A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is four kids that are heading back to school this week, and thanks to my mom…they all have new school clothes. I don't know what I'd do without that woman. She's a saint, she really is. :D

Thanks to my superbeta MaggieMay14. She said the cutest thing at the end of this chapter. "Crud!" It just made my love for her grow even more. I didn't know that was possible.

Thanks to Twilight44 & Unchanged Affections for prereading this. Those girls make me giddy, I love them so much. They are wonderful…I sure got lucky.

And thanks to my girlies - MeowVemulapalli, Risbee, missveritys, and coldplaywhore. I love them. So Meow is reading this, but I don't think any of the others are. That's okay…I know where they live…

Sorry it's taken a while to get this up, though actually I guess it wasn't too bad. Real Life has been kicking my behind the past couple of weeks. Now that the kids are in school, maybe I can get into a bit of a routine. That would be nice.

More of my words for you at the end. Let's get to Bella and see what she's been up to…

~oOo~

WIRMTS Chapter 5 - She Wakes

It was everything I'd been missing. He was everything I'd been missing. If I'd known how wonderful things would be once I was no longer hindered by my mortal body, I'd have ended it all a long time ago. Staring into his eyes, I admired the little gold flecks that swam in liquid green. I sighed, the feel of his hand entwined with mine giving me courage, while the scent of his skin calmed me. I was happy, content, and at peace, finally able to move on past all the mistakes I'd been running from. As I sat with him, leaning my head against his shoulder, he whispered words of love, telling me that he forgave me. He told me that I was beautiful and that he'd always loved me—that there was never anyone else for him. My eyes closed as I declared my undying love for him, promising to always be what he needed.

As we sat in our perfect moment, I began to hear murmurings nearby, but when I opened my eyes I saw nothing. We were completely alone, sitting in a fragrant meadow, surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies. There was a stream nearby and I could hear the water rushing over the small rocks that made up the little river bed. Edward wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him, and I melted against his body. Blocking out the sounds that were building in the distance, I concentrated on Edward and the tiny yellow wings that fluttered around us. While I watched them, the voices became more clear, and soon I began to hear a beeping sound. I cautiously looked around, searching for the sources, yet saw nothing. Edward's hand began to smooth through my hair as his lips whispered against my ear.

"Edward, what is that? Can you hear that?" I asked as he continued to run his hands over my body, tracing the skin covering my shoulders and neck.

"I love your collarbones, did you know that? It's one of my favorite parts of your body," he said, ignoring my questions.

The noises began to grow louder, more clear, and I was becoming afraid. Our perfect place together was being interrupted, and an uneasy feeling was beginning to grow in my stomach.

"Edward, what is that? Please, tell me you hear it. It's scaring me."

"Bella, you're so beautiful, I don't know what I'd do without you."

I looked up into his eyes and was surprised to see the green that I loved so much begin to blur. His eyes closed and soon the emerald color was gone. I pulled away from him, watching as his face became translucent, the flowers behind him showing through his skin.

"Edward?" I called out, pushing myself out of his lap, yet keeping a hand on his forearm in hopes that I wouldn't lose him.

"Bella, I love you, always. Come back to me, sweetheart, please don't leave me."

"Edward, wait, where are you going? Stay here! Please, don't go!" I tightened my grip on him but was horrified when my hand squeezed through him, his arm turning to mist and vanishing. I called out to him again, but soon the rest of his body disappeared, all I saw was the green of his eyes as he opened them one last time and looked at me.

"Bella..."

He was gone, and I was alone. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. I was supposed to be with him here, not alone and afraid. Standing quickly, I searched the meadow for something, anything besides the flowers all around me. Soon enough, they began to blur and all I could see was the forest in the distance. Though the trees were green, they began to darken, and the sky turned black. I was scared and anxious, and my body quickly began to shake in fear. Spinning around, I started to cry as I frantically scoured the area for something tangible, real. In a matter of moments I was enveloped in darkness, and the sounds I'd heard before were growing louder. I whipped my head back and forth, trying desperately to see something, but all I found was blackness. I was completely alone.

Words began to fall from my lips, and I couldn't understand them. I wanted to be with Edward, I wanted the safety of his arms around me, but he was gone. Where was he? How could he leave me like this? Didn't he know how much I needed him? My body began to ache, and I felt wrong. Desires quickly grew within me, and I was unable to control them. I found myself battling over what I needed more—Edward or something that could satisfy the cravings I had, the desires that were clawing at my soul. Both needs were strong, overwhelming, but I couldn't decide on what I needed more. Tears streamed down my face as I begged for Edward, calling out to him but still unable to find him.

I felt something on my hand, warmth and softness, and I was drawn to it. I couldn't see anything, but I knew there was something there, something in the darkness that was pulling me to where I needed to be. The cravings grew stronger, more desperate, and painful. The sounds grew louder, more clear, and the beeping in the background was soon joined by a thumping, a deep thud that rang noisily in my ears. I squeezed my hand, clutching onto the warmth that was there, in fear of letting it go, of drifting away from it. I called out over and over again, but heard nothing in response.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, everything around me began to lighten, the darkness started to blur and I froze, unsure of what I would find when the haze cleared. It was traumatic, and immediately there were smells that began to assault my senses. The cravings I had been experiencing were stronger than ever, my body battling over which was more desperate of a need. I could smell something strong, something clean. There was really no way to describe it other than it hurt me, it burned my nose and I fought against it, not wanting to let it into my system. As I fought it off, another smell began to grow—one that was familiar, and I welcomed it. I tried to ignore the hurtful scent and focus on the sweeter, less potent one. It was a mixture of musk, vanilla, and something else that I couldn't place. I breathed it in greedily, savoring it and wanting more. It settled one of the cravings I felt, though I couldn't tell which one.

I felt pressure on my fingers again, the feel of skin against mine. It startled me and I quickly turned my head, trying to see something, anything, but there was nothing besides blurred colors around me. I called out, hoping to hear a reply. As I looked all around, I suddenly felt the urge to blink my eyes. As I tried to do it, my lids were heavy, and I soon realized that my eyes had been closed all this time. How was that possible? I was seeing colors, seeing blurs all around me. I had been watching Edward, even watching as he vanished before me, but maybe it was all a dream. Maybe I had imagined everything. Maybe I was hallucinating and none of this was real. I began to breath faster, scared that I had created everything in my head. I was so desperate to be with Edward I began to second guess myself.

I remembered closing my eyes as I lie on my bed, picturing Edward's face as darkness soon surrounded me. Maybe I was still lying there; maybe my hasty actions hadn't worked. I didn't want to be alive anymore, didn't want to battle my past choices and mistakes. I knew I'd ruined things for not just me, but also for Edward and now Emmett, and I wanted out. I knew it would be better for everyone if I was no longer around to mess things up. I was trying to right the wrongs I had made, and I hoped everyone would forgive me someday. As I thought things over, I suddenly became aware of the sense that I was lying down, that my body was in a similar pose as it was when I'd settled into my bed with Edward's picture. Was I still in my room? Did the pills not work? My heart started to beat faster as I contemplated waking up in the same room, in the same bed. What would I do? If the pills hadn't worked, I didn't have anymore to take, so how would I do it?

A sense of panic overwhelmed me as I moved my hands from side to side, feeling bedding that was scratchy, not nearly as soft as mine. I couldn't be in my bed; I had to be somewhere else, but where? I knew no one would have found me and moved me, I was alone when I ended things. I made sure to send Emmett away, and no one else knew what I had planned. I tried to open my eyes, but couldn't. My lids were still so heavy, they wouldn't budge. As I stilled, trying to accept the fact that I had failed, that once again I had ruined things, I heard breathing. Someone was near me, and though I didn't know who it was, in my heart I could feel him. Edward. I knew I must have been dreaming because why would he be here with me? He was with Tori, his fiancé. He had a new life now, something more than I could have given him. He deserved that much, but even though I knew it in my heart, it hurt me to think of him with someone else. I wanted him to be happy, but I was selfish—I wanted him with me.

Squeezing my hand once more, I willed my eyes to open. The bright light of the room shocked me a bit, but after blinking several times, things started to come into focus. As I glanced around me, I turned to look at my hand, to see what it was holding on to, and the face that came into my sight stunned me. It was Edward, and I felt my heart rate pick up, the beeping monitor's around me going wild. His eyes were just as green as I remembered, and I was overcome with feelings of love, of sorrow, and of hesitance. I loved him, but I was terrified. Would he accept me? Would he still want me? Why was he here with me? As our eyes locked, a connection between us obvious, I mumbled the only thing I could—the words that I had been whispering to Edward as we sat together in the meadow, butterflies surrounding us. I squeezed his fingers as the words slipped from my mouth.

"Only you, it's only ever you."

"Iz? Izzy, wake up. It's me, I'm here," he said, he voice like a liquid melody to my ears and soul. I drank it in, savoring each drop. Trying to smile, I felt my body humming in satisfaction, grateful to have him near. The left side of my mouth twitched and rose a little as my hand clasped his more tightly.

"Edward, you're here. I missed you...so much."

"Izzy, honey, it's okay, I'm here. How are you feeling?" he asked as he stood, raising his hand to my face and brushing hair away from my eyes. The feel of his fingers along my cheekbone made me groan, and I leaned into his palm as much as I could, not wanting to break the connection. His eyes watched me for a moment before he quickly turned his head and called out. "Nurse, Erin, she's awake." He looked back to me, a small smile planted firmly on his lips and a look of relief in his eyes.

Footsteps approached us and soon there was a woman standing on the other side of me, her hands fidgeting with several machines that stood next to me.

"Hi Bella, I'm Erin. I'm your nurse; do you know where you are? Do you remember what happened?" she asked. I continued to look at Edward, watching cautiously as he looked between me and the nurse. My throat hurt and I didn't want to talk anymore, but Edward was watching me so closely that I felt I needed to say something to ease the worry that was written all over his face. I swallowed slowly, pain radiating through me and nodded.

"Um, I don't think I'm home anymore."

Edward smiled, "No, honey, you're not. You're in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?" He had such anguish in his eyes, I didn't want to hurt him by telling him the truth, but I couldn't find it in me to lie to him anymore.

I nodded once, "Yeah, I remember. How did I get here? I'm not supposed to be here."

"Alice found you. Emmett called her, she and Jasper came. She used her key to get in and she found you just in time. Izzy, you weren't breathing, Jasper had to do CPR to get you back."

Alice, I should have known. At that moment I'd never regretted more the fact that I'd given her a key to my apartment. It seemed like a smart thing to do at the time, my being a single woman living alone, but now I was cursing the day she'd suggested it. The one thing I hadn't taken into account was what brought me here. I felt anger growing deep within me, but Edward's eyes held so much pain that I fought it off, refusing to let it consume me.

"Bella, are you feeling alright?" Erin asked, and I nodded, assuring her that I felt fine. I didn't really, but I didn't know her, so what was a little lie? She'd find out soon enough that I was raging inside, and she'd probably come to hate me for it.

"What day is it?" I asked, curious about how long I had been here.

"Sunday night, Monday morning I guess," Edward said. It had been two days, I'd been lying there for two days. I should have been in a morgue by that point, and the fact that I wasn't, that I was in the hospital, hooked up to so many machines, made me furious.

"Okay, if you're feeling alright then I'm just going to go let the doctor know you're awake. I'll be back in a few minutes," Erin said as she started to walk toward the door.

"Erin, could you page my father?" Edward asked. "He wanted to be alerted as soon as she woke up, no matter what time it was."

"Of course, I will." She walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Edward. As he turned back to look at me, our eyes met again and suddenly I felt calm, peace. That was the feeling I had wanted, but the longer he watched me, the more I saw in his eyes, and I knew things were not going to be easy.

"Izzy, why did you do this? How could you do this to me?" His eyes began to fill with tears, the green swimming in a painful mist.

"You don't want me, I couldn't live without you —at least the possibility of you."

His brow furrowed and his mouth dropped open. He quickly shut it, swallowing as he tightened his jaw muscles. "How could you think that? How could think that I didn't want you? What... How?"

I dropped my eyes to our hands that were still gripping one another, and then looked back up to him. "You have Tori now, you don't need me anymore." The pain of that statement hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt the air rush out of my lungs.

"Iz, you left me. What was I supposed to do? I've been looking for you for over a year, Iz. What did you expect? You didn't want me, remember?" There was so much agony in his eyes, and it broke my heart to know that I was the one who put it there. My eyelids slid closed, unwilling to accept the fact that I was the reason he was so miserable. "Izzy, look at me." I kept my eyes downcast, refusing to meet his. "Isabella, look at me," he said, his voice strong and direct.

I lifted my eyes to meet his, saddened by the icy stare that was there. "I'm sorry," I muttered, trying to appease him.

"Let me get one thing clear right now. I love you. I have never, in all my life, loved anyone the way I love you. That doesn't just stop, Iz. Just because you didn't want me doesn't mean I stopped wanting you. Do you have any idea what I've been through since you left? Any at all? I mean, did you ever look for me? Try to see me? Did you know where I was? Ever?" He watched me, waiting for an answer, and it killed me to tell him the truth. I slowly shook my head, telling him that I'd never looked for him, never tried to find him. I'd had no clue about his life over the past year. He sighed heavily, stumbling back and collapsing into his chair. His fingers slipped from mine, and I was alone.

"I didn't look because I didn't deserve you. It was better that way, I was trying to save you from what I am. You should have better than me, Edward. You deserve better." Tears slipped down my cheeks and I tried to turn onto my side, away from him. My shoulders shook from the agony I was going through, and I nearly screamed when I felt his hand on my shoulder, turning me back to him.

"Don't, don't turn away from me. Not again." Our eyes met, green and brown, and I saw the fresh, wet trail along his cheek.

"Why? It's better this way."

"No," he said. "It's not. Believe me, it's not better." His fingers began to trace along my shoulder, along my collar bones and I watched as his eyes lingered over my skin. "I love your collar bones, did you know that? It's one of my favorite parts of your body."

My mind began to swim in confusion. "What?" I asked, trying desperately to remember where I'd heard that before.

"I used to dream about them, about laying with you, tracing the skin that covered them. I dreamed of kissing them, of burying my face in your neck so that I was surrounded by you, the scent of you. There is no smell in the world that's more right to me than that." His fingers glided up my neck and to my face, dancing along my cheek to my hair. "Did you know that brown is my favorite color? Not just any brown, but the brown of you hair, because it's the same brown that's in your eyes. How could you possibly know that? I didn't even realize until after you left me that I never told you. I never said it out loud to you, I messed up."

"No, Edward, it's not you. I'm the one who messed everything up. It's not your fault." Shame burned in me and I was embarrassed about my past—about our past. I wanted to crawl into a whole and die, to get as far away from Edward as I could. I wasn't enough for him, and the reality of that was finally dawning on me.

"Bella, I don't care right now. We can talk about that later, we have all the time in the world for that, but right now I need you to promise me something. I want the truth and I want you to mean it, alright?" His eyes burned with a fierceness I hadn't seen in a long time. I nodded my head, ready to give him anything he asked for. "Don't ever try to take yourself away from me again, do you understand me?" he said. Hope flickered in me, the hope that maybe he still wanted me, that maybe we could save things between us.

"Edward, what are you saying? You still want me? But I thought you were with Tori, I mean—what? I don't understand."

He was quiet for a moment and as he let out a deep sigh, I realized I'd misread the situation. "Oh. Um, I think I need you to explain this because I obviously don't understand what you're saying," I said.

His voice sounded dead, disconnected and resigned to the words he spoke. "Izzy, I'm with Tori. I'm sorry, but that's the way things are right now. I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but for today, I'm with Tori. We're getting married, and she's good for me."

My heart sank as a gasp escaped from me. "What? Still?"

He nodded, affirming what I feared. "Yeah. Iz, I told you, I can't be with you unless you're healthy. I can't do it to myself. I lost you once, and it nearly killed me. I can't lose you again. I know I wouldn't survive it. Tori helped me, Iz. She picked me up and put me back together, and I owe her a lot for that. I do love her, just so you know I'm not staying with her out of guilt or anything. She's a good person, but no matter what, she's never going to be you." I watched as a few more tears fell from his eyes, and I wished that he would look at me. He sat staring at his lap, or the floor, anything that wasn't me.

"You should have let me die, Edward. That's what I wanted. You don't want me, I'm still sick, I have nothing to live to for. How could you let them save me?" I whispered. His head shot up and anger flared in his eyes.

"Don't you ever say that again, do you hear me?" he almost shouted.

"Why? It's the truth, and you want the truth, right?" I said with a raised voice, the fury within me taking over. The hurt was so great that I couldn't hold back anymore, I just wanted him to leave, to get out of my room so that I could be alone, but just as I started to ask, more people entered the room.

"Bella, so glad to see you're awake. You had us worried there for a bit," the man said. I assumed he was the doctor that Erin had gone to get, though I didn't know for sure. "I'm Doctor Denali, a friend of Doctor Cullen's. He's been monitoring you, but with him being home right now, he asked me to step in. He's been called, and he assured me that he would be here soon to see you. I just want to check some of your vitals really quick, if that's okay with you?" He made it seem as though I had a choice in the matter, but I knew by his actions that I didn't. He was simply saying it as a courtesy, telling me what he was going to do before he did it.

Edward stood from his seat. "I'll step out for a few minutes. I'll be back soon." He leaned in to me, his lips close to my ear. "This is not over, Izzy. This is far from over." He placed a light kiss on my temple, his hand breezing through my hair, and I ached for him as he turned and strolled out of the room. I watched his back as he advanced farther down the hallway, until finally he turned a corner and I couldn't see him anymore.

The doctor poked and prodded me, asking endless questions over the next several minutes. It was annoying and bothersome, but I humored him and gave him the answers he was looking for. By this point I had realized that I was going through withdrawals, that my body was fighting for the substances I had grown so accustomed to over the past few years. I hoped that if I gave him all the answers he wanted, he would find me healthy enough to let me out—to send me home. The sooner I could get out of there, the sooner I could get back to my little stash at home. I needed something strong, especially after the whole scene with Edward. Mostly what I wanted was to call Eric and buy as much as I could, so that I could take care of things once and for all. This time I would make sure no one found me, and that there would be no way to save me. I was done—I wanted out—and this time I wouldn't screw it up.

As I drifted in and out of sleep, the sun began to rise. The light peeking in through the slats covering the windows was not a lot, not enough to wake me up, but I did notice it as I opened my eyes once again. I was alone in my room, the nurse apparently having stepped out for a few moments. Edward had yet to come back, though I knew eventually he would. Part of me hoped he'd just leave, never return, that he'd let me go, but I knew him better than that. He would do the right thing, as he saw it, and that would be to see me through my recovery. If only he could understand that seeing him without being able to be with him would kill me all on its own, he'd give up. At least I hoped he would, and I wanted the chance to make that clear to him. I thought it only fair that he have closure on our relationship so that he could move on and have the kind of life he was meant to have.

Erin soon returned to the room, pushing a cart in front of her. "Hey Bella, you feel like some breakfast today?" she asked, her face shining brightly with a big smile. She was a pretty woman, a few years older than I was, and for a brief moment I wondered about the kinds of things she'd seen while working in a place like this. Did she feel pity for me and my situation? Did she think badly of me for doing this to myself? I wanted to ask, but instead I just nodded my head, hoping that something edible was on that cart.

She lifted a tray from one of the shelves and walked toward me. "I think we've got fruit this morning, and some oatmeal. Doctor Denali wasn't too sure how your stomach would be doing today, so he ordered some easier things for you, but if you can handle it, I could get you some eggs and bacon, or maybe pancakes. What do you think?"

I looked at her, tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

She set the tray down on the table next to my bed. "Hey now, none of that. You're fine, you're gonna be fine, it's okay. What's wrong, honey? Do you want me to get someone for you?"

"No, I just...I'm sorry. I didn't think anyone would find me. I should have known, but I didn't think about Alice. If I'd thought things through better, than I could have saved you from having to take care of me, but I didn't. I'm just sorry." I sniffled as tears poured down my cheeks.

"You know what? I think you're a lucky girl, Bella. I've worked here for a few years and I've seen so many people come in here with problems like yours, and only a handful have had people that love them the way your friends love you. They need you, Bella. I know you think they don't, that they'd be better off without you and your problems, but you're wrong." She smiled at me, raising her hand to wipe away some of the tears from my cheeks. "And that Edward of yours? Let me just say, he's a good looking man, don't throw that away."

"But he's not mine anymore, he's engaged to someone else."

She moved closer to me, her voice dropping. "Yeah, I saw that girl, she came in here to see you the other day. He doesn't look at her the way he looks at you. She doesn't have the same hold over him that you do. I've watched him fret and worry and basically fall apart at the thought of losing you, and I really think you're wrong if you think you've lost him."

Her words gave me hope, a lift for my spirits, and I looked up and into her glimmering eyes. "Really?" I asked my voice no more than a whisper.

She nodded at me. "Yeah, really." Her hand closed over mine and we sat silently for a moment, me absorbing the strength and determination that she had to offer. I wondered why Tori had been to see me, if Edward had brought her here.

"Tori was here? With Edward?" I asked, hoping she could tell me something—anything about the visit.

"Well, she was here on her own, though I think Edward was somewhere here in the building, just not with her. She was actually talking to Emmett, you're friend." She raised her eyebrows at me, a little hint of a smirk growing on her lips. "Girl, I wish I had the man troubles you seem to have. Two men like that wanting you…that has got to make you feel good." I laughed a little at her words, sniffling a bit and trying to get my crying under control.

"Yeah, Emmett's pretty great, too. He's been good to me."

"I'll bet. I wouldn't mind if he wanted to be good to me once in a while." The words obviously slipped from her mouth before she realized it, and she sheepishly looked at me. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean..."

I laughed loudly for a moment. "No, I get it, he's a hottie, not bad to look at, that's for sure."

We both laughed like school girls for a bit before calming down and remembering the reason we were here. "So, now that we have that all cleared up, you hungry?" Erin asked, a small giggle escaping my lips as I tried to smile and nod. My stomach growled, as if on cue, and she mumbled something about the food being just in the nick of time as she pushed the table toward me.

Once the gray plate cover was lifted, my senses were assaulted with delicious smells that had my mouth watering. I knew hospital food wasn't always very good. In the past, Edward and I had been by the hospital many times to see his father, so I'd had lots of experience with the slop that was sometimes passed off as food fit for human consumption. The plate that was laid before me was filled with sliced fruit, a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon on top of it, and a few pieces of toast with jam packets off to the side. I hadn't eaten since the dinner party with Emmett, and even then I'd thrown that up in the restroom. The thought of being full had my stomach flipping with joy, and I couldn't dig into the meal fast enough.

A few minutes later as I finished, assuring Erin for the fifth time that I didn't need more, and I wasn't in the mood for eggs and bacon, I sat drinking the last few sips of my orange juice. The sun had risen and I could see the light outside as it poured in through the blinds that Erin had insisted be opened. Nothing like a beautiful day in the southwest, she had said, trying to convince me that it wasn't too bright.

I stared out the window at the small clouds in the distance as a voice cleared somewhere in the room. I turned quickly to see who was there, and saw Edward standing quietly in the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets. He looked scared, nervous, and I smiled, willing him to come to me.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hi. I didn't know if you wanted me to come back or not, I kinda got the feeling you were about to kick me out."

A small laugh burst from my chest as my grin widened. "I was, but I'm glad you're back. Can you sit down for a minute? I wanted to say something."

He nodded, moving toward me and settling into the chair at the side of my bed.

"Can you scoot closer or sit on the bed or something? I'd like to have you closer, if you can," I asked. He stood from the chair and turned a little, settling onto my bed. I shifted my legs over a bit to give him more room, then took hold of his hand, laying it on my stomach as I laced my fingers with his.

"Edward, just let me talk, okay? I need to get this out and if you try to stop me, I might never get the guts to do it. Please, promise me you'll just listen?"

"Okay," he said, but I could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"You deserve better than me. From the first second I laid eyes on you, I knew I wasn't enough for you. I fought it for days, weeks even, but I wanted you so much. You were smart, funny, sweet, and oh my word, you were—and still are—so good looking. I felt like a mutant or something when I was with you. I paled in comparison to you, and I just couldn't get over it." He was looking at me, his brow furrowed as he started to shake his head.

"No, Iz,"

"Please! Listen!" He stilled and I continued. "After my dad died, I don't know what happened. I had no one, no parents, no siblings, no extended family that I really knew. I was just alone, except that I had you. You saved me, Edward. I never would have made it through all of that without you, but I knew that eventually you'd realize I wasn't enough. It ate at me, night and day. I was so worried that some other girl would come along and you'd just know you were meant to be with her. The thought of ever finding you with some other girl sickened me so much, I couldn't function. Then to add to that the depression that I knew I was going through from my dad's death, I figured it was only a matter of time."

He watched me intently, his hand squeezing mine a little as his thumb began to rub circles on the fabric covering my belly.

"I needed a way to be better for you, happier. I could see the worry in your eyes, I could tell that you were beside yourself over me. I didn't want that, but I didn't know what to do. Then one night when you were working late, Eric was home and he saw me crying." At the mention of Eric, I saw Edward's demeanour change, the muscles in his face tightening as his breathing picked up. "He said he could help me, that he had something that would make me feel better, invincible even. I wanted it. I wanted to feel better for me, and for you. I wanted to make you happy, I didn't want you to worry about me anymore. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. I figured I could do it for just a little while, and then as time passed, I'd get better. I didn't know what would happen."

Tears began to build in my eyes, and I saw him relax a bit, concern replacing the fury that had been on his face only moments before.

"I took the stuff he gave me, and it worked. Pretty soon, you were so happy, I couldn't stop taking it. I knew if I did, you'd get worried again, and I didn't want that. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry for everything." The tears finally broke free, falling down my cheeks, and Edward shifted closer to me, lifting his hand to brush his fingers along my face.

"Iz, why didn't you tell me you were feeling that way? We could have done something, found some other way to fix things. Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"I was afraid that you'd see how broken I was," I whispered.

"Baby, I loved you, I didn't care. I would have done anything for you, you know that."

"I didn't want to give you a reason to get rid of me. I know it sounds stupid, but that's how I felt." We watched one another, finally both understanding what had happened—why this whole thing had begun. I let out a long breath and continued.

"Once you found out, I was in too deep, I couldn't stop. I tried, I really did, but I could see the hate in your eyes, and I knew if I didn't act better, you'd leave. So I went back to Eric, even though he told me he wouldn't sell to me. He didn't, for awhile. I knew some of his friends and they helped me out, but before long I was out of money and I didn't know what to do. I knew you were watching my finances, trying to help me, and I was glad, but I needed it. Eric told me there were other ways that a girl could pay for that stuff, and so I did what he told me to do."

A shudder left Edward's body and his eyed closed as he most likely replayed in his mind the scene that he'd walked in on that last night. "I don't think I want know."

"Edward, the truth is always better, I know." I waited until he was looking at me before I spoke again. "I didn't have sex with anyone for the first several months, I just did other stuff. I felt like maybe if I didn't actually have sex, then it was okay. Like if I could keep that one act special, between just you and me, then it was okay. Before long the guys wanted other things, and they made me do stuff I'd never done before. It still wasn't actual intercourse, so I did it. I didn't want to, and I usually cried through it, but my body was so consumed by the drugs that I couldn't stop. It was like my body was there doing things, but my mind was gone. My mind was with you, dreaming of you, and counting down the seconds until I could be with you again. I swear to you, Edward, I only ever thought of you."

I realized I was sobbing, my body shaking from the force of my cries, and as I watched Edward, I saw tears streaming down his face too.

"Izzy, I'm so sorry I didn't know. I'm so sorry..." He was blaming himself for everything. It wasn't his fault, and I knew that, but he wouldn't let himself believe that I was a bad person. I needed to make sure that he knew I was horrible and wrong, that I was stupid and not nearly enough for him.

"It's not your fault, don't you see that? You did everything you could to help me, and I did nothing. I let myself slip farther and farther down, and I never once tried to stop. I was wrong, I was such an idiot, and I'm so sorry. I loved you so much, Edward, but even with all the drugs and the insane things I did, I was right about one thing—I was never good enough for you. I never will be."

My sobs increased, the severity of the shakes only growing harder as Edward moved even closer to me. He placed his left hand on the bed next to my waist, and he leaned into me, raising his right hand to my hair and threading it through my chestnut locks. "No, don't say that. Please don't say that, it's not true. I love you, so much Izzy. You'll break my heart if you really think that."

I leaned into his hand before pulling away and wrapping my hand around his, pulling it to my lips as I placed a kiss on his palm. "You're so good, Edward. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please, can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? Ever?" Our eyes were locked on one another, and as the moments passed I realized that I had heard nothing but him since he walked in the door. I'd seen nothing but him, felt nothing but him. Even the cravings that were scraping away at my insides were quenched while he was at my side. Maybe, just maybe, if I could keep him, I could fix myself. Maybe I could really do it, if I had him at my side. But could I ask that of him?

He leaned his head toward mine, our foreheads touching. "Bella, I love you," he whispered, and I knew he meant it because he said my name, something he rarely did. I felt the softness of his lips against mine as my eyes slid closed. The kiss he placed on my upper lip was feather light and so brief. He didn't move back once it was done, instead he stayed still, soon moving a bit closer to me as he pushed his lips to mine again. This kiss was stronger, more determined, and I couldn't stop myself from returning it with as much power as I could muster.

Raising my right hand to his chest, I grabbed onto his collar, pulling him toward me. At the same time, I opened my lips to him, feeling him do the same. Our kiss grew more heated, and he slipped his tongue out, tracing it along my bottom lip. As it slid back into his mouth, he sucked ever so gently on my lip, pulling it between his and I sense the sharpness of his teeth against it. Being with him this way felt so right, so pure that I let a soft moan escape from me, causing his lips to turn up in a little smile. With his forehead still against mine, he spoke.

"I missed this," he said as I hummed in agreement.

Soon enough our lips were moving again, pressing against one another and opening wider as one tongue caressed the other. I was home as I sat there, his arms around me, and I lifted myself to him, pushing my chest against his. After a few moments, he pulled back a bit, our eyes locking together.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"Yes, I always have."

"Then fix this, please Izzy. Please fix this for me, for us. Please." I pulled him back to me, forcing a searing kiss onto his lips, and was flying at the realization that he was returning it with just as much passion as I had for him. We tangled together for a few more minutes, getting as close as we possibly could in the situation. Soon I heard frantic steps running down the hall and Erin's voice as she ran into the room.

"Oh!" she called out, and I quickly realized what Edward and I were doing. I fell back from him a bit, reaching up to wipe my mouth and hide any evidence of what we'd been doing. A soft giggle escaped my lips and Edward and I looked at each other with a look of embarrassment, yet happiness.

"Your monitors were going crazy, I thought something was wrong, I didn't know it was just Edward doing that to you." She laughed and turned, walking out of the room.

"I guess she wanted to give us some privacy, huh?" Edward joked, and I nodded. As I sat back against the bed, I looked at my hands that were lying in my lap.

"You need to move on, Edward. If I ask you to stay, it will be the most selfish thing I ever do." I could hear the lie in my voice, and I prayed that he couldn't, but he knew me too well.

"You don't mean that, Iz, I know you. I'm here, I'll always be here for you." His hand raised to my cheek again, his fingers lovingly skimming over the flesh. "Always."

He leaned forward and placed one last, sweet kiss to my lips, letting his linger there for such a long time, I thought he'd never pull back. I hoped he never would, but as he did, I blinked my eyes open, finally able to see something besides Edward in the room. A smile took over my face and I looked at him, feeling more love for him in that moment than I ever had before. He was it for me, whether I was worthy of him or not. I needed him, wanted him, and was willing to fight for him. As I sat staring into his green eyes, getting lost a little in the lustful look he was giving me, I saw a movement behind him. I glanced to see what it was, and my heart dropped when I saw what stood beyond the windows—who stood watching us.

Emmett.

~oOo~

A/N: I know, I know…Edward isn't being too nice to our little Bella. First he tells her that he loves her, then he tells her that he's marrying Tori, then he tells her he'll always be there for her. Goodness, no wonder Bella is so messed up. :D They're all going through crap right now, so just give them some time to work through things. It'll happen…eventually. :D

Author rec time…

Bratty_Vamp – you heard of her? If not, seriously, you're missing out on some of the best writing out there! Not to mention just a really great lady. She's funnier than all get out, I love her! :D She has some of the best stories I've read, and one that made me cry harder than I think I ever have…in my life! She's so good, so talented, so amazing…you won't be sorry you gave her a try. Her stories The Best Man, My Escort, Love on Wheels, and her new one Green are all so great, I really do love them. She's an incredible writer and I can promise that you'll fall in love with her stuff. It's so worth a read, trust me. She just gave into peer pressure and joined Twitter, so you can follow her there, and she's also on A Different Forest, which is a really great site—lots of good stories and fun girls. Believe me…read her stuff. You'll really like it, I know you will. :)

I'm on Twitter, and it's fun.
And this has a thread on Twilighted.
Links to both of those are on my profile.

I made a pretty new banner for this story. There's a link to that on my profile too.

I also wrote a cute, fluffy little o/s for a charity fundraiser called Foxy Fics. There's a link for that on my profile too. SO many good authors wrote stuff, you'll love it. It's well worth a donation since you'll get SO many great stories. Really, do it. You'll be glad.

Thanks for reading this. Next chapter has the group meeting with Bella. Let's just say she's not so open to the whole forced rehab idea. Oh boy…this could get ugly. :D