A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a couple of outtakes or one shots that are up for bid in the Fandom Gives Back auction, as well as some banners. Unless you feel compelled to buy me, in which case you would own that, and part of me. It's a great cause and there are hundreds of talented artists auctioning off their services. I'd put a link here but I always hate that, so instead I put something on my fanfic blog, and you can find the link for that in my profile. It's easier that way. :D Plus you'll find some other interesting things on my blog. :P Go take a look, see what other authors are there. I'm sure you'll find someone you feel the need to buy, even if it's not me. :D

Thanks to my superbeta MaggieMay14. She's wonderful and helps me so much…thank you for that. And for this - ~oOo~ I like it sooo much. :)

Thanks to Twilight44 & Unchanged Affections for prereading this. They keep me entertained and they spot things everyone else misses. I couldn't do this without them.

And thanks to my girlies - MeowVemulapalli, Risbee, missveritys, and coldplaywhore. I love them. What more could I possibly say to express that? It's true, I love them.

So, since Bella is still out of it, we are finally getting a look into Edward's head. It's interesting, and he's going to have quite the conflict as this story moves along. He's kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I don't envy him in the least. But he's a good guy…I'm not worried.

~oOo~

Chapter 3 – She's Over

Edward POV

I didn't want to go to the party, but I went. Tori had convinced me that it would be fun, one more night out with her work friends before we moved on to start the next chapter of our lives together. The parties were always dull, never anything more than small chit-chat, mediocre food, and a lot of booze. Tori usually let loose a bit at those kinds of things, but I never did. Someone had to get us home in one piece and besides, I was done with my over indulgent days. I'd lived through enabling someone else and I never intended to live that way again. I'd barely survived it when things ended, and I still clung to the hope that someday things would be different—that someday I'd find her and she'd be okay. After having all but given up on ever seeing her again, there she was, and it was nothing like I'd dreamt it would be.

As I pulled Tori from the hotel, rushing out into the brisk night air and thrusting my ticket toward the valet, I sensed her fuming at my side.

"What was that?" she said in a hushed yell, her voice clearly laced with anger, frustration, and hurt.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what to say."

"I know what to say, and it's not good, Edward." She stood silently beside me, still except for the tapping of her very expensive shoe on the pavement. My car pulled up and I felt a sense of relief, I was anxious to get away from this place and get home where things could go back to normal. We were in the middle of packing and I knew the apartment was in a state of madness, but at the moment I felt like my life was even more turned upside down.

The drive home was quiet, aside from Tori huffing and murmuring under her breath. She knew all about my relationship with Izzy and she knew that things would never have worked out, what with the way Izzy was. I knew from looking in her eyes tonight that things were still bad, she wasn't okay yet, and I ached to be able to help her out of her downward spiral. She was still beautiful, the most breathtaking woman I'd ever seen, but as I walked away from her, I knew it was over. Finally, I had confirmation and I actually felt a sense of closure. I would let her go, I would move on with Tori and be happy. I would finally allow myself to have all the things I'd wanted with Iz—they would just have to happen with Tor instead.

Walking into the apartment, I was quiet, letting Tori go ahead of me after I opened the door. She dropped her bag on the entryway table and turned to look at me, her eyes tightening slightly as she shifted uncomfortably. "I'm going to bed. I strongly suggest that you figure this all out tonight so that you can let me know tomorrow exactly what you want for your life. I won't play second fiddle to your past, Edward, I deserve better than that. I know you loved her, and apparently you love her still, but I can't sit by and watch you go through everything all over again. I think I was more than understanding about things, and it hurts me to see you hurt. I can't do it again, I'm sorry."

I thought back over our past several months together, remembering all the things that Tori had endured with me. Every once in a while something would happen, or I would see something, and memories of Izzy would come flooding back to me, sending me into a tailspin. Tori had brought me out of my depression time and time again, always comforting and understanding about what I was dealing with. I loved her for it, and she was a good person, but she wasn't my Izzy. No matter how hard she tried, she never would be. It wasn't her fault, and I made a conscious effort to not compare the two of them, but that was just the truth of the matter. Tori helped me through a lot of things and she deserved to be treated better than that of a second choice, not nearly as a less desirable option that I was stuck with. As I stood looking at her, my resolve strengthened.

"I'm sorry Tor, I don't really know what to say. You know I love you and I appreciate everything you've done for me. She's sick, Tori, and she's never going to be healthy, or good for me. You are the one I want to be with, just you. I'm sorry if my actions tonight hurt you, but it's over, I promise. There is nothing left between Izzy and I. You have nothing to worry about. I know what my future is, and it's you. Don't worry, dear, I know where my heart is." I reached out and touched her cheek, watching as she melted into my hand.

"Thank you, Edward. I know you loved her, I do, but I need you to be with me, and only me, if this is going to work. Please..." Her eyes slowly filled with tears and her lips pursed together. I leaned toward her and softly placed a kiss on her mouth, letting our lips linger together for a few moments before pulling away. I smiled tenderly at her and watched as she turned and walked to the bedroom, leaving me alone.

Once the door was closed behind her, I exhaled, letting out all the strength I had built up in the last couple of hours. As soon as I knew for sure that Tori was sleeping, I locked myself in the bathroom, staring at my face in the mirror. I almost didn't recognize my own reflection. Where there had once been light, a spark in my eyes, there was now blackness. Where there had once been a glow about my skin, there was now just a clammy dullness. Where there had once been a bright smile on my lips, there was now just sadness. The difference between me now, the way I was with Tori, and me then, the way I was with Izzy, was shocking. In all honestly, I wasn't even the same person.

Running my hand over my face, I knew that I needed to talk to someone. I needed someone who could tell me what to do and would listen to my whining. I had always had a good relationship with my parents, but over the past year I had grown so much closer to both of them. They helped me look for Izzy, they helped me talk to people she knew, and I knew that they both scanned crowds for her face every time they were out in public. They supported me and let me lean on them when I felt I didn't have the strength to go on. When Tori came into my life, they were hesitant, worried that I was just trying to fill a void in my heart and my life. Once they were certain that our relationship was about more than that, they were happy and accepted her with open arms. I knew they would always prefer Izzy, which was evident by the way they continued to mention her to me, bringing her up almost every time Tori was not with me.

Glancing at my watch, I saw how late it was, but I knew that my father was working—he would take time to talk to me about things. He would be able to calm me down and help me get a better perspective on things. I couldn't risk Tori hearing the words I needed to say, so I left her a note on the bathroom counter, in case she woke up and looked for me, and grabbed my car keys. I only meant to sit in my car while I spoke to him, but when he didn't answer the first time I called, I decided I needed a distraction until I could call again. There was an all night coffee shop a few blocks from our apartment, and though I knew that having caffeine that late would probably keep me awake all night, I didn't care. I walked in and ordered my usual, sitting in a corner table and watching the people file in and out of the restaurant.

Each person that came in had their own story, and I tried to figure out what it was by the way they spoke, moved, or fidgeted. A couple of young college age girls came in and giggled as they flirted with the young man behind the counter. When one of them spotted me, they all turned, flashing brilliant smiles and obvious winks. I nodded back to them, then opened a magazine that was sitting on the table. After they left, I wondered about Izzy. I wondered if she had ever been that way in college or even before, but I was secure in the knowledge that she hadn't. At least never when she was sober, anyway, and that was the thought that never left my mind. That type of behavior was much more like the way Tori was in school, at least according to what she told me. Izzy was always more reserved, quiet and thoughtful. She never openly flirted with someone, though when she cast her eyes at me, my body ached with anticipation and my soul screamed with desire and lust for her. It had always been that way, from the moment I first saw her standing in my entryway, and it always would. I was sure of that by the way my body reacted to seeing her tonight—it was exactly the same as it used to be.

I pulled out my phone and again dialed my father's number. After a couple of rings, he picked up.

"Edward, hey son. It's late, what's going on?" he asked, concern clear in his voice.

I tried to find the words, but nothing came. My head fell forward, my free hand catching my forehead and keeping it from smacking into the table. Clearing my voice, I tried to speak. "I saw her..."

"What? What are you talking about, you saw who?" I was silent, and in that moment he understood. "You saw Bella?"

"Uh, huh. I don't know what to do, Dad. I thought I was passed this, I thought I was over everything, but I'm not. The worst part is that she's still sick, and I don't even care because I still want her. It took every bit of strength I had to walk away from her, and honestly the only reason I did was because Tori was there, and she deserves better than to see me running off with my ex. And, the fact that some mountain of a man was there with Izzy didn't help things either. He could have beat me into the ground if he'd wanted, so there was that." I hadn't been surprised to find Izzy with someone, but I was surprised by who the man was. I knew of Emmett from Tori. She worked with him a bit and had always said great things about him, her opinion of him being very high. I knew that most likely he didn't know about Izzy's issues, otherwise he wouldn't be putting up with them, and I knew from the look on his face that he didn't know about me.

"Edward, where was she? Did you speak to her?" my father asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Um, I saw her at the cocktail party for Tori's work. She was there with a guy Tori works with. Yeah, I talked to her and she's obviously still using, Dad. I told her I'd help her, but I don't think she wants it. She looked amazing, though." I paused for a moment before continuing. "I kissed her. I told her that I love her. Tori heard that part. Dad, I don't think she remembered what happened with us. She was acting really weird, like she had forgotten things, and then when I told her she had this look on her face, like a light was going on and she could see things again. It worried me."

My father was silent for a few moments. "Well, that's interesting, isn't it? Maybe her mind is protecting itself. If the break up was half as hard on her as it was on you, I can't imagine that she handled it very well, especially on her own."

I knew she was most likely alone, and I wondered if she had every found anyone to be with—anyone that could make her happy. Apparently Emmett was that person, judging by the way he looked at her. I was glad that she had someone to help her, but I was jealous. I wanted to be the one with her. I wanted to be the one who listened to her cry. I wanted to be the one that held her in the night. I wanted to be the one that wrapped my arms around her and made her scream out in ecstasy. I wanted her, everything about her, but I couldn't have her. I knew I couldn't, and I accepted that, but it didn't mean I stopped wanting it.

"Did you ask where she's at? How she's doing? Did you get a phone number or anything?" my father asked.

"No, I didn't think about it and I didn't have time. It wasn't really like that. I mean, we talked and she cried and I told her that I love her and that I want her, and then I left. I'm moving next week, Dad, what am I supposed to do? Ask her to meet me for coffee or something? That's out of the question, I could never do that. I don't have enough self control for that, sitting across from her that way." I rubbed my hand over my forehead, shaking it back and forth as realization swept over me. I wasn't strong enough for this. I had to get out of this city if I ever wanted to move on with my life, and I did. I had Tori and she was good for me, even if she wasn't best for me. Guilt began to wash over me as I thought about her back in our apartment, alone.

"Dad, listen, I need to go. Tori's back at the apartment and I went for a drive to clear my head, plus I didn't want her to overhear what I needed to say. I knew she would be hurt by that, but if she wakes up and I'm not there, she's going to worry."

"Okay Edward, I understand. Listen first, before you go back there, you need to be one hundred and ten percent sure that you're over Bella. It's not fair to Tori for you to continue your life with her if it's all a lie. Be honest with yourself and with her. If there is any question at all about where your feelings lie, you need to be truthful and tell her." I nodded in agreement, though he couldn't see my gesture, and listened as he continued. "You know your mother and I love Tori, we've seen the changes she's brought about in you, but we also know what you felt for Bella. The way you were when you were with her was something I'd never seen in you before, and to be quite honest, haven't seen in you since. You owe it to yourself to make sure it's really over between you two. Please, just make sure that there are no more feelings there. You know I'll support you in whatever decision you make, but you need to be sure."

I knew he was right, and I thanked him for listening to me, for being there when I needed him. The drive home was longer than normal, as I took side streets and drove through parts of town I hadn't seen before. There wasn't much activity or many people around, and I enjoyed the quiet. Turning down one street, I was startled to see flashing lights in front of a large apartment building. I slowed as I drove past and saw the EMT's busily working on someone as they rushed them into an ambulance. There were police cars in the parking lot as well and I wondered what could have happened. From the corner of my eye I saw a car that I knew all too well. I had one just like it, though I could tell by the street light near it that it was a different color than mine had been. I remembered all the times Izzy and I had spent in it, and how it broke my heart to sell it, but the pain was too fresh and raw each time I climbed into it after Izzy left.

I glanced back once more as I continued past and caught a glimpse of the person inside the ambulance, the bright lights of the interior lighting them up, and I was startled by a bit of long, dark hair. My mind immediately ran back to images of Izzy and I wondered where she was, if she was okay. I pulled over and waited as the ambulance left, then watched as three people ran out and jumped into a car, quickly following in the same direction. The man that got into the backseat was tall, and my thoughts turned to Emmett. There was something not right with the scene in front of me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Why did I feel so drawn to this place? Why could I not stop glancing up at the glow coming from an upstairs window? Why did I feel the need to turn my car around and follow them? I was going crazy, that was the only answer. I wasn't being fair to myself or to Tori, and I had to stop things. Now.

Putting the car back in drive, I hurried back to our apartment, determined to make things right with Tori and to reassure her that it was her I wanted. I knew in the back of my mind that it was a lie, but I would do it anyway. My Izzy was never coming back to me and after all this time of waiting and hoping, I had to accept that. It's over, she's over. Maybe if I told myself that phrase enough times, I might actually start to believe it. I highly doubted that would ever happen.

~oOo~

The apartment was quiet and dark, just the way I had left it a couple of hours earlier. My note still sat on the bathroom counter, so I was sure Tori hadn't even noticed I was gone. After grabbing a beer from the kitchen, I sat down on the sofa with my laptop, deciding to look through pictures I had stored there. There were images of Tori and I in Mexico, Aspen, and New York City. We had enjoyed traveling together, even before we became an actual couple. We liked many of the same things, and she was a wonderful listener. I poured out my feelings and emotions to her over the way Izzy had ended things, and she was instrumental in putting me back together again. If not for her unconditional affection and help, even when I tried to push her away, I knew I would be wasting into nothing as I pined over Izzy.

After looking through pictures for well over an hour, I decided to go to bed, that I had my priorities straight and I knew what was really important—Tori. Closing out the photo file, my eyes passed over another folder a little farther down on the screen. Iz was all it said, and my fingers moved the arrow, letting it hover over the little yellow folder. Clicking it opened, I was suddenly overwhelmed with pictures of my Izzy and I, together and happy and everything I no longer was. As I began to go through picture after picture, my mind raced with memories surrounding each image. A rafting trip we took one summer, and a tent that proved to be not nearly as sound proof as we thought it was. A trip to visit her dad for Father's Day the year before he was killed, her smiling face as she lit candles on a pumpkin pie she had made just for him because she knew it was his favorite. A quiet Sunday morning with her tangled up in my bed sheets, her dark hair splayed out across the pillow as she looked hungrily at me. Each moment captured on film, our lives together spread out before me on a glowing screen.

The low battery alert started to flash and I forced myself to close the file, hiding away the girl that would always be my true love. I quickly plugged in the charger and set the laptop down on the desk. I grabbed a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt from the dresser as Tori lay quietly sleeping in our darkened bedroom. Making my way to the bathroom, I was startled at the sound of my cell phone ringing in the kitchen where I had left it. Not wanting to wake Tori, I hurried through the apartment, grabbing it and flipping it opened so that the noise would stop. I hadn't taken the time to check the caller ID, but I was curious as to who would be calling me in the middle of the night. I answered in a hushed voice.

"Hello?"

"Edward, it's Dad. Where are you?" he asked, his voice clipped and in a rush.

"I'm at home, I was just heading to bed, why?"

He paused, and I could sense something off in his voice when he spoke. "I think you may need to come down here to the hospital."

My heart began to beat at an erratic pace, feeling as though it might jump out of my chest. "Why? What's happened? Is Mom okay?"

"Yes, son, she's fine. It's not your mother...it's Bella."

I stood silently as my world ground to a screeching halt. I was unable to speak and I prayed that he would continue, say something. "She was brought in tonight and it's not looking good, Edward. I think you should come down here. Rose and Jacob were here, they'll be back in the morning, and I've called your mother, she's on her way."

"Wait, what? What happened? Why is she there?" I was confused, needing answers and unsure about him saying that things weren't looking good. Had someone hurt her? Or had the substances she was abusing finally caught up with her?

"As far as we can tell, she overdosed tonight. A few of her friends found her and luckily one of them was an EMT, he was able to keep her viable long enough for the ambulance to get there. They got her back, but she's in bad shape, Edward. I think you need to get here quickly."

I ran back to the bedroom, turning off the light in the bathroom and leaving all my things there, unable to find the desire to put them away. My keys were on the entryway table, just where I had left them, and grabbed my shoes, figuring I would put them on when I got to the hospital. I locked the door and hurried to my car, all the while telling my father that I was on my way, that I would meet him in his office and that I was glad he had called.

The hospital was lit up like a beacon in the night, the white walls illuminated by bright lights and neon signs. Pulling into the parking lot, I shoved my feet into my shoes before sprinting into the Emergency entrance. I was familiar with the security guard working the desk and he waved me by, though the look on his face was anything but welcoming. He looked sad, like he was sad for me. That look only pushed me faster as I ran down the halls, finally slowing when I saw my father's office door. I flung it open and was thankful to find him at his desk, my mother sitting in a chair across from it.

She jumped up and grabbed me in her arms. "Oh Edward, I'm so sorry, I didn't want this to be true." I wrapped my arms around her as my eyes locked with my father's.

"Where is she? What's going on?" I asked, desperate for information.

"Sit down, son," he said, and instantly my defenses were up.

"No! I want to see her, don't tell me to sit down. Where is she?" I pushed away from my mother, stepping closer to my father, who was already rounding his desk.

"Please, Edward," he pleaded with me.

"No! Is she dead? Is that it? Is that why I need to sit down?" Looking back and forth between my parents, I wasn't sure what was happening, they both looked so sad and broken. In my heart I feared the worst, that everything was really over and that I'd never get the chance to have my Izzy back with me.

"Edward, no, she's not dead. Just let me explain first, and then I promise I'll take you to see her." My father's voice was calming, soothing, and as he placed his hand on my shoulder, I yielded to his will. We sat on the sofa and he explained the events of the night to me, how Izzy had been found and brought in, how there was a note lying next to her as she lay on her bed clutching my picture, how her friends had been worried about her and that her new friends had no idea what kind of life she was living.

"Son, they know about you now, but they had no idea about any of Bella's past. Emmett, the guy you met this evening, was here with her, and her friend Alice has insisted on staying the night with her. She's a lovely girl, and appears to be a good friend to Bella, though I get the feeling she is a little confused about what to make of you and Bella's relationship." My father looked over to my mother, and she silently moved to sit on my other side. Taking my hand in hers, she picked up where he left off.

"She's sick, Edward. You know that. Whatever she's taken, it's really hurt her. She's not doing well and they've had to put her in a medically induced coma so that her body has a chance to heal. There's no guarantee, Edward." She looked at my father, the glimmer of more information sparking in her eyes, and when my father nodded, she continued. "She left a note, Edward, and apparently it was addressed to you. The police are here, they spoke to your father and to her friend and they are finishing up some paper work, but they copied the note for you. We promised to give it to you, but you need to be sure you're ready to see it."

I nodded, wanting to know what she would have to say to me. After keeping herself hidden away from me for over a year, what could she possibly want to tell me? My father reached across to his desk and lifted a paper that was folded in half. Placing it in my hands, he said, "We'll step outside, give you a minute to read it. When you're done, if you still want to see her, I'll take you to her." My mother rubbed my leg, then moved in to hug me, while my father stood and waited for her to join him.

I sat quietly after they left the room, hesitant about opening the paper. I was dying to know what she had said, but I was fearful as well. Who knew what could have been going through her head as she wrote it, and why would I not want to see her after reading it? My father made it sound as though whatever was written in the note could possibly change my mind and my feelings for Izzy. I took a deep breath and opened the paper, overwhelmed by just the image of her handwriting. It caught me off guard how much I had missed it, and I felt tears begin to sting my eyes as I roughly swallowed back a choking sob that was steadily growing in my throat.

Edward,

I'm so sorry for everything I've done, for all the ways I've hurt you. You were the one true source of happiness to me and I know that my life didn't even begin until I met you.

I'm so sorry that I let things get out of hand. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you weren't enough. I'm sorry that I didn't have the strength to fight harder for us.

Reading over her words, my breath caught and I couldn't hold back the tears that began to run down my cheeks. She was accepting blame for everything that had happened between us. As I reread the apology over and over again, the anger that I had harbored for her for so long started to dissipate and it was replaced by a feeling I was once very familiar with—the urge, the need to protect her. Guilt slowly crept in, for I knew that I hadn't done everything I could have. There were so many mistakes we both made, and this wasn't all her fault, though I could tell from her letter that she thought it was.

You tried to help me, and I will eternally be grateful for that. There are so many things I need to tell you, but I can't bring myself to do it. I heard this song and wanted you to read the words. They are like a mirror into my soul.

Looking over the lyrics she had written down, I realized that they fit me, too. It wasn't just her that had been surprised that evening; I had been completely shocked too. It wasn't just her that held back so many things that needed to be said, I had been doing it too. She hadn't spoken a lot when I'd seen her, not even while I poured my heart out to her in the hallway. The idea that the decision to kill herself had come to her while we spoke, while I proclaimed my undying love for her, struck me. I had seen a change in her face, a determination in her eyes that hadn't been there when we'd danced. I knew it was my words, my pleading that she let me go, that had finally pushed her over the edge, and the thought that I brought about this mess made my stomach turn.

Please forgive me. I tried the best I could; I just can't do it without you. I want you to be happy and I know you could never be if you stayed with me.

You are the one thing I am proud of in my life. The one good thing I ever did. Please love me, always, for I will always love you.

My heart ached for her as I read her final lines to me. I couldn't for the life of me imagine how she thought that I was the only good part of her life; how she thought we could have never been happy together. It made me question her idea of happy, because as far as I was concerned, I'd never been happier than I was when I was with her. I felt comforted by her hopes for me, her admission that she would always love me. I knew my feelings for her would never change, no matter what happened between us, but I wondered how we could go on from this point.

I belong to you, my love.

Izzy

My heart swelled with love for her as my eyes continued to release hot, wet tears. I sat lost in her words and my memories for several minutes before finally deciding that I needed to see her, I needed to see that she was alive and fighting. I carefully folded the paper and tucked it safely away into my pack pocket. As I left the office, my parents were standing in the hallway quietly talking to a nurse. I made my way toward them and when they noticed me, their discussion quickly halted. They all watched me with unsure eyes, curious about what I wanted now. Rubbing my eyes to rid them of any lingering tears, I took a deep breath.

"I need to see her," I said softly, looking to my father.

"Alright, we'll go see her. This is Erin, she's the nurse that's been looking after Bella this evening," he said as he gestured toward the woman he was talking to. "She was just filling me in on how things are going."

"How is she?" I asked, desperate for any information she could give me.

"She's doing as well as can be expected. Right now she's got several organs that are not functioning properly, which is normal in this type of instance. We should know more about her chances in the next twenty four to forty eight hours, and if the organs will be able to recover. Her breathing is good and her heart rate is normal. She also has good brain activity signs, so that's rather hopeful." Erin looked sadly at me before continuing. "I've seen a lot of cases like this, Edward. There's really no certain outcome, anything can happen, but I can tell you this—the people that come in this way? They do better when they have friends and family supporting them. Even if she's unconscious, tests show that she can hear people talking to her. It would be a really good idea for you to spend time with her, if you think you can handle it."

I nodded in agreement, knowing that I would spend every waking moment there with her if it would help her wake up and recover. I needed the chance to clear the air with her. I needed to hear the things she hadn't told me. I needed the opportunity to tell her what she really meant to me. Mostly, I needed to know that she was okay, because whether we ended up together or not, I wanted her to be okay.

My father began walking down the hallway and after a few sets of doors before my eyes were automatically drawn to a window, and I could see her as she lie still in a bed. She was covered with white sheets, making her dark hair stand out. Seated next to her was a rather small woman, and I assumed this to be her friend Alice. I could see a magazine lying open across her lap, but her head was slumped to the side and it looked as though she was sleeping.

"Alice wanted to stay with her; she didn't want Bella to be alone. She fell asleep a bit ago, I have no idea how long she'll be out. She didn't seem to know much about you, though the look on her face gave me the sense that she had at least heard something about you. You may want to steer clear of her and Bella's other friends, at least until you've had a chance to talk with Bella. She was keeping her past a secret for some reason, and I would hate to make things harder for her, especially with what she will be facing if she pulls through the next few days." My mind spun in a million different directions as I finally had to come to grips with the reality that my Izzy might not make it.

"Okay, I'll stay away. So, this Emmett, Izzy was dating him? Are they serious? I mean, it seemed like they were an item when I saw her tonight. Did they say anything about that?" I asked, hopeful for some information about what I was dealing with. I didn't need some overbearing boyfriend having difficulty letting me see his girl.

"Yeah, as far as I could tell they were only dating, though I have no idea how serious it was. He seemed nice, though very distraught over Bella's secrets. I think they were all completely caught off guard by this." My father motioned toward the door. "Go, go see her. I've got some rounds to do, but I'll check back in with you later. I am meeting later tonight with Rose and Alice and the others so that we can come up with a plan as far as Bella's future treatment goes. She will need help, someplace with an in patient program where she can be secluded and get the assistance she needs. If you'd like to be a part of that, I would love to have you there." He placed a supportive hand on my shoulder, giving me a slight smile before turning and walking away from me.

I entered the room, waving to the nurse on call as she checked one of the other patients in the area. I walked to Izzy's bed, looking down at her and noticing how beautiful she was, even as she lay hooked up to a hundred different machines. The sounds that filled the room faded into the background as I focused on Izzy's breathing, the slow and steady breathes that she took in and then forced back out. Glancing over at Alice, I paused to see if she was really asleep, and if I could gauge any idea of how deeply she was sleeping. When I noticed her breathing pattern, my anxiety about being caught eased, and I found myself kneeling next to the bed, reaching up to hold Izzy's hand. Her skin was so dry, not the softness that I remembered. My mind ran with memories of all the things her hands had done to me, for me, with me, and I squeezed her hand a little tighter.

"Iz, it's me. I'm here, Izzy. I don't really know what to say. You totally caught me off guard tonight. I've been searching for you for the past year, and then all of the sudden there you were. I'm sorry I didn't act better. I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything I wanted to. I'm sorry I left you there. This is all my fault, I should have known better, but I was just so surprised. Please believe me, if I could do it over again, I would." I leaned over and placed a kiss on the back of her hand, letting my nose linger on her skin. She still smelled the same and I fought the urge to climb into the bed with her.

"I need you to be okay, Iz. I need you to wake up and talk to me, we need to work all of this out. I need you too much to let you go again, I just didn't see it tonight. I read your note to me, and it kills me that you think everything is your fault. It's not, Iz. I could have stopped it, I could have taken you away from here, I could have chased after you that night when you left, but I didn't. I was so weak and unsure and just in denial. I didn't accept what was really happening in front of me, and I'm so sorry. I promise, if you wake up, we will work everything out. Whatever you want, you can have it. I'm yours, too. I always have been, and I always will be. Just wake up, please. Let me help you, I want to. Please Izzy, I love you so much. Don't leave me."

I knew I was a blubbering mess, but I didn't care. The person that mattered most to me in the world was fighting for her life, and by extension mine. I had a feeling deep within me that if Izzy ever did die, if something truly horrible happened to her, it wouldn't be long until I followed after her. I needed her like I needed air. She needed to pull out of this for not just her, not just her friends, but for me.

I slowly stood, leaning down and placing a soft, but firm kiss on her forehead. As I did, my lips staying on her skin, enjoying the feel of it, I felt something. My hand was being squeezed, and when I looked down, I saw Izzy's fingers pushing into mine. The slight redness of them, the tension in them, showed that she was doing it—she was squeezing my hand back. A smile shot across my face and I looked back to her, marveling at how lovely she really was.

I stayed in her room for over an hour, holding her hand and kissing her face as she continued to tighten her grip on me every so often. Alice was still fast asleep, and it wasn't until she started to stir that I knew I needed to leave. Looking back at my Izzy, I leaned in close to her ear.

"I love you, Isabella. Always. There will never be another for me, only you. Please, sweetheart, please wake up so that I can tell you and hear you say it back to me. I have to go, but I'll be back later to check on you. Rest now, my love." My lips puckered and I placed feather light kisses along her jaw bone until I reached her mouth, letting my lips meet hers one more time. It seemed as though her lips pursed a bit as she tried to kiss me in return. It caused me to smile, which remained on my face as I exited the room, watching from the hallway as Alice woke and sat up, looking closely at Izzy. Secure in the knowledge that Izzy was once again being looked after, I left to make my way to my father's office. It was early in the morning and the fact that I hadn't slept all night was starting to catch up with me. I hoped to catch just a little nap before going to see my Iz again.

~oOo~

A few hours later I was startled from my sleep by a loud noise. My eyes opened and I was a little disoriented, not remembering that I was lying on the sofa in my father's office. The blinds in the windows were closed, but the light of the dawning day was working its way through the slats and openings. I glanced at my watch, seeing that it was still early when the noise finally ceased. I knew it was my cell phone and I reached into my pocket, pulling it out. When I checked the recent calls, I was surprised to see that Tori had called seven times that morning, and left three messages. I debated over whether or not to listen to them, if I should call her back, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew she would be worried about me, wondering if I was coming back. I had told her I would figure things out, and I was sure that waking to find me gone was unsettling to her, but the only thing that mattered to me in that moment was Izzy. I needed to see her.

After making a slight detour to the restroom, I headed to Izzy's room and was surprised to see no one sitting with her. I asked the nurse where Alice had gone, hoping to avoid her until later in the day, once I had made some decisions about what I wanted in regards to our relationship, or lack thereof. After she told me that Alice had just left, I decided to stay for a few minutes before going to call Tori. I sat next to Izzy, taking her hand in mine again, and let my thumb rub over her fingers, reveling in the feel of her skin against mine again.

"Hi Iz," I whispered. "Alice left to get something to eat, so I'm just gonna stay a few minutes. I need to call Tori and explain things to her, but I had to see you first." I cleared my throat and noticed out of the corner of my eye, the nurse stepping out of the room and across the hall to the nurse's station. I took the chance to capitalize on the privacy and spoke a little louder, hoping Iz would hear me.

"I made a mistake, Iz. I never should have let you leave that night. I should have chased after you, no matter what you said, but I didn't. I've looked for you for months, talked to anyone who I thought might help me, but you just vanished. I'm sorry I found Tori. She's a good person, Iz, she really is great. She's helped me through a lot of things, and I can't disrespect her just because I found you. I don't know what to do here. I'm so confused and torn up over this, I just don't know. Please, if you wake up I promise we'll talk and we'll figure something out. I mean, I'm guessing you want to do that, but I don't know about you and this Emmett guy. Tori says he's nice, and I'm glad he is, but I hate him. Just the thought of you with someone who isn't me... I can't bare it." I dropped my head, laying my forehead on our joined hands and sat in silence, just embracing my time with her.

After several minutes I heard my father in the hallway talking to a nurse, and heard mention of Izzy's friends being on their way. He stepped into the room, coming to stand by my side.

"How's our girl this morning?" he asked.

"She's the same, but she squeezed my hand last night, so I think that's good, right?" I asked. A smile crept across his face.

"That's great, son. Listen, I think you'd better go. Her friends are coming back any time now and I think it would be best if you weren't here when they get here. You can go back and sleep in my office, whatever. Also, Tori called my cell phone looking for you. I didn't answer it; I wasn't sure what you were telling her. I think you should at least give her a call, let her know you're alright."

I nodded in agreement, knowing that I needed to face Tori as soon as possible; I needed to be fair to her. However, I had no idea what to say since I hadn't come to any conclusions yet.

"Thanks, Dad. I appreciate this. So, you guys are meeting tonight then? To talk about what to do for her?" My father confirmed their meeting, telling me when and where they would be and that he thought it was important that I be there.

"I'm off to finish up a few things before I go home and get some sleep. I'll see you tonight," he said with a pointed look as he strolled out of the room.

I looked back to Izzy, reaching up to smooth her hair, letting my fingers tangle in the curled ends of it. "I'll be back soon, okay? You're friends will be here all day, so I'm gonna get out of the way. You'd better still be here when I get back, alright? Don't leave me again, Iz. I can't live through it twice." I felt her fingers squeeze a bit and I stood to kiss her, placing kisses on her forehead, her nose, her lips, and finally her jaw just near her ear. "I love you, my Izzy. Always."

Pulling away from her, I slowly walked to the door way, casting one last glance at her before stepping out into the hallway. As I walked toward the exit to my car, I heard footsteps behind me, but didn't turn to see who it was. I kept walking until I reached the parking lot, looking up only to find a very disheveled Tori leaning against my car.

~oOo~

A/N: Hope you liked it. Next chapter will be more from Edward, so we'll get to see a bit more of what he's been up to and exactly what he's dealing with.

Time for an author rec.

coldplaywhore – Most of you probably already know her and her incredible stories, but incase you don't, go check her out! Not only is she the author of wonderful fan fiction, but she's also a freakin' awesome beta, and my uberbeta on my other story What Hurts the Most. AND, if that's not enough, she's an amazing friend and I consider myself lucky to not only be on a first name basis with her, but also to get to talk to her pretty much whenever I want to. It kinda rocks, I'm not gonna lie. Check her out, you'll be glad you did.

http:/www().()fanfiction().()net/u/1864400/coldplaywhore

I'm on Twitter, and it's fun.
And this has a thread on Twilighted.
Links to both of those are on my profile.

Thanks so much for reading this and for being wonderful to me. I'm truly blessed and I don't take any of it for granted. :)