The day before the wedding, Simon pulled me aside after my shift. "Chelsea, I want to talk to you about something."

"Anything! What is it?"

"This is going to sound weird."

"Simon, everything you say sounds weird because you're Irish." He rolled his eyes and smiled. "Really, though. What is it?"

"I want you to be my best man."

"I'd be honored! If that's really what you want..."

"I want nothing more." I grinned and clapped excitedly.

"What you clapping about?" the Count asked as he entered.

"I'm going to be Simon's best man!"

He paused, looked over at us, noted my excited smile and Simon's 'I dare you to say something' expression, and said, "Whatever floats your boat, Swafford."

I turned back to Simon. "So! Is there any last minute things you need to do?"

"I think I've got it all covered," he replied.

"Simon, I'm so happy!"

He smiled. "You know, you really are a good friend. Do you know it?"

I hugged him. "I can only hope I am. If you need anything at all, you let me know, yeah?"

"Of course." He kissed my cheek. "Wonderful girl, you are."

In the morning, I was getting dressed and listening to Simon's show. John made a news flash that said, "Top news of the day: at precisely 2:45 this afternoon, Sir Simon Swafford, king of the charts, marries the prettiest girl who ever lived."

Simon came in with, "I just want you to know, I want to assure listeners, that this doesn't mean I have any less love for you. I'll still be here every morning. The only difference will be, I'll be happy!" I was in the middle of pulling on pants (as I had chosen to adorn those most days to avoid peeking eyes and such, besides, I was best man), and this statement sent me into a fit of laughter which resulted in a complete wipe out onto my bed.

Come 2:30 or so, excitement was in the air. Everyone was simply buzzing. We all lined up on the deck of the ship and awaited the transport boat that would be carrying Simon's bride to her wedding. Quentin would be performing the ceremony, which I was looking forward to immensely. "Oh my god, here she comes," Simon suddenly said, grabbing my hand. Everyone else went to the side to wave and greet her even though the boat was a still pretty far out.

I stared at our joined hands for a moment, then said, "Big day."

"Big day!" he agreed. I gently pulled loose from his grip and walked forward myself. "Oh, I shouldn't look!" he cried, then covered his eyes. I glanced back and caught him peeking, then just smiled.

When I reached the side of the ship, I got beside the Count, and suddenly got inspired. I figured Elenore was close enough to here, so I broke out into song. "Elenore, gee, I think you're swell, and you really do him well. You're his pride and joy etc. Elenore can I take the time to ask you to speak your mind? Tell me that you love him better!" True, I had altered the lyrics a little bit, but everyone seemed to like this idea and joined in. She was just smiling from ear to ear and waving enthusiastically. I had to admit, she was very very pretty. Blonde, slender, and some very beautiful eyes. As bad as I felt after the thought occurred to me, I actually wondered how Simon had caught her attention.

She came aboard, and we immediately continued into the ceremony on the highest level of the deck which had been decorated. I stood to Simon's right, and Elenore's bridesmaids stood to her left. Quentin, all dressed in his fancy suit, began. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, apparently, which is, um...scary...to witness the wedding of this man and this...total goddess." The crowd gave a few whistles, and I nearly lost it when Simon did it too. Elenore smiled up at him. "Jesus Christ alone knows why she's marrying him."

"Ha! Good one," Simon laughed. I was still fighting giggles, and I was smiling so largely it hurt.

"But, love is, as the Everly Brothers so wisely observed, strange."

Off to my right, Angus and Harold were managing a broadcast machine, and Angus was giving his commentary of the wedding to the thousands of listeners. "And the bride is blushing now as the groom gazes into her eyes. You can almost see Cupid fluttering his wings about their heads. Flip flip flip flip. Caw caw! No, wait! That was a seagull."

"Oh, shut up, Nutsford," I said.

Quentin turned to me, smiling. "Best man, have you got the rings?"

"I have," I replied, pulling them out of my pocket.

I handed them to Simon, still unable to dispel the smile on my face even though I knew that if I kept it up much longer, my face was going to be stuck like that. "Thanks, Chels," Simon said.

As they exchanged rings, Quentin quietly said, "There you are." When they had finished, he announced, "I now declare you man and stunning wife!"

I threw my hands into the air and cried, "YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!" Everyone in the crowd stood and clapped and cheered and threw confetti. I just could not contain myself. I jumped up and down and danced and started singing my version of Elenore again. Everyone joined with me again later that evening as we accompanied the newlyweds down to Simon's room.

We lined the hallway and finally got to the end as Simon carried her in."Elenore, gee, I think you're swell, ahhaaaaa. Elenore, gee, I think you're swell, ahhaaaaaa. Ahhhhh."

As we ended and Simon closed the door, Angus cried, "Now, where's those bridesmaids?"

"Really, Ang?" I scoffed, but I just burst into laughter. There was absolutely nothing that could take away my good mood.

I think it's important to mention that ever since the night of Simon's engagement, I had frequently spent the night in Gavin's room. It was almost an every night thing. I would just wind up in there late, and I would wind up falling asleep. It rather shocked me that no one had said anything about it yet, but I just went on with it. The night of Simon's wedding was no different. After we all devoured the cake in the kitchen, I announced I was going to bed. Gavin concurred, and we left together. We talked all the way to the quarters, and instinctively, I simply walked right into his room so we could keep up our conversation. Then, I ended up passing out on his bed some time after 1 am.

I woke up at about 6:30 and decided I wanted something to eat, so I crept out of the bed, making sure I didn't wake Gavin, and silently went out the door. I made my way to the kitchen, pondering the whole way if I really wanted food or just more sleep. As I went in, I saw Simon making a couple cups of tea. "Hey!" I said.

He turned and gave me a quick smile. "Hey."

"How did it go?" I asked sleepily.

"It...um...I think it'll get better. You know, it was...she was tired. I was little over-excited. It was...if I'm honest, it was a bit quick sticks. But, uh...we don't want to blow it all on one night, do we?"

"Of course not!" I replied, shaking my head.

"No! We've got all the time in the world." He collected his tea cups and walked past me saying, "Round two."

"Hey, good luck, Simon!" I called after him.

Once he was gone, I turned to the cabinets. It wasn't long before I finally decided on just going back to bed, so I lumbered back to Gavin's room which I disconcertingly realized was adjacent to Simon's. I didn't want to hear anything, but I didn't feel like ascending the stairs to my room either. I concluded that the walls were too thick, and I'd be fine here. I opened the door just as Gavin was climbing out of bed. "Where you been?" he asked.

"Kitchen."

"What are you doing?"

"Going back to bed."

"Why not go to your own room if you're already up?" he chuckled.

"Yours was closer. Besides, my shoes are still in here."

"I could've brought them to you."

I flopped face down on the bed. "Whatever. I'm going back to sleep," I told the pillow. He grinned and went into the bathroom.

It was right then that I discovered that the walls did not keep sound in one room very well. "Simon, I have some news," I heard through the wall at my head.

"No. Oh, no. Don't tell me. You're pregnant already, are you? I knew this was going to happen. The Swaffords have always had strong stuff."

"No! No, it's not that."

"Oh! Phew! Not that I don't want babies. I do. I want a dozen! You'll be in pieces by the time I'm done, but, you know, I thought that we might have a few more years of reckless shagging before settling down in Baby Boulevard."

There was a pause, then she said, "Simon, I'm so in love."

"Of course you are."

"Gavin is just...so fantastic." This was the first alarm that made me raise my head off the pillow and look at the wall.

"Oh, isn't he? Isn't he just the greatest?"

"Yes, he is. I guess that's why I'm in love with him." This was the second alarm that made me sit up a little more and press my ear against the wall to make sure I heard everything correctly.

"Koala bear, when you that you're in love with him...there might be...translation...what, what do you mean by that?"

"Well...I met him about a week before I met you, and I fell in love with him. But he said the only way I could be on the boat was if we got married, and he wouldn't do that for...obvious reasons. So, I suggested that I could just marry another DJ. That way I could still be on the boat. He said it was a mad idea, but...then I met you! I saw you sitting all alone in that pub, and I just leapt at the chance. Now, well, here I am! And if it's ok with you, I'll be moving in with Gavin tonight." The bitch sounded like she had just won a contest or something. "Aww. Thanks for being so understanding."

"But, I don't understand!" Simon said. There was a terrible sound in his voice that just broke my heart.

"But I just explained. See, I met Gavin, and we fell in love, and..."

"Uh huh! I get that! I get the ins and outs of it. What I don't understand is how you could be so cruel! I mean, we were just married, if you read the...yesterday...and we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together."

"Well...we will! In a way we will! It's just...I'll be having sex with Gavin instead of you every night, but we'll still be friends. If you need me, I'll be right next door." At this point, she pat the wall very near to my head and I yanked it back.

"Having sex," Simon said so quietly I almost couldn't hear.

"Hopefully. Um...you might hear us."

"That would be nice." Simon was almost in tears, and fire was running through my veins.

I leapt off the bed snarling, "No fucking way."

Gavin happened to come out of the bathroom in time to hear me say that, and he asked, "What's your problem?"

"I will deal with you in a minute!" I snapped. I yanked open the door, then barged into Simon's room roaring, "YOU FUCKING WHORE!" She jumped up, protesting my name calling, and I punched her square in the jaw. She fell back on the bed, and Gavin, who had followed me, grabbed my arm. "GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I screamed, yanking my arm from his grip. "YOU!" I started forward towards Elenore again, but Simon got up and got between us.

"Chelsea, stop," he said.

"NO!" I screeched at him. "NO! I won't let her do this to you!"

"Maybe you should listen to Simon," Gavin said.

I whipped around and punched him in the face too. "DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD TO ME!"

He rubbed his jaw and angrily grabbed my wrist. "Listen here, you crazy bitch..."

"Gavin, don't call her that!" Simon yelled.

By this point, just about everyone had gathered outside the door. "Get your fucking hands off her!" the Count cried, shoving Gavin out of the way to get to me.

Quentin was yelling, "Everybody, calm down! Calm down! Count, get Chelsea out of here! She's going to murder someone! Simon, what's going on? Gavin, let go of Chelsea! Jesus Christ, you're all mad!"

The Count managed to get control over me and yanked my from the room and out onto the deck. Once we were there, I collapsed and started bawling. "Did he hurt you?" Count demanded. Unable to speak, I shook my head. "What the fuck is going on?"

I gulped, trying to regain control over my vocals, and I answered, "Elenore...loves...Gavin."

"...what?"

"She only...married Simon so...she could be with...Gavin."

"And Gavin knew this?"

"I..think so."

"I don't believe it! That bastard is going to fucking get it."

I lapsed back into sobs. I was crying because I was mad as hell, but I was hurting too. Gavin knew all of this and he said nothing. Not a word. He betrayed me and he betrayed my best friend all in one fatal swoop. And it hurt.

I climbed up to the higher deck to be alone. It was about two hours later when the transport boat appeared and took Elenore away. Over the radio, John said, "Official sources were sad to announce the separation of Simon Swafford and his wife, Elenore, after...17 hours of marriage. It is understood that the split is due to musical differences."

"Musical differences," I half-heartedly chuckled. "Nice cover story, John."

Just then, Carl popped his head into view from below. "Hey, Chelsea, we're having a conference down in the living room. Thought you might like to be present."

"Are we killing Gavin?"

"No."

"Then I don't care to go."

"We are, however, going to grill him."

I sat there a moment, then sighed, "Oh, alright. As long as we do it slowly and with the most pain possible."

I got up and followed him down to the living room. Everyone was gathered on one side of the table while Gavin sat calmly on the other side, smoking a cigarette. As we entered, all eyes flicked to us momentarily, but then went back to glaring at Gavin. He didn't even acknowledge that we'd shown up. Simon sat directly across from him, so I went and stood behind Simon and put a hand on his shoulder. He reached back and pat it gently. Finally, the Count asked, "So, what do you have to say, bastard?"

"Oh, come on. Be fair," Gavin replied. "I didn't ask her to do it. I said to her it's absolutely not on, and now she's gone. She's left the boat. She's not coming back. I honestly can't see what I've done wrong." I rolled my eyes, fighting tears again. "What can I say? It's the dark side of rock n' roll."

Quietly, Simon spoke up. "Can you tell me one thing? Before she left this morning...did you...you didn't...you know..."

Gavin looked down at the table a moment, and then, I suddenly found him looking at me. I raised an eyebrow, making sure to keep my face as cold as possible. He looked back down again, then at Simon. "Just one little pop."

We all exclaimed some measure of disgust. Mine was along the lines of, "Un-fucking-believable!"

"It was the least I could do after all the trouble the lovely girl had gone to."

Simon, without a word, stood and started to leave. I called his name, but when he didn't reply, I said, "Carl, go after him please." Carl complied. I couldn't bring myself to look at Gavin, even though I could feel his eyes on me. I was afraid I really was going to kill him.

"Mister, have you ever heard of the Vietnam War?" the Count asked.

"I have," Gavin replied.

"Well, that holocaust is simply a playground skirmish compared to what you're about to experience." Gavin actually started laughing a little. I gripped the back of what had previously been Simon's chair, digging my nails into the wood. "I'm declaring war. W-A-R. I'm gonna tear you apart."

With that, our conference concluded. People started filing out, and yet again Gavin's gaze fell on me. I finally made myself meet it, scowling darkly. There was a very weird look on his face. I wanted to say it was a sort of desperate look. Well, if he wanted understanding, he wasn't going to get it from me. At least not in the foreseeable future. I shook my head and left.

I went towards Simon's room and found Carl outside, talking to the door. "Simon, let me in!"

I went to him and murmured, "Let me try." He nodded. I knocked on the door. "Simon, it's Chelsea. Can I come in?"

After a moment, the reply came. "Yeah."

I smiled a bit at Carl, then pushed the door open and let myself in. I closed it behind me, then turned. Simon was sitting on his bed, looking out the window. Tears were rolling down his face, and it just broke my heart. I crossed the floor and sat down on the bed with him. "Can I do anything?" I asked. He shook his head. "Simon, I'm so sorry."

"What for? It's not like you knew. Not like Gavin. And then he...he..." He broke down and could go no further.

I scooted closer and pulled him into my arms, letting him just cry on my shoulder. "I know. That was a bitch move. And that was the understatement of the year. The Count's going to kick his ass though."

As if I had cued him in, the Count came over the radio. "My dear listeners, you might begin to notice a certain cooling between his royal highness, the Count of Cool, and a guy called Gavin. Well, I am eager to show the world that he is a coward, so I'm suggesting something that's pretty big where I come from, and it's a game called Chicken. Brawk! Brawk! This will be taking place tomorrow at high noon. We'll see who's king of this castle!"

"There. See? Now they both get to climb up high objects and probably kill themselves while the Count proves his point." This actually brought a smile to Simon's face.

He leaned back and wiped the tears off his cheeks and out of his eyes. "I look forward to it." I smiled a little, but it didn't last. "You're certainly forced to choose a side, now, aren't you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"One of your best friends betrays your other best friend. Then he and your protector are going head to head in a potentially dangerous ego match."

"It's not like it's a hard decision. You and the Count all the way."

He nodded and smiled. "That was a heck of a punch you landed on Gavin and Elenore both this morning."

I grinned and looked down. "I was angry."

"Indeed you were. I was kind of worried you might punch me if I got too close."

"I'm sorry. I don't think I would've."

"I wasn't willing to risk it." He smiled and affectionately put his hand on the side of my face. "You're a really good friend. Do you know it?"

"I try."

That night, I was up on deck at the nose of the ship, relishing the feel of the breeze on my face when I heard those signature boots approaching. "What do you want, Gavin?" I asked tensely before he had even stopped.

"I want to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I beg to differ. I want to explain."

"Explain what?" I cried, spinning around. "Why you didn't mention the fact that you knew Elenore was only marrying Simon for you? Why you went off and fucked her right after all this information came out? WHAT?"

"Yeah, it wasn't the most brilliant moment of my life, but I regret it!"

"That doesn't fix anything!"

"Why not?"

"Because that hurt like nothing ever has before, and I can't just forgive you!" I screamed. He didn't respond. Finally, softer, I added, "Simon is my best friend, and you hurt him even worse than you hurt me. What else can I do?"

He looked down, then looked back at me through his bangs. It was remarkably cute, but I think he knew that. "I just want to say I'm sorry. You forgive me in your own time." He then turned and headed back towards the door to go below.

I just couldn't stay silent. "Gavin!"

He looked back. "Pigeon?"

"Be careful tomorrow, yeah?"

He nodded. "Ok."