A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own if a pair of green fuzzy gloves that have kept my hands warm the last two days. Deserts are NOT built for freezing temperatures. I've been told they look like Kermit the Frog's hands. I like that.

Thanks to my superbeta MaggieMay14. She's so wonderful. Thanks for listening to me. :)

Thanks to Twilight44,Unchanged Affections, & Jasperlover16 for prereading this. I don't know what I'd do without you… :)

This chapter has the first evidence of what superbeta wanted when she bought my tushie last summer in that whole Fandom Gives Back thing. I think you'll be very, very happy with the money she spent. Thanks for that, Maggie. You made me feel special…and not in a weird way. :P

There are pictures of the outfits Bella & Edward wear in this chapter on my fanfic blog. There's a link on my profile. :)

We're gonna take care of the end A/N right now. I think it will be better this way. I donated something for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence. It's the first chapter to my next story. There's a link on my profile, so if you want to see it sooner than a few months from now, get over there and donate to a wonderful cause. :) I'm also donating an EPOV to my o/s Baby for the Foxy Fics thing that happens next month. There's a link for that on the profile too, so start saving your pennies.

I'll send out teasers to whoever reviews. Not gonna lie, with all the stuff I have lined up to write, it's gonna be a few weeks or a month before the next chapter. I apologize in advance. I'll do the best I can, but I think you'll like what's coming up, both in this story and in the other stuff I gotta do. Once all of the other projects are done, I'm going to concentrate on this and WHTM and see if I can't get them done before summer. :)

I'm on Twitter, and it's fun. Plus you get stuff, like teasers. :D
And this has a thread on Twilighted.
Links to both of those are on my profile, as well as for the PIC blog, which I love. Something fun is happening there next week. I think you'll like it… :D

Author rec time…

Rochelle Allison – Oh golly…I can't even say enough wonderful stuff about her. The emotion in her stories…it's incredible. I've loved everything that I've read from her. I've been obsessed with everything that I've read from her. :D Plus she's nice, so that's always good. Seriously, Starry Eyed Inside is SO good. I just want to spend all day reading it over and over and over again. It's perfection…

http:/www().()fanfiction().()net/u/1723736/

I know, long A/N. Take comfort in the fact that it's not the longest ever, and it's the only one this time. :D

~oOo~

WIRMTS Chapter 10 - She Unmasks

From: Isabella Swan - IsabellaSwan (at) NewMoon (dot) net
To: Edward Cullen - ecullen (at) shakerphillipslaw (dot) com
Saturday September 25, 2010 2:04pm

Subject - Day 1

Hi.

I know you don't have my first letter yet, but it went out this morning. I hope you get it in a few days. I sent it to your work address, like you asked me to.

Thank you for the pictures. You don't know how much they've already helped me. Just to be able to see you and everyone that I love really makes a difference. I love the picture of us that you sent—the engagement photo. I've always loved that one. The way you looked at me, did you look at me like that all the time? If so, how did I never notice it? I was wrong to miss that look in your eyes, and I'm sorry.

Um, I titled this Day 1 just because I figure that way maybe you'll be able to keep them straight, and maybe you'll be able to see my progress as the days go by. Angela, one of the people that help run this place, said that this might be a good thing for me to do, so I'm trying it. I hope that's okay.

I'm worried about you. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. Uh, hang on...

Sorry. I don't know why I'm leaving that, I mean this is a letter and I can edit crap out of it, right? But I really just want you to know what's going on. I don't want everything to seem perfect and like I'm making these great strides and stuff. I don't know how this is gonna go, but I'm trying. Sometimes things just hit me, you know? It's like this huge wave of water pounds down on me and it pulls me under and no matter how hard I fight and swim and scream, I can't break the surface. But it's different with you. You're like this buoy that's suspended next to me in the water, and if I can manage to grab a hold of you, you'll pull me up and back to the air that I need. Maybe that's not it. Maybe you're more like a life vest that wraps around my chest and tightens with the force of the water so that I don't slip. You never let me sink too deep, and you always push me back to the surface, and back to life...the life that's waiting for me while I fight and plead and struggle against the water. Sometimes it's so hard because it feels like all of my friends are on the beach, and they're laughing and playing and having fun, and while they get in the water every once in a while, they jump right back out without any problems. But me, I can't get out of the water. I want to, so much. It's like it calls to me, or something. I don't know. I want to play and laugh and sit in the hot sand, wiggling my toes in it and letting the tiny grains get all over my skin, but I just can't. What's wrong with me? What do you think that means?

I met with the doctor here last night. He gave me another shot of that stuff your dad gave me. He said it would help me relax and let me sleep. He said that I'd probably feel overly anxious the first few days because I'm trying to get used to a new lifestyle and a new schedule. He also said that I'll probably feel kinda overwhelmed by the counseling sessions. I had two this morning and I think they were okay. Hang on, Angela needs me.

Sorry. It's nothing bad, she just wanted to let me know when Alice is calling tomorrow. I can get phone calls on Sunday's, in the afternoon. I can have visits on Saturday's after I've been clean for a month, so in like four weeks maybe. Your mom said she'd be here that first day, so as long as I work really hard this month, I'll get to see her in four weeks. I can't wait.

So, um, my first session was a group thing. There were about ten people, I think. It seemed like they talked a lot about grief. Some of the stories there were really sad. There's this girl, Emily, and she's got scars all over her face and arms. I guess her boyfriend attacked her when he was high, and then he killed himself in front of her. He thought he'd killed her 'cause she was just laying there. She said she feels guilty because she stopped fighting so that he would stop hurting her, and instead he killed himself. And this guy, I think his name is Alec, his family was all killed when their house was broken into. He was shot, but he lived. Everyone else died, and he had to go live with his uncle, who he says was crazy. I can't believe how easily all the group members talked about what happened to them. I didn't say anything, I just introduced myself, but Ben said that was alright. Oh, Ben is Angela's husband and he runs a lot of the counseling sessions. Did I tell you that before? I can't remember.

Anyway, after that I had my first one on one session with Ben. He's really nice and I feel like maybe I can trust him. I want to tell him things, and I haven't wanted to do that with anyone before. I know it's wrong, but I just haven't wanted to. He asked me a lot of questions, but then he wanted me to talk about the first time I felt completely out of control. I had to think about it for a minute, and then when I finally remembered it, I was too embarrassed to tell him. It was that first Halloween that we were together, do you remember that? I really hope you remember that night. I've only felt that way, or done something like that, with you. I hope you know that.

I started to tell him about the way I felt, but I left out a lot of the details. I think maybe I'll ruin him with them or something, which is crazy. I'm sure he's heard way worse stuff than what I've been through. I mean, just in that group session. There were so many worse stories than mine, and yet look at me. Look how I've handed the little things that have happened to me. I'm afraid to talk in that session because I think they'll all laugh at me and tell me what a wuss I am, that all I had to deal with were my parent's deaths, and that's nothing.

So, I told him about that night, about how I got totally lost in the moment with you. That was the first time I ever felt like I was completely out of control, that I couldn't rein myself back in. It's not your fault and it's not my fault, Ben says it's just a sign of my condition, and that it was manifesting itself a long time before I ever got into drugs or anything.

Thinking about what we did makes me miss you...

~oOo~

As I stood in my room looking at the two outfits laying across my bed, I was torn. Each one went along with the theme of the evening, but one was going to take a lot more guts and courage than I thought I had.

As Halloween approached, Edward thought it would be a fun idea to dress alike, since we were officially an item. A few of his friends from law school were having a party, trying to blow off some steam after a long week of mid-terms, and Edward had asked me to go with him. It would be our first actual night out as a couple, and I was both nervous and excited. I knew there would be a few girls there that Edward had dated previously, though he assured me that he never had more then two dates with any of them. He also promised me that the most physical contact he had with any of them had been a few good night kisses and one semi-make out in the foyer of one girl's parents house.

After confiding in Rosalie that I was worried about the other girls, and that I didn't think my costume was appealing enough, she insisted on seeing it.

"Bella, this is a baseball uniform, and not even one of the hot ones. This is like from the 40's or something. Why on earth would you choose this?" she asked me, obviously disgusted with the idea Edward and I had come up with.

"Well, we both like baseball, and I thought it would be fun. Plus it's not too girlie, and I know Edward isn't going to walk around in tights or something, like I'm sure you're forcing Jake to do."

"Yeah, Jake veto'd that whole Robin Hood idea. He's been impossible lately, but this...oh Bella, you can't wear this. Especially if some of Edward's old 'female companions' are going to be there. We need to sex you up, baby." The glimmer in her eyes was a little scary, but I had no idea just how sexed up she planned to get me.

Looking back and forth at the costumes had my head spinning. I finally decided that I'd make my choice after my hair and make up were finished, so I hurried to my vanity mirror and got to work. In no time, my hair was in pig tails and curlier than usual, and my make up was heavier and darker than I was really comfortable with. I knew how to do a smoky eye and a pouty lip, having received many a lesson from Rosalie, and I was honestly a little excited and proud that I'd pulled them off.

As I stood in front of my bed again, I decided that I needed to be daring and bold. I wanted to make sure that all of Edward's attention was focused on me, so I quickly snatched up the costume Rosalie had picked out for me, and stepped into the bathroom to change.

Since Edward was helping his friends set things up for the party, we decided to meet there. Rose and Jacob had been invited, and I would ride with them so that at the end of the night, I could go home with Edward. When I heard the door bell, I pulled my hat down onto my head and checked once more in the mirror. Everything was perfectly placed, and I couldn't wait to see the expression on Edward's face when he saw me.

Opening the door, I was met by an excited cat call from Rose, followed by some type of growl/gagging combination from Jacob. "I knew it would fit! You look so great, Bella! I can't wait for Edward to see you. Doesn't this look so much better than some old stuffy baseball uniform, Jake?" she asked, hitting him in the middle of his chest with her hand while her eyes remained on me.

My costume was basically the same thing Edward would be wearing, except that in place of pants, I only had on long tube socks that came up over my knees. I had swapped out the baseball cleats and was instead wearing lace up boots with heels that were luckily a few inches shorter than what Rosalie originally wanted me to wear. I knew I would have spent the whole night falling over if she had chosen my footwear, so I was thrilled when she gave in to my demands. After all, it shouldn't have been a big deal, since she was picking out the rest of my ensemble.

The whole ride over, I felt Jake's eyes on me, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, wondering why he kept looking at me. I knew the shirt I had on was low cut, and I was a little worried about the amount of cleavage I was flashing, but Rose went on and on about how hot I looked. The uniforms that Edward and I had picked out where white with a deep, navy blue trim, but the outfit Rosalie found for me was red with white trim. It wouldn't match Edward's clothing, but I hoped that he would find it sexy and not be too upset.

Once we found a place to park, I stepped out of the car, tugging on the hem of my shirt to make sure it was covering my bottom. Walking through the warm night air, I was glad that we lived in Arizona and that the evening temperatures on Halloween were still in the 70's. If I had worn this outfit in Washington, where I'd trick or treated as a little girl, I would have frozen my legs off.

The lights lining the fence around the house cast a soft glow on us, and I marveled at the amount of skin Rose and I were showing. Her light pink ballerina costume consisted of a skin tight leotard, that left nothing to the imagination, and a pink sequined tutu, which barely covered her rear. Jacob was fully covered from head to toe, and was dressed as an 80's break dancer. I didn't think he could do any of the dance moves, but I wasn't sure. He always seemed to be full of surprises.

Entering the house, there were people everywhere. I hadn't ever been to a party with so many people, and I felt an overwhelming need to find Edward. Rose held my hand as she pulled me through the crowd. More than a few times I felt a hand graze my thigh or try to push under the bottom edge of my shirt, but luckily we moved too quickly for any of the men to touch me for more than a second.

As we made our way toward the kitchen, I saw a white baseball cap standing above the majority of the crowd. It was Edward, and suddenly I regretted wearing the skimpier costume. I stopped, causing Rose to jerk ahead and stumble.

"Bella, come on. He's right there, I see him."

"No Rose," I shouted to her in a loud whisper, trying to make sure she heard me over the loud music. "I want to go home. I need to go change. He won't like this, Rose, I promise."

"Bella, he's gonna love it, I guarantee you. Jake?" she yelled to her boyfriend behind me. "Doesn't Bella look amazing in this outfit?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"And don't you think Edward is gonna cream himself when he sees her?"

"Maybe," he said unenthusiastically. He looked bored and quickly moved his eyes to glance around the room as if looking for someone.

"Come on, Bella, please? Just let him see you, and if he doesn't like it, I'll take you home myself and help you change. Please?" she begged, clasping her hands together in front of her chest.

"Rose..." I looked around the room, and noticed that almost every man in the room was staring at the two of us. Namely, they were staring at our chests and legs. Maybe if they all liked the outfit, then Edward would, too. Just as I was about to tell Rosalie alright, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You wanna dance?" asked a tall, thin guy with blonde hair and sunglasses. Why he was wearing sunglasses inside of a house at night, I had no clue, but I quickly refused and looked at Rose.

"Okay, but if he says anything, we leave. Got it?" I said.

"Got it," she said, before turning around and continuing on toward Edward.

She pulled us through the crowd and soon enough we were standing in front of Edward and his friends.

"Hey there, Eduardo," Rosalie called out in a sing-song voice, a smile plastered on her face.

He turned to look at her. "Hey, Rose! You guys made it. Where's Bella?" he asked, looking behind Rose and then right past me. As he turned his head to see who stood on the other side of Rose, I cleared my throat and soon his eyes met mine. He smiled a little, and then as his eyes traveled over my body, his smile disappeared. His reaction made it obvious—he hated the costume, and my spirits fell.

"Bella?" he said, his voice sounding slightly higher in tone than it had a moment earlier. "What's with the costume? I thought we were matching..."

"Well, I'm still a baseball player, so we still match, but Rosalie thought this might be more fun and kinda sexy. Do you hate it?" I asked as I bit into my lower lip, clasping my hands behind me and swinging from side to side a bit. Edward and a few of his friends instantly took in the cleavage that was now prominently on display for them, and instantly he jumped into action.

"Nah, you look good, baby, but isn't there a way to cover you up a bit?" he asked, He was clearly annoyed with his friends and the emotions that were expressed on their faces.

"Wow, Edward, is this your girl?" one of the guys asked, his eyes fixed to me.

"Um, yeah," Edward said, sounding a little unsure.

"Do you like the pig tails, Edward? And what about the socks? Do you like those?" Rosalie asked, as she slid her index finger up my thigh, letting it trace around the hem of my shirt. Every male within five feet of us gasped, and before I knew what was happening, Edward had grabbed a hold of my hand and was pulling me out of the house. The look on his face was not a good one, and I quickly regretted my choice.

He was hurrying so fast, that I was having a hard time keeping up. Several girls tried to get his attention as we practically ran through the house, but he ignored each of them. Any time a guy would say something to me or whistle, Edward would growl and pull me faster. I kept trying to apologize, hoping that I could say something that would make it all right, but none of my words seemed to work.

We burst out of the front door and followed the sidewalk to the side of the house, then turned to walk down the drive way, where I finally saw Edward's car parked. When we approached the car, he fished his keys out of his pocket and opened the trunk, leaning in and clearly looking for something.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to look sexy for you, and Rose said this would do it. I'm sorry, please can we go back inside the party? I promise I'll stay right next to you and never leave your side."

He quickly resurfaced from the trunk, holding a light weight jacket and a blanket. The look in his eyes was one I'd never seen before, and as he started down at me, he thrust the jacket into my hands, then reached up to close the trunk door.

"Edward?" I quietly asked, afraid of what he might say or do next. His free hand wrapped around my bicep and he pulled my body flush against his, his eyes staring down into mine.

"Bella, get in the car," he growled in the sexiest voice I'd ever heard. "Now."

As I stood against him, I could feel him hard and thick against my belly, and all of the sudden things made sense. His eagerness to get me alone, the lustful look in his eyes, the pure want in the tone of this voice. The only questions now were would he give in, and where was this going to happen?

I pushed up onto my tip toes and gave him a full kiss on the mouth, letting our tongues tangle and twist. Pulling away, I suddenly felt like I couldn't get close enough to him, and I wanted more.

"So, I guess you like the costume then?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at him. I was suddenly feeling brave and I reached up to slide my hands along his chest and the button closure of his shirt.

"Baby, do you have any idea how hot you look in that?" he asked as he lowered his mouth to my neck and began placing wet, desperate kisses on my skin. "Every guy in that house was looking at you. Those legs of yours..." His mouth dipped lower past my collar bones, and I felt the blanket he held in his hands brush against my leg as it fell to the cement below us. "And these boobs..." His fingertips grazed the collar of my shirt before I felt a button pop open.

Edward had me pinned up against the trunk of his car, and for a moment I worried about someone seeing us, but as soon as his fingers tugged open my shirt, my head fell back and I forgot every worry I had. I pushed my hips toward his, grinding them against the hard erection there. My hands covered every inch of his chest, shoulders, and back that they could reach, and soon my fingers were grasping onto his hair, after having thrown his baseball cap to the ground.

"Edward, ohhhhh..." I could barely think straight, much less talk, and the feel of his mouth as it hungrily devoured the upper swells of my breasts made me crazy. I had never wanted him more than I did in that moment and I didn't care who might have seen us. All I knew was that I wanted him, all of him, and I wanted him soon.

He pulled my shirt open a little more, just enough to dip his fingers into my bra and lower the cup until my nipple popped out. The cool night air met my newly wet flesh and goose bumps quickly formed. Edward's mouth latched onto my hardened peak and I let out a loud moan in the still night air. His hands were frantically grasping at my waist, as he tried to lift me onto the trunk. Once I was sitting up on it, and a little higher than I had been, he pushed my legs apart and stepped into me, his hard member finally flush with my center. He started to thrust against me a bit, and I lowered my hands to the waistband of his pants, pulling at the clasp there and cursing whoever had designed the stupid costume he was wearing.

Once I had the closure opened, my hand dove into his pants, grasping the silky skin of his rock hard member and wrapping tight around it. He groaned at my touch, and I felt him begin to suck hard at my neck and chest. I opened my eyes for a moment, after hearing a noise nearby, but was glad to see it was just a cat lurking in the bushes next to the house. The driveway was rather dark, and I knew we would be hard to spot, but for a moment, I wondered what it would be like to have a spotlight shining on us, alerting everyone to what we were doing to each other. The sight of us experiencing so much pleasure was surely incredible, and I made a mental note to ask Edward about maybe watching porn together, or even video taping ourselves. I'd heard Rosalie talk about it, and even though Edward and I had only had sex a few times and I was still learning all the things I should and shouldn't do, I wanted to try it. I wanted to screw my amazing boyfriend in front of a stadium full of people, just so that they could see the things he was able to do to me.

I had never felt these feelings before, and they frightened me just a bit, but when I felt Edward's fingers push my panties aside and slip into my wet heat, I didn't care anymore. My body was abuzz with feeling and want, and it was all for this man before me.

As he continued his ministrations, I almost forgot what we were doing, and I felt my mind going to a place I'd never been before. It scared me, but it also felt so good that I couldn't find the desire or will to stop myself. I wanted to feel out of control and wild, and I craved the freedom those feelings seemed to offer me.

"Baby, I don't have a condom on me," Edward breathed heavily against my chest. "We should go home."

Not wanting to stop, I pulled his dick from his pants and rubbed the tip of it against my pussy. The sounds that came from his mouth at the feel of me were enough to tell me that I could persuade him to stay. I could convince him to have sex with me on the back of his car if I really wanted to.

"Edward, it's okay. You know I'm on the pill and I'm clean. I trust you."

He seemed to waver in his desire to leave, so I leaned in closer to him, with my lips at his ear. As I whispered to him, I lined his dick up with my core and pulled him closer. "Fuck me, Edward," I said and rejoiced at the feeling of him slamming into me, his hips forcing my thighs open wider.

He whimpered a bit as his pace increased, and soon his head was laying against my shoulder as he pounded into me. I leaned back on the car, my breasts exposed to the night air, and moaned loudly at the sensations he was causing in me. I didn't care who heard us. I wanted him and I wanted the feeling of carelessness that had settled over me. All that mattered was Edward and me, and I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him in as tight as I could.

"Iz," he breathed. "I'm gonna come, Iz."

"Come for me, baby. Come in me."

As the words left my mouth, I felt him tense up before plunging into me deeper than before, for a few last thrusts. He stilled and I could sense his dick twitching inside of me. After a few moments, his eyes met mine and I soon felt his thumb against my clit. As he rubbed circles, his eyes watching me, I let my head fall back again, and I completely gave in. The overwhelming urge to own this man, to possess him, was something I could no longer fight, and I felt a tightening in my belly as he rubbed faster, his hips moving where we were still attached.

"Edward...oh yeah, keep going," I called out, rejoicing as he got a little faster. Soon I was coming hard, my inner walls clamping down around the semi-hard cock that was still deep within me. The tingly feeling all over my body was incredible, and as it slowly faded, I opened my eyes to find Edward staring back at me. He has a small smirk on his face, and as I began to smile, he laughed.

He quickly moved to straighten our clothes, glancing around to make sure that we didn't have an audience. I was a little saddened by the fact that our tryst was over and apparently no one had seen or heard anything, but it was probably for the best, especially since these were Edward's friends.

Once every button was redone and pants and panties were covering what they needed to cover, he gently lifted me off the trunk and set me back down on the ground. His deep green eyes penetrated my brown ones, and he smiled softly at me. "That was amazing, I've never done anything like that before."

I giggled, "Neither have I." I felt his fingers slide against mine, lacing together as he held my hand.

"Where did that come from?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders, beginning to feel a little unnerved at the fact that I'd given in so easily to the frantic need that had consumed me.

"Iz? Why did you call me Iz? No one calls me that," I said, trying to change the subject a bit.

"I don't know, it just felt right. No one ever called you Iz or Izzy?" he asked.

"Nope, just Bella. Well, that and of course Isabella when I was in trouble."

"Hmmm, I like it. I think I'll call you that from now on. You'll be my Izzy." He leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose, before moving lower and capturing my lips with his. As he stood kissing me, our arms wrapping around one another, I sighed.

"Let's go home," he mumbled into my mouth, and I nodded. When his lips pulled away from me, and our eyes met once again, he smiled. "And yeah, I like the costume."

~oOo~

So, I have a session every day, and sometimes twice a day. I've met a few of the other people here. They seem nice enough, so that's good.

I wanna go home. I miss my bed, and I miss having a refrigerator, but I know this is what I need, so I'm trying my best not to fight it.

I'm trying to not freak out over what's going on with you. Hopefully I'll hear from you soon and I'll know you're okay. I hope things are okay with Tori. I don't know how she'll be okay with just letting you go. I know I couldn't do it. Well, not sober, anyway.

Um, I guess I'll go. I think they're doing a little hike around the center, or something. It's gorgeous outside. The mountains are so red, it's really pretty. They said there's a small creek not too far from here, and some of the people go there sometimes. I think I have to have been here a certain amount of time or something, so they can trust that I won't run off. I don't know, but I'd like to see that. I decided that when I get out of here, I want to see places. I've never really been anywhere, and I want to. I want to do that, so...maybe I'll start making a list or something. I don't know.

I love you, Edward. I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Izzy

From: Isabella Swan - IsabellaSwan (at) NewMoon (dot) net
To: Edward Cullen - ecullen (at) shakerphillipslaw (dot) com
Sunday September 26, 2010 7:34pm

Subject - Day 2

Hi, Edward.

Alice called today, and so did your mom. It was nice. I think some of the other people here were jealous that I got two phone calls. A lot of them didn't get anything. I heard one guy mumbling about how the newbies always get calls, but after you've been here a while, people forget. I hope that doesn't happen.

Anyway, Alice called and Rose was with her, so I got to talk to them both. They really are good friends to me. Rose said Jake was being a jerk, which made Alice laugh. I think Ali doesn't like Jacob too much. I can't say I blame her; he's been so weird the last few years. I thought maybe he'd changed while I was gone, but I guess not.

Your mom called. She said your dad was working, so I didn't get to talk to him, but she sounded really happy and positive. She kept telling me how proud she is of me. That both her and your dad are proud of me. Sometimes when I talk to her, it feels like I'm talking to my mom. It's weird. I asked her if she'd heard from you, but she said not yet. I hope everything is okay.

I had another counseling session with Ben today. It went well, we just kind of talked about my early childhood. He wanted to know things about my mom and dad. I told him what I remembered, but it wasn't very much. He asked if I have any other addicts in my family, but I couldn't think of anyone. He said sometimes it's a genetic thing, or at least your genes can make you more prone to addiction. Maybe he was just trying to make me feel better, I don't know.

The cravings are still bad, I got another shot this morning. I was shaking really bad, and I kept feeling sick to my stomach, so they gave me some medicine to help calm me down a little. It worked pretty well. After the shot, I just laid on my bed and looked at the pictures you sent. I kept repeating your voice over and over in my head, and I think it really helped. You can call me, you know? Once you get settled in and stuff.

Um, they had a little church service after lunch. It was kind of nondenominational, so there wasn't anything specific, but I went. It was nice and peaceful. They talked about God and about forgiveness. I think everyone here hopes they can be forgiven of things they've done. I know I do.

Well, tonight is ice cream sundae night, so I should go. You know I can't resist ice cream. I'll write again tomorrow, I promise.

I love you, Edward. Please don't forget.

Love Always,

Izzy

From: Isabella Swan - IsabellaSwan (at) NewMoon (dot) net
To: Edward Cullen - ecullen (at) shakerphillipslaw (dot) com
Monday September 27, 2010 4:19pm

Subject - Day 3

Hi.

Did you start work today? I hope things go okay with that, that you're able to transition smoothly and all. I can't wait to hear all about it. What's New York like? Is it cold yet? What's it like to walk everywhere? Or do you take the subway or a cab or something? Your mom said you left your car here, or at your parent's house, anyway. It must be weird to have things close enough that you can walk, huh? I can't even imagine not having a car. I guess that's one thing about Phoenix, everything is so spread out. You can't really function without a car. I mean, I couldn't even get to the grocery store, but I'm sure you remember that. Did you ever ride on that light rail they put in? The one that goes through Phoenix and Tempe and stuff? It doesn't go very far, but it'll get you downtown for ball games and that kind of thing. I want to ride it someday.

It's getting cooler here. I mean, it was already a little cooler than the Valley, but still autumn is definitely here. The trees are so pretty. There are a few types that are changing color, the oak trees around. They're really nice to look at. I sat outside today and just watched the birds and stuff. It was nice. And at night, the sky is so clear. It feels like you can see a million stars outside. The city is so bright, I hardly see anything, but here...with all the city lights gone...I feel like I can see so much clearer. I think it's the same with me getting better. It's like now that I'm out of that environment, things don't seem so bad. I used to feel like I'd never be able to stop, but now I don't anymore. Now that I'm away from all that, I can see myself getting better. Ben talked about that today, about how I have to see myself getting better. It's hard, I've been this way for so long, but I need to do it.

I've been listening to the radio in my room a lot. There aren't many computers and there's a sign up sheet for them, so I only get to use them once a day. The tv's in the common area are always either on news or sports or that stupid Jersey show. I don't know what people see in that, I mean it's not natural to have orange skin and bumps in your hair, right? I did catch part of an episode of that Teen Mom show this morning. It actually made me feel better about myself. I might have to watch that again.

Well, I have to meet with the doctor in a few minutes, and then it's time for dinner. I hope you're okay. I can't wait to hear from you.

I love you.

Izzy

From: Isabella Swan - IsabellaSwan (at) NewMoon (dot) net
To: Edward Cullen - ecullen (at) shakerphillipslaw (dot) com
Tuesday September 28, 2010 8:52pm

Subject - Day 4

Hi.

Today was pretty bad. I'm still shaking, I have been all day. I spent the morning throwing up, so my stomach is kinda tight and unhappy now. I managed to eat some jello and crackers at dinner, and I haven't seen them again, so hopefully they'll stay down. Ben talked about my Dad today. I think that's what set off the vomiting episode. Well, that and whatever medication the doctor gave me last night. He said he's gonna start easing me off of things, and that I'd feel the withdrawal affects a lot more. I am, so I guess he was right. I went to group again today and just listened. They asked me if I wanted to share anything, and I just said that I hurt people, and that I was irresponsible and cruel. I was, wasn't I? I'm sorry for that, I hope you know by now just how sorry I am.

It's been 4 days since I saw you. I hope things are alright.

I'm going to bed. Maybe if I can fall asleep, I'll feel better tomorrow.

Iz

From: Isabella Swan - IsabellaSwan (at) NewMoon (dot) net
To: Edward Cullen - ecullen (at) shakerphillipslaw (dot) com
Wednesday September 29, 2010 7:39pm

Subject - Day 5

Hello.

I won't act happy in this, it's been a bad day again. I don't know how much more I can cry. Just when I think my body can't make any more tears, it does. Ben asked me about you today. I spent most of the hour crying.

Edward, I know the things you told me in the hospital felt real and true at the time, but did you really mean them? Were they just things you said to get me here? Did you feel guilty or something and you thought if you helped me into recovery then it would be okay? Did you mean any of it? I haven't heard from you. I really need to, or at least to know that you don't intend to write me or call me or anything. If you could just let me know, either way, that would be great. I wait all day for my computer time, just hoping to see an email from you. Maybe if I knew there wasn't one coming, I'd find something else to do. I'd stop hounding Angela about the mail, too. I'm sure she's sick of me by now, even though she's nice and says she's not. I can see it in her eyes, like she knows I'm clinging to a life raft that sinking, and I just don't realize it.

I love you, I hope you know that. I'll always love you, whether you want me or not. If you don't want to, or can't write me back, I'll understand. You have a new life and I'm sure if Tori is around, she wouldn't want you keeping in touch with me. I know I wouldn't if our roles were reversed. She's lucky to have you there, all to herself. I wish I was her...

You're not gonna write me back, are you?

~oOo~