A/N: You may notice this story is very dialogue-heavy, that's because I think in dialogue and because there hasn't been any action to take place yet. This creates a problem in that there are a finite number of synonyms for "Harry said."

Sunday started in a rush at number 12, Grimauld Place. Sirius and Harry both told their alarms to snooze a few too many times and now they were scrambling to get to platform 9 and ¾ before the Hogwarts Express departed. Harry shoved his trunk down the stairs and Sirius shrunk down to a pocket-sized version of its former self. Harry had just enough time to grab toast before they vacated the house with a "pop." They arrived at the station just as the Weasley twins were walking through the connection to the muggle side of King's Cross. Next came Percy, then Ron, then a frumpy girl with bushy hair, and finally Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. After each Weasley got a hug goodbye from their parents the twins spotted Harry and waved him over. He moved to join them once Sirius had restored Harry's trunk to its usual size and they each said their goodbyes.

"Let's a find a cabin, then." Fred said when Harry arrived.

"Don't have to worry about finding one with space enough for Prefect Percy, too busy doing VERY important prefect business in the prefect compartment." George said.

"Oh, and don't forget to tell Harry that Prefect Percy is a Prefect, now." Fred added.

"Right you are, Fred, but we've probably gotta find one with room for Ron's new girlfriend."

It was at this moment that Ron and the bushy-haired girl arrived.

"Hey Harry!" Ron said enthusiastically as Harry waved back.

"So your girlfriend will joining us the in the Marauder cabin?"

The jovial look Ron had been sporting was replaced by one much more hostile.

"This is Hermione, she's a first-year muggle-born so she didn't know how to get to the platform and mum and dad asked me to show her how. She is definitely NOT my girlfriend, I've known her for about 2 minutes." Ron said in a huff.

"I try not to get into the habit of getting into relationships with rude and inconsiderate people so no, Ron is not my boyfriend." Hermione confirmed.

"Right. Well, hello, Hermione. My name is Harry Potter. I'm kind of a big deal in the wizarding world."

"You're THE Harry Potter? I've read about you in books! I've never met someone from a book before, this is pretty exciting actually."
"I get that a lot."

"I hate to interrupt this meet and greet but it might be a good idea to get on the train"

"Right you are, George" Fred said.

After a bit of a search, due to their late arrival, the kids finally found an empty compartment to stake a claim to. Once inside the twins looked at each other for a moment and then looked at Harry.

"We've been thinking." "About the marauders." "And we think you're probably worthy of the title." "Because, even though we haven't really seen you in action and, for all we know, you could be utter shite at coming up with pranks there's stuff Harry Potter can get away with that we, frankly, cannot" Fred and George said.

"Err, thanks. I actually thought about that some, too, and, having heard the legends of your past work, I think you're ready to be Marauders as well."

"What exactly is a Marauder?" Hermione inquired.

"A top secret band of students dedicated to spreading mischief." "And always up to no good" "That is to say: us." Fred and George replied.

Hermione shook her head in disapproval.

"Such a Ravenclaw." Harry noted.

"You say that like it's a bad thing. What's so bad about being intelligent" Hermione inquired.

"There's nothing wrong being smart, in and of itself, hell I'm pretty smart myself. The thing is, though, I'm willing to add a little courage and creativity to that knowledge in pursuit of a good laugh. Same thing with the twins. Mischief requires one to be much more clever than you seem to think, it's why all the best pranksters have been from Gryffindor." Harry answered.

"I thought Gryffindor was supposed to be full of brave people, not troublemakers."

"Right you are, dear Hermione." "But you've clearly never met Filtch nor seen the punishment he deals out for those who are up to no good." "Such as ourselves." "Too true. Courage without intelligence is just a recipe for disaster." "In Gryffindor we're plenty smart, too, we're just better at applying it." Fred and George fired off in rapid succession.

"I'm not sure I see the intelligence required to set off fireworks in the groundskeeper's office." Hermione said.

"Consider this, Hermione: at best Ravenclaw would be the smartest 1/4th of the school, but that's not the case. There are plenty of smart kids in Gryffindor and Slytherin, and even a few in Hufflepuff. That means Ravenclaw is actually just left with everyone is neither friendly, nor brave, nor cunning. That said, setting of fireworks in Filtch's office, no matter how impressive it was to pull off, probably wasn't so smart, so she might have a point there." Harry siad.

"I'm not quite sure I agree with your analysis on the finer points of the Hogwarts houses but I'm glad we can agree that pranks aren't intelligent." Hermione said.

"Well I just think their efforts would be better served when applied against, say, all of Slytherin instead of the groundskeeper. Actually, it's probably not a good idea to go after everyone in Slytherin, if I want to beat Sirus' record I'm pretty sure I've gotta bag some Slytherin girls."

"Don't you think it's a little inappropriate the treat all the women of Hogwarts as prizes to collect?"

"If he treats them like prizes isn't that a good thing?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Yes. Yes it is a good thing, Ron. I would be flattered to have a chance to go out with me. Besides, I'm not treating all the girls like prizes, just a little over half of them. I don't intend to seduce you, for example." Harry informed Hermione.

"No, using women as part of a stupid challenge from your godfather isn't a good thing and I'm happy to hear to aren't going to try whatever it is you consider to be 'seduction' on me, Harry. I don't make it a habit to associate with people as pompous and chauvinistic as yourself. And I daresay you'll find most other girls don't, either."

"You simply aren't the target audience. Given this, I don't think you're in much of a position to say what 'most other girls' are into. I happen to know that acting the part of a pompous arse works pretty well with most girls. Combine that with quick wit, boyish charm, and stunning good looks and girls will be lining up. Also, did I mention I was famous?"

"Yes, just a few minutes ago, actually. I think your concept of what women want is totally off-base and when a girl you're chasing sets you straight I'll be laughing"

"When your target is not one particular girl but rather the majority of the girls in Hogwarts it's pretty hard to be 'set in your place,' not that something like that would ever happen to me. Just look at how bad a job you're doing in your attempt to do just that right now. The bottom line is that I will be popular at Hogwarts and lots of girls want to be seen with me, or they'll want to be able to say that they snogged the boy who lived, or they just won't be able to resist these stunning locks of raven hair. If a girl turns me down which, realistically, could happen, assuming she thinks she's already in a commited relationship or something, it's not going to be a big deal, everyone will just think she's crazy because they themselves are too infatuated with me to see any faults. Not that there are any to see, anyway."

"I'm not infatuated with you at all. I fact, I actually have developed feelings of dislike toward you after mere minutes of meeting you."

"You have such a way with words, Hermione. You have no idea how much that means to me."

"That I dislike you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It's just like how you know a new band is cool if your mother says it sounds terrible. Let's face it, you're not very cool, the fact that an uncool person has such strong dislike for me only further cements my status as a cool guy."

"I'm sitting somewhere else." Hermione said in a huff as she exited the train compartment.

"That was brilliant!" Ron exclaimed when the door had closed. "You're going to have to teach me some of that stuff about girls. They really like it when you act like a dick?"

"Well not all of them; Hermione obviously doesn't, not that I want to go out with her anyways. Acting like a dick doesn't really make for long lasting relationships, either. It does make you different, however, and that's usually just enough to get your foot in the door with a whole lot of girls. And isn't that the goal anyway? I'm not planning on marrying my first-year-sweetheart or anything."

"Too true, mate" Ron said in agreement.

"So what did you guys think of Hermione?" Harry asked the room at large.

"She reminds me of my mother." Ron noted as Fred and George nodded in agreement.

"She's brainy." "And against everything we stand for." Fred and George said with a broad smile.

"So you two agree that she needs to be a marauder, then, right?" Harry asked

Fred and George gave a simultaneous "Yes." While Ron stared, gaping at Harry.

"How do you make the jump brainy and acting like she's our mother to making her a Marauder? You haven't even made me a Marauder yet!" Ron said a little louder than was strictly required for a conversation among 4 people.

"No one would suspect her involvement in pranks." "Though that could be because she'd still refuse to be a part in them." "You might be right there." "And she actually is pretty smart." "As long as we can convince her to use it for evil rather than good." Fred and George said, setting all the issues of their debate.

"Exactly my thinking, gentlemen. I think she's got a unique set of assets that are very different from our own. Including her in the Marauders could be in the best interest of everyone involved. And, as for why you're not yet a marauder, that's just because you haven't yet proven yourself worthy, Ron."

"Oh, and she has? And, just because you want her to be a Marauder doesn't mean she wants to be one. In fact, I'm not sure if you guys saw but she actually just walked out on Harry in disgust."

"She'll be back, just you wait and see. I doubt she'll find any other cabin to take her and she'll show back up here with her tail between her legs. She'll be just as certain that I'm still wrong but she will have gotten over it for the most part and will want friends so badly that she'll hang out with us. Not that we should friends of last resort, but you know what I'm saying. Plus, I could use a girl I can trust as a friend with a strictly platonic relationship. I say we let her in."

Hermione was quite frustrated when she left the cabin. She knew that Harry, despite having a position that should have been less morally defensible, was winning their little verbal sparring match back in the cabin and yet she still knew she was somehow right.

So maybe he can find enough stupid girls in Hogwarts to fall for his act, will snogging a bunch of random women really earn him anything in the long run? No. And he won't come out a better person because of it. Yeah. I'm definitely in the right on this one. Harry will never even know what love is, he'll only have a string of meaningless relationships, and what good is that? Even if his plan succeeds he loses.

After this little pep talk she gave herself in her thoughts she decided she'd walk the train a bit and see if she couldn't find more agreeable company to enjoy the rest of her ride with.

After getting turned down for the 5th time she started to think that, just maybe, Harry wasn't entirely off base.

I mean, sure, true love is great and all, but if I had a lightening bolt scar on her forehead she definitely would have found a new cabin by now.

That line of thought lasted for all of about 5 seconds until she realized Harry might be rubbing off on her. Since it looked like she was going to have to sit with him for the rest of the train ride she cringed at the thought of how corrupted her mind might be by the time they arrived at school.

I've been in the wizarding world for a combined 10 hours between yesterday and today. Am I seriously cursed to only be offered friendship by the 4 people I have the least in common with? This is SO not fair.

When Hermione reentered the compartment no one seem surprised.

Am I really this predictable? Or did they know that no one else would let me in their cabins? Oh God. Are they just pitying me? It's my first day at a new school and the only people that pity me are the 4 most insufferable people in it. They can't be that bad if they're still capable of pity, though, right?

"I guess my competition is stiffer than I thought. You were able to start and lose an argument with someone else that quickly?" Harry asked, disappointed.

No. They can be that bad.

"No matter, we've decided we'll let you join the Marauders, even if you're a bit of a gloomy gus." Harry added after she just sort of stared sadly at his greeting.

"Wait. What?"

"The marauders top secret band of students dedicated to spreading mischief." "And always up to no good" "That is to say-"

"I know what the Marauders are, I just don't know what would make you think I would want to join, or why you would even want me to join." Hermione interrupted Fred and George's explanation.

"As much as it pains me to admit, you've got a set of skills different from our own that could prove to be of use at some point. As to why you would want to join, I think the fact that you returned to the compartment pretty much answers that." Harry answered.

"I... I'll consider it."

Seriously, Hermione? Harry just asked you join a group of students dedicated to causing mischief and you're considering it? I believe the answer you were looking for was "No."

"We already finished thinking about it." "So it would make sense that you wouldn't be done thinking about it yet." Fred and George offered.

"Hilarious, boys, really." Hermione said in a tone that dripped with sarcasm.

"I thought it was." Ron said

"Me, too" Harry concurred.

"What you're asking me to do goes against nearly all that I am. I'll need a few days."

"I guess we can't discuss any top secret covert marauder activities today, then."

Fred and George grumbled but the topics of conversation shifted in scope to the much more mundane for most of the rest of the ride. About 30 minutes out Harry disappeared from the compartment for about 10 minutes on what was supposed to be a trip to the loo. When he returned with his hair even more disheveled than it was before he left Ron got curious.

"You get into a fight on the way to the loo or something? He inquired.

"Good guess. I got into an empty compartment with a little blonde Hufflepuff second year on the way to getting snogged." Harry replied, beaming.

Ron, Fred, and George high-fived him. Hermione just shook her head.

"That's so inconsiderate. I bet you don't even know that poor girl's name."

"How is that inconsiderate? I would snog me if I weren't me, assuming that I was a girl, or that me was a girl, because neither me, nor I, is into guys, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I, and me, just don't swing that way. If that makes sense. Also, I wouldn't take that bet with you because I'm pretty sure you're right."

"You're insufferable."

"Hey, she came onto me, I'll have you know."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"Well I may of done a little work on the backstory, but how could you expect me to walk by a compartment filled with girls and not take a crack at it? Anyways, she pulled ME into the compartment, it's not like I snogged her against her will or something. You should actually be mad at her."

Hermione just shot a look of disapproval at Harry.

A/N: Unfortunately this is far into the first year as I wrote in this story, the next chapter jumps forward a year. The events of year one will be referenced in future dialog, however, and I may write the full year when I'm done with the main story.