She could actually be herself.

She looked at the gravestone and smiled then looked up at the sky. She knew Zack was watching which was why there was a light shining down on the gravestone. It was why she spoke actually since she knew he was there with her. It made her feel a lot better and it gave her the confidence to find her voice again. Definitely progress to tell the therapist, but it was also something personal to her as well. It would be a personal achievement which definitely made her feel a bit better.

"I...umm...I don't know what to say actually," Brittany started looking at her fingers letting out a small chuckle. "I have so much to tell you but it's getting it all out. I miss you a lot Zack and, to be honest, I've felt broken since you left. I know you didn't want to but...it doesn't make the pain any less."

Brittany fiddled with her fingers and sighed. What was she doing exactly? She was talking to a grave stone looking like a complete idiot was the answer to that. She knew exactly why she didn't come here before; she had no idea what to say. She felt guilty, sad but also glad that he wasn't in pain any longer because it wasn't like his death would have been painless. She sighed and looked up from her fingers looking at the gravestone.

"I know you know this but...you're the first person I've been able to talk to in years. I don't know what happened, but your death just had an effect on me so I couldn't speak. Luckily my therapist knows sign language or we'd have a huge problem." She explained laughing a little. "Mom and dad don't get me but let's be honest; you were the only person to get me. You knew me better than myself which, in a way, I'm glad. You were my twin after all, but I didn't expect you to leave so soon."

She looked around to make sure no one was watching her feeling her anxiety start to come up. She didn't want other people looking at her talking to her brother. It was probably also due to the fact that she hadn't spoken to anyone in years and she wanted to keep it that way with everyone else. She just wasn't ready, and since that night when she found her brother dead she felt empty; it was one of the reasons why she stopped speaking in the first place. She remembers how she spoke to him every day and even at night when they went to each other's rooms, after their parents made them get separate rooms, and talked when they couldn't sleep. It was hard which was why she went into a state of shock in a way which caused her selective mutism. After some time she began to hate crowds and people touching her since it was Zack who helped her with her confidence around other people. Without him there to help her, she had no one to convince her to go and play with other children, and also after finding her brother dead, it caused her to only trust people she knew well. Why should she trust strangers if one of them killed her brother?

"I'm sorry about what happened to you. I still feel guilty up to this day and I really wish I could have saved you. Maybe if I didn't fall asleep I would have heard you and I could have screamed so mom and dad heard and they could have stopped your killer." Brittany explained feeling her eyes start to water. "I have actually thought about something. I know I want to be a dancer or a motocross racer but maybe I could be a police officer. I could arrest all the bad people so they can't kill anyone else like someone did to you. No one deserves to be murdered even if they are a bad person. Well, maybe if they were a murderer they would deserve it, but otherwise, no."

Brittany looked up at the sky when she felt a drop of rain on her head and noticed that the sky was looking quite dark but she didn't even want to move. She wanted to sit here and talk to her brother because she knew that if she didn't get it all out now what she wanted to say, she never would. It was hard enough getting here after her therapy session but to get up and leave and have the courage to come back was another story. Let's just say she had a lot to work on.

"I'm actually really proud of myself right now. I never thought I would ever have the confidence to talk to anyone again, but here I am talking to you. I guess it's because I am used to talking to you since we did that a lot when we were younger." Brittany said with a quiver in her voice. "I just wish I could talk to other people such as Rachel and Santana. They have been my rocks for the past few months and I just...I wish I could talk to them. Plus Santana hasn't ever heard my voice, but the thing is we're only getting into the touching part of our relationship, and to go straight into talking is too much for me. I think you would like her actually. She's amazing and I really want to be with her but the thing is I know she can do better than me."

It was true. Brittany looked at Santana and she couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Anyone in the school could have her and she spent her time with her? If she didn't have Haphephobia and selective mutism, Brittany knew she would have more of a chance than she does now. Generally all people thought of when they saw her was how weird she was. Well, that's what everyone thought at her old school and she ended up running out of school and not returning. She had people like Rachel, Santana, Sam, Quinn etc who didn't think she was weird but in the back of her mind she had thoughts that they were laughing behind her back or talking about her and she hated it. She hated feeling insecure and relying on people to help her through high school. She knew she was getting help at least but that wasn't the point. She wanted to do things by herself around school instead of having someone communicate for her. She knew talking to her brother was a huge step on her behalf but that wasn't talking to someone who was there in person. It was frustrating.

"I have a teacher at school that helps me with my work. Her name is Sadie Holmes and she helps me with my work because I'm Dyslexic," Brittany explains, looking up at the sky as though she would be able to see her brother then back down to look at the stone, "but it's not even a big deal since everyone has something they aren't good at, right? I mean yeah I hated it at first because I felt dumb but now, I'm learning to accept it. I still hate it because everyone else doesn't have to put nearly as much work in and they get a good grade, whereas there is me who works so hard and still only comes out with a C grade."

Brittany looked down at her finger once again feeling tears roll down her face. "I want to tell you the story of why I left the school I was at before McKinley. I've not even told Rachel or my parents this story so you'll be the first. I know you probably saw what happened but I need to get it out before it stays inside me even longer."

The blonde took a deep breath then breathed out again feeling nervous about announcing this to someone for the first time. She knew that once she had told Zack she could, maybe, think about telling Rachel too and then Santana. She was trying at least.

"Okay so class had just ended and I got a text from an unknown number to go to the gym." Brittany began playing with her fingers to try and get through the pain of telling a story she had to go through. She was trying and that was the main thing. "I wasn't going to go but I was curious, which I really wished I wasn't. I walked to the gym and stood in the middle of the room looking around when most of the school turned up and they were smirking at me. I-I was terrified Zack. I knew that they must be up to something but I couldn't run away. My feet felt like they were glued to the floor and I had no way of escaping."

Brittany took a few breaths to calm herself down so she wouldn't break down in the middle of a graveyard. It wasn't the best move since everyone would be able to see who were visiting but lucky for her, no one was. It was a time she could be alone away from everyone. She was glad no one else was here since this was a private moment, and if someone was waiting for her, she felt the need to finish up what she is doing as fast as possible. She preferred doing things aloe so she didn't have that thought in the back of her mind. Her lip was quivering slightly but she knew saying this now was best.

"I...umm...I had everyone surround me getting into my personal space. Loads of people touched me and it freaked me out so much that I pushed everyone away and just ran down the street. It felt horrible and I had this recurring dream about it. How everyone was laughing at my face as I ran away. It was awful and even though they all knew I hated people touching me, they still freaked me out by doing it. It was a joke to them but to me, it's my life and I have this fear that they they thought I was making up." Brittany explained looking down into her lap with her tears rolling down her face.

Just thinking back to what happened was a hard thing to do but she wanted to get everything out whist she still could. At some point she would freeze up and stop most likely, and she wanted Zack to hear her for as long as possible before she had to go. She had felt her phone vibrate a number of times but since this was a personal moment, she wanted to be alone through it.

"I know it was stupid to run away but I had to so I wouldn't feel all their hands on me." Brittany said looking up at the stone. "Anyway I'm just glad I could tell someone even if you're not here physically. I love you Zack and no matter what, you'll always be with me because we can't be separated. We're twins forever remember? We said that when we were at the top of the hill in Lima. What I would give to have you here with me. I always wonder what you would look like now."

The sound of thunder came from the sky which made Brittany look up in worry. She hated thunder and she definitely didn't want to get caught here in the rain or when it was dark. It already freaked her out by being here so she didn't want to get even more freaked out. Brittany looked back at the headstone then stood up moving her hand over the marble it was made out of. She would have to visit more often because, in all honesty, she was glad she came since it gave her the chance to talk to her brother for once and admit things to him that she couldn't with anyone else. It made her feel a lot better.

"Okay I have to go because it looks like it's going to start raining. Plus I hate thunder so." Brittany stated with a sigh. She leant down and kissed the stone then stood up straight again. "I love you Zack and don't forget that. It's you and me forever."

Brittany looked at the stone one last time before walking out of the cemetery and out onto the street again. She took a deep breath and sighs breathing out actually relieved. She took a big step doing that and she knows she would be able to do that again since it would be easier the next time. Brittany walked back towards her house proud of herself for once.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Brittany arrived at home and walked inside. Lucky for her, no one was in. She decided to grab something to eat quickly with a bottle of water and walked upstairs to her room. She closed the door lying down on her bed sighing happily. She had just spoken for the first time in years and it was definitely something she could tell her therapist. Maybe things were going to start going well for her after all. But some couldn't help the nagging feeling in the back of her mind telling her someone had heard her. She couldn't remember seeing anyone there so she must have been alone. It was just a feeling that scared the hell out of her frankly. She went there to see Zack and ended up speaking to him but that didn't mean she wanted someone else to hear her.

The shock of remembering what she did was overwhelming. She was definitely shocked over what she did but even though she was, she was happy. She got to talk to her brother and tell him about what was going on which included the story of why she left her old school. She hadn't told anyone that story but she told him because it was due to his death she stopped speaking in the first place. She couldn't believe after so long she had actually spoken out loud and not through sign language. It was definitely easier, but at the end of the day she still had social anxiety. She was getting there but it wasn't completely gone or anything. It was just easier to deal with.

When she was younger and Zack was alive they did everything together. They woke up, brushed their teeth, had breakfast etc all together and all the activities they did such as building forts and playing tag outside they id together. It was hard to separate them actually but she won't ever regret her time with her brother. She got six years of his life and that was better than nothing, right? She could have not had any at all if he died at birth or something which wouldn't have given them any time together. She really wishes she had more time and she had been grieving for so long but, for some reason, after the talk she had with him she feels better. She knows her therapist said it would but she didn't want to admit it. Who wants to admit that someone is right? Brittany sighed and sat up then stood up leaning over her bed to grab a box from underneath it which was labelled 'Childhood Memories'. She lifted the box onto the bed looking at it for a few seconds before opening it up putting the lid on the bed. She smiled when she saw all of the pictures from when she was younger and most of them included Zack. There were pictures from when she was a baby up to when she was probably ten. Most of the older photos didn't really show her as a happy child but she didn't blame her younger self. Who would be happy after their twin died?

She reached into the box and picked up a picture which was taken when she and Zack were around 4 years old. They looked happy and smiling along with their parents. She remembers that they had a baby sitter a lot when they were younger due to her parents working but it didn't stop them from having fun. They usually preferred to be alone actually and let the baby sitter do what they wanted and sat down when it was time to eat. They had been very energetic children and always loved running around. They were always together and Zack never made her feel stupid about anything. She could imagine him being the same now which was kind of sad to think about but she did think about that a lot. She couldn't help it. She did wish he was here but since she couldn't exactly go back in time and stop it, she had to start living in the present and accepting the fact that he was gone. It was going to take some time but in the back of her mind Brittany always knew that. She knew it wasn't right to grieve for years and yes people do grieve for a long time but she's never heard of someone grieving for nine years over a person. It didn't seem normal to her but maybe the therapist could help her move on. It would certainly help a lot.

Brittany smiled looking at the different pictures when her phone went off. She saw Rachel had text her so she opened it reading the text.

From Rachel: Hey Britt! I was wondering if I could come over. I remember you had your therapy session but I've not heard anything back so I got worried xx

She liked how protective Rachel was over her. It was nice that even after so long she was here. She loved Rachel like her own sister since she definitely protected and loved her like one. She knew that the brunette would be there for her and accept her for who she was no matter what which was exactly what she had been doing most of her life. Isn't that what family was about? People loving and caring for you no matter what faults you have? She knew that Rachel was her family and she wouldn't deny it if someone asked either. She replied to the message.

To Rachel: Hey Rae! Sorry that I didn't text you but I have something to tell you. Come on over. You know how to get in yourself anyway :P xx

She was about to put her phone down when her text tone went off before she could showing a message from Rachel again.

From Rachel: You are so right. I'll see you soon! Xx

Brittany chuckled shaking her head in amusement putting her phone down before taking one look at the Christmas photo before putting it away with the rest. She puts the lid on top and slides it back under the bed hidden away from public viewing. She likes to keep some things a secret and that would be one of them. It was just personal to her that was all.

Brittany stood up stripping her clothes off from earlier dressing in a pair of shorts and a tank top before putting her phone in her back pocket of her shorts walking downstairs. She made a glass of water for herself to drink and went to the living room to sit down and wait for Rachel. Because of Brittany's disorder it wasn't the fact that she wasn't good looking that people teased her and made fun of her. She thought she was pretty damn hot when she looked in the mirror. She didn't even have to work out much apart from going running and making sure to keep her stomach toned up. She turned the TV on putting on a DVD before grabbing a popcorn bag to heat up in the microwave. As that was heating up, she heard the doorbell ring so she walked to the door opening it with a smile to see Rachel standing there.

"Hey Britt!"

Brittany opened the door wider allowing Rachel inside. She walked to the living room with her sitting on the arm of the couch with her feet on a cushion whilst Rachel sat leaning against the other arm of the couch facing Brittany. The blonde definitely looked happier to her than she thought she would be after a therapy session actually which was strange.

"How was your therapy session?"

Brittany shrugged her shoulders then heard the microwave go off so she stood up walking to the kitchen to get the popcorn pouring it into a large bowl. She brought it back to the living room sitting back where she was putting the popcorn on the table, taking a few pieces popping them in her mouth.

"It was fine. I mean we talked about Zack and he thought I should go and visit his grave since it might help me."

"Well it might you know. It's something to think about." Brittany said in agreement looking at the DVD playing before turning back to the blonde. "What did you say?"

"It was near the end and I told him that it would be too upsetting to go."

"I understand that but it's something to think about right?"

Brittany sighed and nodded. "Yeah I guess. I have something to tell you though."

Rachel raised her eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What's that then?"

The blonde girl grinned eating some popcorn again before moving her hands excitedly. "I spoke today!"

Rachel looked at Brittany in shock. She hadn't expected that at all. She hadn't spoke to anyone in ten years so it was definitely an improvement First it was Brittany touching Santana and now it was her talking. She had never been so happy to hear these things happening to her best friend. She had wanted her to get better for so long and even though she accepted Brittany for who she was, she deserved a life without all of this. She seemed to be getting better and she was relieved that she was. Brittany deserved a life like the rest of them and one of the reasons she hadn't been because she had been grieving over her brother but now, it was totally different. She had spoken for crying out loud!

"Oh my god Brittany, that's great!" Rachel said with a grin on her face. "Did you speak to the therapist?"

The blonde shook her head in response. "No, but I went to Zack's grave and-"

"Woah hold on. You went to Zack's grave?" Rachel asked in shock sitting up straight crossing her legs. "How did it go?"

"It went fine. Anyway I went there and when I sat down I just...I ended up speaking. It was as though I was talking to Zack. Apart from you, he was my best friend as a child and we did everything together, and after he died it was such a shook that I stopped speaking. One of the reasons was shock and I also didn't get to say goodbye to him. Usually if a person dies you get to say goodbye, but I didn't. The last thing I said to him was goodnight and that was it." Brittany explained turning to look at the TV and smiling sadly seeing two characters hug on it before turning back to Rachel. "No one will understand how I feel because he was my twin. When your twin dies it's as though a part of you dies with them. It's why I have grieved for so long, but I understand now that I can't do this forever."

Rachel listened whilst Brittany explained and she couldn't believe it. After so long she knew her best friend was starting to get better. She would never say that she wasn't 'normal' so to say before, but now she definitely was starting to get back into living her life again. It was nice to see Brittany happy about being able to talk and wanting to touch other people and she was just proud of her like never before. She wanted Brittany to live her life to the best of her ability and she was going to be able to do that. She helped her as much as she could but now she was moving forward instead of living in the past and she was so happy to hear that.

"Brittany I'm so proud of you. You're moving forward now and I'm just so happy that you are. You deserve to live your life and I've never seen you so happy before. You're excited about speaking for the first time and before you were excited about wanting to touch Santana and kiss her." Rachel explained with a small smile on her face. She might be a little jealous about that part, the touching not the kissing, but she was still happy for her. "I'm just so happy for you!"

Brittany nodded and smiled. She was happy for herself. She was excited about moving forward and especially with Santana. She had been the main person who had caused her to want to move forward. It wasn't that Rachel hadn't caused her to want to move forward or anything, but everything seemed to change since she met Santana. She had stayed in the past before and now she was moving forward. She's pretty sure Santana was the one who suggested seeing a therapist and now look at her. She talked to Zack and she had hugged Santana. Well that was more out of fear and she was worried that she wouldn't be able to do that again but she was getting there. She had made a lot of progress and she knew before she knew it she would be living her life being able to talk and touch others.

She heard her phone vibrate on the table. She reached over and picked it up and smiled when she saw who had text her. Funny how she had been thinking about Santana and then she had decided to text her. She must have been thinking about her too. Well she hoped so anyway. She opened up the message reading it.

From Santana: Hey Britt! I was thinking about coming over but you seem to want some space so I decided to text you instead. I just wanted to confirm our date on Friday. I was thinking about picking you up at around 7pm. Is that okay? :) Xxx

She seemed as though she needed space? Had she come across that way? She didn't mean to if she had. Oh it must have been when she didn't want to talk to her because of being worried about not being able to touch her again. That must be it. Brittany bit her lip then text back.

To Santana: Hey San! Yeah I'm sorry about being a little distant. It's just that after the party last night I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to touch you again and I was scared you wouldn't want to go on this date. I'm sorry for coming off as needing space. You're the one person I want to talk to. And 7pm is great :) xxx

Rachel looked at her best friend curiously. Every time she got a text she got a huge smile on her face which, she assumed, was because of a certain Latina texting her. She was a bit hocked over the concept of the two of them potentially getting together but what Brittany had said to her was right. She couldn't think of a feasible excuse as to why they shouldn't date. Santana was a good person and she wasn't going to deny that. Santana would be perfect for Brittany actually but it was the fact that it was her childhood best friend and one of her high school best friends being together that was just weird to her. She couldn't come up with a logical explanation but in her head, it seemed weird.

Brittany's phone went off again signalling a new message. She could literally sit there and text the brunette all day but it was rude with Rachel in the room. She'd have to end the conversation as quick as possible.

From Santana: Hey it's okay and if you can't touch me it's okay. I like your company and I would like it on the date too. If you can't touch me then you can't but I know you are getting better. You'll get there Britt. Okay, I'll pick you up at 7 then! Xxx

Brittany smiled and put her phone down on the table. She couldn't wait for the date already and it was only Sunday. She had a whole five days, excluding today, which was a long time to wait for a date. She knew it'd be Friday before she knew it but for the entire week she could just annoy Santana until she told her where they were going. That was always fun. She looked at Rachel and noticed her staring at her. "What?"

The brunette shook her head. "I've never seen you so happy before. Santana really makes you happy, doesn't she?"

"Yeah she does and I know it's weird for you but please just accept it." Brittany said offering the popcorn to Rachel who politely declined. "She's the reason I'm getting better because I want to be with her. She's special to me and I know we've only known each other around almost three months but she's amazing and I just...I really like her. Please just give her a chance? For me?"

Shocked was definitely a word Rachel would use right now. She hadn't known Santana that long but the way she spoke so passionately about her was sweet. She knew she couldn't be a bitch about this and even if she didn't like it she knew Santana would just ignore her and go out with Brittany anyway so she kind of didn't have a choice. She just wanted to protect her best friend but with Santana she had a feeling she didn't need to. She was actually a decent person. Rachel thought it might be because she didn't like sharing Brittany since she's always had her to herself, but Brittany being happy was more important. She sighed then smiled nodding her head

"Alright I'll give her a chance for you. I know you don't need my approval or anything anyway, but you should go out with Santana. If she's as special as you say then go for it. What do you have to lose really?"

Brittany looked at her confused. "Am I supposed to lose something?"

Chuckling, Rachel shook her head amused. "No I mean...just go for it Brittany. Just keep trying to get better and before you know it you'll be holding Santana's hand down the street. I know she'll look after you and be the perfect girlfriend to you but if she hurts you, I'll kick her ass."

Brittany giggled nodding her head. "Okay that's fair. How about we just have a traditional Pieberry day?" Brittany asked grinning.

"What? What the hell is Pieberry?"

"It's Pierce and Berry put together, duh. So how about it?"

Rachel couldn't deny how much she had missed her best friends humour and nodded her head. The comments she came out with and the words she sometimes made up were just...so Brittany. She loved that about her. She was so unbelievably random which is why they got along so well. They always had a laugh together and even with their lives completely different they still found ways to chill out together just like best friends are supposed to. She didn't know where she would be without Brittany and she knew she felt the same way about her. Rachel just grinned and nodded her head.

"I would love that and that name is totally awesome too. Let's have a Pieberry day! But I'm picking the first topic of the night. When is your first date with Santana?" Rachel asked looking at her innocently.

Brittany's eyes widened and she shoved some pieces of popcorn into her mouth. Well, this would be an interesting night to say the least.

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