Chris Colfer is a Professional: Chapter Four
The next morning Darren and Chris ate breakfast together and hurried down to the set, Chris for once almost as awake as Darren, albeit only due to his frantic fanboyishness. Walking down the pretty, tree-lined walkway to the main part of the set, Chris was making Darren's Harry Potter obsession seem small compared to how much he was freaking out at the prospect of meeting Julie Andrews.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," Chris muttered repeatedly. "I can't believe Julie Andrews is within a quarter mile of us at this very moment. Oh my god, Darren. Oh my god."
Darren laughed and squeezed Chris's shoulders reassuringly. "Relax, Chris. She'll love you. You're a wonderful, kind, beautiful young man and you and Julie Andrews will get along like two peas in a pod. I am sure of it."
Chris didn't look convinced. Instead his breathing sped up and his eyes looked even more frantic. "Oh my god I'm meeting Julie Andrews. I'm meeting Julie Andrews, oh my god oh my god oh my god."
Darren laughed again and gave Chris an adoring pat on the head. "Chris, I'm serious. Everyone you meet loves you. Obama loved you, Oprah loved you, Ellen loved you, Anne Hathaway loved you, and now Julie Andrews is going to love you too."
Chris glanced over at Darren with frantic, wide eyes. "Hold my hand, Darren," he whispered in a rush. "Please just squeeze my hand."
Darren smiled and grabbed Chris's left hand with his right. He squeezed gently and rubbed his thumb across the inside of Chris's wrist. "Shh, Chris, it'll be okay. I promise."
"And if it's not okay?" Chris gasped out.
"If it's not okay, I'll…" Darren paused. "I don't know. You choose. I'll do whatever you want."
Chris squeezed his eyes shut and slowed his pace. "Can I save a wish? Like if it's not okay, then at some future time I get to make you do whatever I want?"
Darren laughed loudly. "Sure, Chris. If everything doesn't end up alright, you can make me do whatever you want at whatever time you choose." He laughed and then added in a funny accent, "Your wish is my command."
"Right," said Chris, eyes still closed. "Right. Okay. I'm meeting Julie Andrews." He exhaled sharply. "Oh my god, Darren, oh my god oh my god."
Darren squeezed his hand again. "Chris, you'll be fine," he murmured. "More than fine. You'll be wonderful. You are wonderful."
Chris stopped walking altogether and his eyes snapped open. He stared straight ahead, eyes frantic and wide again, and then said, "I can't do this. Oh my god, Darren, I can't do this. I'm going back home." He turned around and tried to walk back down the path, but Darren stopped him.
"No you don't," said Darren through gritted teeth, holding Chris's shoulders to keep him in place. "Come on, Chris, you're going to be okay."
Chris's eyes widened even more and he gave Darren a desperate, pleading look. "Don't make me do this, Darren. I can't do this. Please don't make me do this. Oh my god, I'm going to die, I'm going to have a heart attack and—"
"Oh my god, Chris," said Darren. He looked around quickly and then grabbed Chris by the hand, pulling him into a shaded alcove where props were stored. He pushed Chris into the corner and used both hands to push Chris's shoulder blades firmly back against the cool, stone wall. "Chris, look at me." Chris did so. "You are amazing. You are wonderful. Julie Andrews is going to adore you."
"But—" Chris began.
"Oh my god, Chris," Darren muttered, cutting Chris off. Then Darren pushed Chris back even harder into the wall and kissed Chris, firmly and forcefully on the mouth. Chris tried to make a gasping noise, but Darren just stepped in closer to Chris, moving his lips against Chris's.
When Darren finally broke the kiss, Chris gave Darren the widest-eyed look of the day. "What the hell was that for, Darren?" he spluttered.
"Now I've shocked you," Darren said firmly. "So Julie Andrews no longer can."
"But," Chris said, spluttering again. "We kiss all the time—"
Darren rolled his eyes and then said in a half-annoyed, half-amused voice, "You know, Chris, fuck this." And then Darren shoved Chris back against the wall and attacked his lips again, licking impatiently at Chris's mouth and pushing firmly against his lips. Chris gasped and Darren slipped his tongue into Chris's mouth, forceful and possessive. Chris was still in shock, unable to even kiss Darren back, when Darren's hand suddenly moved below Chris's waistline. Darren's hand brushed across Chris's waistline and then he squeezed Chris's cock, already half-hard.
Chris yelped and pushed Darren away, panting and giving Darren a shocked, almost angry look. "What the fuck, Darren?" he exclaimed.
Darren grinned smugly and took a step back, moving away from Chris. He shrugged. "Are you ready to meet Julie Andrews now?"
Chris glared at Darren. "You are such an arrogant bastard," he muttered darkly.
Darren chuckled and held out a hand. "Come on, let's go."
"I hate you," said Chris, scowling.
Darren laughed and stared pointedly at Chris's crotch. "Yeah, uh, sure looks like you hate me, Chris."
Chris scowled even more. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Why did you think this would help?"
"Oh!" Darren exclaimed. "Here, I can help with that too." He fished his phone out of his back pocket and then fiddled with it for a few seconds before saying, "Aha!" and showing Chris the screen.
Chris gawked at the screen and looked away, horrified. "Why do you have that on your phone?" he cried.
Darren laughed and put his phone back in his pocket. "Chord texted that to me a couple nights ago… He thought I would think it was hot? But personally I'm not into the whole nipple—"
"Okay, let's go," Chris said quickly, cutting Darren off and dragging him by the hand out of the alcove.
Darren laughed again and followed Chris back out and onto the path, smiling widely. "Yeah, let's do this thing," he added triumphantly. "Let's go meet Julie Andreewwwwws."
Chris didn't seem to take any notice of Darren, dropping his hand and trudging onward in a fast, methodical march. Darren was soon several feet behind Chris and he had to run to keep up.
"Hey, whoa, wait up," said Darren, laughing and jogging to keep up with Chris.
Chris ignored him and marched onward.
"I've got short legs, I can't walk as fast as you!" Darren cried.
Chris snorted. "Sorry, shortie, but I'm meeting Julie Andrews."
"Damn right you are," said Darren, laughing when he finally caught up with Chris. He tried to grab Chris's hand, but Chris swatted it away, eyes set straight ahead.
They reached a set of double doors that led to an inside portion of the Glee set and the producers' offices. Chris pushed one of the doors open and hit the inside wall with a bang. Darren laughed and waltzed inside the air-conditioned building behind Chris. Chris turned sharply and started walking towards a set of stairs when Ian Brennan's voice stopped them.
"Chris! Darren!" Ian called. "I've been looking for you! I think I have someone you'd like to meet!"
Darren saw Chris turn, eyes wide again and confidence gone, replaced by adoration. "Is it—" he began to ask, voice high with nerves.
Julie Andrews stepped out from behind a corner, smiling warmly and with arms held out. "Hello, boys," she said in a kind, welcoming voice.
"Oh my god," Chris squeaked. "You're Julie Andrews." He started to walk towards her, but then he tripped over his own feet and fell down the flight stairs next to him, tumbling down all thirty stairs until he landed in a heap at the very bottom.
"Chris!" Darren cried, running down the stairs and rushing to Chris's side. "Chris, are you okay?"
"Ow," Chris said quietly, rubbing his left arm. And then he passed out.
There was a bright light shining in Chris's eyes, and his arm felt funny. Voices were murmuring quietly around him and the air had an odd, overly-clean smell. He opened his eyes slowly. There was a man in a long white coat and two women wearing shirts patterned with Disney characters. Ian and Brad stood in a corner, huddled together next to a large, bright window. Heather and Naya were also there, standing close together and looking at Chris with concern in their eyes. Even Julie Andrews was there, in front of the window, glancing at Chris with a sad, amused sort of smile on her beautiful face. Someone was holding his hand. Not the hand the felt funny, but the other hand. His right hand. He turned his head to see who it was. Darren.
"Hey," Darren whispered croakily. "There you are. How do you feel?"
"Fine," Chris said automatically. "My arm feels kinda funny. My left arm. Where am I?"
"The hospital," responded Darren. "You broke your left arm when you fell down the stairs. You hit your head too, but the doctor doesn't think you have a concussion."
Oh right, thought Chris. I tripped and fell in front of Julie Andrews. "Well this is embarrassing," Chris said, quietly enough so that only Darren would hear.
Darren shrugged. "At least security guards didn't chase you away," he commented, reminding Chris of his Gwyneth incident.
Chris smiled a little and looked around at everyone else in the room.
"My dear," Julie Andrews exclaimed in a sing-songy voice. "My dear boy, I am so sorry." She sat down on Chris's bed, across from Darren, and cupped his face with her hands.
Chris blushed under her gaze. She smells so good, he thought. And her hands are so soft and warm. "Your hands are soft," he said simply.
She smiled at him. "I'm so sorry you took such a spill. How are you feeling?"
Chris shrugged, rumpling the covers. "Alright. I think my pride is more injured than anything else." He shrugged again. "I'm sorry if my clumsiness messed up your day, Ms. Andrews."
Darren and Julie Andrews looked at Chris with similar fond, adoring smiles. Darren squeezed Chris's hand gently. "Not at all, Chris, darling," Julie Andrews said softly. "You're an angel, and I am honored to meet you."
Chris's mouth opened, but no words came out. Darren's smile widened and his eyes seem to melt with love and adoration for Chris. He leaned down to where his mouth was right next to Chris's ear and whispered quietly, "I told you she'd love, Chis, baby." And then, because he was impulsive and could not contain his affection towards Chris, Darren gave Chris a quick, warm kiss on the cheek before sitting up again.
Heather and Naya giggled behind Darren, causing Ian and Brad to look up from their conversation. "You're up," said Brad shortly. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," Chris answered yet again. "My arm feels funny, but I've heard that it's broken so that's no surprise."
"About that," said Brad, stepping forward.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry," said Chris quickly. "I know this really screws up filming, but I don't have to wear a cast, right? And we can ignore the doctor if he makes me." The man in the long white coat coughed and Chris winced. "Err, not that I don't fully respect your judgment…"
Brad laughed. "It's okay, Chris. I think we're just going to invent some sort of accident for Kurt to have where he breaks his arm. And we have a filming break coming up too, so it's not a huge deal."
"Oh okay," Chris said lamely, slumping back down into the pillows. "Is it bad?" he asked, looking at the man in the white coat.
The man shrugged. "You fell down a flight of stairs. It could be much worse. You actually broke your elbow, not your forearm, so you'll need to have a full-arm cast." Chris made a face. "But if you keep it in a sling and do as we say, then you should have the cast off in four weeks." Chris made another face.
"Don't fret, my love," Julie Andrews cooed, patting Chris's cheek. "We're just all so glad that it's nothing more than a broken arm."
Chris smiled at her. "Thank you so much for your kind words," he said softly. He looked back at the doctor. "Do I get to choose the color of my cast?"
The doctor opened his mouth, but Brad cut him off. "You're getting white and then we're hiring someone to do a fancy, Kurt-worthy Sharpie design."
"Oh god," Chris groaned, laughing a little. "Now I can never escape Kurt's wardrobe."
"Now, Chris," the doctor said, clearing his throat. "Your actions will be a bit more limited in the next couple of weeks. You might need someone to help you cook and get dressed and such."
"I'll do it," said Darren without hesitation, smiling down at Chris fondly. Julie Andrews smiled at Darren, her eyes twinkling. Heather and Naya giggled and Brad and Ian exchanged a "they are definitely fucking each other" look. Darren just shrugged though. "I already feed him his every meal. He can't cook at all. He caught a towel on fire trying to stir pasta." Chris scowled and Darren ignored him, continuing gleefully, "The only difference is that now I get to dress him up like my own little baby doll!"
Chris snorted. "You are such a pervert."
"Right," said the doctor, clearing his throat again. "Well if you're ready, Chris, we'll go ahead and put your cast on now."
"Alright," said Chris, shrugging. He looked at Julie Andrews with big, sincere eyes. "It was really nice meeting you, even if the circumstances were rather odd. I look forward to filming with you."
Julie Andrews beamed at him and bent down to kiss his cheek. "You're darling, my love."
Chris stood up and walked gingerly towards the door with the doctor. Heather and Naya waved goodbye to him and Chris blew them both kisses with his right hand.
"No kiss for me?" Darren frowned. "But I love you the most!"
Chris rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Darren," he said with exaggerated emphasis. "You owe me a wish, by the way." Darren gave him a questioning look. Chris pointed to his injured left arm. "I fell down the stairs and broke my elbow. Everything didn't end up alright, so you owe me a wish."
Chris walked out of the room with the doctor, Darren's laughter ringing in his ears.
Author's Note:
So I had a ton of fun writing this in the middle of the night. And this chapter/ scene/ Julia Andrews bonanza is still not done… I was going to add the next/ possibly final part of this sectiony thing to the end of this, BUT I was already at 2500 words and I'm lazy and want to sleep and want to get an update up so YEAH. This was fun. I hope you enjoyed fanboy!Chris as much as I did XD
Oh and fun fact. When I began writing this scene, I still had no idea whether or not Chris or Darren was going to break their arm. I had planned on it being Darren, but then it made so much more sense for it to be Chris and everything progressed from there. Yay late night writing!
Thank you again to all of my wonderful readers/ reviewers! You are all so sweet and I am truly flattered by your comments!
OH and if you haven't watched the video for SOWK yet… GUH. Tuesday's episode is going to be soooooo goooooood. That is all.