Chris Colfer is a Professional: Chapter Two

That evening Chris heard a knock on his door and opened it to reveal Darren, punctual and grinning widely as usual. Darren was holding a large box, that appeared to be stuffed with several boxes of noodles, bags of cheese, rows of spices—and was the Cinderella's face?

"Hi!" said Darren, beaming. "I brought the goods!"

"You—what? What's up with the box?" Chris asked, flabbergasted.

Darren walked into Chris's living room, kicking the door closed behind him. He slid his shoes off and turned to look at Chris. "Well I thought that instead of getting take-out like we usually do, we could have a little bit of fun. So you're going to help me help me cook!" Darren grinned again. Chris, however, was not smiling.

"Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Darren… I can't cook."

Darren laughed. "Oh come on, of course you can! Didn't you watch Ratatouille? Everyone can cook!"

"Okay first of all, I, unlike you, do not take advice from children's movies seriously. And second of all, I mean it. If you don't want to burn down the entire building, I suggest leaving me out of this fun little plan of yours."

Darren just laughed again, louder. "Come on, it'll be fine. Where can I put this stuff?"

Chris and Darren walked into the kitchen and Darren set the box down on the kitchen counter. Chris sifted through the box, gawking at the sheer variety of spices, cheeses, and cooking utensils. Chris gingerly picked up a purple fleece blanket with the smiling faces of Cinderella, Belle, Ariel, Mulan, and Jasmine on it. "Darren… Why do you have a Disney princess blanket? And a well-loved one, at that…"

"High school graduation present! Man, that thing got me through college! But that's for later," Darren added, snatching the blanket from Chris's hands and walking into the living room to put it on the couch. "I've planned a special movie for us tonight."

"Oh lord," groaned Chris. "Why can't we just be normal for a change and watch Transformers or something?"

Darren chuckled, walking back into the kitchen. "Chris when has being normal ever been fun? Now come on, let's get cooking!"

Chris groaned again. "I'm telling you, this will end up badly."

"I stubbornly refuse to believe you! I'll even give you the easy part. Do you think you can handle stirring noodles and water?"

"Over the stove?"

"Well yes, Chris, that is how noodles get cooked." Darren smirked.

Chris's eyes got big and he shook his head. "Darren, I really don't think this is a good idea. Stoves and my clumsiness really don't mix well."

Darren's smile grew bigger. "I assure you, it will be alright. Just roll your sleeves up and use a wooden spoon to stir."

Chris huffed. "Fine. You're so stubborn. What are we making?"

Darren grinned, pleased. "Fettuccine alfredo! It's my top secret recipe. I spent my entire senior year in high school perfecting the recipe."

"You would be a good cook," Chris muttered darkly.

Darren pulled a black pot out of the box, walked over the sink, and began filling the pot with water. "Okay, what you've gotta do is really simple. I'll put the noodles in and everything. All you have to do is stir." He walked over to the stove and turned the knob. A blue flame flickered out of the stove. "Oh, awesome! You have gas!"

"Umm…?"

"Oh, gas-powered stove. They're a lot better for cooking because you can adjust the temperature at will." He walked back over to the sink, pulled the pot out from under the faucet, and turned the water off. "I'm just going to let the water start boiling, and then we can get started!"

Ten minutes later the pot's lid began to rattle, indicating that the water had begun to boil. "Oh god," groaned Chris. "This is going to be bad."

Darren laughed. "Relax, Chris." He walked over to the stove and opened a box of noodles, pouring them into the hot water. "Okay, grab a wooden spoon from the box and get over here."

Chris looked into the box. Spices and cheese were stacked on top of each other menacingly. He managed to find a utensil that was both wooden and also a spoon. He picked it up and walked back over to Darren. "Does this work?"

"Perfect. Alright now all you're going to do is stir. That's all. You just have to keep the noodles from clumping up. I hate clumpy pasta."

"I really think clumpy pasta is better than catching the kitchen on fire," muttered Chris, accepting the spoon from Darren and poking gingerly at the noodles.

Darren laughed and patted Chris on the shoulder. "You'll be fine. I'm going to start making the sauce, but I'll be right here if you encounter any problems while you're, err, stirring."

Chris stirred silently for a few minutes before opening his mouth again to say, "You know, I really suck at cooking. I bet the noodles are going to taste disgusting."

Darren looked up from where he was shredding some cheese. "Just channel your inner Kurt, Chris! Kurt's a marvelous cook!"

Chris turned to eye Darren. "I don't know if you've noticed from our choices of wardrobe, Darren, but Kurt and I are nothing alike. It's called acting. But you wouldn't know that because you and Blaine are practically the same person.

Darren snorted and began putting the cheese into a bowl. "Oh, come on. You guys have some similarities."

"Such as?"

"Well… You're both into music. And you're stubborn and always get your way."

"Hence the reason why I'm stuck in front of a hot stove, stirring noodles," muttered Chris.

"And you're both utterly infatuated by me," Darren said, grinning.

Chris scoffed. "Oh please. At least I'm not infatuated with myself."

Darren chuckled again. "I'm infatuated with myself?"

"You and Blaine both." He turned to look back down at the noodles, stirring in a steady, counterclockwise motion. "And then you're both such attention hogs. And you're both obsessed with touching my shoulders."

Darren laughed and suddenly Chris felt Darren right behind him, breathing softly on his neck. With Chris still wearing shoes and Darren in only a pair of artistically-decorated socks, Chris stood a good four inches taller than Darren. Darren stood on his tiptoes and slid his arms underneath Chris's arms, up and around his shoulders until he was pressed up against Chris's back, his chin resting on Chris's left shoulder and his breath tickling Chris's ear. "Well you do have very sexy shoulders," Darren whispered.

Chris shuddered and his hand shook, causing some of the boiling water to splash out of the pot. "Jesus, Darren. Warn a guy before you sneak up on them, will you?"

Darren laughed and moved away from Chris, crossing the kitchen to grab a towel. He threw the towel at Chris. "Catch."

Chris caught the towel and began to wipe up the spilled water. "But really," he said. "You and Blaine have much more in common than—"

"Chris watch out!" Darren yelled. But it was too late. One edge of the towel had slipped into the gas flame of the stove, causing it to catch on fire.

"Oh my god, shit shit shit!" Chris yelled, dropping the towel. "Shit, Darren! What do I do?"

Darren roared with laughter. "Oh my god. Chris. I cannot believe you managed to catch a towel on fire while stirring noodles!"

The towel was now entirely on fire, left alone to blaze on the counter and threatening to wreak even more havoc. "Don't laugh!" cried Chris. "There is a towel on fire in my kitchen! Help!"

Darren laughed again. "Alright, alright!" He strode over to the sink and yanked the nozzle of the faucet out of its holder. He turned the water on and sprayed the flaming towel with water, effectively dousing the towel and putting the fire out. He slumped back against the counter, head back and shaking with laughter.

"It's not funny," scowled Chris. Darren nodded towards the charred towel, giving it a pointed, appraising look, and Chris sniggered. "Alright, it's actually pretty hilarious." And he joined Darren in his laughter.

"Ahh, wowww." Darren said, laughter subsiding. "I guess you are a pretty horrible cook!"

Chris laughed again. "Don't say I didn't warn you. At least the noodles survived?"

"Oh right! They're probably almost ready. He peaked into the pot, stirring a little. Then he grabbed an oven mitt and carried the pot over to the sink to pour the water out. "Looks like you did a good job, despite the ruined towel. And what's a little fire when we have great noodles?"

Chris grinned. "Wonderful. What next?"

"Well," said Darren slowly. "I think I'm going to make the sauce myself… No offense." Chris laughed. "But you can find us some bowls."

Chris looked through the kitchen cabinets while Darren busied himself with the sauce. "Umm, Darren? I think I only have this." He held up a large, plastic bowl.

Darren looked up from the sauce. "That's fine. We can share."

Chris gawked at him. "Share a bowl? Gross. I don't want your germs."

Darren laughed. "Come on, Chris. It's not as if we don't swap saliva every day on set anyway. It won't be a big deal. And we're almost ready. Here, taste this." He held up a spoonful of sauce to Chris's mouth.

"Oh my god, that's delicious," said Chris.

Darren beamed. "Yep. I know it is. Okay put the noodles in the bowl, and then we can just pour all of the sauce over it."

Chris complied, and soon they were headed into the living room, Darren carrying the big bowl of fettuccine alfredo.

"So what movie have you planned for us to watch, Mr. Criss?" asked Chris with mock politeness.

"Mulan!" exclaimed Darren. "Best. Movie. Ever."

"You are such a kid!" laughed Chris, sitting down on the couch. "I should have known when I saw the blanket."

Darren laughed and fumbled with the DVD player before plopping down on the couch next to Chris, bowl of pasta in hand. "Yep, I'm just an overgrown kid. Brr, I'm cold," he added, scooting closer to Chris and snuggling into him. Darren put the bowl of pasta in Chris's hands and then pulled the purple Disney princess blanket over both of them. He cuddled even closer to Chris, head resting on the inside of Chris's shoulder.

Chris looked at the Disney movie playing, at the man snuggled close into his body, at the purple Disney princess blanket on his lap, and then at the bowl of home-made pasta he was about to eat with the man cuddling with him. He couldn't suppress his laughter. "Darren, you do realize this is about the gayest thing I've ever done. And I'm gay!"

Darren laughed softly and nudged his head into the crook between Chris's shoulder and neck, breathing in Chris's scent. "Mmm, yes, but you love it."

Chris smiled and sighed into Darren, putting an arm around Darren's waist. Yes, yes he did love it.

It was still dark, but there was sound coming from Chris's bathroom. Chris sat up slowly, running a hand over his face. God, what's that noise? It sounded like someone was talking, or crying. Is that moaning?

Chris climbed off the couch and swayed a little when he stood up, still half-asleep. He yawned and then remembered why he had stood up in the first place. The noise. He walked slowly to the bathroom, almost scared to discover what the noise was. There was a light coming from the bathroom, and the door was just barely open. Nervously, Chris pushed the door open a tad more and peered inside.

And then he froze. He lost the ability to think. His mouth hung open and he was pretty sure he had just emitted some kind of primitive, carnal grunt.

Because Darren was standing there, in front of the mirror—it's like there are two Darrens—and his hand was stroking up and down his erection—double boners—and he was moaning and looking at his reflection and his pupils were dilated with lust and—ohmyfuckinggod.

Chris just stood there for a moment, watching Darren. Darren was being rough with himself, pumping his cock up and down with strong, measured movements. His left hand was tangled in his own hair, yanking at the roots and tangling in the curls. His eyes kept fluttering open and closed, staring at his own completely turned-on reflection and then closing again in ecstasy. And the sounds that his mouth was emitting were so incredibly sexy, deep moans and strangled grunts.

Chris had never seen anything so sexy in his entire life. No porn video could ever compare to watching Darren Criss jack off in front of a mirror. There were two gorgeous faces, two ginormous dicks, four muscled hands, and twelve jacked ab muscles. Two mouths contorted with pleasure and two sets of hips bucked forward, desperate for friction.

And Chris had to touch at least one of the Darrens.

He ran into the bathroom and pushed Darren back against the wall, gripping Darren's face with both hands and staring into his lust-filled eyes. Darren stared back and moaned when Chris pushed closer. "You are so. Fucking. Sexy." Chris hissed, and then kissed Darren desperately, instantly demanding entrance into Darren's gorgeous mouth.

Darren responded with equal urgency, thrusting his hips into Chris's and gripping Chris's shoulders tightly. He bit Chris's bottom lip and then licked over it with his tongue. "Touch me, Chris," Darren choked out. "God, I want your hands on me."

Chris pulled back and kissed down Darren's neck. He reached his right hand down and stroked Darren's dick. Chris groaned. "Shit, you're so big Darren." He squeezed hard, earning a moan from Darren. Chris moved his mouth back to Darren's lips, kissing him with such urgency. Chris was so turned on and Darren's cock was so fucking huge and Chris wanted to touch him all fucking day. "God, Darren. Shit. Shit. Oh my God." He moaned and thrust his hips into Darren's, desperate to feel Darren against him. "I need you to touch me, Darren. Please."

Darren kissed him and then pushed Chris's pants down, pulling on Chris's ass and pushing their hips, their stomachs, their cocks, right against each other. Both men moaned at the sensation. Chris rocked his hips into Darren's and moaned Darren's name, over and over again.

"Chris." A distant voice called his name. "Chris, come on. It's okay. Wake up. Chris? Chris, wake up." The voice sounded oddly like Darren's. "I'm right here, Chris. Just wake up, okay? Chris!" Chris heard the voice come closer, and then something—or someone—was shaking his shoulders.

Chris opened his eyes with a start. Oh shit. Shit shit shit. He sat up and looked around him. Darren was sitting next to him, a hand on Chris's shoulder. His eyes were soft and he looked half-concerned, half-amused.

"Hey, there you are. We fell asleep here. Did you have a bad dream?" asked Darren softly.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Darren looked down and then seemed to notice Chris's raging hard-on. Darren grinned sheepishly. "Ah. Oh. I guess you weren't having a bad dream. Umm… I'm sorry I woke you, I just thought that… Err. Well, I was just trying to help, and uh… You sounded like you were in pain and uh… Fuck, I guess it wasn't exactly pain… Umm… Err—"

"No, uh, it's cool," interjected Chris. "Thanks for, uhh… Thanks for waking me."

"Yeah. Umm. You just kept moaning and saying my name and I guess I thought Mulan had been too much for you, I mean it's kind of scary, but uhh… Umm… Yeah. Fuck, Chris. I am so sorry."

Chris squeezed his eyes shut and just managed to suppress the blush threatening to creep onto his face. Shit. I can't believe I was actually moaning his name. "No, Darren… God." He opened his eyes. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't be having those kinds of dreams, especially not… Especially not about you, god. I really am so sorry."

Darren's eyes softened. "Hey. Hey, Chris. Look at me." Chris turned to look into Darren's smoldering eyes. "It's alright. I understand. It's completely okay with me. I'm not freaked out or grossed out or anything. Don't worry about it."

Chris didn't look convinced.

"I mean it, Chris. I don't care what you dreamed about. I don't care if we were screwing like rabbits. It doesn't change anything. You're still my friend, and you always will be. Okay?"

Chris sighed. "Yeah, I know. It's just… god… I don't even know."

"What, Chris? You can tell me. I won't laugh or make fun of you. I promise."

Chris sighed again, looking down at his hands. He looked back at Darren, who was looking at him with such kindness and compassion. You can tell him. He deserves to know. "God, I never intended to tell you this…" He paused.

"What is it, Chris?" Darren put his hand over Chris's and rubbed soothingly.

Chris swallowed and looked down at where Darren was rubbing his hand. "Okay… God… Do you remember last September, when we first met? Remember how Heather had told you to tell me that you played nine instruments?" Darren nodded. "Well… Shit." He exhaled heavily and then continued. "Okay. So a few weeks before that, me, Heather, Dianna, Lea, and Amber made pizza and watched a movie together. And somehow, I don't even remember how, but somehow we got onto the subject of me and guys. They made me… They made me come up with a list of sorts, about what I wanted in a guy. It was really dumb, but they made me do it. And god…" He looked up at Darren and then away at the TV, glowing blue because they had forgotten to turn it off after Mulan. "I'm just going to tell you. Tell you what was on my list. Because—"

"Shh, no, Chris, you don't have to. You don't have to tell me." Darren's voice was so soft and filled with such love and compassion and kindness. It made Chris's heart ache a little.

"No, I—" Chris's voice cracked. "I'm going to." He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He took a deep breath, bracing himself. "Two inches shorter than me. Curly brown hair. Hazel green eyes. Musical. Humanitarian." He opened his and looked quickly at Darren, before turning his gaze away and biting his lip sharply. "I try to… God. I don't… I—you. We work together. And… God, I know you're not even interested at all, so I don't… God, Darren, you just make it so difficult sometimes, and I—" Chris broke off as his voice cracked, eyes shining and body tensing up.

And then Darren was holding him. Darren tugged Chris close to him and held Chris's head on his chest, close to his heart. He leaned down and kissed the top of Chris's head. He wrapped his arms around Chris, and just held him there, rocking slowly and rubbing comforting circles into Chris's side.

Chris couldn't help it. He started crying. Chris wasn't a crier, but he couldn't help it. He let the tears roll softly down as face as Darren rocked him back and forth. His breath came in quick, sharp movements and he buried his face into Darren's chest. He didn't sob, loud and obnoxiously. He simply breathed heavily until the teardrops stopped cascading down his cheeks.

When he had finished crying, Darren held them there a little longer, rocking him slowly and burying his face in Chris's hair. "Chris, I want you to listen to me," Darren spoke softly, barely above a whisper, and so tenderly. "You mean the world to me, and I never want to hurt you. So I'm going to be honest with you now, and you're going to listen to me and believe me, because everything I'm about to say is true. You are beautiful, and I love you. There really are no words powerful enough to convey the magnitude of my feelings for you."

He paused, running his hands up and down Chris's side. "I think you are so talented and so compassionate. You are utterly amazing, and you're too humble to know how fabulous you truly are. Not a day goes by that you don't astonish and amaze me, Chris. And Chris… You have no idea how many times I have wished that I could be gay."

Chris breathed in sharply and Darren squeezed him soothingly. "You have no idea… Fuck, I wish it were as simple as just choosing what you were… Because if it were, I would choose you. I would choose you a thousand times over, Chris. But it's not that simple. It's so, so complicated. It's confusing and unfair, and fuck. Chris—"

Darren's voice broke, laced with sorrow. "Chris, I love you. You have to believe me when I say that. But I just… Fuck. I wish I wasn't straight, you know that?" He laughed harshly, humorously. "I act less straight than any guy in the world, but my fucked up hormones are just screwing with me… And sometimes, you know, sometimes I think that maybe I'm not straight. Like our kiss yesterday. Fuck, Chris."

He blew out slowly. "Because it's so hard for me to separate myself from Blaine. I feel like him, sometimes. I feel how he would feel, and I wish it weren't so fucking confusing and fucked up and I wish I could fall in love with you, Chris, as more than just the best friend I've ever had… Fuck, now I'm crying."

Darren laughed a little, too throaty to come off as amused. He lifted a hand away from Chris to wipe angrily at the tears in his eyes. Chris sat up, moving off of Darren's chest, and Darren immediately missed the warmth. "Fuck, Chris," Darren croaked. "You have no idea how sorry I am. Sorry for everything. Sorry I can't control everything and make it perfect. But I swear to you, Chris," he added, voice low and serious. "I swear that I will find the perfect man for you. I'll search the entire globe if I have to, but I'll get you someone who you deserve. And if that bastard ever hurts you, Chris, I swear I'll kill them."

Chris smiled a little and looked right into Darren's eyes. "Well shit, Darren. I thought the point of that speech was to make me not fall in love with you."

Darren chuckled slightly and then said, "Come here." Darren hugged Chris tightly and Chris hugged back.

"Thank you, Darren," murmured Chris. "I wish I could formulate a better response, but you've sort of rendered me incapable of speech."

"You don't ever have to thank me. For anything." Darren's voice was low and gravelly.

Chris smiled. "Well you know," Chris added slyly as the broke apart from the hug. "You wouldn't have to do much to make the change from being straight to being gay."

Darren raised an eyebrow, smile quirked on his lips.

"You own a Disney princess blanket, Darren. Even I'm not that gay. And if you're worried about sex, assholes and vaginas are basically the same thing. One has crap come out of it and the other has babies come out of it." Chris shrugged, a grin overtaking his face. "Same thing."

Darren barked out a laugh. "I'll keep that in mind. Now let's get some sleep so you don't have to drink unhealthy amounts of caffeine tomorrow."

"Diet coke is delicious, and I will drink however much I want to."

Darren grinned. "Yeah, but I don't want to have to drag a half-asleep Chris Colfer to the set tomorrow morning."

Chris snorted and then picked up the remote to turn off the TV and leaned across the couch to turn the lamp off. Darren curled next to Chris on the couch, wrapping the Disney princess blanket around them both. Sighing contentedly, they drifted off into dreamland.

Author's Note:

So I decided to continue this. Obviously. I still really have no idea where I'm going with this, but if ideas continue to pop into my head, I'll keep updating!

I want to thank everyone who read and/ or reviewed the first chapter! And to everyone who read/ reviewed "Chris Colfer's Dream Guy," as well! Every review meant so much to me. I never expected to much positive response! Thank you all so very much! I tried to respond to every review, but if you left an anonymous review or I didn't get to you for some reason, that doesn't mean I love you any less! Sincere and heartfelt thanks to everyone.

Also, if you haven't read my other story, "Chris Colfer's Dream Guy," it is mentioned in this chapter. It basically depicts the pizza-making party Chris tells Darren about, and goes into more detail about Chris's ideal man. Ahahaha sounds sort of lame, yes. But I like to think it's not so bad? Try it? You might like it. Possibly.

I also apologize for the emotional roller coaster during this chapter… I hope you didn't get like, whiplash or something from so many abrupt changes. When I reread this, I felt like I was laughing my head of and then d'awwing and then turned on and then sobbing and d'awwing again and then laughing again… It was tiresome. But all in all I like how it turned out. I'm only mad because I had this great short joke planned about Darren, but it wouldn't fit anywhere. Meh. Maybe later.

ANYWAY. Excuse this extremely long author's note. Props to you if you read it all. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading :)