Today I'll have my answers on my session with Alma, I'll train Clove and I'll probably brood a little but one thing I can't do now is sleep any longer. It's probably 3 a.m. and I'm wide awake.
Guess choosing to sleep over talking with someone when you two share a room and one of them can only sleep one, two hours a night was a stupid idea.
Well I'm going to have to talk to him now because I can't stay in my cage much longer. I feel claustrophobic.
I get up, go to the 'glass wall' and for a moment I just rest my hand on the cool surface but after a while I knock twice just like last time.
And just like last time he's awake before I rest my hand against the glass again.
"What is it?"
"I want to clear my head, I feel claustrophobic."
"So you want to go train?"
"I want to go outside and breathe fresh air but that sure as hell isn't going to happen, so yes, train."
"Fine, we'll go, just give me a second."
He changes while I look away and then comes to free me, unfortunately only from my cage, and takes me to the training center.
Unlike the other times where there was either Walker or Clove tonight we are truly alone and I don't waste any time doing what used to be my daily training.
Pushups, pull-ups, strength training, abs and various other workouts I used to do and when all the 'heavy stuff' is out of the way I work on my balance routine.
During my exercises I had forgotten completely about Cato and when I look over my shoulder there he is looking at me completely focused and I don't know what comes over me because I blush. I blush. I never blush. God I'm turning into one of those girls but I don't know, it was something about how he was looking at me just sent a shiver down my spine and apparently a blush to my cheeks. I'm pathetic.
I cough a bit, albeit awkwardly "So, I'm done with my training can we go back? I need to take a shower and I'm going to try to sleep a little more before we have to meet Clove seeing I'm pretty beat up now."
"Didn't you work yourself to hard?"
"Hard? No. Not at all. This used to be my daily training for years. Must be being on my ass all this time in Division and you know, the whole seemingly waking up drugged."
"Alma will talk to you about it. I was instructed not to."
I glare at him but it doesn't last long, I know he's just doing his job. Following orders just like I used to.
"You know what? I don't blame you, I'm just pissed that I have no idea what happened. I know you are just following orders."
I look away and start walking to our room knowing he'll follow.
We don't talk anymore, a get there, shower and go straight to bed and he does the same.
Only for me to wake up an hour later with nightmares of Rue still fresh in my mind. I try to even out my breathing but it's a useless feat so I allow myself to cry, silent tears running down my cheeks as I think of the people I lost.
I stop this display of emotion not ten minutes later, even though I believe Cato's not awake a part of me is always paranoid.
In a desperate moment hoping to fall asleep again I reach over and take my book and read it until I am again lulled into a deep sleep.
The next time I wake up it's because Cato knocks on the glass to rouse me from my sleep so that I can get ready for my session. I don't even care what she does to me today, I just want to know what happened last time.
I get dressed quickly and Cato does the same after giving me my breakfast and while I'm eating I can't help but look at his figure, I mean he appears to be sculpted out of smooth marble.
Every inch of skin is toned and unblemished, and I can't help but compare him to Peeta, a thought that leaves me furious at myself for even comparing the two. Peeta and Cato are nothing alike at least psychologically while physically they are a bit similar although there are differences, dirty blond hair to light blond hair, warm blue eyes to icy blue ones that seem to look into my soul. I keep thinking about their differences, so much that I barely notice that Cato is already fully dressed and staring at me with a raised eyebrow and a cocky smirk on his face.
"Enjoying the view FireGirl?"
I splutter a bit before actually answering the question.
"Don't think so highly of yourself." I get up and am at the glass door that Cato's opening.
"You didn't answer my question."
"No, I didn't."
He opens the door and I'm already off going to Alma's office but as I get there I can't will myself to knock on the door so I wait for Cato to do it but he waits two minutes giving me some time. How thoughtful.
"Ah Katniss! Come in, sit."
I do as I'm told and Cato goes to stand in the corner while Alma stands in front of me. I can't wait much longer so I just ask.
"What happened the other day?"
"Oh, you still don't remember? Well I can fix that. Drink this."
She offers me a cup of what seems to be tea but I just stare at it in her hand until she gets the point. I won't drink it unless I know it's not poisoned.
"Of course Katniss. Wouldn't expect any less from you."
She takes a sip and makes a show of swallowing it to let me know it's okay to drink.
"See? Completely fine, now if you please."
I take the cup of tea and drink it in a rush trying to get it over with. It burns my throat slightly but I don't see any side effects, that is until the memories start rushing back.
I remember when Alma injected me, I remember waking up and being in my old apartment taking one step forward and every glass shattering, I remember Alma's voice inside my head, I remember Division, I remember the little girl, Gale and Peeta and I remember truly waking up, screaming and punching the doctor and I remember big arms enveloping me bringing me to ease and a soft kiss of the crown of my head but most of all I remember what came after when I was being carried and was laid in bed by the same person who had helped me not so long ago, Cato, asking him to stay and him accepting and while I laid in his arms I felt content. Blissful.
They do say ignorance is bliss and I was pretty ignorant then.
When I come to myself again I have one hand gripping the chair so hard my knuckles are white while the other is massaging my temple to relieve whatever this was.
"Katniss?"
Alma's voice sounds distant but I soon feel her hand touching my shoulder and I jerk from it looking up to see a hurt expression on her face before it's immediately changed into a blank page. Nothing. Maybe I imagined the hurt.
"I'm fine."
"Do you remember?"
"Yes. I remember everything."
"Good."
"Yeah, great. Now you can actually tell me why you did it."
My words are filled with venom, every bit of it pointed at her.
"I needed to see what you weren't saying. You're very guarded and have many secrets. I merely wanted to discover these secrets so that I can help you overcome those fears."
"By taking a crowbar to my subconscious?"
"You know, Cato said the exact same thing when he discovered what would be taking place."
"Did he now?"
"Yes. Now Katniss, I just-"
"Want to ask me a few questions?"
She looks a bit annoyed I interrupted her.
"Yes. Who is the man in Division? I believe you called him Gale."
Gale. My childhood best friend. I haven't been with him in such a long time. I miss him.
"Gale was a childhood friend."
"But he wasn't a child."
"So?"
"In your 'dream' he appeared as a man. Have you seen him since your childhood?"
"No."
"Then how?"
"I don't know. Aren't you the one who is supposed to know these things?"
"No Katniss, it is your subconscious. Not mine. You pictured him as a beacon of salvation, he sacrificed himself for you."
"So?"
"So, I want to know why."
"I don't know Alma."
"Who was the child?"
"What child?"
"The child that was there with you, the thing you had to keep hidden."
"Oh, that, I have no idea."
"You're lying to me."
"No, I'm really not. I have no idea who the kid was or why I found it so important to protect her."
"Maybe it has to do with your sister, or that little girl. What was her name, Rue?"
"Yes. Don't bring them into this." I'm openly glaring at her now but I couldn't care less, she can't do much.
"I wasn't the one who brought them into this Katniss. You were."
"It wasn't them."
"I have never seen a photograph of your sister, for all I know that little girl is her."
"It wasn't. My sister had blond hair and baby blue eyes. That girl was nothing like her."
"Interesting. Do you have any idea what so ever of who she could be?"
"No. I've told you this. I have no idea who the girl is Alma."
"Strange. You're free to go."
I get up and walk out of the room with Cato trailing close behind me.
Cato. I know what he did for me and I have no idea how to face it. Like it or not he helped me. It may not seem like much but with the exception of Peeta, Finnick and Jo, Cato was there for me when I needed someone and I truly did. The people I care about, well, one of them is dead, the other pretends as if I'm dead and I haven't heard of Johanna in a while.
I hope Cato doesn't make the short list of friends I get to call my own. It would be too risky to be friends with my captor. While on the other hand nearly too easy.
Clove is probably waiting for us on the training room so I make my way there instead of our room.
Clove. That's another one. I'm actually caring about the kid. What am I even doing? Helping her. Helping her to survive, to be great.
Just as I predicted she is there waiting for us, practicing her knife skills. I can tell that will be her weapon of choice.
"Hey Clover."
"It's Clove."
"Practicing your knife skills?"
"Of course. I want to do something different today with our training sessions."
"What?"
"Well, I got my ass kicked today fighting another recruit and honestly I'm practically dying just from throwing knives."
"Clove get to the point, what do you want?"
"I want to still take advantage of the 'classes' you are giving me but today we could work more on my background and things I should say to Alma and things I can talk with the other recruits."
"Fine. Sounds good enough. Sit."
She does and I can tell it's with a great deal of effort. Been there kid.
"So tell me your story Clove."
"Well my parents died when I was little, my mother at childbirth and my father not long after so I lived with my grandmother most of my life. Two years ago she died, it was in her sleep and it was all very peaceful but when Social Services heard about it they sent me to an orphanage seeing as I had no other family and was still a minor.
I hung out a lot with the wrong crowd and one thing led to another and suddenly I'm robbing a pharmacy with my boyfriend when things get complicated and he shoots someone. Someone had called the cops and when we were trying to get away I tripped over the dead guy and the cops got me. He escaped while I was in for the electric chair. Next thing I know I wake up here."
Poor kid, I truly feel sorry for her and I tell her that.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay but I have one thing to ask you."
"What?"
"What's your story?"
That stopped me dead in my tracks. No way I'm going to tell someone my shit-storm of a life.
"No way kid."
"At least tell me what got you here. Please Katniss."
"I killed two cops when I was high out of my mind and I was trying to protect someone and that is all I'm saying about it okay?"
"You killed two cops?"
"They were dirty cops and no more questions Clove. I'm serious."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push."
"It's okay kid. It's just that I don't like talking about my life."
"Understandable."
"So, what to say to Alma. Your background is actually practically perfect the way it is. I just have one thing to say, don't spill everything at once. Let her ask the questions and you will answer accordingly but a bit reluctantly okay? It gives her a sense of control."
"Okay. How about what I tell the other recruits?"
"Don't tell them anything about you unless they are your friends and you can trust them but even then don't tell them about me."
"Of course not. I'm not stupid."
"I know but I just can't stress that enough. Have you made any friends?"
"Yes. One."
"Who?"
"Thom."
"Do you trust him?"
"Not entirely but he's getting there."
I smirk looking at her. I've seen that look before.
"Do you, you know, like him?"
Clove looks so surprised as if she was hiding it so well and splutters a bit before answering.
"What? No. Of course not. We're friends!"
This instant reminds me of myself earlier today when Cato asked if I was enjoying the view, I was but I wasn't going to tell him that. I can feel my cheeks redden and try to calm myself by focusing on the conversation. I can't believe I'm blushing so much, this never happens, not even with Peeta.
That little reminder was enough to sober me up and get to the point.
"Don't tell Alma anything about him. If she finds out about you two being friends just say he's an asset and that he reminds you of your friends."
"Ok."
"I think that's enough for today. You should go to the training rooms. The official ones so that people aren't constantly questioning where you are at this time of day."
"Ok."
She is walking away now but I can't help the taunt.
"Oh and try not to get too cozy with Thom!"
She walks away faster probably blushing to the roots of her hair.
"That was nice of you." Remarks the ever sarcastic Cato from beside me.
"What? Division doesn't allow recruit relationships."
"I know that but the girl was still in denial about it, you don't have to rub it in." He's smiling and I gotta say, I like it.
"You going soft on me goon? Helping protect the girls heart."
"Not protecting just saying not to rub it in, she clearly has no idea about it yet."
"Oh please! You can see it in the way she looked when she mentioned his name. She zoned out I can bet you five bucks that she was thinking about kissing him."
"No way."
"Way."
"I still think she is oblivious."
"Whatever you want think goon."
We joke about it all the way to our room where we stay for a couple of hours talking to each other until lunch time comes and Cato goes to get our lunches.
For a Career he's not so bad.
A/N: So we got a look into Clove's background, tell me what you think! By the way, this Thom will be a mix of Nikita's Thom and THG Thom.
(If you don't know who Nikita's Thom is just Google Nikita- Thom and a bunch of stuff will show up)
Thoughts, suggestions and such about the fic you can either drop a review or PM, I'm here to learn :)
Read and Review!