Chris Colfer is a Professional: Chapter Five

"Your cast is SO cool!" Darren said, touching the Burberry-esque Sharpie design on Chris's arm as they walked down the hallway in Chris's apartment complex.

Chris laughed. "Yeah, but Kurt's gonna be pissed when he remembers that you can only really get away with wearing Burberry like once a month."

"Eh," Darren shrugged and adjusted the strap on the bag that was slung over his shoulder. "Maybe he won't be so mad when he sees how much Burberry turns Blaine on."

"Oh god," Chris said. "You're probably right! Blaine's such a prep at heart."

"Yeah I know!" Darren exclaimed. They reached Chris's apartment and Darren opened the door for Chris, ushering him in. "The next episode's going to be awesome!"

Chris rolled his eyes and stepped inside the apartment. "So you can put your stuff wherever. My dresser's only half-full, so you can use the empty drawers if you want to. And there are a bunch of empty hangers in the closet, so feel free to use that too."

"Alright, awesome, man," Darren said as he set his bag down next to the front door. "This is going to be so much fun!" Darren did a little dance. "Four weeks together, Chris! I'm so excited!"

"Yeah," Chris said sarcastically, "I'm really excited about having the use of only one arm for a month."

"Aw, hey now," Darren said, poking Chris's side. "I'll make it fun. I promise. And guess what I brought?"

Chris raised his eyebrows, not even offering a guess.

Darren held his breath for a moment, giving Chris the opportunity to guess, but then blurted out, "Chicken noodle soup! It's my grandma's old recipe! You'll heal super quickly with chicken noodle soup!"

Chris laughed and rolled his eyes at Darren. "I broke my arm, Darren." Darren nodded, excitedly. Chris resisted the urge to laugh at him and continued. "I don't have the flu." Darren nodded again. "That means chicken noodle soup won't help."

"I refuse to believe such lies," Darren retorted jokingly. He walked into the kitchen and set a large paper bag labeled "magical soup" on the counter. "My grandma's recipe has magical healing powers. And it's fucking delicious, so you're going to eat it whether you want to or not."

Chris laughed and walked into his bedroom. "Ugh, I feel so gross," he added, stretching his non-broken arm above his head. "I feel like hospital and sick people."

Darren walked back through the apartment to talk to Chris. "Take a shower, man. Get the hospital smell off of you."

Chris blinked. "Umm, Darren?" Chris asked cautiously.

"Yeah?" Darren stepped through the bedroom door, stopping to stand a few feet in front of Chris.

"Well," Chris began, biting his lip. "How exactly do you propose I go about showering?" He eyed his cast pointedly.

A small smile flitted across Darren's face. "Don't worry, I'll help you."

Chris looked up quickly at Darren. "Darren, we can't shower together..."

"Course we can!" Darren responded cheerfully, stepping forward to poke Chris in the side. "You need someone to shampoo your luscious locks and I like a shower buddy." He grinned widely. "It works out perfectly!"

Chris gave Darren a shocked look. "But—" he tried to splutter.

Darren rolled his eyes and laughed. "We can wear swimsuits if you want, Chris. And you think I'm the pervert."

Chris laughed too. "I guess I just never know what to think with you."

Darren shrugged. "I'm crazy but I'm not an asshole. I'll always respect what I think you're comfortable with. And sometimes I may unintentionally push the boundaries."

Chris smirked. "Oh so feeling me up yesterday was unintentional."

Darren chuckled a little. "Well I was just trying to help you overcome your nerves..."

Chris laughed and pointed at his broken left arm. "And look how much good that did me." Darren gave a sheepish smile. "You're impulsive, but that's part of your charm."

Darren smiled sincerely. "That's sweet, Chris. Thank you. Do you want to shower now? We can eat dinner afterwards, if you want."

"Yeah, actually that'd be nice. I feel gross."

Darren nodded. "Do you need help changing or can you manage?"

"Could you just help me get this shirt off? Wearing only button downs for a month is going to kill me." He shook his head darkly.

Darren smiled and stepped closer to Chris, reaching for the top of his shirt. He undid a couple of the buttons and then smiled goofily. "I'm undressing you," he whispered, unable to contain a childish giggle.

Chris raised his eyebrows. "How are you so mature, Darren? Really?"

Darren just smirked and began chanting, "I'm undressing Chri-is, I'm undressing Chri-is" in sing-songy voice.

Chris rolled his eyes. "God help the poor women you choose to have sex with."

Darren laughed and pulled Chris's shirt off, carefully pulling it over the cast. He looked at Chris with wide, puppy eyes that danced with laughter. "Are you sure you don't need help your pants? I'm really good at taking off pants."

Chris snorted. "Your puppy-like attitude can only cover up how much of a perv you are for so long."

"So is that a no?" His eyes drooped, but his mouth twitched towards a smile.

Chris raised his eyebrows again. "Leave. Now." He pushed on Darren's shoulder. Darren pretended to stumble backwards before turning and walking out of the room with a laugh.

Chris shook his head. He pulled open his dresser drawer, looking for his swim suit. He hadn't worn it in months, but he was eventually able to locate it under a pile of underwear and socks. He fumbled with the zipper on his pants. He momentarily thought about calling Darren to ask for help, but then he wriggled his hips and successfully pulled down his pants. A few awkward jumps and hip wriggles later, Chris has managed to put on a pair of light blue swim trunks.

Darren knocked on the bedroom door. "May I come in?" he called.

Chris shut his underwear drawer. "Yep."

Darren opened the door, Minnie Mouse towel slung across his shoulders and Hawaiian-print swim trunks hanging low on his waist. He smiled goofily. "Hi."

"Hi." Chris smiled. "Nice towel. Do you just carry that around everywhere you go?"

"Pretty much. You never know when you'll need Minnie's magical drying powers. I'll go start the shower."

Chris laughed at Darren's retreating figure and looked around the room. He remembered that the doctor had said not to get the cast wet, giving him a cheap-looking plastic bag-like object to cover it up.

Chris followed Darren into the bathroom, plastic bag type object in his hand. "I think this goes over the cast."

"Oh yeah, I think you're right," Darren said, walking over to Chris. He took the bag and put it over Chris's broken arm, wrapping it around a bit awkwardly. The bag drooped down off the cast. Chris laughed. "Err, I'll be right back," Darren said and rushed out of the bathroom.

Darren returned with a roll of duct tape. "Tada!" he exclaimed, waving the roll of duct tape. "Duct tape, the solution to everything."

Chris giggled as Darren clumsily taped the bag to the cast. "That tickles," he said in between laughs.

Darren cocked an eyebrow and lifted his hands, poising to tickle Chris. "No no no!" Chris cried. "No tickling the cripple!"

"You're not technically a cripple," Darren pointed out.

"What if I fell and broke my other arm? Hmm?"

Darren huffed. "You're no fun." He made a pouty face, but Chris just laughed.

Steam had begun to waft out of the shower, enveloping Darren and Chris in warm moisture. "We should probably shower now," Chris said, laughing as he ran his right hand through the steam. He walked towards the shower and pulled the glass door open. He yelped when he stuck his hand under the water. "Jesus, Darren! That water's scorching!"

Darren laughed loudly. "Fuck, sorry Chris! I forgot that not everyone likes to take boiling showers." He stepped into the shower and turned the water down some. After a few seconds he held out a hand to Chris and said, "Alright, should be fine now."

Chris took Darren's hand and gingerly stepped into the shower, sighing as he did so. He stepped under the stream of water and closed his eyes, letting the warm water wash over him. He felt the tension ooze out of his body, the stress of meeting Julie Andrews and the pain of breaking his arm washing down the drain. He could practically hear Darren smiling at him. He opened his eyes and nearly choked on the water running down his face because Darren was just standing there and smiling at him and he was wet and his swim trunks were slipping down his hips and he looked so fucking attractive.

"You look so relaxed," Darren whispered, snapping Chris out of his reverie.

Chris met Darren's eyes and smiled a contented, peaceful smile. "It's nice to be out of the hospital."

A similar smile graced Darren's face. "I'm glad you weren't injured more seriously. You fell a long way."

Chris shrugged. "I'm clumsy. When I was in third grade I had some type of cast on the whole year, because whenever one bone healed I broke another."

Darren laughed softly. "That's pretty bad. Shampoo time?"

Chris nodded. "In the corner."

Darren picked up a red bottle with a green lid and a cartoon fish on the front. "Three-in-one," he read and laughed. "Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash."

"Yeah," Chris shrugged. "I like little kid shampoo. It's cheap and smells like watermelon."

Darren grinned. "So that's why you always smell deliciously watermelon-y." Chris chuckled. "Turn around so I can shampoo you."

Chris stepped out of the stream of water, turning his back to Darren and leaning his head back. Darren moved closer and massaged a dollop of pink shampoo/conditioner/body wash into Chris's hair. He tangled his fingers into Chris's hair and gently rubbed Chris's scalp. Chris let out a breathy sigh and closed his eyes, leaning his head into Darren's hands. "You should be a professional shampooer," he murmured.

Darren chuckled softly and stepped closer to Chris. He took his hands out of Chris's hair and wrapped his arms around Chris's chest, rubbing soap suds up and down Chris's chest and stomach. He placed his feet on either side of Chris's, letting the inside of his legs press against the outside of Chris's legs. He leaned forward, and their bodies were pressed right up against each other, Darren's chest against Chris's back and his head turned so his right cheek could lie against Chris's left shoulder blade.

"What are you doing, Darren?" Chris asked, his voice high and shaky.

"Shh, relax, Chris," Darren whispered, his breath tickling Chris's arm. "I'm loving you."

Chris closed his eyes and let himself relax into Darren's arms, the water gently pelting their feet. They had hugged as Kurt and Blaine before, but it was never this naked or wet and it never felt this way. It felt perfect, being pressed up against Darren in the hot, steamy shower, and Chris had to suppress what would have been a fairly inappropriate moan.

Chris felt Darren's arms tighten and he felt Darren's head move. Darren pressed his lips to the crook in between Chris's neck and shoulder, placing little kisses on Chris's skin. His lips were warm and silky soft against Chris's skin.

Chris tensed. "Darren, please stop." His voice was still high and shaky.

Darren's mouth left Chris's skin and Chris found himself missing the sensation. He pried Darren's arm off of him with his right hands and turned around to face Darren, the water hitting his lower back.

Darren looked at him with wide, confused, almost pained eyes. "I'm sorry," he muttered in a sad, soft voice.

Chris hated Darren for making him feel like he was about to reprimand a small puppy for chasing its tail. He bit his lip. "Darren," he began, his voice back to its normal octave. "I know this is just how you are. I know that you're impulsive and affectionate and touch-feely." He paused. "But I'm not used to this. I mean, I hug the girls and stuff all the time. But never with other guys." He bit his lip again. "I know this is just your adorable way of showing that you love me, but you have to realize what this type of thing does to me." He closed his eyes quickly and then reopened them. "I'm not asking you to stop or to change or anything... I just... I don't know."

Darren's shoulders had slumped a little, but when he spoke his voice was gentle and sincere. "I'm sorry, Chris. I understand. I know this isn't fair to you. You're right, though. I'm impulsive and I'm bad at discerning the lines between affectionate and just creepy." He frowned a little. "But I promise you," he continued. "I promise that I'll always stop whatever I'm doing the moment you ask. I'll never get mad or angry, either, so don't be scared to tell me to stop."

Chris nodded and exhaled shakily. "Okay. Thanks." He offered Darren a small smile. "Rinse my hair?"

Darren smiled a little too, and moved behind Chris as Chris stuck his head under the water. Darren put his hands back in Chris's hair, rinsing the watermelon shampoo out. "But you should know that I'm not like this with other guys," he added. "You're—" he cleared his throat. "You're special."

Chris sighed and closed his eyes, wishing his feelings for Darren would wash down the drain as easily as his watermelon shampoo.

Chris dreamed about Darren again that night. They were in the shower again, but this time Chris didn't tell Darren to stop. Darren had turned Chris around and was kissing him, hot and heavy. The shower water pounded on top of their heads, as they kissed and touched each other under the steady stream of hot water. And then Darren's hands were roaming, they were moving down Chris's body, touching him, feeling his stomach, brushing across his cock. Chris was moaning in his dream, moaning because it felt so good and Darren's hands and his lips were so perfect and the sensations were overwhelming.

But then something was wrong. The door was being flung open with way too much force. In walked bullies from Chris's youth, wielding knives and taught fists. Darren was being pulled away from Chris, yanked away from the bathroom, and they were hurting him. Chris tried to run, but he slipped on the bathroom tiles, his left arm throbbing and heavy. It felt broken. Was his arm broken?

He picked himself up and ran out of the bathroom, yelling and screaming as loudly as he could, but there was no one around to help. They were hurting Darren, they were punching him and making him bleed, and Chris tried to pry them away, but he wasn't strong enough. And his arm hurt so much. Darren was crying, and Chris was crying too, because he couldn't help and it was causing him pain to see Darren, his best friend, the man he loved, in so much pain.

He ran to the door and banged on it with as much force as he could muster. He tried screaming, yelling again, crying out for help, but he knew that no one come help them. No one ever helped Chris fight bullies. His face felt wet from the tears streaming down his face, but he couldn't stop crying.

He felt someone come up behind him and hold his arms together, preventing him from banging on the door. Chris tried to squirm out of their grasp, but they held him tightly, in a vice-like grip, and his arm hurt so much. He yelled again and kicked his feet, but the person behind him only squeezed him tighter.

"Chris," a distant voice called. It sounded like it was coming from the person behind him, the person holding his arms together and keeping him away from the door. "Chris, wake up. It's okay, Chris. I'm right here. I'm okay. You're going to be okay. Come on, Chris, wake up." The voice was talking loudly in his ear, and the arms around him were running up and down his sides, and it would have been comforting if Chris didn't know exactly what was happening to Darren, only feet away from him. He thrashed again, trying to escape the pair of arms around him. "Chris, it's me," the voice said. "It's Darren. I'm fine. I'm right behind you. I'm not hurt. Wake up, Chris."

Chris stilled and he opened his eyes quickly. He immediately became aware of how heavily he was breathing. He was panting and his face was wet and his entire body felt sticky with sweat. The arms around him slackened and Chris spun around.

Darren was there and he was fine and he wasn't hurt. His eyes were shimmering with concern and he trailed a hand up and down Chris's arm. Chris felt his eyes well up with tears, and the heat burned his eyes and made him bite his lip and choke back a sob. Darren wrapped his arms around Chris, pulling him closely into a hug. Darren held Chris as he cried softly, hating himself for crying yet again in front of Darren. Darren murmured sweet, reassuring things into Chris's ear and rocked him slowly back and forth.

"I'm sorry," Chris croaked feebly. He tried to say something else, anything else, but his voice cracked and his throat felt too dry. He realized that he was leaning on Darren and he tried to adjust himself and stand up straighter, but then his knees gave way and he stumbled, falling against Darren.

"Ohh, Chris," Darren murmured, his voice strained with worry. "Let's get you back to bed." Chris attempted to stand up again, but then Darren was lifting him, putting his left arm under Chris's knees and his right arm under Chris's upper back. Darren cradled Chris into his chest. Chris tried to protest, but Darren shushed him, whispering sweetly. "Just wrap your arms around my neck, I'm going to carry you." Chris nodded and linked his hands behind Darren's neck, burying his tear-stained face into Darren's broad chest.

Later Chris would be impressed by how strong Darren must be to be able to carry him so effortlessly. But at the moment he was too tired and too embarrassed to do anything but close his eyes and breathe in Darren's delicious smell as he was carried back to his bed. Darren laid Chris down gently on the bed before getting into the bed as well. He propped one of the pillows against the headboard of the bed and sat back against it. He opened his arms, motioning for Chris to climb into them. Chris was too tired and too ashamed to resist, settling his head back against Darren's chest and sighing into the embrace.

"You sleepwalk," Darren whispered after a few minutes of silence.

Chris nodded and sighed heavily. "Yeah," he finally said. His voice was still rough and crackly. "I haven't in a while. It usually only happens when I'm somewhere new or in pain."

"Does your arm hurt?" Darren asked, voice laced with concern.

"Not too badly," Chris said. "It's just… Sleepwalking accompanied by a nightmare is always the worst."

"I'm sorry you were having a nightmare," Darren murmured, pulling Chris closer to his chest.

Chris's eyes stung again as he remembered the terrible image of Darren being tortured in his dream. "It was about you."

Darren nodded. "I heard. You were…" He squeezed Chris tightly. "You were pretty loud."

"I'm sorry," Chris croaked. "I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm sorry I'm such a baby and you have to do this. And I'm sorry I can't seem to keep you out of my dreams."

"No, shh, Chris, don't say that. You don't ever need to apologize to me." He kissed the top of Chris's head and inhaled. "Don't be sorry for being so endearingly precious."

Chris shifted in Darren's arms, moving so he could look Darren in the eyes. "It was horrible. They were hurting you."

"You don't have to talk about it, Chris. You don't have to tell me. Not if you don't want to."

Chris shook his head. "I couldn't stand it, seeing you in pain. And I tried to help, but—" His voice broke. Darren squeezed him gently, stroking Chris's side soothingly. "The kids who used to pick on me in high school. It was them. The ones who always call me now, trying to remind me of the good times we had." He laughed humorously. "The bastards. But it was okay, when they were just hurting me. But they shouldn't… They aren't allowed to hurt you."

Darren swallowed and let Chris rest his head against his chest again. "I don't know what to say, Chris." His voice was higher than normal. "You never deserved to be picked on. You are so sweet and kind… But you've made it now. And all those bastards know now that they never should have messed with you. They can't bother you anymore, Chris. And if they try, I know a group of twenty plus cast members who all love you and will join me in murdering them." Chris laughed a little and Darren let a small smile flit across his face. "What did I do to deserve someone like you in my life, Chris?" His voice broke and he pulled Chris close to him, burying his face in Chris's hair. "God, I love you so much."

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Darren's arms wrapped securely around Chris as they breathed in each other's scents. "Sleep with me," Chris whispered, breaking the silence. "Please."

"Of course," Darren said, nodding. He sat up off the pillow and laid the pillow flat on the bed. Then he and Chris both adjusted so they could lie down next to each, faces inches apart. It was dark in the room, but they could still make out each other's faces. Darren pulled the covers over them and reached out to lace his fingers with Chris's. He squeezed Chris's hand and smiled.

"I know what my wish is," Chris said slowly. "How you need to repay me for lying about everything being alright."

Darren smiled sweetly. "Hmm? What's that?"

"I want you to move in with me." Chris bit his lip and studied Darren's face. "I mean permanently. Even after I get my cast off."

Darren's face lit up in a wide smile. "Are you serious, Chris? I'd love to!"

Chris smiled widely too. "Yeah, I know you've sort of been moving around for the past, what? Year or so? God has it really only been a year?"

Darren laughed. "Yeah, I know. It feels like much longer than that. I can't imagine life without you anymore."

Chris's smile grew even bigger, stretching across his cheeks that were still a little wet from crying. "So you'll live with me?"

Darren nodded eagerly, rumpling the pillow under his head. "Of course! Of course of course of course!"

Chris laughed and squeezed the hand Darren had linked with his. "I'm glad." He yawned. "Now let's get some sleep."

Darren laughed sleepily. He scooted closer to Chris and nuzzled his head into Chris's neck. "You smell good," he murmured. "Like watermelon."

"Goodnight, Darren," Chris laughed.

"Mmm, goodnight, Chris."

Author's Note:

So this chapter would have been put up days ago, but a series of unfortunate events kept me away from my computer for most of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I actually wrote the majority of this on my little phone. It was almost humorous. And I had planned to post it this morning, but as I was writing the very last bit, I ran out of time and had to run to the airport to catch a flight. But THEN my flight got delayed like a million hours and I tried to post a preview on Tumblr from my phone, but then that didn't even work and BLAH. ANYWAY. HERE IT IS.

It's long and a lot of things/ plot development ish type things happened, but they were sort of subtle and masked by dialogue, so yeah. I'm not sure how well the entire chapter fits together because I didn't write any of it at one sitting. I wrote like… 300 words at a time XD My only true regret is that I didn't get in this joke I had wanted to include! I was going to have Darren comment on how much bigger Chris's feet were than his while they were in the shower, and then Chris was going to be like "Well you know what they say about big feet…" Oh haha you can all laugh now. Except not. Because it's not actually that funny.

One last thing before I end this exceedingly lengthy author's note. I've changed the titles of this and the last two chapters—originally they were all part of one chapter, just like part one, part two, etc. But that got annoying, so now they're just chapters three, four, and five.

If you read that entire note, I'm impressed. Thank you so much to everyone who read or reviewed this or any of my other stories. I love getting every single review and I cherish them. I really do. So thank you so very very much! I hope this chapter at least made some sense…