Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro or anything even remotely close. I also do not own the script, or the film "Let's Go To Prison". I just stole the name. XD None of the characters from either are mine.

AN: Wow! Been a while since I updated this! Sorry about that, everyone! I've been busy with school, and in a more romance mood than a humor or crude one. That, and I've been avoiding writing. (shrugs) I greatly appreciate it that you still read! Hope this wait was worth it! Enjoy! Think I'll be definitely raising the rating. Tell me what you think. Should I keep it T or make it M? So… Anyway! Here's chapter five. Thanks, all:3

Chapter Five

"I am pretty…" Sparkle whispered to herself adjusting her squiggly pigtails in her lavender ties with a small frown. " I AM PRETTY!"

"Sparkle, like, what the Hell? I'm trying to sleep." The groan came from a neighboring cell.

"You only wish you could be hot like me."

"If you're so much sexier than me, how do I totally have a boyham and you like, not?" Sandy snorted.

"Err… Well, I just…" the tan and cream Ham thought for a second. "I don't like that kind of commitment. I have more fun this way." She stuck out her tongue at her genius lie.

"Riiight." Skeptical eyes narrowed at Sparkle for the other side of the iron bars. A small laugh left Sandy.

"Yeah. And hey, that "boyham" of yours hasn't even given it to you yet. What's that tell you?

"That he's so not a pig and like, totally doesn't think I'm a piece of meat."

"Tch. All guys are pigs, Sandra. Yours is probably gay."

Sandy gasped and reached her paw through the bars of their cells to pull Sparkle's fur, dragging her close to whispering range and asked in more of a whimper than the expected- judged by her expression- snarl: "You think?"

Sparkle grinned.

"Maybe."

"… What-ever!" Bonk!

"Ow, you little bitch!"

"Hah," Sandy sneered as she retreated to her bunk, Bijou still sleeping soundly.

"Well, I bet I'll get laid before you do here!"

Sandy boisterously scoffed. Who would want to do that in prison?

"K." She did. Just a bit.

-.-.-.

The girl tiger-striped Ham-ham approached her twin with a cupcake after lunch, smiling robotically.

"Oh, sweet and caring brother of mine…"

Stan raised a brow.

"What's up with you, sis?"

"I like, need a favor from you."

"Whatever it is, no."

"Uh!" But, Stanley! I brought you a treat!"

Her sibling snatched the cupcake out of her paws graciously and bit into it as he began to walk away.

"Hey, thanks!"

"Stanley!" the girl whined.

"What?" Stan whined back.

"I need you to give me that condom that one guy threw to you!"

"WHAT?!"

Sandy smiled bashfully.

"Please? For Maxy and me."

"Seriously? He's gonna do it with you? Damn! And this whole time I always thought you were just a cover!"

His sister sweat dropped.

"I so don't know for sure, but… Can I have it? … Pretty please?"

"Hell no! Who knows when I'm gonna need it? There are plenty of chicks to bang here! Plus, I might need it for a favor or if someone goes after me again!" Stan protested, pointing to his black eye.

Sandy pouted. "I'll do whatever you want for two weeks!"

Stan still shook his head. "Uh-uh. Sorry. Not gonna happen."

"Fine. Be selfish." She started to huff off. Turning around, she yelled, "You totally owe me a cupcake, jerk!"

"Have fun making me an uncle!"

-.-.-.

"So… You're not going to screw me?" Sadness covered her voice mixed in with some anger.

"No man! I don't fuck guys!"

"I'm a lady, for your information!" Sparkle barked. "You don't deserve me anyway! Hmph!"

The tactic of being overly forward didn't work. Puzzling over it, the ham-girl trudged down the corridors during free time. What now? That was the seventh guy she'd tried it on. Perhaps word got out that she was a slut. Heh. Wasn't that far off, Sparkle giggles to herself. Then it hit her. Literally. Someone accidentally splashed her with water as she passed the showers, causing her to yelp in surprise and disgust.

"You lousy bast-" Her fuming ceased as an idea popped in her head.

'Don't drop the soap!'

She got her things and practically ran into one of the showers, waiting for a few minutes before conveniently squeezing the soap out of her paws. Slowly, she bent over, peering between her legs as numerous others went by and stayed like that for a while more.

Nothing.

She attempted dropping it again and received no attention at all as still more strolled past. Grumbling, she kept at her efforts until her skin had began to look like a prune under her overly-matted fur.

Maybe it was just the wrong crowd that day.

-.-.-.

There was definitely a 'crowd' where Oxnard was, though.

Everybody seemed to be like hawks at this hour in the shower facility. The chubby, gray and white patterned hamster trembled as he stepped in after a long day's worth of license plate stamping. He still sweated despite the cold water from nervousness, glancing around skittishly.

'N-nothing's g-g-gonna happen t-to y-y-you, Oxy.' He told himself and started to wash.

Feeling eyes on him, his grooming was sped up and he frantically scrubbed his body to get out of there.

"Ugh… ugh…" Oxnard panted in fear. Just as he got to his back was when it happened. With eye very wide and filled with dread, heart sinking in doom, he watched the white bar fall through the air, hitting the wet floor.

Debating started in his head. Should he just leave it? They wouldn't give him another one until the end of the month! Should he try to retrieve it? That seemed to be the only option…

Oxnard gulped, staring over his shoulder for a minute or two and when he felt safe enough, took the plunge.

He went to get his soap, but got a little something else with it.

-.-.-.

Needle ready, the short Ham next to a hardly shaking Dexter looked down and gruffly asked,

"Whaddaya want put?"

Without any required thought, he replied, with a sudden loss of breath and huge grin,

"Pashmina…"

"Tell me when."

"Now."

"Spell it for me. P…"

Dexter clenched his teeth and slammed his eyes shut, muffling his groans of pain in the makeshift tattoo parlor. "A."

It felt as if the man had stabbed the letter on.

"Okay…"

"Err S…" The needle stung its way through his arm. "AH! Aie!"

"Got it."

"H… Yowiiie!" He wrapped his paw around the chair's arm, grabbing it tightly.

"Mmhm."

"M-I-N-A! AHHHH! God, save me! Owww! Make it stop! Make it stop!!! The paiiin!"

His carrying on had reached all the way across the ward and one guard turned to the other next to him, alarmed.

"Lieutenant! I think one of the female inmates is giving birth!"